“Only in quiet waters do things mirror themselves undistorted. Only in a quiet mind is adequate perception of the world.” – Hans Margolius
It’s no secret that we are bombarded everyday with countless messages. In America alone, advertising is a $412 billion/year industry that is constantly telling us what to watch, where to go, and what to purchase. Their messages fill our televisions, radios, computers, newspapers, magazines, and morning commutes. The industry gladly spends this money because they know over time, they will shape our minds, hearts, and spending habits. Add all of the political pundits and experts filling our airwaves telling us how we should think… and it becomes increasingly clear that we are bombarded nearly every moment of our lives with messages that others want us to hear and believe.
All of these messages inevitably begin to shape our lives. Our heart and mind is indeed influenced by the messages that enter through our eyes and ears. And our life is slowly whittled away and re-formed by the loudest voices that get through (it’s no reason they are shouting so loud for our attention).
Whether you are pursuing a “less is more” lifestyle or just trying to find more health and fulfillment in your life, you will find countless benefits from embracing a discipline of solitude.
Solitude provides opportunity to rediscover our lives. By “electing to intentionally withdraw from human relationships for a period of time,” we are able to remove the shaping influence of others and recenter our hearts on our deepest values. We are able to evaluate the assumptions, claims, and messages of our culture. Often times, we realize that these shaping forces have been incorrect all along. And we have lost our lives because of them.
Consider that when we embrace solitude…
- We intentionally remove the influence of others for period of time.
- We intentionally remove the expectations of others.
- We are able to hear our own heart speak.
- We find rest and refreshment.
- We discover that others can live without us.
- We find that the world does not rest on our shoulders.
- We can adequately reflect on our past and chart our future.
- We break the cycle of busyness in our lives.
- We become better equipped to show patience with others.
- We feed our souls.
While anyone can practice solitude at any given time by just finding a quiet place to sit for an extended period of time, I have found these tips to be particularly helpful in developing a discipline of concentrated solitude:
Give yourself enough time. If you are just starting, try 30 minutes. Typically, the first 15 minutes are filled with a busy mind still running fast. But after about 15 minutes, your mind will slow down enough to offer you deep reflection. And the longer you give it, the deeper it will go.
Schedule time. If you are just hoping for an extra 30-45 minutes to show up in your day for solitude, it’ll never come. Time for solitude must be desired, scheduled, and created.
Find a calm location. Your surroundings will make a big difference. Avoid “fast-paced” locations such as offices, kitchens, or any place that reminds you of work. Also keep in mind that you’ll find solitude more fulfilling if your space is uncluttered.
Take as little as possible with you.
Just allow your mind to wander. There are no set rules concerning what you should be thinking about. Just let your mind wander. As I mentioned, it will skip around at the very beginning. But eventually, your mind will settle in on something that your heart has been trying to tell you all along.
Don’t quit just because you don’t like what you find. The journey into our heart is not always a pretty one. Sometimes when we start pulling back the layers of our heart and realize our deepest motivations, we don’t like what we see. This can be difficult for some and cause even more to stop altogether. But, don’t. A richer, fuller life is just around the corner.
Don’t worry if you fall asleep. While solitude is different than napping, if you consistently find yourself falling asleep during these quiet periods, your mind may be trying to tell you something. And you should probably listen.
Pray. If you are spiritual, certainly use this time to connect with God. If you are not spiritual, solitude just may put you more in touch with God if you are open to it. Because God often speaks with a small voice that is drowned out by the world’s noise, we can’t hear it until we intentionally listen for it.
Give solitude a chance. You’ve got nothing to lose. And your life to gain back.
Sandra Lee says
Joshua,
These are excellent tips for embracing solitude. I love solitude. It nourishes me like food. It’s amazing to see how difficult it is for people to give themselves alone time. We are so used to being on 24-7. Thanks for the encouraging ideas.
Lynn Fang says
Great article, Joshua. I have been finding more joy and contentment in spending time alone. I don’t enjoy the pull I feel when my friends want to do popular things, like go shopping or out to bars all the time.
I’m definitely more at peace when it’s just me and my thoughts and I don’t have to worry about pleasing anyone or having to defend myself. Thank you for sharing!
Bill Gerlach says
Great post, Joshua. Reminds me of the writings of Thomas Merton, who embraced solitude as a pathway for a lifetime of comtemplative living. Now, we don’t all have to live as ascetics to accomplish this, but looking to others for inspiration certainly helps.
EFT Tapping (Natalie) says
# 4 Rocks! I am practicing that one right now. I just sold my house (for a lot less than I paid for it, I might add) and am down to around 10 boxes. When I’m down to a suitcase, I’m ready to head to the Philippines.
Yea!
eema says
kudos! 10 boxes! wow!
Marja says
I’m from the Philippines and I suggest you to go a paradise called Sagada in the Mountain Provinces. It’s a beautiful place for solitary journeys. Meditating atop a hill overlooking rice terraces is pure bliss!
Laura says
I have really enjoyed learning more about ‘the simple life’ through this website..thanks for providing it! I recently spent a week camping by a beautiful mountain river with my dog and my bible. It was quiet, beautiful and awesome. True, it reminded me of the important work I still need to be doing in my heart, but also provided permission for rest and just ‘being’.
Ramblings of a Woman says
Camping by a river sounds awesome. Think I will need to plan an early fall trip!
Inmy says
We are, after all, human BEINGS….not human DOINGS. When our kids were little & I needed a break I just let them & my spouse know I was going into “Pope Status” for ____minutes….meaning do not interrupt me, leave me alone…I did not want to talk to anyone…except MAYBE if the Pope called. Worked like a charm. You have to enjoy your own company (solitude) , for if YOU don’t then how do you expect others to enjoy you? I don’t enjoy being with others if they are afraid of being with themselves.
Reggie says
I am an only child so I am used to and enjoy my moments of solitude. For me, my mind is the most quiet very late at night around 1 am or 2 am. Or early in the morning around 4:30 am or 5 am. Waking up at early is a different story :) but when I do, it’s when my mind is the least active and most calm.
Also I think another thing I like to do during solitude is journaling. I think writing whatever is on my mind and just getting it out onto paper sort of empties all the thoughts, feelings, whatevers going on and my mind is a lot more still.
Susan says
Really liked your thoughts. I agree that writing down my thoughts can often steer me toward a more positive attitude. Thank you for your suggestions. Susan October 2014
Juhani says
Nice article. I believe in meditation and spend quite a lot of time in solitude myself. Where some of my friends seem to dread the whole idea of being alone (they mention their mind beginning to wander off to negative spheres, which is quite normal if one is not used to being alone), I cherish it as a time of being able to be more “real” than during “normal” hours spent out in society, where social pressure gets in the way of acting out your true self. Solitude equals freedom to me, and while I don´t believe in Sartre´s “hell is other people” (quite the contrary, in fact), I believe a certain amount of time for oneself per day is crucially beneficial to mental health and being able to focus and staying positive.
Andrei says
My time of solitute is in the early morning. I wake up at 6 am and then ride my bike off town, for 3 miles, with a backpack filled with a blanket, water and my Bible. I then sit on the grass for almost an hour and enjoy the nature’s sound and have enough time to pray. Sometimes when I wake up earlier I get to see an incredible sunset. I find this the best way to start your day by getting some movement done with the bike and by having some time to clear your mind for the rest of the day ahead of you.
Ramblings of a Woman says
Andrei,
That sounds SO awesome! I actually spent some time today at a state park, natural setting, very quiet. Sat for about an hour just listening to the sound of nothing, did some yoga stretches and breathing. Speaking to God, it was fantastic! I enjoyed it so much and then I read what you do. It got me to thinking, I live near a lake in a very quiet area. I think I will get up at sunrise on a regular basis and go over and have my quiet time there, do my yoga, and then walk the nature trail. What a perfect way to start my days!
Richard Dahlstrom says
Thanks for sharing your practice of solitude. I wrote about the need for a rhythm of engagement and withdrawal in my book on spiritual disciplines, “o2: Breathing New Life into Faith” ( http://amzn.to/9dmzBE ) I can’t believe the enormous difference it makes in one’s daily living if we simply slow down, breathe deeply, and allow the Voice to speak to us in the midst of silence and solitude.
Ramblings of a Woman says
Awesome post and I SO get it! I wrote about some of the same thing last night so I thought it cool that your post confirms it for me. I have been ‘alone’ for about 5 days and have to return home tomorrow. Missing my husband, but not sure I am looking forward to returning to everything else!
http://bernicewood.wordpress.com/2010/08/19/can-you-please-turn-down-the-noise/
Stephanie Elliott says
That’s interesting. How so? What are you praying to?
Ray Merkler says
Personally, ending my belief in gods brought a great deal of peace and solitude to my life. Being able to shed arbitrary moral impositions was a big part of it. Realizing that humans were not specially created by a benevolent father figure allowed me to shed a lot of ego. Most of all, the freedom to accept scientific advances that would have previously conflicted with my old religion’s codes gave me a lot of reasons to be optimistic about humanity’s future.
joshua becker says
Thanks for the input, Ray. There are, of course, no spiritual requirements for the enjoyment of solitude. It’s just an added element that many people find in it. And I believe that prayer can be beneficial for the soul with or without the existence of a God.
prufock says
And if you also don’t believe in souls? Can we change that to “well-being”? Not necessarily sure I agree even then, though if people choose to meditate that way I don’t object.
Arron says
We should focus on the message, not the details that seperate us. Call it prayer, call it meditation, call it Billy Bob’s quite time or whatever else we want…..we sometimes need to just take the time to sit, in quiet, and focus on our sense of self that is often lost within this busy, mad world.
vee says
“And I believe that prayer can be beneficial for the soul with or without the existence of a God.”
??
Are you a follower of Christ?
christie says
I am :)
steph says
You don’t need to be trying to reach God to pray. Praying is an act of visualisation and focus. That which we want to happen can, and will, if we dedicate time in our lives to focusing on it and aligning ourselves with the desire and the motivation behind it.
If prayer, for you, means connecting with God – or any god or deity you believe in, or Christ – that’s how you pray. But the act and art of prayer is not solely a Christian act. It’s a human act which connects us to something deeper. One doesn’t have to believe in a specific version of events to feel that connection to the universe as a whole.
Lisa says
Nicely said!
Stephanie Elliott says
That’s interesting. How so? What are you praying to?
deswie says
Amen! :)