Editor’s note: This is a guest post from Jeff Goins of goinswriter.com.
My son had been born a few weeks before, and I was already struggling to focus. All these responsibilities, all these expectations.
So much to manage and so little time.
Born four and a half weeks early, our little Aiden wasn’t sleeping but a few hours per night before needing to nurse. It was a daily ritual to Google “signs of colic” and wonder if there was anything we could do to make all this a tiny bit easier.
Though I had taken a couple weeks off of work, the iPhone kept buzzing uncontrollably, and the sleeplessness was starting to wear on me. The house was a mess. The laundry pile a small mountain. My email inbox completely out of control.
I wasn’t sure how much more I could take.
That night, my wife was at the stove, cooking something for dinner, and I was in charge of baby-watching. Setting the phone facedown on the kitchen table, I hoisted my son up in the air and stepped outside to enjoy the mid-summer evening air.
As soon as I sat down with him on our back porch, I noticed a beautiful cumulus cloud formation in the sky. Instantly, I wanted to capture it, but my phone wasn’t with me.
Looking back through the glass window inside the messy house, I saw a reflection of myself holding my son. That was on one side of the glass. On the other was my smart phone, my busy life that was messy and complicated and sometimes too stressful to take.
Did I really want to go back there?
I knew I had to make a choice: maintain the busyness while sacrificing my sanity and ability to hold onto those I loved the most — or learn to let go.
Holding my son tightly against my chest, I gazed up at the beautiful blue sky and thought to myself, “Letting go of things helps us hold on to what we love most.”
Phone-less and feeling strangely free, I’d made my choice.
My Own Experiments with Minimalism
“The things you own in life end up owning you.” —Tyler Durden
I have a lot of stuff, more than I need. And some of it I really like. But I’m learning that some things in life, some stuff, isn’t good to hold onto.
Slowly, I’m getting rid of what I’ve held on to for years: outfits I’ll never wear, movies I’ll never watch, even old birthday cards. And as I do, something unusual happens to me. I feel freer than I’ve felt in years. Because somehow, the things I’ve been holding onto have actually been holding on to me.
As my family grows and responsibilities increase, I realize I can only grasp so many things at once. Only so many technology trinkets. Only so many messages to manage. Only so many relationships to enjoy.
And frankly, I’d rather hold on to people than things.
It’s taken some rude awakenings to get to this conclusion. I’ve had to learn these lessons the way most of us learn hard things in life: the hard way. Through countless interruptions and distractions. Through the inconveniences that come when we try to get what we want — and don’t.
My wife and I are in the process of de-cluttering our home. It’s taking longer than we wanted, but the process is good. It feels healthy, like a cleanse of sorts.
Making More Room for What Matters Most
Recently, we cleaned out our “bonus room” above the garage. This room has been full of junk for two years, boxes of stuff we hadn’t used since moving from the apartment we outgrew.
The other day, we cleared it all out, throwing away several garbage bags, donating a couple closets’ worth of clothes to Goodwill, and relocating some things we wanted to keep.
When it was all over, the room was left virtually empty.
The next day, I brought my son, who was now 14 months old, into this room. Because it was so cluttered, he had never been able to really play in it. For hours, he crawled and rolled around in the open space.
And I realized that every area in our life that is full of stuff is crowding out relationships. As we get rid of the things that consume our time and stress, we make room for those we love the most.
How many other spaces, I wondered, are too cluttered to let others in?
Sadly, I am far from leading a clutter-free life. But I get it now, this whole “learning to live with less” thing. The truth is when you learn to let go, you don’t live with less at all. You make room for the things that matter the most, the things that aren’t even “things” at all.
I think we all do. The hard part, though, is letting go. Giving up. But I’m finding this is also the really good part, the part that releases you to live the life you were made to live. The life you dream of.
Many of us are living over-crowded, busy lives that rob us of what really matters. We wait and bide our time, holding out for the “big things” in life, not realizing that the good stuff is happening right now.
If we will just let go.
***
Jeff Goins is a writer who lives in Nashville. You can follow him on Twitter @jeffgoins or connect with him on his blog.
Joelle says
Awesome post. It’s amazing how little moments can teach us if we’re open to it. I find it interesting that even the stuff we have boxed up that we never see has a hold on us, and that letting go frees us. I can picture your son enjoying that nice open space in your bonus room.
Jeff Goins says
It really is amazing, Joelle. I’m learning this, slowly but surely.
alysha says
Lovely. You may not be done yet with the declutter, but you get why to do it and the value of minimalism. It’s a journey anyhow that isn’t done in a day. I can picture that room above the garage becoming a wonderful playroom someday. If you stayed stuck in your rut, it would still be full of junk.
Jeff Goins says
You’re right, Alysha. And that’s exactly what it is now: a playroom. A place for my son to enjoy life, now that there’s room for such things.
Lisa says
Beautifully stated. This attitude will only be reinforced as your son grows. We have a 3-year-old and a 1-year-old, and it amazes me how they can entertain themselves with basically nothing for hours on end.
Paula says
Great post! Can’t wait to read more in your blog!
Jeff Goins says
Oh THANKA, Paula! That means a lot to me.
Brenda @ Petals from the Basket says
Your words were timely and poignant! Truth be told, stopping to read this article was my procrastination device for avoiding the need to spend a little time each day this month ridding my life and my home of “stuff!” So your shared lesson was needed and painful—and for both, I am grateful!
Jeff Goins says
Uh oh, Brenda… better get back to work! :)
Glad you took some time to pause. Rest is important, too…
Happy Annie says
Beautifully written. Jeff, your young son is very lucky to have both a dad and mom who are dedicated to putting relationships before things. :)
Jeff Goins says
Thanks, Annie. We’re pretty lucky to have him. :)
BrownVagabonder says
I find that in Indian culture, hard work is always expounded to be the best of the traits. In order to prove you’re hard working, you buy really big houses that you cannot really afford, so that one day you can live in an empty house by yourself without the children. I have found so many older Indian folks living in loneliness in these monstrous homes, unable to retire as they have to pay for them. If they only knew about minimalism – they could have bought smaller homes and retired sooner, chilling out with their grandkids, instead of missing out on everything. Thank you for your post.
Jeff Goins says
My pleasure. Thanks for sharing about your culture and what you’re learning about minimalism. Fascinating!
Linda@Creekside says
yes . yes . yes
Jeff Goins says
:)
Taynia @ The Fiscal Flamingo says
A perfect analogy of looking through the glass to your busy life. A stellar reminder that the grass is not always greener on the other side. Thank you for sharing. Thank you for the inspiration although its much more. It’s a call to action.
Jeff Goins says
It’s a pleasure, Taynia. Thanks for “getting it.” :)
Amalia says
This was a very well written post that touched me, I wrote down a few good quotes from it and will be carrying them with me when I clean out my stuff that still lives in my parents house to remind me that its not about the stuff, but about the people.
Jeff Goins says
Thanks, Amalia!