Editor’s note: This is a guest post from Allison of AllisonFallon.com.
“You don’t realize how much stuff you have until you try to put it all in a box.” —Allison Fallon
It all started when a friend asked me this question: “What would you do with your life if you didn’t have to worry about money?” My answer was: I would quit my job, move out of my apartment, sell all my things, visit all 50 States and write a book about it.
The only problem was, once I said the words out loud, I realized how much I really wanted to do it.
Was it possible? Could I simplify my possessions to only what would fit in my car, leave behind friends and family, change my buying habits, and quit many of the commitments that were cluttering up my life? Could I live out of a car for a year of my life? I wasn’t sure. But the more I thought about it, the more I realized there were three main lies keeping me from simplifying my life to follow my dreams.
The lies went like this.
This is not how you do it.
At the same time I was dreaming about going on a year-long road trip, I was also shopping for a house, and telling myself (secretly) that if I went on a crazy road trip, I would never get married or have a good life. After all, this was how you do “it.” This is how you grow up and become an adult. No potential friend or husband or boss would ever take me seriously if I quit my job and sold all of my stuff.
That was moving backwards. Wasn’t it?
But where did I get the idea that buying a house and working a job I didn’t enjoy was “how you do it.” What was “it” exactly? And who was “you?” It couldn’t be me. Because I was miserable.
Once I gave up the idea that I had to follow a certain prescribed set of actions in order to look like an adult, I was released to do what I really wanted to do and become who I really wanted to be. And guess what? If I would never have gone on the road trip, I would never have met my husband—who read my story and said to himself, “I have to meet that girl. That’s hot” (his words, not mine).
People will reject me if I don’t have nice stuff.
This is a lie I’ve had to root out over and over again in my journey. It always seems to grow back. But somehow I’ve gotten the impression that unless I have pretty clothes and a nice house with a hot tub and a boat I can use to take friends out on the weekend, people will reject me.
Think for a minute about the faulty logic in this reasoning.
When I take a minute to think about the people I like the most, and the qualities I appreciate about each of them—kind, hospitable, gracious, good listener, patient—I don’t think for a single minute about the stuff they have. And if people accept me because of the stuff I have and can share with them, they don’t really accept me at all.
Simplifying my life has given me an opportunity to grow up and grow out of my deep-rooted insecurity in this area.
The truth is, when I simplified my life, I actually gained more friends, not less. And my relationships became deeper and more meaningful. I was less stressed and more fun to be around and more secure with myself, so less likely to use others for what they could give me.
Simplicity and authenticity are attractive qualities.
I won’t be able to take care of myself.
I worried that if I simplified my life, I would have to sacrifice my independence and lean on others to support me. I was terrified I wouldn’t be able to pay my bills or provide the things I needed to live.
But, when I allowed myself to sit down and think about it, I realized I already depended on other people for all kinds of things, and that depending on others wasn’t a bad thing. Simplifying my life gave me the opportunity to lean in to this reality, and to grow in my ability to give gifts, and to receive them.
Also, living a simple life didn’t make it more difficult for me to pay my bills or provide the things I needed. It actually made it easier. The less stuff I had, the less debt I had, and the less stressed I felt over a job I hated — the more prepared I felt to take care of myself emotionally and practically, and the less I had to depend on others to hold together my fractured pieces.
Once I realized how these thoughts and ideas had been dictating my life for so long, and counteracted them with the truth, I was able to do what I wanted to do all along. I quit my job, moved out of my apartment, and spent a year driving across the country to accomplish my life-long dream of writing a book.
Now, I’m not just Packing Light for a long road trip, I’m living my life with way less baggage.
I’ve never regretted it for a minute.
***
Ally Fallon blogs at AllisonFallon.com where she inspires and encourages others to live with less. Her book, Packing Light: Thoughts on Living Life with Less Baggage is helpful and compelling.
Image: JamesWatkins
Kathy @ SMART Living 365.com says
These are all so TRUE! I think the first two are the ones that catch you when you are fairly young and the last one is the one that trips you up when you get to mid-life. People at that age (mine) are constantly worried about health and how to take care of themselves (and will they ever retire) and as you say, seem to fear a more simple life as though it were a sacrifice–instead of filled with numerous advantages. I can’t tell you how many people my age seem to fear ending up on the street and homeless. Where does that come from? As long as I have decent health–I know I can always get a job and both get by and be happy. I think far too many people are terrified that if they didn’t have a bunch of “stuff” they wouldn’t be anyone or anything at all…and maybe that’s the FOURTH BIG LIE which is: You are nothing more than the quality and quantity of your stuff. Thanks for your thought provoking post…. ~Kathy
Shelly K. says
I love what you added “and maybe that’s the FOURTH BIG LIE which is: You are nothing more than the quality and quantity of your stuff.”
What a truth that is. So many people define their self worth based on what they can possess and how great society thinks it is.
Kelly P. says
This sounds wonderful, but then came to mind, how would I pay for my medications and other medical? I’m 54.
Alex says
I really liked the article, but I’m not convinced of the third point at all. I guess you could sleep in your car, but the cost of food and gas would still be there, especially if you’re driving a lot every day. I don’t see how you could do this without some source of income.
Karl Dahlquist says
You need to pick up Ally’s book, Packing LIght, to see how it went!
Allison says
So in order to simplify my stuff and not spend a lot of money, I have to buy (spend money on) a book (stuff)? That seems a bit counter-intuitive, no?
Stephanie says
Maybe your local library has it.
Rodney says
“Our life is frittered away by detail. An honest man has hardly need to count more than his ten fingers, or in extreme cases he may add his ten toes, and lump the rest. Simplicity, simplicity, simplicity! I say, let your affairs be as two or three, and not a hundred or a thousand; instead of a million count half a dozen, and keep your accounts on your thumb nail. In the midst of this chopping sea of civilized life, such are the clouds and storms and quicksands and thousand-and-one items to be allowed for, that a man has to live, if he would not founder and go to the bottom and not make his port at all, by dead reckoning, and he must be a great calculator indeed who succeeds. Simplify, simplify. Instead of three meals a day, if it be necessary eat but one; instead of a hundred dishes, five; and reduce other things in proportion.”
– Henry David Thoreau, in “Walden”
Loren says
Great words to live by….timeless message.
Charles says
Indeed
Ando Mierzwa says
“You don’t realize how much stuff you have until you try to put it all in a box.”
Love that! Now if I can just give up the box :)
nancy says
I never realized how much stuff I had until I moved out of my home of 35 years. Alot of the stuff was put into the garage for a sale. When I saw it all in one place (and it was not all of it), I was mortified! Especially clothes and shoes. We realized how many times we knew we had something, couldn’t find it, so went out and bought another (Realized this after we found 5 brand new garden timers). Have done a 180 as far as stuff. Built another house, but starting to rethink that as well. What do I want to do with my life? I guess I never put alot of thought into it since most of our time was sucked up working to buy the stuff and upkeep the house. This was an eyeopener for me and have been following this blog for a couple of year now. New house is very simple and plan on keeping on that path until we decide what we are going to do at retirement in 4 years. Amazing what was in a storage unit for 4 years was never touched the entire time. Ugh
Tom Lynch says
I sold my house and just about everything in it in 2004 and traveled the U.S. too for 2+ years. But I did it by taking a job as an over the road trucker. What a wonderful feeling being free of one’s possessions. It was a great Zen moment but worried my mother.
I traveled every major road tip-to-tip and saw all 48 states in all four seasons multiple times. I took thousands of pictures from the seat of the truck as I went down the road.
jodell says
wow. I use to think that owning a house made me feel safe. Now I know that is not true. I wish I could just up and travel the world and not be scared. No lie.
Loren says
Tom, you are the living, breathing example of a real life Johnathan Livingston Seagull….you have given up much to gain….truth. Jodell, pick up a copy of the ook Jonathan Livingston Seagull. It will get you out of the box. Best of luck!
Astrid says
Jonathan Livingston Seagull is totally amazing. What a great book to recomment. It fits well with this, in a philosophical/experiential sort of way. I need to re-read it soon!
Downsizing also exists in this form: not-upsizing when it’s expected. I didn’t upsize when I went from being a student in a tiny apartment to working. Everyone told me I’d have to move. But why? I loved my little apartment. And I was too busy starting in the working world to tackle the process of moving. I’m happy I didn’t do it. Also financially, I’m very happy I didn’t do it.
I never knew it (this is 20 years ago) but that falls under people telling me “this is not how you do it.” What a revellation to me now. I resisted. But I resisted because I couldn’t have complied. Necessity overruling complying.
Now my husband and I are being told by family all the time to buy a house. We live in a nice, medium-sized flat/apartment with a very affordable rent in a very nice area of town. Why should we move and take on a big mortgage? Because “this is not how you do it”?
For now we are ignoring these urgings from well-meaning people.
I don’t believe owning a house will make my life better per sé. I believe it’ll make a lot of work for us – as the upkeep will be ours, and likely some renovations. I’m not hands-on. I’m a thinker. I’d rather just stay smaller sized and not have to do all that work. And we don’t need more space.
I like where we are and I don’t like upheaval, and I don’t see the pros so much as the cons of upsizing our living arrangements.
Loren says
Wow Astrid! Well Said. You have achieved the great overcoming of “the sheep” all following each other blindly, never questioning …..why?
It’s a funny little word that puts the breaks on actions that could lead to more square footage, more stress, more hours at the job, more arguments with husband/wife and a lot off LESS…time with kids, time to relax, time to travel, time to just think a simple, pure thought. When we were considering buying a house we talked with neighbors who had purchased a home at the “urging” to live the “dream”. They told us that they hadn’t been on a vacation since they bought the house, as every last dollar and minutes in the day were consumed “feeding” the house……new roof, landscaping, furnace dies, etc….If you don’t have more square footage, you don’t need as much to fill, maintain or even money to pay for it. Inner contentment and mastery is the only way to peace. Not the next Bigger Thing. Well Said!
Mike says
I enjoyed your comment too Astrid. It’s all kinda weird. Everyone tells us it should be done a certain way, but deep down you know what you’re doing is right. I think the more we exercise listening to our own drummer, the easier it becomes to recognize.
susan says
Well, I wanted the house, never having owned one in my own name, but I wanted freedom too. I bought a house with a small apartment attached. It pays my mortgage, and the little upkeep I do on the whole house is more fun than work. I travel the summers, lecture, etc. In the winter, I’m in the south, living the perfect life. You can have it all. It isn’t one or the other. Make your own dreams come true.
Karen says
I loved your reply, thank you Astrid. I did the ‘this isn’t how you do it’ in a different way, in that following a separation, I didn’t borrow all the money the bank would lend me, instead I took a smaller mortgage to live in a cheaper suburb – still only 20km from the capital though. This meant that I wasn’t crippled by mortgage payments, and as of two weeks ago, I’m mortgage free as I spent $200K on a house and garden that would have cost me $400K in the areas others told me I should be. I haven’t regretted it once.
I’m working on the downsizing of stuff that cripples me. I have so many things that feel sentimental to me, yet on asking my partner what he would do with some of my stuff in our storage shed if I were to die, he answered honestly that he would send it to an opp shop/goodwill as it wasn’t sentimental enough for me to have it in the house. So… following that I’ve got rid of half of it already, and I’m working on the rest :)
All the best to you and other readers.
Crystal says
Now I want to read your book! :)
Teresa Forrester says
Interesting article. Thanks for sharing your life and thoughts with me. It’s encouraging to see someone give up the ‘mold’ and blaze a new trail. God Bless
Jessica says
I too was stopped by “This is not how you do it.” at the beginning. Sometimes being minimalist means moving in the opposite direction of society and thus in the opposite direction of your friends and family. Not getting bigger and newer things means that you can’t compare yourself anymore to anyone because they have what you don’t. But once you get over this superficial level, it is really awesome :) Yay for fulfilling your lifelong dream! I wish you the best of luck for all dreams that come after.
Taynia | The Fiscal Flamingo says
“This is not how you do it” is a powerful show stopper for many. I’m glad to see you listed it here as a “lie”. When I decided to take a year off work to slow down and appreciate life, I was met with objections, largely around the concept of being the wrong thing to do because it didn’t fit the mold society requires us to fill. I’m so happy I didn’t listen. I’m so happy you didn’t believe the lie, either. Thank you for a great article.
Vincent says
Awesome story, Allison! I just read your article that you had written for Jeff Goins yesterday and shared it on Google+.
The funny thing about the second point you made, you’re right. No one cares. If anything, people are more likely to marvel at what little you have and they appreciate how content you are without tons of stuff.
Paper Doll says
This is especially on the mission field when you visit a third world country. I have seen people in complete poverty, having so very little of what we value as the world’s goods. And YET — they are content and happy. And, yes, I do marvel.
Fiona Cee says
This is true! I sort of envy my young nephew who lives his life in another country (and travels around a lot for work) pretty much with just a back pack. He’s just married a Colombian girl (he is Australian, or a ‘gringo’) and they are honeymooning around Peru. He is not stuck on stuff. Or with it!
Yourmama says
Yea that’s great! Keep continuing to be a burden on society!
Obviously says
Where is it stated they were a burden on the state?