“When you don’t talk, there’s a lot of stuff that ends up not getting said.” - Catherine Gilbert Murdock
The statistics remain nothing short of alarming:
- 50% of Americans have less than one month of savings saved for emergencies.
- One in four Americans has no savings at all.
- More than 30% of households earning over $100K still live paycheck to paycheck.
- Among indebted households, the average amount of credit card debt tops $15,000.
- The average U.S. household debt is 136 percent of household income.
- 57% of households do not have a budget.
- Almost half of Americans die with less than $10,000 in assets.
- In one survey, money more than sex, children or in-laws—was the most common conflict for American couples.
The statistics concerning our personal financial habits are downright sad. And yet, nobody is talking about it… at least, not in personal terms.
Money continues to remain one of the most least-discussed topics in our society. Just to be clear, there may be plenty of magazines, websites, and books written about money. But the topic is rarely discussed with any specificity in our interpersonal relationships. This truth exists for a number of reasons:
- We have been conditioned since a young age to not ask the questions.
- We have fears of looking foolish in our personal decision-making – that our spending will reveal too much about us.
- We worry about stirring up envy or comparison among our friends and family.
- We are concerned about how we will be perceived.
- It seems easier to just go at it alone.
But our silence is ruining us. We have so much to learn from one another in all aspects of life – including money. And it is clear that not having the conversation is negatively affecting us as persons, as families, and as a society. Personal finance is a conversation we need to be having with one another. We need to find the humility and the boldness to start asking the right questions.
Here are a few tips to get started:
1. Embrace humility and create a list of financial questions you need answered. How much money do I really need? Do I make enough money to purchase _______? How do I begin the process of getting out of debt? Should I be saving for retirement / my child’s college education? What is a credit score? How much money do other people spend on _______? Am I doing my taxes the right way? It sure seems like I spend a lot of money on ________, I wonder if that’s average? … You get the idea. Your specific questions are going to vary based on your lifestyle, but I think you’ll find the exercise to be far easier than you think.
2. Bring your best “I need some help” attitude. Find a friend you trust with these matters. Arrange a private moment to ask some of your questions. With an open mind and heart, begin asking any appropriate question from your list above. Take the high road of humility and ask for help using specifics – yours, not theirs. Keeping the focus on yourself will keep the pressure off of them.
3. Look for other opinions. Not every person will be an expert on every topic. In fact, most of them will simply answer your questions based on personal experience. It may be wise to ask the same questions of 2 or more different people to get well-rounded responses.
4. Seek out an expert. You likely have included a few questions in your list above that will require an expert opinion. For example, my list includes questions pertaining to taxes, online business accounting, saving for a child’s college education, and health care costs. While there are other questions on my list, these specific ones require an expert opinion. Pay if necessary, but consider your network of friends first. You likely have a friend that will gladly answer some of these questions for free. People love to help.
5. Include your family. Assuming your family is healthy and mature, don’t hesitate to ask specific questions of them. If you see members of your family acting foolishly with their finances, approach the subject. Likewise, if you are the one who needs the help making wise financial decisions, go to them. They love you the most and will be glad to help. Similarly, if your parents are aging, personal financial status is a conversation you need to be having with them.
6. Look for community help. Many local communities offer classes on personal finance. If you need help, look into your options. Sometimes these classes are offered through a local Parks and Recreation department. Others times they can be found available at local churches or nonprofit organizations.
No doubt, money is a great source of anxiety for many. Our world is filled with people making unwise choices. And most of us have a few questions about personal finance we’d like answered. Meanwhile, the answers are all around us… we just need to swallow our pride long enough to ask.
Image: Bohman
{ 23 comments… read them below or add one }
That’s true. Traditions are general and forceful. Sometimes, it feels like because we don’t ask questions we are powerless. Some of us never realize that taking control over one’s life starts by merely getting involved in searching answers to questions that really matter. Thoughtful. Inspiring. Like it.
Jaky, that’s a fantastic line, “Some of us never realize that taking control over one’s life starts by merely getting involved in searching answers to questions that really matter.” Well said.
Oh yeah, I should tweet that with a link actually ;-)
I think this question of “How much money do I really need?” is what so many people miss. The mentality of hoarding and amassing money it rampent but we often set our goals on sums of money that we don’t actually need. It would be like going into a restaurant and ordering everything just to be on the safe side. But in the end 99% of it is not enjoyed by you. Thanks for the post.
Appreciate that thought Craig. I also think that many people believe the solution to their financial crisis is to just make more money… then they could get out of debt, start saving for retirement, or donate to a charity. Meanwhile, in many of these cases, people who are earning less are already accomplishing some of those things. < These are, of course, broad generalities that I am speaking about. Every case is different. >
Good point Craig. That’s food for thought.
And Joshua, I love your little posts on FB.
“Almost half of Americans die with less than $10,000 in assets.”
How is this a terrible problem? Why stockpile money and possessions for AFTER your death? (except for necessary funeral expenses and so forth). Seems like the ultimate in minimalist money management to dispose of your assets as you approach your death.
Yeah, I can see what you’re getting at, but this figure itself isn’t really the problem. More people than ever are living to a ripe old age, and should manage their money in a different way to a younger person with a family and debts such as a mortgage. Sure its nice to leave some money behind for your children, but if you don’t have all that responsibility anymore, why not live a little?* Go on that cruise! Sell the house and buy that campervan!
(* obviously, within certain sensible limits!)
Hey Romney, thanks for the comment. I think the reason that statistic jumped out to me is because most of these people are not seeking the “ultimate money management” of disposing of all assets before death. If they were trying to accomplish that reality, maybe this would be an encouraging statistic. But that is rarely the case. Instead, it more often represents the life result of poor financial choices. < Again, speaking in broad general terms, of course. >
For anyone wanting to truly get a grip on their finances I highly recommend “Your Money or Your Life” by Vicki Robin. It is much more than a financial plan. It will change your understanding of your relationship with money.
Dan Garner
Http://ZenPresence.com
Too many of the questions are looking sideways at who ever is in line of sight. Search for and look at a role model that is doing what you want to do, such as get out of debt. To follow a role who is NOT out of debt (because they are average), is not going to help. Be intentional and focus on the exceptional. Others have done it. “Your money or your Life.” is a classic.
Appreciate this comment Victoria. In the original draft of this post, my second tip (talk to friends) hinted more at seeking out mentors who’s financial life was in order. Unfortunately, this is difficult to assess without actually engaging in the conversation. It’s tough to know who is actually a good financial role model without beginning the conversation.
My wife and I talk about money, we have our budget and evetything set. Which is great. But my extended family is a different story. :-( Lots of spending problems and everyone is super quiet about it.
Such a shame. It shouldn’t be that way.
Growing up fights over money were as common as sunny days in Dubai. I learned early on that money is an evil necessity and that the only way you dealt with it, is to avoid thinking about it.
Eventually, of course, I learned better. i realized how to be the master of money rather than its slave. I am still learning, but asking questions, reading books, and observing how other richer folk deal with their money, really helps.
I say this again, only because it is so sad to see people enslaved to jobs they don’t like and the endless cycle of trying to be happy through spending….Check out the “Your Money or Your Life” program by Vicki Robin. If you don’t want to buy the book, there is enough info online to get started. Understand money as a representation of your time spent, how much of your life energy do you waste on trivial items ?
Here is an overview:
http://zenpresence.com/2012/08/your-money-or-your-life-9-steps-to.html
Dan Garner
ZenPresence.com
Fascinating take! I couldn’t agree more. In fact, I even started blogging so that I wasn’t alone in this journey. Now I rely on my readers as much as my friends in real life (some even more!).
Hi Joshua
I totally agree about community help, and also with Kathleen that it can be just as valuable online. I’ve had a lot of help with these questions from the MoneySavingExpert website (I’m in the UK) and its forum, especially the Debt Free Wannabe board – it enables people to share things frankly even when there’s nobody in their ‘real life’ they feel they can tell, and the board is very supportive, often thoughts are offered from people who are going through similar situations. My diary thread helps keep me focused and so do my DFW online buddies :)
Rosa
Great post! I think so many people struggle with finances because they don’t learn how to manage them from a young age. I wish life skills such as balancing a check book and learning about loans and credit were taught in school. I’m teaching my 8 year old to save his lawn cutting money into three categories – savings, spending and charity. And he has to be mindful about spending – no walking into the store with a wad of cash burning a hole in his pocket, but rather take the 30 day approach and wait a few weeks to decide if it’s really worth his hard earned money.
I’m glad you linked to Dave Ramsey. I’ve been encouraging my adult children who haven’t already done it to take the FPU course. Two out of four are already making their budgets and sticking to them. The other two seem to be doing the right things already. Maybe this is because my husband and I talked about money and discussed responsibility and budgets all the time with them. If you have kids, start today teaching them about how to be responsible with their money!
Hi. This is my second time on your blog, I believe, but I enjoyed this article. My husband and I avoid debt. Other than a house and a car we aspire to pay off. But financial management is a tricky thing…there are people on one hand, who completely ignore it, and there are people, on the other hand, who let it consume them. I think this article fits for either though because it says, look, whatever you’re doing, think critically about it, talk it over with advisors and live intentionally rather than just flying by the seat of your pants.
Joshua, again thanks for this post. I’ve been struggling with my finances. I feel this is the missing link in my journey towards a balanced life. I have to work on my “I need your help” attitude because I’ve been so used to trying to figure things out on my own, especially in finances. I have made decent progress but it’s inspiration like this post, learning more about personal finances, and me finding what is deep within me that is causing this struggle in this aspect of life.
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