First off, I fully realize this is a very personal topic. For a variety of well-thought-out reasons, not everyone who stumbles upon this post desires to become a one-income family. That’s fine. This is not written to change your thinking or convince you otherwise.
Instead, it is written to encourage those who do desire such a lifestyle. I have known a number of dual-income families over the years who desire to become one-income – typically experienced in conjunction with the birth of a child. This post is written with them in mind.
My wife and I have lived our entire married lives (13 years) on one modest income. We have proven it is possible. And if we can accomplish it, so can you. This post is written to provide you with practical thoughts and encouragement to take the very step you’ve been desiring all along.
Ten years ago, our first child was born. As my wife had always intended, she immediately resigned from her position as an administrative assistant and became a full-time homemaker. At the time, my gross income was less than $40,000/year + health insurance benefits. I offer the numbers only as a frame of reference… there are surely one-income families that live on more and some that live on less. Over the years, I have experienced a number of pay increases (as one might expect), but my career in non-profits was never chosen for its level of compensation.
Still, we were able to survive and thrive on one-income because we took some very intentional steps with our lives, finances, and decisions:
1. Ask when and why, not if. I’m all for careful planning and crunching the numbers, but I’m also all for taking risks and learning to figure things out. When my wife quit her job to stay-at-home, we looked at the financial inflow and outflow. But our intentions in analyzing the numbers were never motivated by the question “Is this going to work?” We had already made the decision. The when/why had already been determined. Budgeting was approached as the means needed to make the necessary adjustments to accomplish it… not as the determining factor.
2. If possible, prepare ahead of time. My wife and I received valuable advice when we got married. A good friend of ours told us, “Decide now to live off one income… even if both of you are working. Put the entire second income directly into savings.” This decision to live off my income alone contributed significantly to our first home’s down-payment. But more importantly, it kept our lifestyle at a level that provided options when our first child was born (or if an unexpected job loss would have occurred). If possible, begin making choices today (avoid debt, lifestyle creep, and high mortgage payments) that will accommodate one income in the future.
3. Be content with less. A one-income family will, by definition, earn less money than a two-income family. The pursuit of possessions will need to be tempered. You’ll own a smaller home with less-fancy cars. Luckily, you won’t be missing much. There’s far more joy to be found in pursuing less than can be found in owning more. *At the time, we were not living minimalist lives (that decision came later). But if we had been, the transition to one-income would have been even easier.
4. Be convinced of the benefits. There are countless benefits to staying at home with young children that motivated our decision: stability, relationship, experience, educational opportunity, scheduling flexibility, consistent discipline, fewer expenses. We recognized these benefits and used the opportunity to make one-income a reality.
5. Budget. A healthy understanding of budgeting is required in most every case. But from my experience, there are only a small variety of expenses that keep families from living on one-income: too costly mortgage, car payments, eating out frequently, exorbitant entertainment expenses (tickets, vacations, and/or alcohol), and credit card debt. Start there and you’ll solve 85-90% of your financial problems. To embrace healthy budgeting techniques, you’ll find countless budgeting tools online. But the one that works best is the one that actually provides you with the tools to live within it. *Additionally, a one-income family is one that treats all incoming revenue as “shared,” not “yours” or “mine.” If you need to change your thinking on this, do it now.
6. Find an outlet for relationship. One difficulty of removing oneself from the workforce is the loss of a built-in network of relationships. Interpersonal relationships with peers are absolutely essential to our well-being. Be intentional in seeking out a place to find them: church, community groups, mom/dad groups, activity groups, etc.
7. Find an outlet for service. You have gifts, talents, experiences, and education that our world needs. And likely, you still desire to use them. Just because you have decided to stay at home does not mean you resigned from using your gifts to change the world. Look for opportunities to use them on a broader scale. There are, after all, countless organizations (schools, community, nonprofits) that need your giftedness. Find one as an outlet for your talents.
8. Embrace temporary or part-time. If there are some internal reasons keeping you from fully becoming a full-time, stay-at-home parent, consider the options of part-time or temporary. You don’t need to leave the workforce permanently. You can still keep a toe in it by finding a part-time employment arrangement that fits your schedule/desire. And as your family becomes more self-reliant, you can always make the decision to return back to work.
Again, this post was motivated by the countless conversations I have had with families who desire to become one-income. It is not the perfect solution for every family. But it has worked well for ours on a relatively modest budget. And if it has worked for us, it is completely achievable for you.
Image: Keoni Cabral
Joshua….THANK YOU! I am scared to death and about to make the leap from a full-time job to SAHM. I know finances will be tight, but it is so good to hear from someone who has done it! I have always let fear rule my life, and this is a extreme Leap of Faith….but I think I am ready!
That’s awesome you’re making the leap! As a SAHM myself, it’s so completely worth it. The time you will have with your children and to be there to bless your husband is invaluable. God Bless you
I believe with all my heart that the years I spent at home raising our four kids were the best years, despite a tight budget. As a stay at home mom you will struggle at times. You might question the choice you’ve made sometimes. But you won’t ever wonder where your kids are, if they are being nurtured as passionately and carefully as you know they need, if they are being influenced by adults who may not have their best interests at heart. It’s the very best investment of your time!
Thank you for telling people this!! I have been a single mom for the past 20+ years with very little or unreliable child support, with no choice but to live on one salary. It is easy, so doable. It is a choice for married people. I would have loved the leisure to have so much extra time and freedom if I had adults to contribute, still on one income. The extra stuff and excess spending is not at all necessary. If I can do it, anyone can. Go for it!
I agree. As a single parent you are forced on one income and realize how little you can live on and still have a full life. I love everything they post on this site. It’s changed how I see life 100%. I’ve always been a minimalist at heart but kind of felt the need to keep up with others. Not anymore. We are happy and content.
Great post! I’ve been a SAHM for almost 9 years, from the beginning of motherhood. There’s been really tough years financially but God has always provided more than we need. We live in Sunny San Diego, not cheap – sunshine tax ;)- but it’s totally doable. I wish more mamas were home with their babies. Even with our last one starting kinder in the fall, I’m keeping on the SAHM train so I can be home for my family.
Joshua, thank you for your encouragement through this blog. Keep it up!
Great post…I really appreciate your last three points especially! I went from teaching Jr High and High school Art to being a stay at home mom with the birth of my first. My husband and I decided that it would be best for our family, and I have never regretted that decision. But, it can be quite a lonely transition for a mom. I missed other people. Also I missed feeling successful–I was a really good teacher, but as a new mom, trying to figure out how to care for a refluxy baby who cried A LOT, I suddenly felt daily like a big failure. Then, when my baby was about 8 months old, I began to teach art twice a week at a local community center in the evening when my husband was home from school and work. This made a world of difference for me!!! I was able to get out of the house, have professional/social interactions, and I felt awesome to take a bit of the financial burden off of my overwhelmed husband. It also helped me find more joy in being with my son every day, knowing that every week, I’d get my time to follow my other interests! So thank you. It’s so important for other mothers who stay at home with their kids to know that that they should seek out friends, that they aren’t selfish for wanting to still pursue their own interests and talents, and that part time, non-traditional ways of working can be the perfect fit for a mom who wants to be the one home with her kids during the day! These guidelines make for much happier moms, who are joyful in their mothering, which creates a happier home and family. :)
I was encouraged to read your reply here – keep on doing a great job parenting your little ones with love as well as finding time to meet the other needs of your mind, body and soul. We teach by example and happy parents mean happy kids:-) Loved this article. I am studying drepression in kids and a SAHM is the answer to our children’s happiness if we can remember to look after ourselves too. All the best!
Fantastic reply, I’ve have been a SAHM for 12 years and absolutely agree with comments!! I am part of a couple organizations/groups that let me shine as myself. It definitely makes me parent more compassionately because my bucket is full.
Great post and has given me a lot to think about.
I have just returned to work after my third child and was all set to hand my notice in.
After crunching and crunching the numbers we have realised that at this point we can’t afford for me to be a stay at home mum.
I will be working 2.5 days so in a way an ok balance as not working full time.
We are reviewing our high interest mortgage payments so maybe in the future this may be something we could do of we could bring our mortgage payments down.
In regard to point no. 5 of this blog post, please note that many dual income families, ours included, treat all income as “shared” – not his or hers. We have succesfully done so in joint checking & savings accounts for the entire 9 years of our marriage.
See I wish I could what this family does. But it is not physically possible for us. My husband and I have been together for ten years and we are both very smart people but besides high school we dont have any extra education. We had our first child at 20 years old and our 2nd at 22. We live in Indiana and the economy isn’t very good here. He has a full time job and makes decent money and I work part time at ihop ( I can only work part time due to taking care of a 2 and 4 year old to try to save on daycare expenses) .. but put together we only make like 32,000 a year. Thats hard to do. I would love be a stay at home mom and while I only work 3 days a week at my job I would absolutely love to be with my kids at all times. But see your situation is different. We already share one car, we already cut out on childcare. When you put our 625 a month for rent (which we live in the country by the way trust me thats the best deal we will get around here), 200 for our utilities (electricity/water), about 160 a month on gas ( we share our vehicle so I feel like it actually causes us to spend money), food which for 4 people is about 450-600 a month. And no we don’t eat out we always cook at home maybe we might go to Mcdonalds or Taco Bell like once a month. Thats not including insurance, diapers and wipes, other household supplies, and phone and interent. We try to budget. My husband has looked for better jobs. I have looked for them. I just found out I am pregnant with baby number 3 and we are freaking out. We make it by okay now and our kids have everything they need but I dont ever see us being a one income family. I dont even know how we make it by as it is but we somehow do it every month. We dont even have credit cards or credit card debt. Never have. So although your article sounds very nice and I am happy that your family gets this type of lifestyle, I can only sit here and wish that a miracle would happen when this 3rd baby arrives.
Kelsi – I have just read your reply and want to encourage you to keep positive, enjoy your children and seek help if you feel depressed and reach out to friends and family for support if you aren’t coping. I hope you are managing financially – sounds like you have it tough. Keep on loving each other and those darling kids of yours. You’re doing an amazing job doing the best you can. Wishing you strength and courage – remember that the most precious things in life can’t be bought. Take care and good luck:-)
Kelsi Ive been there! My heart goes out to you. I felt that way when my fourth child was expected. Big surprise, I learned I was pregnant the day I went to get birth control after my third boy was born. Our Sunday School class actually passed the hat to pay for my hubby to have sterilization surgery, they knew what a mess I was and how we financially struggled on one income. Our circumstances were very similar to yours.
Today I am 60 yrs old. I was frankly quite envious back in those early years of my friends homes and what I didn’t have in a nice home, vacations, etc. But despite my struggles I invested all that I could in my kids; I was there for my children, we read books together, we painted pictures and baked all kinds of goodies and collected rocks on nature hikes and went camping once a year when we could. The financial struggles meant we did without a lot, but not to our family’s detriment. our children are wonderful adults today very much because of it. They know how to budget, how to cook, how to make do or find solutions. A trick I used for emotional comfort back in those days was to keep old national geographic magazines around to remind myself of what truly destitute people around the world live like. Yes, I did.
Your life will not always be the same. The days of babies in diapers and financial struggle will pass. Those four children of mine are all grown and building their own adult lives today and I have a nice, but quiet home. That fourth baby of mine? A little girl that brought me great joy as do her three brothers. Not all treasures are purchased with dollars, my dear, and I don’t say that to belittle your pain. I have the advantage of knowing that your struggle today will be rewarded in ways you cannot imagine now. Be encouraged, and may the Lord bless and encourage you and your precious family.
We’ve been married for 43 years and this was essentially our plan. Paid off tiny loans for school and car before marriage. Saved my salary while I worked (third of the cost of our home for a down payment). We’ve always had good USED cars. I returned to graduate school when my daughters were finishing middle school so we could provide college for them….our parents very generously provide small amounts so they wouldn’t have huge loans. Only debt was our home which was paid for before retirement. Retirement is pleasant but not extravagant. We are now using what amounts to my social security payment to help educate our special needs grandson. Thanking God for this!
“Tiny loans for school”…oh to have had the advantage of cheap education that my parents had. Now it costs 6 figures to get an education. Minimum is close to $50,000. And houses used to cost 2-3 years salary. Now they cost up to 10 years. I am glad you were able to do it but it is much harder for people born after 1980.
Absolutely wonderful post. Thank you so much. I have been considering going to a part time position for some time now which would also mean a HUGE pay cut as the position I am in would not allow for this. My husband is a truck driver though and rarely home. My children need their mother. I was recently laid off and looked at this as the perfect opportunity to do the desired. However, my husband is convinced that we can do nothing to change our lifestyle and therefore cannot afford for me to be a part time employee or stay at home mom. I am hoping your post will help convince him otherwise. Thanks again!
Sort of my current situation, too. I’m hopeful that things will work out.
I quit my job last year and had six months off!! This was entirely through budgeting and getting our costs way down. The time off was spectacular and allowed me to recharge my batteries, oh, and study AND spend quality before/after school time with my son. Found a new job and gratefully landed an employer who permits flexi time – so start at 7.00am, work through lunch so I can leave at 3.00pm. Back home at 4.00pm (subject to traffic!). Being single is hard and constant and lonely, but saying that out loud doesn’t help. We’re working within limits (time/dollars) but this hasn’t jeopardised my parenting. My son and I catch up each night by going for long walks (sometimes along the beach) and this opens up the lines of communication and keeps us fit. I love being a Mum – best career in the world – paid in love! Such a shame $$$ have become so important
I so desired to stop working after the birth of our first child but did not have the courage to take that step. I made more money than my husband, our second vehicle was my employers vehicle, and my husband’s income was less than $40k. So, I started PRAYING for the Lord to somehow work it out. HE DID!!! My company was bought out and EVERYONE was replaced!!! God was amazingly faithful through the years, When our first born left home he thanked us for the sacrifices we made for him and his sister. That he didn’t need all those Disney trips that everyone in Florida think they have to take. He is now married with 4 children 2 biological and 2 foster/adopted and they have also chosen the one income family. His sister is also married no children yet, but are planning to go to one income once the children arrive. Now at 55 my husband and I are retired again with less than $40k income from his pension. We don’t get to take all those extravagant trips but are enjoying serving others. God is so FAITHFUL, you just have to BELIEVE!!!
Where you live goes a long way determining if you can live on $35-40k/year. You might be able to get by easy in Kansas but not so much in California, and who wants to live in Kansas.
I do.
I lived there for years and miss it dearly!
I would prefer to live in California. I love it the best!
Such great timing! My husband and I are having this conversation right now. Certainly, embracing minimalism makes the idea of a single income home less daunting, and also much more inviting!
I would love to work part time (I still have a career I am pursuing and I enjoy a schedule) but we look at the finances and don’t know how we could pull it off. I swear we are pretty darn good with our finances. We have a lot invested in retirement and we budget ( first year and still a work in progress). Our biggest expenses are my education loans, mortgage, and daycare. My husband makes 36,000.
I have just recently become a SAHM. I feel we are better off already no day care bills is a big saving. I am studying at the moment and have more time to spend with my children after school, my partner has been fantastic and we pay small amounts into our monthly bills each week which helps alot, and only spend $100 per week on groceries and we are a family of six. If you want to be a SAHM it is truly posssible you just need to be vigilent with spending and everything else will fall into place.
Thank you for posting this! My husband and I live on one income, so that I can raise our daughter full-time. It’s definitely worth it and living simply has made it so much easier to do. We were a little nervous in the beginning, but once we discovered minimalism, we realized we didn’t need so much.
We’ve been 1 income for just over 13 years too and we now have 3 children ages 5, 10, and 12! Nothing has been better for us. We are grounded, frugal, and we live in a small home but it is full of love. Our income was less than 18K a year when we had our first child! I cannot believe we survived on what we did but we made it and had everything we needed plus things we wanted. It is not so hard. Now we have a much larger income but we still live simply.
PS for our fam of 5 I spend $50 a week on food! Coupons and a great knowledge of cooking helps. I learned to can and grow a big garden too!
One thing to think about if you are considering going to one income is that we often tend to spend as much (or 10% more) as we earn. What I mean by this is that people will have financial struggles no matter what. I wish I had stayed at home longer with my little ones who are all grown up now. Really, that is the only true regret I have. It’s all turned out just fine, but I really cheated myself!
We’re a one-income household, and our income is only about $15,000/year. It’s do-able, like you said, if you make it a decision. But MAN! I wish I would’ve had the advice of living off of one income while we were still kid-less. We could’ve seen how drastically we needed to alter our spending, and it would have cushioned the financial blow when our little gremlin got here :) Thanks for the post. It’s always nice to read your blog!
GREAT post! We, too, lived off one income from the beginning of our marriage. We thought we would have children shortly thereafter but because of infertility, we had that second income much longer than expected. We continued saving it though and now, many years later, we are still reaping the benefits. Now that we have three small children, our goal has become to remain a one-income family, but split between two people so we both enjoy the best of both worlds. Here’s to making it happen!
That is our next aim too, splitting the one income between the two of us :) Good luck!
We did the exact same thing. Early into my relationship even before we were married we lived on one income despite having two so the transition to one income when children came along was easier to cope with. We didn’t really know any different. We still have the same seven year old car we bought when our first child is born and I have since started my own business as a part time thing but we are still mainly living off one income and so glad that we did.
Hi, thanks for the article! Any ideas on types of part time jobs for moms?
Any advice for a working mom that desires to be at home even though her kids are grown? Some folks view it as crazy to want to stay at home to be a Housewife.
Here’s the best advice you’re gonna get: Don’t. Yes it is crazy to want to stay at home to be a housewife what is this the 15th century? You shouldn’t waste your talents and gifts locked up in a house playing slave. Live your own life, don’t leave a life through your husband’s life you will regret it. There’s nothing like being useful both in the house and outside the house contributing to the world making and spending your own money going out with the girls to watch the game and knowing that you spent the money you earned not some allowance your husband gives you like you’re his kid.
A great post Joshua. I would also encourage mums/mums-to-be to consider ways of earning at home – for example I am a childminder in the UK. We moved areas when I was pregnant so I didn’t have a job to go back to and my friend suggested childminding. A bit like providing daycare at home, or being a nanny/au pair in your own house. I have two additional children each day (my daughter’s friends) so I have three two year olds to look after most days. It has brought in around £10,000 per year ($14-15,000) and has allowed me to spend all day every day with my daughter. Some friends have supplemented their part-time income by doing things similar to Avon sales too. I get annoyed when people make out that I’m lucky that I get to spend my time with my daughter. We all have choices to make, and I’ve chosen to take a significant pay cut in order to be there for my daughter. I hope to reduce the days I have other children here, and the minimalist approach is going to help enormously with that. Thanks Joshua!
how about encouraging one of the parents to “consider ways of earning at home” not necessarily the mum. Bit sexist to be telling mums to stay home and not dads, actually very sexist.
Yes; very do-able. Not easy, but do-able. My wife and I went to one income with our first child, who had medical issues and required very specific care for quite a while. (She’s fine now.) My wife stayed home and I worked for a paycheck. Our other two children got the same attention, though they were healthy: one parent stayed home for a couple of years while the other brought home a check. It was a bit countercultural then, like now, but we thought it a saner lifestyle. We were right. Blessings to all families considering this step! ;-)
I was a sahm for 17 years. I went back to work long enough to earn a pension. Now I am retired and set for life financially. No regrets. There are no do-overs for staying home with your kids.
Not in the San Francisco Bay Area you can’t but I guess once all the relatives pass away, we could move but I would sure miss the weather and all my friends. :(
Cost of daycare clothes and transportation needed would cost more than I would bring in. Thankfully my husband has a fantastic job. I get a food budget every month. And whatever money I get from income tax and government benefit plans, I put straight into savings. I pretend it’s not there. It is in an entirely different bank than my normal chequing. And I don’t have a debit card for it. I do that because that money is hands off. But saving money has now become a hobbie. So many ppl waste their money. I do my clothing shops at second hand stores. And usually when they have sales. I make all our food from scratch. We seek out free activities in the city and mom dates. Library. Walks. We use one car. I have become more minimalistic with makeup. I used to try to save money by shopping sales. Now I’ve learned to save money by ignoring sales and only buying what we need. (Just cause it’s on sale doesn’t mean money isn’t leaving your bank account). I want to try doing the cash only budgeting to see if I can be even more strict with myself. But it’s fun. It’s like a sport to me now. Finances are like my favourite thing these days.
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