A Helpful Guide to Stop Comparing Yourself to Others

stop-comparing-your-life

“Comparison is the thief of joy.” —Theodore Roosevelt

I’ve struggled with it most of my life. Typically, I blame it on having a twin brother who is five inches taller with much broader shoulders. But if I was being truly honest, more likely, it is simply a character flaw hidden somewhere deep in my heart.

I’ve lived most of my life comparing myself to others. At first, it was school and sports. But as I got older, I began comparing other metrics: job title, income level, house size, and worldly successes.

I have discovered there is an infinite number of categories upon which we can compare ourselves and an almost infinite number of people to compare ourselves to. Once we begin down that road, we never find an end.

The tendency to compare ourselves to others is as human as any other emotion. Certainly I’m not alone in my experience. But it is a decision that only steals joy from our lives. And it is a habit with numerous shortcomings:

  1. Comparisons are always unfair. We typically compare the worst we know of ourselves to the best we presume about others.
  2. Comparisons, by definition, require metrics. But only a fool believes every good thing can be counted (or measured).
  3. Comparisons rob us of precious time. We each get 86,400 seconds each day. And using even one to compare yourself or your accomplishments to another is one second too many.
  4. You are too unique to compare fairly. Your gifts and talents and successes and contributions and value are entirely unique to you and your purpose in this world. They can never be properly compared to anyone else.
  5. You have nothing to gain, but much to lose. For example: your pride, your dignity, your drive, and your passion.
  6. There is no end to the possible number of comparisons. The habit can never be overcome by attaining success. There will also be something—or someone—else to focus on.
  7. Comparison puts focus on the wrong person. You can control one life—yours. But when we constantly compare ourselves to others, we waste precious energy focusing on other peoples’ lives rather than our own.
  8. Comparisons often result in resentment. Resentment towards others and towards ourselves.
  9. Comparisons deprive us of joy. They add no value, meaning, or fulfillment to our lives. They only distract from it.

Indeed, the negative effects of comparisons are wide and far-reaching. Likely, you have experienced (or are experiencing) many of them first-hand in your life as well.

How then, might we break free from this habit of comparison? Consider, embrace, and proceed forward with the following steps.

A Practical Guide to Stop Comparing Yourself to Others

Take note of the foolish (and harmful) nature of comparison.

Take a good look at the list above. Take notice of comparison’s harmful effects in your life. And find priority to intentionally remove it from the inside-out.

Become intimately aware of your own successes.

Whether you are a writer, musician, doctor, landscaper, mother, or student, you have a unique perspective backed by unique experiences and unique gifts. You have the capacity to love, serve, and contribute. You have everything you need to accomplish good in your little section of the world. With that opportunity squarely in front of you, become intimately aware of your past successes. And find motivation in them to pursue more.

Pursue the greater things in life.

Some of the greatest treasures in this world are hidden from sight: love, humility, empathy, selflessness, generosity. Among these higher pursuits, there is no measurement. Desire them above everything else and remove yourself entirely from society’s definition of success.

Compete less. Appreciate more.

There may be times when competition is appropriate, but life is not one of them. We have all been thrown together at this exact moment on this exact planet. And the sooner we stop competing against others to “win,” the faster we can start working together to figure it out. The first and most important step in overcoming the habit of competition is to routinely appreciate and compliment the contribution of others.

Gratitude, gratitude, gratitude.

Gratitude always forces us to recognize the good things we already have in our world.

Remind yourself nobody is perfect.

While focusing on the negatives is rarely as helpful as focusing on the positives, there is important space to be found remembering that nobody is perfect and nobody is living a painless life. Triumph requires an obstacle to be overcome. And everybody is suffering through their own, whether you are close enough to know it or not.

Take a walk.

Next time you find yourself comparing yourself to others, get up and change your surroundings. Go for a walk—even if only to the other side of the room. Allow the change in your surroundings to prompt change in your thinking.

Find inspiration without comparison.

Comparing our lives with others is foolish. But finding inspiration and learning from others is entirely wise. Work hard to learn the difference.

Humbly ask questions of the people you admire or read biographies as inspiration. But if comparison is a consistent tendency in your life, notice which attitudes prompt positive change and which result in negative influence.

If you need to compare, compare with yourself.

We ought to strive to be the best possible versions of ourselves—not only for our own selves, but for the benefit and contribution we can offer to others. Work hard to take care of yourself physically, emotionally, and spiritually. Commit to growing a little bit each day. And learn to celebrate the little advancements you are making without comparing them to others.

With so many negative effects inherent in comparison, it is a shame we ever take part in it. But the struggle is real for most of us. Fortunately, it does not need to be. And the freedom found in comparing less is entirely worth the effort.

Joshua Becker

About Joshua Becker

Writer. Inspiring others to live more by owning less.
Bestselling author of Simplify & Clutterfree with Kids.

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Comments

    • pari says

      problem is wat if we find our own friends living heavens life and we live like hell..we see there is not even a single problem in their lives..watever they wanted they get everything so easily..and we have to struggle for the same thing most of the time…how can we stop comparing..if we fall in the situation like this.

        • Trinity says

          “I feel like nothing”…well you are far more than nothing so stop telling yourself that you are nothing!!!

          • Jo-Anne says

            Laura find one nice thing and focus on that and more will come.

            I read somewhere…If you talk about something over and over and over again…God thinks you love it so much then gives you more of it…what you think about you bring about…

            You know the story of the two dogs…
            Both at separate times walk into the same room.
            One comes out wagging his tail while the other comes out growling.
            A woman watching this goes into the room to see
            what could possibly make one dog so happy and the other so mad.
            To her surprise she finds a room filled with mirrors.
            The happy dog found a thousand happy dogs looking back at him.
            The angry dog found a thousand dogs growling back at him.
            What you see in the world around you is a reflection of who you are.

            Shatter your mirror of nothing…

        • Lise Klerekoper says

          You’re assuming they have “everything” because the focus is on the highlight reel. You’re not realizing that they have a “behind the scenes” that like most of us, doesn’t look the same as the highlight reel.

      • Debbie says

        My sister is like that, no matter what happens “BabaLoo” (not her real name) always comes out smelling like a rose…she has a big house, lots of money, and everything works for her. You just have to make small steps. Every time you find yourself comparing what they have to what you have, tell yourself…”if I want to have a better life, then how do I get that from my current situation. I think alot of time we don’t think about the smaller goals of these circumstances. Its like the opposite of cant see the forest for the trees. Well when we are in this kind of dilema we see the forest but dont see the trees. The problems seems so much bigger than it may actually be. I think to that you have to think about how you want this to work out. Dont look at the long range goal of the forest, but more to which path to take through the trees do get to the actual heart of the forest. Set small goals and work on them…Life may never be as great as other peoples seems to be but we have to learn to be grateful with what we have and to find happiness with in our own context…I wish great strides of success!

        • Lise Klerekoper says

          Totally agree, Debbie. Do the best you can with what you have & focus on solutions vs. staying in the problem. Is that easy to do when our sense of self-worth is low?! Nope, but it’s the road we must take to build up our self-worth. No meaningful & lasting change is possible when we operate from a place of unworthiness,

      • says

        Our perceptions of the success of others are from snapshots of their lives. We perceive it is easy for them, but we don’t see their inner struggles or efforts. Never assume that someone is “living heaven’s life” just by looking, or listening to their stories. Things that come easy are not always appreciated. We are all human – we all have inner obstacles (fear, laziness, etc) to overcome. Find peace by being happy for the success of others, be grateful for your life, and really figure out what YOU want (and how hard you are willing to work for it).

      • Trinity says

        No one lives “without a single problem in their life.”

        Also what you perceive as heaven could indeed be ‘hell.’

        Nothing is as simple as it’s exterior and — struggle is what makes us the best that we can be.

        *attitude + gratitude define your LATTITUDE friend.

      • james says

        that is comparison. what you said. one friend lives in heaven, the other lives in hell. this is an actual comparison. don’t do that.

        that’s the problem he’s talking about.

        see all the problems that came over you just from making a single comparison?

        don’t ever do that (never say never though)

        once you make that comparison of his life’s heaven, and mine is hell..

        actually you shouldn’t even let that enter your mind to begin with. the concept of heaven and hell and one thing being great and the other bad.

        don’t even define things.

    • says

      Thanks for the article ! It has been very beneficial insight to be more positive and getting out of the world of matrix. Got to share this article with my friends out there as well.

  1. Brett Landry says

    Thank you so much for posting this. It’s exactly what I needed to see today. The way you described yourself is exactly how I grew up. I live the live of comparison almost everyday and often it brings me to depression.
    I have printed this and will be reading it often. Than you again.

  2. shipra mukherjee says

    All my life I hv just encountered nasty comparisons wid my twin sister. Even if we don’t compare its d world around us who keep on comparing us relentlessly. Sometimes d comparisons r so brutal that I am left wounded for months. I took drastic decisions in my life to run from all comparisons… I changed school.. Changed my field of career…but still d comparisons follow me everywhere..Ur article though is great I can totally relate to u. I hope to improve my life from dis point. Thank you :)

  3. Derek says

    Joshua really gets it! I think the problem is, this applies to both women as well as men, is that when we look at someone who’s got a great appearance, we assume, I do, anyway, that they have “no flaws”, which is not true, even though I think reversely. That’s what causes my own resentment to men who are more good looking than I am. I feel “threatened” by their good looks as I compare myself to them EVERY DAY so I tend to be very stressed and anxious around those people. No person can live a happy life like this and sadly this is my life. I can’t enjoy life anymore; this consumes me; it eats me up inside.

  4. Overthinking and under appreciating says

    I have just had a walk to clear my head and in fact done just the opposite, as is often the case, and have done nothing but think. Thinking about all of the insecurities and negative thoughts that I’m currently experiencing. My overall analysis was that I compare myself to others too much and this is leading to insecurities and making me miserable. I got home, googled ‘comparing yourself to others’ and found this article.
    I wanted to comment as the article focuses on life achievements and successes and at the moment I’m finding that my biggest comparison issue is comparing myself to my partners past – or more importantly the people in it, whom I have never met and have somehow created a world of scenarios that may or may not exist. As a result I have started to avoid situations where i may start to compare myself.
    This is pathetic and I realise it, and me posting this comment is somehow my own self therapy as I accept the ridiculousness of what I’m doing to myself, here a just a couple of examples of what I mean:
    I love photography and used to self teach by trial and error, taking good and bad photos and learning from the mistakes. I found out my partners ex was a photographer and instantly I have put my camera away. “I’ll never be as good as him, me showing her my pictures will be stupid and she’ll just think they’re amateur compared to her ex’s work” is what my mind thought.
    Another, my partner is Spanish and I thought I would try and learn a bit of the Spanish language, but rather than ask her to help me, I’m almost doing it in secret, so she doesn’t see how bad I am and laugh at my efforts – so here I am comparing my Spanish efforts to someone who is actually Spanish – I read that back now and see how ridiculous it is, but in my mind that makes perfect sense.
    I’ve realised that I’ve started to avoid experiences that she has had before and never understood why, but now I can see it is this deep rooted self comparison. I don’t like going to the same places or restaurants or doing the same activities as she has done before, I like us to try new things and places together – realistically this is just me trying to avoid a new comparison triggering in my mind. It can be torture if you don’t control it.
    There are many many more examples, and this article got me thinking about all the times I have needlessly compared myself to others and made myself miserable in the process. Hopefully now I have identified it, I can start to work on changing my thought processes and become much happier in myself.
    Thanks for reading.

    • says

      Great article. I believe one of the root causes of this comparison disease is not knowing our self-worth. To a large extent the society, education system and parenting reinforce the comparison behavior. Essentially, if every parent lets their kid realize his or her self-worth, it should influence the society’s attitude as a whole.

    • Kim says

      I am appreciating your comment so much. I can’t believe I’m reading you writing many of the identical thoughts and problems I’ve had in comparing myself to my partner’s past. It is a habit that plagues me daily. Everything you said, like avoiding situations that your partner had in the past, needing to do new things, putting the camera away when you learned the ex was a photographer… I have done all these things and more. I have tears in my eyes, reading that someone else has felt the same way and had the same insecurities. Thank you for sharing this, I am feeling less alone and more human.

  5. Di says

    It completely depends on how one views blessings. Jesus’ beatitudes in scripture teach that the ways of God are the opposite of the ways of man. I believe that suffering is a blessing in disguise which helps Inez’s soul to grow and strengthen. Blessings are oftentimes not physical but rather, spiritual.

  6. Lauren says

    To all of the people responding to this article, you are already making positive decisions for yourself simply by taking the time out of your day to expose yourself to this type of information. Society today has been structured in such a way that feeling inferior to those around us is basically the norm. Very few people have genuine high self esteem and those that do have undoubtedly had times of fear, failure, and self-loathing. We need to focus more on self-healing and loving ourselves so that we can also love others. Practicing self-love and self-healing reduces that impulsive need to compare ourselves to others. We need to remember that an external virtue of another human being does not devalue us in any way. We often look at how someone appears to be so successful, so beautiful, so handsome etc. and then compare these features to our internal doubts and insecurities. We need to stop doing this to ourselves, I see beauty in most people I meet – so why do I always think all they see in ugliness in me? It is very sad that we hurt ourselves by constantly comparing ourselves to other people. We are all special, we are all strong in our own way, and we have people in our lives that love us because we deserve to be loved, NOT because we have fooled others into loving us!

    Love to all of those reading this comment – I wish you all the best and hope I am able to remind you of how strong you are simply by reading up on this type of information, you are already on the right path.

  7. Losing my mind says

    I have stumbled upon this article while doing the same as others. googling ” comparing myself to others”. Most days the comparing is a constant threat to my happiness and sanity. My mind just never seems to stop. Mainly it is in regards to one particular person who unfortunately I must encounter everyday, morning and afternoon, at my daughter’s bus stop. She is younger than I am, by 8 years, beautiful, fit, and perfect in every way. I find myself looking up her pins on Pinterest daily. Just to see what she is interested in at the moment. Crazy, I know. I just recently joined Facebook and now it’s worse. I am in a battle with myself on whether to friend her or not. Instead I just stare at her photos. She seems to have the perfect husband. He does everything for her, cooks, cleans, you name it. They just seem so perfect and it eats at me. I wish I could stop. I don’t know how it’s possible when I have to seem her everyday. Any suggestions? I would love some help on this one. I fear I will drive my husband away with my constant worrying and self-loathing. In the summer I get a break, but I still find myself checking on her. I can’t shut it off. I hate to say this but it’s like an obsession. I am obsessed. HELP!

    • lilu says

      hello! hope you are feeling better today! Don’t worry and don’t feel ashamed for how you feel! The most important thing right now is that you accept your feelings towards this person and allow yourself to feel envious and insecure. I understand your feelings. I follow a girl on tumblr that is very beautiful and very young. She is a model and travels everywhere. Pictures and videos with her boyfriend look like they are the perfect couple. She has the most beautiful smile and says the sweetest things. At first I really thought, wow, this person is so perfect, if only my life could be as perfect as hers. Then I learned more about her….
      She lost her mother to cancer when she was young (learned of it on Mothers Day) and she doesn’t see her father or her siblings much at all through the year. The pictures she is in with her boyfriend look so happy and intimate but they have only been together for a few months I learned.
      I’ve become somewhat disillusioned about her life, as I have in the past when I thought I met/saw a woman who I though was so much better than myself.
      You have to accept yourself for who you are now. You will never be that woman, you will never be the “highlight reel” that you see of her life at the bus stop, or on Facebook.
      Every person, no matter how beautiful their life may seem, has demons they have to fight as well. Maybe that lady hates her hands or her nose her whole life, and you don’t know the fights and things that go on in her home. I know in many instances that the more lovey-dovey a couple is on social media, the more problems there are in their actual home life. She is just trying her best and you should try to take that as inspiration to try your best. I’m sure there are people she compares herself too as well. You said she is fit…maybe start your own workout routine. you said she has a great relationship…maybe try to work on being more patient and forgiving in your own relationship.

      And do not ever forget to be more patient and forgiving of yourself. That is the most important thing. Please forgive yourself and don’t feel guilty about your past sadness. You will be ok if you let yourself breathe a bit! hope this helped!

      • Losing my mind says

        Thank you so much for your kind words of wisdom. They were tremendously helpful. I don’t know what her situation is like at home and honestly I don’t want to. This summer I will focus on inner peace with myself by concentrating on the things that I am passionate about. I have started walking every evening with my daughter and I now find myself disappointed when the weather turns sour and we can’t go. I have found a way to connect with her on a deeper level than before. She opens up to me and talks pretty much the entire distance we walk. My relationship with my husband will forever be a work in progress. I understand that. We are two different people who feel different emotions. Communication lately has been a problem. He likes to shut down and bottle his emotions. It is largely in part due to his job, which he hates. I feel helpless. I know I can’t change that situation for him. So, in the meantime, I will be the positive one, upbeat, the person to put a smile on his face. This summer is the perfect time for change. I plan on making a difference in my life. Thank you for listening.

    • Lise Klerekoper says

      Take all that time & mental energy you’re using to look at her life & how she presents it on social media,& start taking active steps to grow yourself from the inside out. What life changes do you want to make FOR yourself, not in response to what she has or does. Compare you to you only, or you’ll never feel “good enough.”

  8. lilu says

    Comparing myself to others…It’s something I’ve learned to do through my life. I didn’t even realize I was doing it. I know I have a wonderful and beautiful life, and I am thankful for everything I have, from my health to my family. But I still find myself very down and frustrated often and realize I am comparing myself to others…I realize I am thinking toxic things such as, “if I looked more like her people would love me more,” “if only I lost a bit more weight I would feel just fine about myself,” “everyone around me is moving forward in a way society has said is acceptable, except for me,” even though my life is great, it is hard not to do things the same way as my friends and family members. I feel like a loser in a lot of ways. It’s a hard thing to admit to myself and I know I’m wrong for thinking it…but…i also know it’s the first step to building real self confidence. The type of true confidence that does not rely on external sources.
    I hope one day I understand what real self acceptance and confidence feel like.

  9. Moes says

    Thank you for sharing such a wonderful article, I think one more thing I would like to add is to learn how to deal with people who tries to put you in comparison with others, wither a boss, a friend or a family member.

  10. AB says

    Joshua,

    Thank you for writing this article! And to everyone here who’s posted a comment/story so far…

    Like many of you, I’ve literally spent my entire life comparing myself to other people and feeling terrible about myself because of it. I know it’s an awful habit, and, consciously, I know it’s a very irrational thing to do. The thing is, though, I can’t seem to stop, despite knowing that. It’s like that saying I’ve heard since 7th grade: “There will always be someone out there who’s prettier, smarter, more popular, more successful, etc. …” I have such a deep-seated resistance to accepting that statement.

    Growing up, I was never one of the pretty/popular girls, and the pain of that, of feeling excluded and overlooked, has stuck with me more than I like to admit. I’ve tried so hard to improve myself- both on the inside AND the outside- and I truly have in a lot of ways, but still, deep down, I feel that I will never be good enough or deserving of the life I want. Consciously, I know that’s only true if I make it true, and I know it’s extreme and even stupid in a way, yet it’s this feeling I can’t seem to get rid of. I hate it!! I hate that I’ve sabotaged so many good things in my life because of it and because I’m always striving for the next most ideal thing. It’s so hard for me to just ACCEPT, to not feel the need to achieve perfection…

    I’m trying to heal myself from this, I really am, and I’m hoping & praying with all my heart that one day I can be free to just love myself as I am and be happy. I wish the same thing for all of you! I know, for me, social media really seems to trigger my feelings of inadequacy… I don’t know if it’s better to avoid these things completely or to just face the way I feel every time it comes up, sit with it, really feel it, and then let it go. I think I’m going to try the second way.

    Anyway, thank you all again. Good luck on your own journeys… If you’re reading this article, then I think you’re already off to a good start!

  11. Alis says

    Hello, first of all, excuse my english (is not my first language). I found this article after I googled “comparing myself to others”, just like many of you. I feel silly writing this but I think I need to. The last two days have been very sad for me, I´ve been feeling so depressed and it came suddenly, like how can my emotions switch so fast? Three days ago I was fine or so. Maybe I can´t express well what I´m feeling, but I realized I felt so bad after I read some phrase that one of my idols said, it was something like “don’t dream your life, live your dream”, reading those lines broke me down, I felt so sick and I lost my appetite, still not hungry at all. I compared myself to him, so young and beautiful, with the world at his feet, perfect girlfriend, etc. I started questioning many things many bad decisions and blaming myself for my apathy. The main problem I have is, I think, I can´t stop thinking about how I wasted so much time of my life making wrong decisions, just can´t seem to forgive myself for that. I´m 31 years old, and can´t help to feel I wasted the best years. I studied a long career that was not for me and ended up quitting too much late, I started another career that I am about to finish in a year. I find my friends with all these diplomas, and having their own family and children and I feel so much left behind. That bothers me but what haunts me the most is that I always thought I was going to be someone successful and I feel that I started too late, since there are still some goals in my career that I want to achieve. My career is very important, but also the other part of life, love, which is nonexistent. Never had a meaningful relationship, only had 1 boyfriend, currently alone for like 4 years. I feel like such a hypocrite since my friends think I´m the “cool head” of all of them, that I hate dramas (and I do hate drama) and I would never allow them to see me like this. I´ve always avoided this negative feelings but now I feel so hopeless. I feel like such a stupid kid starting to live just now, I feel embarrassed. And I know I´m wasting my time by complaining about something I can´t help, I can´t fix the past, but I hate myself so much for it, for not being the person I was supposed to be by now.
    A reply would be greatly appreciated.

    • Leila says

      Hi

      I so appreciate each person who posted & the author. It is great to hear a man’s voice in this conversation. Dear Alis – this compare & despair situation is a one moment at a time challenge. I think each of us here desires something better in our lives but feels trapped by our strong emotions. I am way older than you & think about what these feelings may have cost me or the message I may have passed down to my children.
      I am committed to telling myself at each moment when these feelings arrive that – I am enough. It is a really small step but I think the desire to live a more satisfying inner life is so strong that this little statement is going to have to help me jump start my journey to feeling better about myself. I recently lost someone so important to me & along with that there has been an unraveling of so many things in my life. My loss is an opportunity to hopefully forge a better me. I am here. There is no where else to go.
      My heart wishes for each of us to know there are like minded people out there to share the journey & provide a warm word when the going gets tough like now.

    • Jo-Anne says

      Alis…I do have a suggestion that works for me…

      When you hate something so much…drama, in your case…study it…write it down ‘I HATE DRAMA!!!” and simply ask ‘why’…write down the answer…ask ‘why’ again…write down that answer. If you don’t get any other answer than ‘I don’t know’ ask ‘why’…Rinse and Repeat until you get to that first seedling of why ‘I hate drama’.

      It is a wonderful/terrible/scary/exciting thing to do.

      The number of whys you need to ask depends on how honest you can be with yourself…for me?…some sessions take only one or two whys?, others a few whys? and the biggies can be many many whys? long. You know when you are getting close…your emotions are your guide. Persistence pays.

      BTW: Sometimes I do a ritual cleanse by shredding or burning the paper I write on to really let go…and rinse and repeat if I need to.

      Remember whatever you resist persists, what you look at disappears. I feel that because you avoided all the little dramas you now have a very nice big one to look at and no real skill on how to deal with it…please, try to have a little fun with it.

  12. SK says

    I’m suffering with this mental disease for a while now. Started looking out for solutions and stumbled upon this wonderful article. It’s relieved to see that I’m not the only one going through this. This article is very practical in explaining the causes and solutions to overcome this problem.

    One takeaway would be – if you want to compare, compare with yourself- try to be better that your yesterday’s self. Thanks for this article.

  13. ArrBeeM? says

    Truthfully, I didn’t plan on writing a thing. I just wanted to read, get some inspiration and get on with my day but this morning, with tears in my eyes I too googled “comparing myself to others”. I have been feeling like a loser. Most of my contemporaries have either gotten married, had a child, moved to some other country or started a new job. Then there is me. I feel like I am just existing. Like nothing is going on. Can I tell you how much I hate comparing myself? It consumes me so much to the point that it makes me anxious and it seems like my body temperature increased too(which is weird). Then comes insecurities, worry and, oh yes, sadness. However, this poignant article from Joshua and the readers’ comments have helped me immensely and with that said – Thank you! Thank you for sharing and being honest. Today, I am going to make myself happy and be grateful for what I have and I have a lot to be grateful for. I know this is a long and hard journey to realize my own self worth and accept me for me but I will get there because I just want to be happy and stay happy.

    • Ali says

      I hear you and can relate to what you are saying and I know is wrong to keep thinking about this, but I cant help it. I know is bad for me, is a waste of time, but i cant take it out of my head. In my whole life I´ve never felt so hopeless, god i need to be fixed. Im better now, tho. Hope you feel better too.

  14. Lise Klerekoper says

    One of my favorite, most inspirational authors is Brene Brown. She’s a professor of social work, & does research & writings in the areas of shame, vulnerability, & worthiness. An excellent book related to this article is, The Gifts of Imperfection; very easy to read, empowering, & solution-focused. I heard her speak last year & was struck by a comment that self-esteem isn’t the same as as self-acceptance.

    Check out her TED Talks on shame & vulnerability, as they relate SO much to this article.

    http://www.ted.com/talks/brene_brown_listening_to_shame?language=en

    http://www.ted.com/talks/brene_brown_on_vulnerability?language=en

    Also, Kristin Neff, another college professor, author & speaker, writes almost exclusively on self-acceptance & self-compassion. Definitely worth looking at her work & taking the online quiz to get a better idea of where you stand in this area.

    http://self-compassion.org/

  15. Darlene McCarley says

    I came across a reference to your article in another one and decided to check out the original. I am very glad I did. Retirement is both a bitch and a blessing and you have helped me focus on the blessing. Thank you more than I can express.

  16. AE says

    I too wasn’t going to comment, just read through the comments, Facebook can be very dangerous, what I mean is just the other day, my friend put on her status that she’s getting engaged, prior to that a few months back I went to a social event and she told me she’s no longer with her boyfriend, after the event we walk to the Train station, I told her we should meet up for a drink when she’s free, only to find out a feed weeks later she back with her boyfriend. ( She did tell me that she felt ill because of the break up and can hardly eat)

    (I know she was to emotionally invested in him)

    Going back to the status thing, I did not comment or like because I felt a way and thought to myself why tell me all this? (Regarding breaking up with your boyfriend)

    A lot of people are getting married and having kids and many people ask when am I getting married and having kids, that makes you think there must be something wrong with you but there isn’t, I realise many in relationships are not happy or fulfilled,

    All this comparison, seeing your Ex or person you dated in a ‘Happy’ relationship, thinking that other guy must be better than me, and that I wasn’t good enough, or he or she has a better body, is good looking, is more talented, or they have a talent and I don’t, they make more money than me etc etc. it’s exhausting thinking about it.

    There’s a difference in comparison and being inspired by a person. I’m 35 and know just to run my own race, many are like the Hear and the Tortoise.

    I read on Facebook about an 80 year old man who got his novel published and is successful, the Maker of Kentucky Fried Chicken was of similar age as well.

    All this is inspiring and know we just have to work our full potential and be the best we can be slowly but surely, If we got dumped, God doing us a favour, they wasn’t good enough for us.

    I’m thankful for my health, waking up everyday, a job, a roof over my head, friends and family, my nieces, my talent and gifts. What I have achieved and looking to achieve many more.

    Thank you for this post, everything happens for a reason, I was meant to see this post

Sites That Link to this Post

  1. Friday Favorites | December 20, 2013
  2. Comparison | | September 28, 2014

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