“You give but little when you give of your possessions. It is when you give of yourself that you truly give.” – Kahlil Gibran
I have countless holiday memories. Most of them center around faith, family, and traditions.
Very few childhood memories actually include the gifts I received. I distinctly remember the year that I got a blue dirt bike, the evening my brother and I received a Nintendo, and opening socks every year from my grandparents. But other than that, my gift-receiving memories are pretty sparse. Which got me thinking… what type of gifts can we give to our children that they will never forget? What gifts will truly impact their lives and change them forever?
To that end, here is an alphabetical list of 35 Gifts Your Children Will Never Forget.
- Affirmation. Sometimes one simple word of affirmation can change an entire life. So make sure your children know how much you appreciate them. And then, remind them every chance you get.
- Art. With the advent of the Internet, everyone who wants to create… can. The world just needs more people who want to…
- Challenge. Encourage your child to dream big dreams. In turn, they will accomplish more than they thought possible… and probably even more than you thought possible.
- Compassion/Justice. Life isn’t fair. It never will be – there are just too many variables. But when a wrong has been committed or a playing field can be leveled, I want my child to be active in helping to level it.
- Contentment. The need for more is contagious. Therefore, one of the greatest gifts you can give your children is an appreciation for being content with what they have… but not with who they are.
- Curiosity. Teach your children to ask questions about who, what, where, how, why, and why not. “Stop asking so many questions” are words that should never leave a parents’ mouth.
- Determination. One of the greatest determining factors in one’s success is the size of their will. How can you help grow your child’s today?
- Discipline. Children need to learn everything from the ground-up including appropriate behaviors, how to get along with others, how to get results, and how to achieve their dreams. Discipline should not be avoided or withheld. Instead, it should be consistent and positive.
- Encouragement. Words are powerful. They can create or they can destroy. The simple words that you choose to speak today can offer encouragement and positive thoughts to another child. Or your words can send them further into despair. So choose them carefully.
- Faithfulness to your Spouse. Faithfulness in marriage includes more than just our bodies. It also includes our eyes, mind, heart, and soul. Guard your sexuality daily and devote it entirely to your spouse. Your children will absolutely take notice.
- Finding Beauty. Help your children find beauty in everything they see… and in everyone they meet.
- Generosity. Teach your children to be generous with your stuff so that they will become generous with theirs.
- Honesty/Integrity. Children who learn the value and importance of honesty at a young age have a far greater opportunity to become honest adults. And honest adults who deal truthfully with others tend to feel better about themselves, enjoy their lives more, and sleep better at night.
- Hope. Hope is knowing and believing that things will get better and improve. It creates strength, endurance, and resolve. And in the desperately difficult times of life, it calls us to press onward.
- Hugs and Kisses. I once heard the story of a man who told his 7-year old son that he had grown too old for kisses. I tear up every time I think of it. Know that your children are never too old to receive physical affirmation of your love for them.
- Imagination. If we’ve learned anything over the past 20 years, it’s that life is changing faster and faster with every passing day. The world tomorrow looks nothing like the world today. And the people with imagination are the ones not just living it, they are creating it.
- Intentionality. I believe strongly in intentional living and intentional parenting. Slow down, consider who you are, where you are going, and how to get there. And do the same for each of your children.
- Your Lap. It’s the best place in the entire world for a book, story, or conversation. And it’s been right in front of you the whole time.
- Lifelong Learning. A passion for learning is different from just studying to earn a grade or please teachers. It begins in the home. So read, ask questions, analyze, and expose. In other words, learn to love learning yourself.
- Love. …but the greatest of these is love.
- Meals Together. Meals provide unparalleled opportunity for relationship, the likes of which can not be found anywhere else. So much so, that a family that does not eat together does not grow together.
- Nature. Children who learn to appreciate the world around them take care of the world around them. As a parent, I am frequently asking my kids to keep their rooms inside the house neat, clean, and orderly. Shouldn’t we also be teaching them to keep their world outside neat, clean, and orderly?
- Opportunity. Kids need opportunities to experience new things so they can find out what they enjoy and what they are good at. And contrary to popular belief, this doesn’t have to require much money.
- Optimism. Pessimists don’t change the world. Optimists do.
- Peace. On a worldwide scale, you may think this is out of our hands. But in relation to the people around you, this is completely within your hands… and that’s a darn good place to start.
- Pride. Celebrate the little things in life. After all, it is the little accomplishments in life that become the big accomplishments.
- Room to Make mistakes. Kids are kids. That’s what makes them so much fun… and so desperately in need of your patience. Give them room to experiment, explore, and make mistakes.
- Self-Esteem. People who learn to value themselves are more likely to have self-confidence, self-esteem, and self-worth. As a result, they are more likely to become adults who respect their values and stick to them… even when no one else is.
- Sense of Humor. Laugh with your children everyday… for your sake and theirs.
- Spirituality. Faith elevates our view of the universe, our world, and our lives. We would be wise to instill into our kids that they are more than just flesh and blood taking up space. They are also made of mind, heart, soul, and will. And decisions in their life should be based on more than just what everyone else with flesh and blood is doing.
- Stability. A stable home becomes the foundation on which children build the rest of their lives. They need to know their place in the family, who they can trust, and who is going to be there for them. Don’t keep changing those things.
- Time. The gift of time is the one gift you can never get back or take back. So think carefully about who (or what) is getting yours.
- Undivided Attention. Maybe this imagery will be helpful: Disconnect to Connect.
- Uniqueness. What makes us different is what makes us special. Uniqueness should not be hidden. It should be proudly displayed for all the world to see, appreciate, and enjoy.
- A Welcoming Home. To know that you can always come home is among the sweetest and most life-giving assurances in all the world. Is your home breathing life into your child?
Of course, none of these gifts are on sale at your local department store. But, I think that’s the point.
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ABSOLUTELY FABULOUS POST!! thanks for this and reminding all of us what we TRULY have in life :)
love the list…just need a bit of clarification on point #5 when you talk of contentment. I am all in agreement with teaching children to be content with what they have…but should we not also teach them to be content with themselves? not in the sense that they should never do anything to better themselves, but rather teaching them to accept their personalities and their bodies and simply love themselves?
paulm
You are correct. I don’t think we should ever stop growing as human beings or challenging our children to do the same. That is a different point than celebrating our uniqueness and helping our children celebrate theirs. I think we’re on the same page here.
I think that can be a fine line, with adults and children alike. We need to be content with who we are and how we were made, yet we also need to strive to be the best “me that I can be”. I guess it would be maximizing what was given to us. I think it is important to point out to our kids the unique gifts that each of us were given, music, arts, words, work with hands, etc… That we are not all the same, but we are all perfectly made!
Bernice
Great comments and thoughtful replies
We are certainly on the same page, however, I’ve always had difficulty with asking someone to “be” her “best”. It becomes so easy to find guilt and rejection when we leave no room for circumstance. When a child or adult does really well at something, say a music recital or a running race, this performance becomes akin to “best” and the de facto expectation that she will always perform at this level. As a coach, I liken it to the spectators who, with all good intentions, yell for the runner to “run faster!!”.
What a great reminder of what is important. I get to combine several of these when I take my niece to Chuck E Cheese to celebrate events. She doesn’t need any more things, and the time we get to spend together, doing something she enjoys, is good for both of us. I hope she will remember these outings and carry on the tradition when she is an adult.
Thank you, Joshua, for this amazing post! It would be wonderful if all children were given these gifts. Blessings to you.
Awesome post!! Thanks so much!
Beautiful article, thank you so much! I have sent this link to others and said “35 Gifts Your Children/Grandchildren Will Never Forget” since many parents are absentee these days and grandparents often step in to fill that parenting/nurturing void. I sent it to some grandparents…they are important in the life of a child.
May I add two more:
Faith.
Respect.
Thanks for making that addition of grandparents to the conversation. This post certainly applies to anyone with children present in their lives.
I think this is an awesome list Joshua. I will be sharing across many channels. We have hopefully raised our kids with many of these, and will try to continue to do so as they are moving into adulthood. Plus, I have 7 grandkids I can give these gifts to as well!
These are the “things” they will remember! Thank you so much!
Bernice
http://livingthebalancedlife.com/2010/my-special-season-of-thanksgiving/
Absolutely! I especially love what you say about the gift of time. My kids are young and they really want to be with me all the time. I don’t take that for granted! We give each other this beautiful gift of time together.
Beautifully written. Thank you for sharing.
Love this, as usual.
As a grown woman, this especially struck a chord with me:
“Contentment. The need for more is contagious. Therefore, one of the greatest gifts you can give your children is an appreciation for being content with what they have… but not with who they are.”
It finally clarified for me my issues with contentment. I thought b/c I wasn’t content with who I am that it meant I was discontent. Now I see as long as I am happy with what I have (which I am) I can still strive for more as a person without it being something I feel bad about.
Awesome.
Love every word of this post… your words never fail to arrive in my lap just when I need the encouragement and inspiration. Thank you.
You are welcome. Thanks for the encouraging comment.
Now all I need to do is remember this post when I have kids in a few years.
Great job Joshua
David Damron
LifeExcursion
I’ll send it to you, David. It’ll be far cheaper than buying your baby another stuffed animal.
Thanks for another great post. Its a wonderful reminder about the important lessons we need to teach our childern and what they want more than the latest toy.
I love this post! As soon as I read the first Gift of Affirmation, I called my daughter (who’s 4) into my room and asked her who’s daddy’s #1 girl. Of course she said she was. And I told her I loved her and she was intelligent and I’m proud of her. Sometimes we can forget about the small things. Thanks for reminding us.
Alyx
Good for you, Alyx. My daughter is 4 years old too. Let’s remember to tell them the same when they are 14.
I’m relating to both, having a preschooler as well as a teenager… but..ah… would it be possible for you to create inspirational quotes or 35 gifts geared more specifically towards teens!! lol!!!!! i know, all these wonderful 35, u have already listed does indeed apply to any age of child but, i bet your great mind can create 35 just for young adults! ha!
Before I read all the comments, I wrote a post and linked this list to it on my blog. I plan to give each one of these to my children and grandson this Christmas!
Thanks for the link. And for spreading the word. The more people who read the list the better.
Joshua, another fantastic post! I love this list and also shared it with others in a recent blog post.
Now, off to spend time with my children :) We are decluttering together!
Dr. Laura
Thanks for spreading the inspiration Laura.
I agree with this post 100%. Growing up, my parents would buy me tons of things for Christmas, Birthdays, ect, but that’s not what I wanted. What I wanted was the emotional support of the things listed above.
I hope parents see this and realize that a child doesn’t really want anything tangible. They want your attention, support, and to know that you’re proud of them no matter what.
Absolutely Beautiful! Thank you for the reminder.
By the way, it’s a great outline for a book! You should really consider it!
Absolutely right; these things are far more valuable and enduring than any toy or trendy clothes. Great post!
Love the article and quote in the beginning – Kahlil Gibran is one of my favorite poets/authors! Just stumbled across your blog, and I love the concept and the encouragement you provide to other to truly remember what is important!
Welcome aboard Alisha. We try our best.
So true! Beautiful post.
They are all so important, but perhaps the greatest one is TIME…something that is often hard to schedule in a typical American life of busyness.
I’d add travel to the list too, especially global travel as it is something that can be done on very little money and can enrich the whole family.
We’ve been living a minimalist life as a family and traveling the world non-stop for the last five years on 23 dollars a day per person, as a way to give these kinds of gifts to our child. The world is our home and we are so grateful to have all this time together and the shared experiences and memories.
I only wish that every child could grow up with all these important gifts. Kids grow up so fast, so cherish that precious time together!
Thanks for the addition. I agree. Travel opens our eyes to new worlds, cultures, and people. it is a valuable gift. In fact… I know it was on my original list to include.And I’m not sure when it got edited out. I don’t remember crossing it off. Thanks for adding it.
Beautiful Joshua! I have included this post on my blog post of holiday gifting. Blessings to you and all of your loved ones this holiday season.
Thanks for the link Renee.
Awesome! It’s truly the immaterial things that matter the most!
So true. It’s a shame we forget that so often.
My current husband is not the natural father of my 11 year old son, whose real father died from leukemia when he was only 5 years old. My husband now feels like 11 is too old to give kisses to or to be hugging, but doesn’t hold back from our 5 year old son that we had together. I realize that it’s probably an issue of my husband being a “step-dad”, but he claims that it is the older son’s age, and my husband rough-houses only with him and gives him “love punches” which are okay. My oldest, though, tells me he loves me and hugs me more than what I would expect for an 11 year old to do, and that makes me feel that he really needs that, most likely from a father figure too. I am right to read into like this?? I cannot get my husband to see eye-to-eye with me on this at all…..very much into denial in my mind.
Annette, let it be. They will have what relationship they will have and from what you say it sounds pretty loving. If you push at it you may find you get the opposite of what you hope for. Guys show love in different ways and your husband is teaching your son a culturally expected way for guys to act around each other.
Thanks Peter. I have already sensed resentment from my husband on this issue, so I do leave it alone now. My heart breaks for my oldest, but am thankful for the family that we have now and that we have a husband/father who is a true provider and obligated dad.
Can I offer one other bit of advice? As part of a blended family, the term “real father” is somewhat hurtful. The “real father” is the one who stepped up and is doing the job. Your loss and your sons loss of his biological dad and “real father” are real and I think you are seeking a way to honor that man which is admirable, but do not do it at the expense of the second “real father” your 11 yo has. Sounds like you hooked a great guy. I hope you have a lifetime of happiness together.
I think you need to also realize that the term real father vs. step father is only used here to explain in detail our situation, and does not imply that those terms are even used in our family dynamics at home. In addition, you do NOT know the whole situation in our particular “family”, and I have every right as my son’s natural mother to see to it that all of my children are treated fairly and equally in this great family. Please do not assume that you know who my husband is or if he is a great father, for which there are many, many definitions.
The hugs and kisses one is so important. My mother said that when she was five, her father told her she was too “old” to get hugs, or to sit on his lap. I’m 15, so I’m too big to sit on my parents lap, but hugging is a wonderful way to show affection.
What an inspiring list! It brings to mind two things:
* in order for us to give these to our children and grandchildren, we first must possess them because we cannot give a gift we do not have
* the gift of peace is a gift we give to ourselves that radiates out from within us at home and at work, doing our part to create the possibility of world peace.
I so appreciate your offering this and I’ll send it on to my lists because it is likely the very best gift list I’ve seen.
Continue to Sow Peace™,
Rhoberta
Rhoberta Shaler, PhD
Founder of Sow Peace™ International and co-author of Soul Solitude: Taking Time for Our Souls to Catch Up.
We have been giving ‘experiences’ rather than gifts for many years, and our children remember every one. In the end all of we have is our memories, and love, the stuff is left behind. Better to spend your time creating those memories, and the freedom that having little or no stuff brings
What a beautifully put-together list. Thank you so much. A friend emailed it to me, and I’ll be sharing it with all my friends and fans on Facebook. Again, thank you!
My children don’t get presents, they get my presence.
mine too! i put a bow on my head and sit under the tree on christmas morning!
Joshua, I am always so glad to have read something you wrote, but perhaps even more so than usual today. Thank you for sharing this list.
As a parent and an educator it is so important to focus on giving kids the gifts that they really need. Everything around us pushes us towards accumulation, over-scheduling, and generally material achievement. Yet, as kids are given so much whether it is more “stuff” or filling their time for them, we also take away so many of their opportunities to grow and develop into self-sufficient people. Your list helps us remember what is important.
Oh how you make me reevaluate. excellent.
I think it’s our will to succeed. Mostly, people will want success in easy installments so to speak. Few people want to do it the hard way. Those who keep going without let up and keep the desire burning inside are theones who mostly succeed.
Wow! This is a wonderful post. I plan to print it out and read it to my daughter often. Great stuff.
I let Mrs. SPF know about this post and we can’t agree more with it. The spirit of humanity resonates in all 35 gifts.
What a wonderful, timely post! I would love your permission to re-print in our school’s newsletter (with proper credit and acknowledgment, of course). We’re a small elementary school with a great mix of families and I think this post would definitely be of interest. Please let me know if that would be ok. Thank you!
This was really beautiful and inspiring. Thank you. I just emailed it to some friends, and I think I might print it and put it on my fridge :).
Purchased gifts for the most part are really about short term fulfillment / gratification / enjoyment whereas the gifts above are in many ways character building and laying a foundation for a meaningful, fulfilling, happy and successful life if one chooses.
Seeing your great post reminded me of a poem of sorts which I hope is OK to have included below …
CHILDREN LEARN WHAT THEY LIVE
If a child lives with criticism
He learns to condemn
If a child lives with hostility
He learns to fight
If a child lives with ridicule
He learns to be shy
If a child lives with shame
He learns to feel guilty
If a child lives with tolerance
He learns to be patient
If a child lives with encouragement
He learns confidence
If a child lives with praise
He learns to appreciate
If a child lives with fairness
He learns justice
If a child lives with security
He learns to have faith
if a child lives with approval
He learns to like himself
If a child lives with acceptance and friendship
He learns to find love in the world
Cheers
David
Merry Christmas to me – thank you for a beautiful gift! That was beautifully written and perfectly expressed.
Thank you for putting into words that sing the joy of childrearing, which is building the future of the world.
This is a truly valuable post. As a parent I think it is so important to give time and effort into our kids lives. They need guidance, love and support. And they need to know that we are always there for them- no matter what.
Thank you for such a meaningful reminder and well written post. I’m printing it out, but I’ve also linked it on my blog. TYVM!
Hi, This article has actually helped me chose a path to follow. Thanks for the great information and keep up the good work!!
Well put. Great reminder that we are the sum of our actions, not our incomes.
I still remember the joy of hearing. “come sit with ME”. Time is precious and it’s never too late to start living each moment – being present with our children is the best gift of all.
Joshua,
I am Santa in Cary NC. I would like to use this list on my website (under construction) and to send to clients as an attachment or link in my Thank You note after Santa events. Let me know how I might do this please, it will have links to your site and full credits of course.
This is an outstanding list and we all need reminding about this…I am especially appalled when children come with lists longer than they are with “wants” . I am also delighted when I get the special child that askes for something for someone else and nothing for themselves.
Thanks so much for your wonderful list!!
Merry Christmas to you and yours
Of all the Christmases I have had only one stands out. It was when my family was. at a crisis point. I was seven. I got two gifts, a doll with real hair and my uncle gave me a mandolin. I still have the doll. What I do remember is the love and warmth of my family every day.
BEAUTIFUL article, thanks!
Love this! Thanks for posting! Check out my non-profit, Catching Joy, Inc., which promotes volunteerism beginning with young children and their families. We organize hands-on activities that kids can do to let them feel the joy of giving. See http://www.catchingjoy.org. We have a FB page, too. Key words: Catching Joy
Thank you. Simply, thank you.
I love this list!
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