“Be happy with who you are and what you do, and you can do anything you want.” —Steve Maraboli
Looking back over the past few years, my life has been a crazy ride and something I never imagined. I started this website as a simple online journal, but today:
—Becoming Minimalist welcomes almost 1,000,000 visitors each month totaling 2,000,000 page views.
—Our Facebook page recently exceeded 500,000 followers.
—I’ve written three bestselling books (Simplify, Clutterfree with Kids, and The More of Less)—ranking as high as the #1 Self-Help book on Amazon and appearing on every major best-sellers list in the country except for the NYT.
—My wife and I started a nonprofit organization to change orphan care around the world. To date, The Hope Effect has raised over $250,000 for orphan care projects.
—And I’ve been privileged to speak internationally at various venues inviting others to find more life by owning less.
I include that list above for one reason: by almost every available measure, you could say it’s been a pretty successful past few years.
But here’s what’s weird. I don’t actually feel all that successful.
In fact, some days, I feel like I don’t even know what I’m doing. Other days, I’m evaluating my life wondering what I’m doing wrong, why things aren’t going even better, and wishing I was better at any number of different skills.
I look at other people and wonder why my growth hasn’t equaled theirs. I look at the long list of things I wish I could accomplish and wonder why I haven’t. Some days feel productive… but other days, I wonder if I’m too undisciplined or too undeveloped in the skills I need to move forward.
While things appear to be successful from the outside, I am often filled with doubt that they actually are.
But I’m starting to wonder, if maybe, this is just what success feels like.
I was texting with a friend one time—someone who probably looks up to me in both age and career. He kindly asked how things were going. My response went something like this, “Some days I feel productive. Other days, I feel distracted and undisciplined. As a result, I can never quite tell if I’m moving forward effectively or too inefficient to do so.”
And I’m starting to wonder, if maybe, I’m not alone. If so, maybe this is just what success feels like.
Maybe success feels more like challenge, than accomplishment. I look at people who make success look effortless. And to be honest, there are times when my work seems to flow naturally—entirely unforced. But most of the time, it doesn’t. Most of the time it is hard and calls me to question my skills and talents—always wishing I had more or different.
Maybe success feels more like discontent, than completion. Maybe success never feels like a finish line, or a goal that is ultimately crossed off a list. Maybe success, regardless of past accomplishments, always looks like it is off in the horizon on the other side of the next hill.
Maybe success feels more like giving thanks, than being thanked. I get emails of appreciation every day from readers. They are lovely and I find great encouragement in them. But I often feel their gratitude is misplaced as I consider all the men and women who built into my life to make all of this possible: parents, friends, my family, and fellow bloggers. They are the successful ones worthy of my gratitude.
Maybe success doesn’t always feel like it looks from the outside. (tweet that)
Take heart in this truth, regardless of your pursuit in life. Whether you are trying to be a successful writer, a successful farmer, a successful school teacher, or a successful mom, maybe success doesn’t always feel like success.
Maybe success just feels like this. And if so, maybe you are far more effective in your role than you ever imagined.
JillAnnSarah says
This resonates with me so much. I have talked with friends about this, and they look at me as if I am crazy (which might be true, but not about this). I have had an almost life-long goal of getting a Bachelor’s degree… I will be 60 next year.
I am one class away from being done, and instead of feeling a sense of great accomplishment; all I feel is that if I can do this – then anyone can. The sense of accomplishment or feeling successful in regard to this goal … NO WHERE IN SIGHT!
It has come as a real surprise to me that this is my perspective. But Hannah (in a previous post) makes a very good point… that sometimes the feeling of success comes when you are looking back. We’ll see!
Chris Carlock says
Congratulations!!!
Monica, Toronto, ON says
I think that is awesome!! That is perseverance!
Lori Rosman Buffalo NY says
Jill I too attend college (age 54) and I have a year to go before I get my degree. I’m not sure what will come of it if anything other than an accomplishment. But my friends and family are watching me in amazement. It’s been a long hard journey for me. I feel as if I could do better even though I’m getting A’s! Gotta agree with Joshua that success doesn’t always feel like it looks from the outside!
joshua becker says
Good for you. From all of us, congratulations!
Amy H. says
Wow, this resonated deeply with me today.
Just what I needed.
Thank you ????????
Carissa says
Thank you for this post. I’m a young farmer a few years into owning my own business, and I often feel like I’m not growing and learning fast enough. That I’ll never really know what I’m doing, or be truly successful. It’s reassuring to know that people I respect as driven and successful feel the same way.
Kat says
Thanks for this honest post–motivation I needed!
Hannah says
I definitely sympathise with this feeling and one thing I’ve observed (I’m a manager of a large team) is that success is felt looking back over the past. It’s a hard feeling to feel in the present and impossible if looking to the future. Quite often it is when I have left or am leaving a role that all of a sudden I get thanked and told what contributions I have made but this never happens in the present while actually doing the job. Funny that. Great post.
Brenda says
What an absolutely well written post. I often feel unsuccessful too. Especially as a mom. Thank you so much for sharing your thoughts and feelings. You are not alone (even though we sometimes think we are). Bless you and your family.
Amy@MoreTimeThanMoney says
It’s a tricky one because I think by nature successful people are the ones that don’t just sit back thinking how great everything is, or that nothing they can do will make a difference – so in that respect they probably never think that they are as successful as they could be.
You have to define what success means to you and reflect on your accomplishments often. It doesn’t have to mean that you feel totally on top of everything all the time.
About four years ago, I had an important realisation about success. I was pregnant and we bought a modest family home by the beach. Walking on that beach reminded me of a “imagine you are in your happy place” type relaxation I used to do a decade previously when I was very unwell. My happy place was at a beach close to my new home, splashing in the water with an imaginary future child. I’d done it, I’d made my dream come true. Success! I’m usually so future-focused, striving, improving. It’s easy to forget how far you have come, how successful you are.
Chris Carlock says
Exactly! I do the same thing sometimes when I’m playing a game with my kids in the living room. I am literally living the life I dreamed about. It’s messy sometimes, but I’m living the dream!
krista O'Reilly-Davi-Digui says
Sweet!
krista O'Reilly-Davi-Digui says
Love this! Sometimes when my brain starts thinking ahead to the next season too much i remind myself that precisely where I am was my dream of long ago. Still is. Just need the reminder at times.
John says
I’m retiring as a police chief with over 26 years in law enforcement. My department has good morale and most everything they need to succeed. Yet I don’t feel successful. Partly because my deeper passion is art and writing. I think successful people are driven, so it’s hard to ever feel like you’ve truly arrived.
Ree Klein says
@John…just wanted to drop a note to say thank you for your service to your community. It’s a difficult job on so many levels and you should feel very proud! Enjoy retirement :)
John says
So kind of you, thanks Ree!
Tracey Howard says
Spot on John
Krista says
I have been thinking of something similar- not that I have attained business success like you (I am a fairly new business owner) but just in terms of my overall life goals and accomplishments. I wrestle often with a feeling of “I should be doing or even wanting more”. But I ebb and flow in terms of energy. I was reminded this morning that just like in parenting and homeschooling I took the long view, so it needs to be with my work. I spent the past 20 years building a family and educating them and now I am moving more into a new mission (family remains priority) but I am looking at it as another 20 year plan. This permits me to rest more, to enjoy the process, to trust that good things will come even if I am not uber productive each and every day. Even if I mess up sometimes or struggle. I think I shall write a post about taking the long view:)
Tracey Howard says
I like your long term view Krista!
We often think of what we should be doing or should have achieved in a given time-frame. But a friend told me this year, “Don’t ‘should’ on yourself!”.
I love that term as it reminds us to stop feeling guilty or stop putting too much pressure on ourselves. We can be our own worst enemy like that.
All the best in your next 20 years.
krista O'Reilly-Davi-Digui says
Thank you, Tracey:)
Clare Devlin says
I’d like to think that if we feel a little uncomfortable that it means we’re still growing, learning, and stretching ourselves to improve :)