“Do not judge from mere appearances…” – Edwin Hubbel Chapin
For too long our world has made judgments about others on faulty criteria. As a result, we’ve championed, promoted, and followed some wrong people along the way. We’ve judged others on the color of their skin, symmetry of their cheek bones, salary package, neighborhood of residence, eloquence of speech, designer of clothing, or model of car. We’ve been focused on the wrong things. And have made some terribly awful judgments along the way – both personally and collectively.
Might I take a moment and recommend some new measurements? Some new measurements that are not external in nature, but are internal… measurements that weigh the very heart and soul of humanity. And begin to give us a far better sense of who to trust, who to follow, and who to champion.
20 New Ways to Judge Others.
1. Character in solitude. Our character is best revealed not in the the public eye, but in private. What we do when nobody is looking is the truest mark of our character. And those who display character in the dark will always reflect it in the light.
2. Contentment in circumstance. Often times, contentment remains elusive for both the rich and the poor. It is a struggle for humanity no matter their lot in life. Rich is the man or woman who can find contentment in either circumstance.
3. Courage during adversity. Courage can only be revealed when it is required. And only those who have displayed it and acted upon it during adversity can lay claim to its possession. This adversity can take on many different forms, but courage will always look the same: action in the face of fear.
4. Faithfulness in commitment. Those whose words are true ought to be highly lifted up in our world today. Whether our word is given with a handshake, a contract, or a wedding ring, those who hold true to their oaths are worthy of commendation.
5. Generosity in abundance. To those who have received much, much should be given away. Often times, this abundance comes in forms other than material possessions. And in that way, we each have been given much… and each ought to be generous in our use of it.
6. Graciousness towards others. Those who routinely extend grace to others are among my greatest heroes. They have a healthy realization that this world is largely unfair, that people come from a variety of backgrounds, and that nobody is truly self-made… even themselves. As a result, they are quick to extend grace and mercy to others.
7. Gratitude despite circumstance. Those who can find enough good in any circumstance to express gratitude are typically focused on the right things. And those who are focused on the right things tend to bend their lives towards those things… and draw others along with them.
8. Honesty in deprivation. It is when we are deprived of something desired that honesty is the most difficult. Whether we are deprived of something physical or intangible (like a desired outcome), dishonesty is often used to quickly take gain of something. Those who show honesty during deprivation reveal how highly they esteem it.
9. Hope during heartache. When heartache cuts at such a deep level that simple optimism is not enough… only hope can emerge. When it does, it is undeniably from a source far greater than ourselves. And those who find it, discover one of the greatest powers in the universe.
10. Humility in accomplishment. Those who are quick to deflect praise in accomplishment ought to be first in receiving it.
11. Inspiration in relationship. We are all in relationship with others – sometimes in person, sometimes in print, sometimes in other ways. These relationships should not be used solely for personal gain but for bringing out the best in others. And those who inspire others to become the best they can be should be gifted with more and more and more relationships.
12. Integrity in the details. Integrity is found in the details. Those who show integrity in the little things of life will typically display it in the bigger things as well.
13. Kindness to the weak. It is usually the weakest among us that are in most need of our kindness… and yet they receive it the least because they have no way to immediately repay it. When kindness is only shown for the sake of repayment, it becomes an investment and is no longer true kindness. Our true measure of kindness is shown in how we treat those who will never repay us.
14. Love for enemies. Anybody can love a friend. Anybody can love those who treat us well… and everybody does. But it takes a special type of person to extend love towards those who treat us unjustly.
15. Optimism towards others. See the good in everyone. There is simply no way to bring out the best in others if you haven’t seen it first.
16. Perseverance in failure. Failure reveals much about our heart. It reveals our character, our humility, and our perseverance. We will all at some point face failure. And those who get back up and try again ought to be esteemed in our mind.
17. Purity in opportunity. While character is revealed in solitude and integrity is revealed in the details, purity is revealed in the face of opportunity. When dishonest gain (money, power, sex, etc.) presents itself, those who choose purity ought to be praised. Not only do they personally sleep better at night, but they make this world a better place for all of us.
18.Respect for authority. Authority brings order to a world of disorder. Certainly there are numerous examples throughout history (and today) of proper timing in overthrowing authority that oppresses its subjects. But in most cases, authority brings reason and order… and it should be allowed to do so.
19. Responsibility for mistake. From the weakest to the strongest, we all love to pass the blame. I can see it in my 5-year old daughter and I can see it in my government leaders. We are a people that are slow to accept responsibility for our mistakes. This is unfortunate. Because only those who can admit their mistakes have the opportunity to learn from them.
20. Self-control in addiction. We are a people that too often give control of our most precious asset to another. We fall under the influence of substances, possessions, or entertainment. When we do, our life is no longer our own. And those who retain self-control in the face of addiction ought to be recognized as unique and judged accordingly.
And when we all begin to properly esteem, champion, and follow those who lead from the inside… we will make far less mistakes in choosing who to follow.
{ 36 comments… read them below or add one }
Wow this is a great list to live by! I was just discussing with my husband why I feel like I don’t have many friends. After reading your list, I’m trying to find which areas I’m lacking in, so I can fix them, and hopefully gain more friendships and relationships. Thank you for this :)
Not sure this list represents the quickest way to friends. But I think it typically results in the best kind of friends.
I completely agree. I just re-read what I wrote, and wow, I came off needy haha! I should have definitely rephrased to say, I want to increase my meaningful friendships, not up the number of “friends” on FaceBook. Thank you for your wise words and clarity (when my morning brain has yet to be awoken).
:)
Excellent point, and wonderful article!
Maybe the friend problem isn’t about you at all. Maybe it’s alot of the other people in your life don’t meet up with this list :) I guess it’s a list anyone should aspire to do better with though <3
Wonderful list. I would make a small edit, though – in point 8, I think you mean honesty in the face of deprivation (the condition of being deprived, having less), not depravity (moral corruption or degradation).
Changed. Thanks Michelle.
As a parent, I can see this list as great discussion points with all of my children – middle schooler through adult. I also think that these would be excellent starting points for college application essays. I especially think that #7 is very difficult to teach children, despite the family dynamic, because there are so many outside influences that make embracing #7 (and #8 and #17) so challenging. Additionally, #19 is a tough one for children, who have a hard time understanding that mistakes are not usually (I hope!) deliberate. As an adult, I find #2, #12 and #20 characteristics on which I must work continuously. Mental or physical exhaustion create a very slippery slope! Thanks for putting all of this together!
Great list Joshua! Not sure if this was your intent, but this post causes me to look inward to my OWN character and see where I am lacking. Thanks for making me think!
Bernice
10 first steps for a simpler life
Bernice, I would think that one’s OWN character is the only place to look – or at least the first. Lead by example…do as I do, not just as I say… And OH how I struggle with that, especially now that I have three little ones providing watchful eyes and honest commentary! :-D
Thank you for this.
What a great post. You should know the time and effort you put into sharing your thoughts is very much appreciated. I am amazed at how often (especially at work) conversations revolve around gossip and passing judgement. It kind of makes me sick. We see human nature tends to take the easy road, make assumptions and pat ourselves on the back when we think we’re right and move on to the next self-gratifying observation. But herein lies the beauty of today’s message – rather than ‘judge the judger,’ why don’t I find as many of the 20 you listed and find the good in those individuals pass gossip/judge. My example may cause a change.
This ‘article’ should be on the front page of newspapers and news sites. Could you imagine that? Rather than seeing headlines about a ‘celebrity’s new look’ or the media flavor of the week, it would be nice to see something like ’20 New Ways to Judge Others’ on yahoo’s homepage or on the 5 o’clock news. Yes, the world just might be a better place.
Until then, I will continue to forward this message to as many friends and family. Thank you for this site and especiallys today’s post. – ssl
An excellent post! I hope as many people as possible read it – I’m sure they’ll be just as touched by it as I was.
Excellent post! The world would definitely be a better place if everyone tried to emulate those qualities.
I rarely take the time to comment but I really, really like this post and it comes at a very relevant time for me. Thanks Joshua!
This was absolutely beautiful Joshua. Thank you.
These are wonderful ways to evaluate the world. Thank you!
A great list apart from no 17 – I disagree with that one entirely. The people I respect the most are those who constantly challenge and question authority, and don’t blindly follow others. No need to do it in a combatitive or confrontational way, but independent and free-thinking all the same.
Aargh, I meant no 18 of course
I very much agree that #18 threw me off entirely. Every other point I could find agreement and value in, but I feel that if people lived by the other 17 points, #18 would be unnecessary, which means to me that authority is only necessary because a large portion of people are making bad, selfish or desperate decisions (including authority figures.)
I think this point is all about perspective, and it is very easy to be subjective when allmost everyone has something bad to say about authority.
If you live in for instance, Libya you can easily mix up Authority in general with the authority you dislike.
But if you don’t have Authority you can’t have rules, if you can’t have rules there will be chaos.
Very few thinks rape, murder and so on are good things, but often ppl have issues with minor rules that they disagree with.
DS,
I think you can challenge authority and still respect it and this is the higher ideal. Martin Luther King Jr. is a prime example of this. He respected authority in every situation – abiding by the consequences that authority brought to bare and spending ample time in prison and at the punishing end of both the baton and the fire hose. He never raised his fist against authority. He called for change and all the while stayed within the bounds of the law where his conscience allowed. When it did not allow, he broke the law and willingly paid the price. He stood for justice and stands in sharp contrast to the mobs of London of recent months.
Just a thought. Great post Joshua!
-Aaron
Excellent post – reminded me of Rudyard Kipling’s poem If, a little:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pFaENAjk54s
Regarding #18 – nobody deserves blind respect. Respect should be earned, and it should be mutual. Too often, those in authority demand blind respect while failing to earn it and failing to reciprocate.
I think you missed the point, all these faulty judgements are made out of convenience, not because the people making them actually believe them to be true. You are in a minority since you are prepared to go to greater lengths to find Your truth, but when you look to your neighbour and your neighbours neighbour you will see the problem, it is one of convenience. If you can make a case for a convenient ethical framework based on something other than idealistic rhetoric then you might be on to something, otherwise the dualling loops of the political power place will continue to hold sway. It would be great if truth were as convenient as deception, but the trouble is, it isn’t. God Bless.
Great list. You have pretty much described my husband! I am lucky.
I think #14 needs further explanation.
Loving your ennemy should not mean acceptance of wrong behavior. Too many people let themselves be abused in the name of love.
How do you love the terrorists who flew into the twin towers? We can have understanding of their frame of mind and compassion for their painful ignorance. We still must condemn their actions and protect ourselves, no?
As for # 18 my understanding is that authority is not only external but internal, discipline is having authority over oneself and is a good thing. Authority is absolutely necessary for life as a group to function: family unit, schools, countries,
world… Even in the animal kingdom, there are very clear signs of authority.
re: #14
You don’t have to accept the behavior, certainly; but accept the person. Love the person despite his behavior because that person could be you (and actually, *is* you in a human context).
I used this example the other day when describing what I believe “Love your enemies” means:
Say your friend is being abused by his or her spouse. A compassionate response is to do everything you can to remove your friend from the abusive relationship, but without contempt for the spouse. You don’t have to accept the behavior of the spouse and you certainly want the best for your friend, so you don’t talk shit about the spouse, even when the friend might; to be truly compassionate you don’t feed into that hurt on either side.
It’s hard to do, but I think it’s the best way.
@Sarah B R I disagree with that, authority is not absolutely necessary for life to function, as others have pointed out if we all followed all the other rules then authority would become redundant and unneeded. I guess while most of the points are fairly neutral and could be accepted by everyone, no 18 is a fairly political point and your response to it will differ depending on where you sit on the political spectrum.
There’s an old saying, but I forget who coined it, “Any fool can make a rule and any fool will mind it.”
This was amazing! deep thoughtful and to the point. Truly excellent! I kept wishing that i was THAT kind of person :) Thank you for the motivation.
I only pray that my daughter will live by these rules. Her mother, I know, is not. To Michalya Todd; please live by these rules as I would have instilled them into you. I love you immensly and not allowed to see you because of your Mother. I will always be waiting for you.
Love Always,
Dada
While I think these are a strong basis for an ethical society, I’m turned off by the use of judgment in general. I think judgment has put us in the positions we’re in; the only real way to get out is to not judge at all, for better or worse.
Just accept things as they are, but change the world with your own actions. You know?
(An example off the top of my head: people that litter. Obviously, littering is a sign of ignorance on several accounts. I don’t judge the person for littering, I simply pick it up and put it in the trash.)
You miss one thing I think is very important: the ability to accept defeat without self-recrimination. Sometimes things just don’t work out and all the perseverence in the world won’t change that. All too often people hurt themselves by being afraid to let go. Whether its a loved one dying, an opportunity missed or a natural occurence inflicting devastation, there are times when on needs to accept the lack of control in life and move on.
First of all, amen! The qualities expressed here are not just metrics for “judging” others, but for judging ourselves. Well put.
My only gripe with this post is that these are not “new” ways to judge people. I have inserted Bible passages that speak to these qualities so that we might “give credit to whom credit is due.” There are a plethora of other verses that could have been inserted, but only a few were chosen. I hope none will deny themselves the riches of God’s Word where true wisdom is found.
_______
Do not judge from mere appearances…” – Edwin Hubbel Chapin
“Judge not according to the appearance, but judge righteous judgment” – Jesus Christ (Jn. 7:24)
For too long our world has made judgments about others on faulty criteria. As a result, we’ve championed, promoted, and followed some wrong people along the way. We’ve judged others on the color of their skin, symmetry of their cheek bones, salary package, neighborhood of residence, eloquence of speech, designer of clothing, or model of car. We’ve been focused on the wrong things. And have made some terribly awful judgments along the way – both personally and collectively.
Might I take a moment and recommend some new measurements? Some new measurements that are not external in nature, but are internal… measurements that weigh the very heart and soul of humanity. And begin to give us a far better sense of who to trust, who to follow, and who to champion.
20 New Ways to Judge Others.
1. Character in solitude. Our character is best revealed not in the the public eye, but in private. What we do when nobody is looking is the truest mark of our character. And those who display character in the dark will always reflect it in the light.
Matt. 6:4 That thine alms may be in secret: and thy Father which seeth in secret himself shall reward thee openly.
Matt. 6:6 But thou, when thou prayest, enter into thy closet, and when thou hast shut thy door, pray to thy Father which is in secret; and thy Father which seeth in secret shall reward thee openly.
Matt. 6:18 That thou appear not unto men to fast, but unto thy Father which is in secret: and thy Father, which seeth in secret, shall reward thee openly.
2. Contentment in circumstance. Often times, contentment remains elusive for both the rich and the poor. It is a struggle for humanity no matter their lot in life. Rich is the man or woman who can find contentment in either circumstance.
Phil. 4:11 Not that I speak in respect of want: for I have learned, in whatsoever state I am, therewith to be content.
3. Courage during adversity. Courage can only be revealed when it is required. And only those who have displayed it and acted upon it during adversity can lay claim to its possession. This adversity can take on many different forms, but courage will always look the same: action in the face of fear.
2Cor. 8:2 How that in a great trial of affliction the abundance of their joy and their deep poverty abounded unto the riches of their liberality.
4. Faithfulness in commitment. Those whose words are true ought to be highly lifted up in our world today. Whether our word is given with a handshake, a contract, or a wedding ring, those who hold true to their oaths are worthy of commendation.
James 5:12b …let your yea be yea, and your nay, nay.
5. Generosity in abundance. To those who have received much, much should be given away. Often times, this abundance comes in forms other than material possessions. And in that way, we each have been given much… and each ought to be generous in our use of it.
Luke 12:48b For unto whomsoever much is given, of him shall be much required: and to whom men have committed much, of him they will ask the more.
6. Graciousness towards others. Those who routinely extend grace to others are among my greatest heroes. They have a healthy realization that this world is largely unfair, that people come from a variety of backgrounds, and that nobody is truly self-made… even themselves. As a result, they are quick to extend grace and mercy to others.
Gal. 6:10 As we have therefore opportunity, let us do good unto all men, especially unto them who are of the household of faith.
7. Gratitude despite circumstance. Those who can find enough good in any circumstance to express gratitude are typically focused on the right things. And those who are focused on the right things tend to bend their lives towards those things… and draw others along with them.
1Th. 5:18 In every thing give thanks: for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus concerning you.
8. Honesty in deprivation. It is when we are deprived of something desired that honesty is the most difficult. Whether we are deprived of something physical or intangible (like a desired outcome), dishonesty is often used to quickly take gain of something. Those who show honesty during deprivation reveal how highly they esteem it.
2Cor. 13:7 ¶ Now I pray to God that ye do no evil; not that we should appear approved, but that ye should do that which is honest, though we be as reprobates.
9. Hope during heartache. When heartache cuts at such a deep level that simple optimism is not enough… only hope can emerge. When it does, it is undeniably from a source far greater than ourselves. And those who find it, discover one of the greatest powers in the universe.
Rom. 5:2 By whom also we have access by faith into this grace wherein we stand, and rejoice in hope of the glory of God.
Rom. 5:3 And not only so, but we glory in tribulations also: knowing that tribulation worketh patience;
Rom. 5:4 And patience, experience; and experience, hope:
10. Humility in accomplishment. Those who are quick to deflect praise in accomplishment ought to be first in receiving it.
Matt. 18:2 And Jesus called a little child unto him, and set him in the midst of them,
Matt. 18:3 And said, Verily I say unto you, Except ye be converted, and become as little children, ye shall not enter into the kingdom of heaven.
Matt. 18:4 Whosoever therefore shall humble himself as this little child, the same is greatest in the kingdom of heaven.
11. Inspiration in relationship. We are all in relationship with others – sometimes in person, sometimes in print, sometimes in other ways. These relationships should not be used solely for personal gain but for bringing out the best in others. And those who inspire others to become the best they can be should be gifted with more and more and more relationships.
1Th. 4:9 ¶ But as touching brotherly love ye need not that I write unto you: for ye yourselves are taught of God to love one another.
(This type of love puts the best interest of others first)
12. Integrity in the details. Integrity is found in the details. Those who show integrity in the little things of life will typically display it in the bigger things as well.
Luke 16:10 He that is faithful in that which is least is faithful also in much: and he that is unjust in the least is unjust also in much.
13. Kindness to the weak. It is usually the weakest among us that are in most need of our kindness… and yet they receive it the least because they have no way to immediately repay it. When kindness is only shown for the sake of repayment, it becomes an investment and is no longer true kindness. Our true measure of kindness is shown in how we treat those who will never repay us.
James 1:27 Pure religion and undefiled before God and the Father is this, To visit the fatherless and widows in their affliction, and to keep himself unspotted from the world.
14. Love for enemies. Anybody can love a friend. Anybody can love those who treat us well… and everybody does. But it takes a special type of person to extend love towards those who treat us unjustly.
Luke 6:27 ¶ But I say unto you which hear, Love your enemies, do good to them which hate you,
15. Optimism towards others. See the good in everyone. There is simply no way to bring out the best in others if you haven’t seen it first.
Titus 3:2 To speak evil of no man, to be no brawlers, but gentle, shewing all meekness unto all men.
16. Perseverance in failure. Failure reveals much about our heart. It reveals our character, our humility, and our perseverance. We will all at some point face failure. And those who get back up and try again ought to be esteemed in our mind.
James 1:12 Blessed is the man that endureth temptation: for when he is tried, he shall receive the crown of life, which the Lord hath promised to them that love him.
17. Purity in opportunity. While character is revealed in solitude and integrity is revealed in the details, purity is revealed in the face of opportunity. When dishonest gain (money, power, sex, etc.) presents itself, those who choose purity ought to be praised. Not only do they personally sleep better at night, but they make this world a better place for all of us.
1John 2:16 For all that is in the world, the lust of the flesh, and the lust of the eyes, and the pride of life, is not of the Father, but is of the world.
18.Respect for authority. Authority brings order to a world of disorder. Certainly there are numerous examples throughout history (and today) of proper timing in overthrowing authority that oppresses its subjects. But in most cases, authority brings reason and order… and it should be allowed to do so.
Heb. 13:17 Obey them that have the rule over you, and submit yourselves: for they watch for your souls, as they that must give account, that they may do it with joy, and not with grief: for that is unprofitable for you.
19. Responsibility for mistake. From the weakest to the strongest, we all love to pass the blame. I can see it in my 5-year old daughter and I can see it in my government leaders. We are a people that are slow to accept responsibility for our mistakes. This is unfortunate. Because only those who can admit their mistakes have the opportunity to learn from them.
Gal. 6:5 For every man shall bear his own burden.
Gal. 6:7 Be not deceived; God is not mocked: for whatsoever a man soweth, that shall he also reap.
20. Self-control in addiction. We are a people that too often give control of our most precious asset to another. We fall under the influence of substances, possessions, or entertainment. When we do, our life is no longer our own. And those who retain self-control in the face of addiction ought to be recognized as unique and judged accordingly.
Phil. 4:5 Let your moderation be known unto all men. The Lord is at hand.
And when we all begin to properly esteem, champion, and follow those who lead from the inside… we will make far less mistakes in choosing who to follow.
This is a great list. But I imagine even it’s
author cant profess perfection in all these areas.
I do believe they are Christian but also common sense ideas. Ideas put into action, become reality however. I’ve met you a couple of times but I really never was able to chat. I am returning to Jesus, and found this by accident (almost). I don’t agree with everything you say,
but thus is very good.
Joshua,
Something we do( besides discerning needs
From wants,) it’s zero out the checkbook if it’s got 10 15 dollars, knowing your direct deposit Is the next day. To make this Short, in a year or
Less it’s very easy to have 7 or 800 extra in your checking. it works, and you don’t miss it. The Checking account has not been low enough to zero out. I’m sure you have thought of this but just thought I would share
Mark
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