Dear Mother/Father/Grandparent of a Minimalist,
I should probably start with a quick introduction. My name is Joshua. I’m 38 years old. I live in Peoria, AZ with my beautiful wife and two wonderful kids. For most of my life, I lived a relatively-typical suburban existence. But then something changed, I decided to become a minimalist.
For me, the change happened one Saturday afternoon while cleaning my garage. My driveway began to fill up with physical possessions that needed to be cleaned and reorganized. Meanwhile, in the backyard, my son played alone kindly asking me to play with him.
At one point, I commented to my neighbor about all the time and energy required to maintain my house and my belongings. She replied, “Well, maybe you don’t need to own all this stuff.” I remember the comment like it was yesterday. I looked at the pile of junk in my driveway… I glanced at my young son alone in the backyard… and in that moment, I realized my possessions were not bringing me joy. Even worse, they were distracting me from the things that did. A minimalist was born.
Today, I wanted to write you a letter.
Someone you love dearly has recently made the same decision I made years ago. They have decided to intentionally live with fewer possessions. And now, they are forwarding this article to you because they would like to further explain minimalism and their decision.
Likely, there are a few things they’d like you to know:
1. Minimalism may be counter-cultural. But the lifestyle is not new—neither is the appeal. For thousands of years, people have been intentionally choosing to simplify their lives and live with fewer possessions. Minimalism is not new, nor is it a fringe movement. Material possessions have always failed to satisfy the deepest longings of our heart. And it is great to see in our world today, simplicity becoming more and more popular.
2. Minimalism is highly customizable. People embrace minimalism for any number of reasons: travel, entrepreneurship, the environment, or simply so they can focus more time on the things that matter most. Regardless of the motivation behind the decision, minimalism will always be applied uniquely. It has to be. We all enter at different stages in life with different passions. As a result, minimalism has no hard-and-fast rules. We are all going to apply it a little bit differently.
3. We are experiencing many life benefits living with less. We may try to convince you. Apologies in advance for any lack of patience. Minimalism offers countless life benefits. Almost immediately, we find more time, energy, focus, and money for the things that bring lasting joy into our lives. We spend far less time shopping, organizing, cleaning, and rearranging. We find greater opportunity to pursue our greatest passions. It’s fantastic! And because we love you, we are going to try and convince you of the same. Apologies in advance for anything we say that is not motivated by love, grace, and patience.
4. This could be a passing fad for your son/daughter, but it’s probably not. Certainly, there are some people who choose to embrace minimalism for only a passing season. But most people I know choose to embrace it for the rest of their lives. It’s just a better way to live.
5. Removal of the things you have given is not a rejection of you or your love. One of the most-asked questions I receive comes from people who are afraid of offending someone by getting rid of something that was given to them. There is a fear that removing it will result in hard feelings by the original giver. Most likely, this includes things you have given to your son, daughter, or grandchild. Some of them are going to be sold, donated, or thrown away. Rest assured this is not a rejection of you or your love in any way. Instead, it is based solely and entirely in their pursuit of living with less. Please do not take it personally.
6. Kindly reconsider the gifts you are going to give. Minimalists find great joy and intentionality living with less. We have worked hard to remove the clutter from our home and life. And it probably took far more physical and emotional energy than we realized when we first got started. But now, we fear the slippery-slope of accumulating clutter and allowing consumer-based happiness to creep back into our lives. You can help by reconsidering the gifts you give them and their kids. Minimalists are not against gift-giving. We really do appreciate them. But we enjoy experiences over possessions, quality over quantity, and needs over wants. We hope you will respect that decision.
In conclusion, your son/daughter has decided to simplify their lives. They have decided their lives are far too valuable to waste chasing possessions. You ought to be very proud of them. This is good news.
Sincerely, Joshua Becker
Image: Glyn Lowe Photoworks
Colleen says
I am sending this to my family! LOVE THIS!
Laurie Ann Conrad says
In my opinion becoming a ‘material minimalist’ is equal to becoming a values centered peaceful happy selfless rich full life maximalist :-)
Naiyaru says
That’s very well put! Thanks! Become a minimalist and maximalize your life ;) I love it!
ChubblyWubbly says
My dear husband is a hoarder which means that I will never be able to live a minimalist life. =) With that said, we have made great strides in reducing clutter. We have implemented a one in one out rule ie if he wants a new pair of shoes, an old pair must go.
Leah says
My husband is a hoarder too, but I think he might come round yet. Recently, we decided to completely remodel the loft, which has been his domain so far. He never wanted to anything about the loft, because he felt fine up there surrounded by his clutter. But our daughters and I promised him something he couldn’t resist: we’d convert part of the loft into a home cinema.He took the bait, and now he’s actively helping me getting rid of the clutter in the loft. Now – after 21 years of marriage – he’s finally ready to let go of all the stuff he used to cling to.
So, don’t despair yet. Your hubby might come round too. Miracles do happen!
Kristi says
My husband is borderline hoarder but totally in denial. He is a good provider but his heart is set on the money, not the joy that can be had in life. Since I can only minimize so much in my full house of kids, pets and husband, the only thing I can do is minimize the stressors I deal w on a regular basis. Tricky task at hand.
Denise Johnson says
OH YES!!!! Wish I could have told my ex-Mother in law this when she shopped at the $ Tree and every church craft bizarre for my birthday presents for 15 years. :)
Tara says
This is completely perfect! This post has been sent to my parents and in-laws. We are “Becoming Minimalists” and they don’t understand our deviation from consumerism. Not only is minimalism healing and cleansing for the soul, it is better for the environment. My father continues to persuade us to let him buy a new couch for our house, which was a hand-me-down. But the couch is perfect except for two small tears on a section. We continuously have to tell him that we are fine and actually happy with this couch but he doesn’t understand. He grew up with very little and has worked hard for the ability to provide nice things. So, I get it. I really do. But finding the words to help him understand that what’s right for him may not be what’s right for us, has been trying. I appreciate your insight and helpful words!!
bluffbear says
Oh! Thank you.
You are an angel.
Like all angels, you travel light and bring light…
Jenna@CallHerHappy says
I love this. You must have kids with gift-giving grandparents :) We do too. I know this will be helpful. Thank you.
Freedom | Rethinking the Dream says
This is the letter I need to send to my parents. They are firmly entrenched in their world of posessions, and it was hard for them when we started taking steps towards minimalism. We purged room fulls of stuff from our house… and then we purged the house, selling it to downsize to a smaller apartment.
When we first started downsizing, we often got comments from my parents relating to the stuff we were getting rid of and whether or not they should give us any more stuff. I think they were also worried that we were purging many of the things they had given us. At one point my father gave me a miniature tool set, and while his heart was in the right place, it was a cheaply made duplicate of things I already owned and ended up getting donated.
I think this is a fantastic letter to the parents of anyone starting out on a path towards minimalism, and I’m sure many will be happy to use it. I think items 5 and 6 will be particularly useful. Thanks for sharing this letter.
Tony @ WeOnlyDoThisOnce says
I love this post. It made me think of when I was in my young 20’s with nothing but a few clothes, a car and a trombone. One day I decided to move from NYC to Los Angeles and started driving. When I moved back I had nothing more. What freedom that was!
Rachel @ Intentionally Simple says
Wonderful post…I will be sharing with loved ones. Choosing to live minimally has not been easy and we’ve been questioned and sometimes received less than positive comments from family because of our choice to intentionally live a simple/minimal life.
I especially love your explantation that the ‘removal of things you have given is not a rejection of you or your love.’ While we appreciate the gifts given to us and the love behind it, we definitely do not keep everything we’re given. Instead, we view gifts like flowers…we are thankful for the giver’s love towards us, we enjoy the gift for a while and then when the gift is no longer useful or fits into our lifestyle, we let it go.
And yes, my life is far too valuable to waste chasing possessions!