Editor’s Note: This is a guest post from Yuko Henden of Clutterless.
Decluttering seems to be all the rage. On the news, in social media, and during casual conversation, we hear more and more about people downsizing, KonMari-ing, and simplifying their lives.
The idea is a good one. So you decide to get on the bandwagon.
You borrow a couple of how-to-declutter books from the local library and scan through them, then buy a package of heavy-duty garbage bags and start attacking your clutter on Saturday at 9:00 am.
By the afternoon, you have garbage bags, donation bags, and even pieces of furniture lined up by your front entrance ready to leave the house for good.
You’re exhausted, but in a good way. You feel lighter and uplifted.
…
Fast-forward several months into the future. The afterglow of decluttering has faded. You still maintain that getting rid of the clutter was an excellent idea, but can’t cite a reason other than, “My right pinky toe is injury-free since I got rid of that ugly coffee table.”
Maybe you are even beginning to feel a bit uneasy living in a home with empty spaces. You feel a bit empty inside as well.
Your thoughts may be followed with even more questions, “What’s wrong with me? I thought this was going to feel only wonderful. Why do I feel this way? Was getting rid of my clutter a bad idea?”
Take heart. You are not alone. The decluttering process can be difficult at times. Let’s consider the reasons why:
Change is Unsettling
We like the familiar, and changes often produce stress. You have not moved, but your clutter-free home is a new environment. You will feel uneasy until you adjust to it.
Don’t give in to the urge to buy new things to make your place cozy. Any non-essential items you buy right now are likely to end up as tomorrow’s clutter. If you want to stop the vicious circle of decluttering, fight the urge to shop.
The Guilt
As you decluttered, did you feel a bit of guilt letting some of the stuff go? I sure felt it when I hauled a bag full of clothes that my mother sent me, which I didn’t feel like wearing, to the closest consignment store.
High-quality accessories, expensive tools, gifts from your loved ones—it’s sad to let go of things that you have some attachment to. It’s also not pleasant to think about how much they all cost.
Dusty textbooks and study material you never used—did you hear a voice inside your head say, “I’m so disappointed in you,” as you tossed them on the donations pile? Was that your voice, or your parent’s?
It’s inevitable to feel some degree of guilt when you declutter. When you do, remember that you cannot change the past, but you can learn from it.
After awhile the guilt will begin to fade. Until it does, use it as motivation to remind you when a change in your environment was so important.
Feeling exposed
You felt great when you slipped into the pair of five-inch, black stilettos. But they wrecked your back and knees, so you wisely got rid of them.
But now, perhaps, you don’t know how to feel confident and sexy without them. You feel so incomplete. You don’t feel good about yourself.
Fight the urge to go out and buy physical products that were substituting for your self-confidence. Learn how to be more confident without buying more.
Things can’t heal you and they can’t soothe you in the long run. Get to the root of the issue. Find confidence in who you are and choose happiness. That contentment is longer-lasting… and leads to much lower credit card payments.
Decluttering didn’t solve your problems
Some people are reporting incredibly positive outcomes from decluttering, such as losing weight and finding their true calling (actually, that was me). Certainly you hoped it would change your life too.
But that epiphany never came, and now you feel duped.
Hang in there. I can’t tell you how or how fast, but the change will come if don’t give in to a yo-yo diet style of decluttering—i.e., endlessly alternating between purging and shopping.
It takes some time, but you will begin to realize that your clutter was acting as a security blanket. And without it, you may feel uncomfortable… and when you are uncomfortable, you will start questioning.
Questioning takes time, but it is good. Focused self-reflection leads to new ideas, self-discoveries, and changes in attitudes and perspectives. It won’t happen overnight. But remain hopeful and stay positive.
Decluttering physical clutter is the first step towards a simpler life, and it’s often a gateway to a further personal transformation. Ultimately, decluttering is about knowing yourself better so you can make the most of your life.
After all, the first step to getting what you want is having the courage to get rid of what you don’t.
These changes take time and effort.
Please remember that you started decluttering to improve your life. Remember to enjoy the results of your hard labor, such as easier cleaning and organizing, reduced maintenance, more space to do whatever your heart desires, and more time for fun.
Eventually, you’ll learn to love your clutter-free space and all the rewards that come with it.
***
Yuko Henden blogs at Clutterless where she helps people tidy up your workspace and work processes so they can focus on the most important things in life.
Ann Wadley says
Great article and comments. I hadn’t thought of clutter and collections from the past as a security blanket, but it seems appropriate. When you have most of your life behind you, it might feel like losing an appendage to cut loose “things” and memories that defined you. Maybe that’s why I’m stalling. I certainly appreciate the space and freedom created by the things I have let go of at this point. Thanks for the ideas!
Nancy Hartman says
I really like this article. For me I had an idea what I wanted to focus on in my life prior to decluttering—so that has motivated me & continues to motivate me. I love the freedom of less baggage & more of what’s really important to me now. A lot of things that were special to me 10-30 years ago I no longer love or need. Focus on now & where you want to go with your life!
Dean Yeong says
I love the idea of decluttering our physical environment. Our environment shapes us, not just our habit and behavior, but our thoughts too. Having too many unnecessary things around make making clear, good decisions impossible.
However, decluttering doesn’t transform our life immediately. I love how Yuko Henden talks about the guilt. Getting rid of things we don’t want in life means facing the fear and discomfort within ourselves.
And this–“After all, the first step to getting what you want is having the courage to get rid of what you don’t.”–It’s just spot on.
sally says
How do you get a 92 year old widow woman to declutter? Or is it even healthy for her to do that? Is the clutter of her belongings important to her to feel her past?
LaurieC says
Hi… I’m not a professional, but I do have some thoughts on this. As a 68 year old, I can say yes, possessions can indeed be a comforting connection to not only the past, but to one’s identity. Sometimes possessions are an outward expression of who we are inside – that can’t be seen any other way. They can form a description of who that person is. At her age, gentleness is definitely required. I’ve learned that the older we get, the more precious the past becomes – because there’s so little of the future left. Every day becomes a question of “how many do I have left?”. The past becomes all we have to hold on to. Maybe organizing, by grouping and putting into clear totes would be helpful. The items can be seen. Things will be neater. And there won’t be an issue of loss for her to contend with. In the end, it also depends on one’s state of health, and the level of comfort felt about the looming end of one’s life, as to how much can safely be released and let go of. Value the significance and history of what she has accumulated, as a description of her life and her likes. I have piles and stacks. Nothing of earth shattering value. Only valuable to me. They say, “look at me as a person, look at the things I loved that made me smile, the colors I loved, the kind of books I read…”. Another aspect is, sometimes “things” also become overwhelming. It becomes just too much to deal with and face. We can actually become blind to them, because it hurts too much mentally to look at all that has accumulated, and the work involved in dealing with it is just too much to think about. So it sits. Some things are truly connections to our soul.. and those should not be ripped apart as if they have no meaning. Distinguishing what isn’t, will help in eliminating what can be released safely, without trauma or pain to her.
Judy Houck says
I am a social worker that spent their career working with seniors. In regard to the 92 year old woman, declutter her home with only one goal of keeping her safe and always with her permission. Ask her if you can box things that might block walk ways or stairways. Ask her if you can declutter kitchen counters to the end of making them more usable.
Asking her about old photos may be an enjoyable activity if you give her plenty of time to reminisce about the photos and she has the vision and mental acuity to identify pictures.
Major over hauls of her home at this time in her life is pointless and can cause her undue stress and possible disorientation.
John johnson says
At 92 just work with her at labeling pictures and people..
The rest is just stuff
Tina gardner says
It will take time and some creative tact. I asked my mom if she would like to re-do her bedroom. She really wanted to paint and freshen things up. It took a week to sort thru the stuff and pack it away in boxes for a month just in case there was something she might want back. Four days to repaint and clean carpet.
Then we put her room back as she wanted It, with only buying a new feel good bedspread. She loved it right away and now would like to do her living room. I knew going in it was going to take up to a year to get this all done but in the process I got to spend some great time with her and we shared so many stories, memories. She has also never gone back to her boxes and about six months into this process she donated the boxes to her favorite charity.
Wayne says
Sorry — but I certainly do not understand the statement “Getting rid of things we don’t want in life means facing the fear and discomfort within ourselves.” No it doesn’t — it means feeling liberated from the things we don’t want! Aren’t you taking the analysis beyond a reasonable point and being somewhat melodramatic about a process that is relatively straightforward, once the decision has been taken to declutter?