Editor’s note: This is a guest post from Allison of AllisonFallon.com.
“You don’t realize how much stuff you have until you try to put it all in a box.” —Allison Fallon
It all started when a friend asked me this question: “What would you do with your life if you didn’t have to worry about money?” My answer was: I would quit my job, move out of my apartment, sell all my things, visit all 50 States and write a book about it.
The only problem was, once I said the words out loud, I realized how much I really wanted to do it.
Was it possible? Could I simplify my possessions to only what would fit in my car, leave behind friends and family, change my buying habits, and quit many of the commitments that were cluttering up my life? Could I live out of a car for a year of my life? I wasn’t sure. But the more I thought about it, the more I realized there were three main lies keeping me from simplifying my life to follow my dreams.
The lies went like this.
This is not how you do it.
At the same time I was dreaming about going on a year-long road trip, I was also shopping for a house, and telling myself (secretly) that if I went on a crazy road trip, I would never get married or have a good life. After all, this was how you do “it.” This is how you grow up and become an adult. No potential friend or husband or boss would ever take me seriously if I quit my job and sold all of my stuff.
That was moving backwards. Wasn’t it?
But where did I get the idea that buying a house and working a job I didn’t enjoy was “how you do it.” What was “it” exactly? And who was “you?” It couldn’t be me. Because I was miserable.
Once I gave up the idea that I had to follow a certain prescribed set of actions in order to look like an adult, I was released to do what I really wanted to do and become who I really wanted to be. And guess what? If I would never have gone on the road trip, I would never have met my husband—who read my story and said to himself, “I have to meet that girl. That’s hot” (his words, not mine).
People will reject me if I don’t have nice stuff.
This is a lie I’ve had to root out over and over again in my journey. It always seems to grow back. But somehow I’ve gotten the impression that unless I have pretty clothes and a nice house with a hot tub and a boat I can use to take friends out on the weekend, people will reject me.
Think for a minute about the faulty logic in this reasoning.
When I take a minute to think about the people I like the most, and the qualities I appreciate about each of them—kind, hospitable, gracious, good listener, patient—I don’t think for a single minute about the stuff they have. And if people accept me because of the stuff I have and can share with them, they don’t really accept me at all.
Simplifying my life has given me an opportunity to grow up and grow out of my deep-rooted insecurity in this area.
The truth is, when I simplified my life, I actually gained more friends, not less. And my relationships became deeper and more meaningful. I was less stressed and more fun to be around and more secure with myself, so less likely to use others for what they could give me.
Simplicity and authenticity are attractive qualities.
I won’t be able to take care of myself.
I worried that if I simplified my life, I would have to sacrifice my independence and lean on others to support me. I was terrified I wouldn’t be able to pay my bills or provide the things I needed to live.
But, when I allowed myself to sit down and think about it, I realized I already depended on other people for all kinds of things, and that depending on others wasn’t a bad thing. Simplifying my life gave me the opportunity to lean in to this reality, and to grow in my ability to give gifts, and to receive them.
Also, living a simple life didn’t make it more difficult for me to pay my bills or provide the things I needed. It actually made it easier. The less stuff I had, the less debt I had, and the less stressed I felt over a job I hated — the more prepared I felt to take care of myself emotionally and practically, and the less I had to depend on others to hold together my fractured pieces.
Once I realized how these thoughts and ideas had been dictating my life for so long, and counteracted them with the truth, I was able to do what I wanted to do all along. I quit my job, moved out of my apartment, and spent a year driving across the country to accomplish my life-long dream of writing a book.
Now, I’m not just Packing Light for a long road trip, I’m living my life with way less baggage.
I’ve never regretted it for a minute.
***
Ally Fallon blogs at AllisonFallon.com where she inspires and encourages others to live with less. Her book, Packing Light: Thoughts on Living Life with Less Baggage is helpful and compelling.
Image: JamesWatkins
Carol says
I married and divorced twice, worked to live at a job I didnt like, finally retired and 6 months later lost my partner of 16 +yrs to cancer. It was then I discovered how much less I needed to be happy. So, I cleaned out my house-sold, donated, tossed or whatever. Now I want to downsize my 4 br home to a tiny home in a community where relationships mean more than things. But this discovery took 71 years to happen for me…those of you lucky enough to see clearly at a younger age, act on it. Nobody worth your friendship will think less of you. Happiness to all,
Kate Young says
I hope you achieve that goal…it sounds just right for you.
Paula Burdette says
I did it. Sold nearly everything in KY and bought a house in Florida sight unseen. Vizcaya Lakes in Port Charlotte Fl. Love it here.
Connie says
My theory of what is important to me is, if I had only a very limited amount, say half hour to get what was important to me out of my home what would it be. That is what is important to you.
Garfield says
Many would agree with me that will be their cellphone!?
Lisa says
Cell phones seems to be usually near everyone. I have all my pictures and concert t-shirts in 2 totes. Other than that kids and 3 animals loading in a car is doable in 30 min. Need to put pictures on a hard drive though…would make life simpler.
Janice says
I am trying to figure out what is important to keep
Bethany says
I’ve been watching your Facebook page for a while, and your articles really help me with letting go of things…especially little things that add up. Wires, pens, cards, DVD’s, etc: they all take up so much space and clutter the 900 square feet we have to squeeze two hyper kids and two adults in. So, I’ve been slowly working on getting rid of things, bit by bit.
But, I do have a question…how do you deal with the lingering fear that you’re “missing out” on something if you don’t have certain things? I have a strange fear of missing out on things, just because I don’t do the same things that others have. What advice do you have with that thought? :)
Reena says
There was a movie I watched a while ago where the lead said to her boyfriend, there will always be things, events, etc that you will miss out on while doing something else. Because you can only do so much in your limited time and there is so much to do in this world. However by constantly thinking about missing out you are not able to enjoy what you are doing now and missing out on it as well. So the trick is enjoy the now fully and forget about the million other things.Just take one thing at a time and throw yourself fully into it. Then move on to the next.
Neet says
‘Yeh Jawani hai Deewani’ classic dialogue! That really makes sense.
Hallie Kelley says
Think JOMO the joy of missing out.
Fiona Cee says
I dont care what people think so i would not fuss to accumulate to impress but i got too much stuff and boxing it up wont fix it. It’s gotta go. Some to donation, a lot to thrift shops and very little if any in landfill. It’s bloody hard, especially doing on your own, without help or encouragement!
Marissa says
I have gotten to the point in my life where I don’t care what people think of how many items I own and I am 24 years old. I have reached that point in my minimalism journey where I hardly have anything I want to purge anymore. But when I do, it’s always at least one item out the door. Being on Social Security, it’s almost if not impossible to be financially independent to do what you are doing with your life. I sometimes imagine that if I had to leave behind everything, I would just pack one or two of my suitcases up with the things I truly need and live out of them if I had to. It would be hard since I prefer to live in one place where there is good shopping, but I imagine it would be worth it. Not being tied down anywhere and going wherever you want to go just like that. ^^ It would be hard for me though because I don’t have a vehicle yet either, but it’s fun to dream. ^^
I’m happy you are able to do what you want to do though! That is the stuff of dreams! C:
Susan says
I love this post. I needed to hear/read it at this point in my life & apply it to retiring. I am staying at a job I hate, have no time for me, want to spend time with the family, etc — the list goes on & on. My problem is I am applying all this to being able to retire. I feel I won’t be able to support myself and my family (my husband is disabled & hasn’t worked for 25 years) I feel I will let everyone down if I am not working, providing, making sure we will have enough money & I don’t wan’t be one of those people having to return to the work force in their 80’s (I am in my middle 60’s). We already live a simple life in the country, I haven’t bought anything but necessities for over a year, I apply your principals to everything in my life — I just am having a hard time quit working — that paycheck is a safety net I feel I can’t give up. I need to take that step and start living. No one every put on their tombstone “I wish I would have worked more & longer”.
Thanks for all your articles —
Dodie says
It may be easier to work at that job if you set a time limit and an amount that you are working toward, knowing that when you reach that, you will then quit. For example, to collect social security you need 10 quarters paid into that system. If you have that, you can check that one off. How far are you from being vested into the retirement system at your job? If it is only a short amount of time, you may feel it is worth it to stay. If it is five years from now, perhaps not. How long could you live off of your cash reserves? If your house is paid for, you would basically have property taxes and cost of living expenses. We’ve been taught as women not to think about money as to do so was some how crude, and also that to plan showed a lack of faith. Joseph planned for seven lean years, and it worked out for him. :) Thank you for sharing. I’m going through tough times myself, and I’m at a crossroads, trying to figure out the next move. I hope we both find joy and peace, and simplicity.