I am often struck by the imagery and themes of Christmas. Among them, rings peace and reconciliation.
According to the Biblical account of Christmas, the first announcement of the baby’s birth was made by angels to shepherds outside of Bethlehem. And it went like this…
“Glory to God in the highest, and on earth peace, good will toward men.”
The Christmas season is to be a celebration of peace, goodwill, and reconciliation. Yet, for many families, thoughts of peace rarely accompany the holiday season. Instead, the exact opposite is all too common. Years of bitterness, resentment, and depression have been piled on top of misconceptions, misunderstandings, and misbehavior.
Family peace was lost years ago—and is yet to be reclaimed.
Family relationships can cause conflict, turmoil, and stress at any time, but the tensions are often heightened during the holidays—that is what makes the Christmas season so difficult for many. Family misunderstandings and conflicts naturally intensify when you are thrown together for several days—or if you are separated because of them.
It is time to get over our differences. And instead, to offer goodwill and reclaim peace in our family relationships.
This Christmas, give the gift of overdue peace. (tweet that)
1. Determine to be responsible for your attitude, not other’s. True, you can’t control the attitude of others, but you are the only one responsible for yours. Take an active stand against the attitudes of bitterness and rejection in your family. Because if we know anything about resentment, we know that it will swallow everyone in its path until someone takes a stand against it.
2. Embrace humility. Long-running family strife is rarely caused by one individual. It may have started with an inappropriate word, misdeed, or misunderstanding, but its unresolution is the fault of many. Embrace humility and forgiveness even if you are not the author of the conflict. If you are harboring resentment towards another human being because of past hurts, choose to forgive and move on. The harm was their fault. But allowing it to weigh down your life today is yours.
3. Accept disagreement and put it behind you. It is foolish and prideful to assume that everyone is going to agree with you. Whether your family disagreements center on worldview, religion, parenting styles, or sports’ teams, your ability to love others despite them is central to interpersonal relationships. Healthy families don’t reject their members who think differently—they become stronger because of them. This Christmas, seek to listen and hear rather than judge and lecture.
4. Take the first step. Make the bold decision to be the first in your family to offer peace and reconciliation. This step is often as simple as a phone call. Try this for a lead-in, “Hey, I’m just calling to wish you a Merry Christmas. I know we’ve had disagreements in the past, but I just want you to know that I love you very much and I hope we can put them behind us…” And while one phone call may not heal years of deep personal pain and rejection, it is often the first step that never gets taken.
This post will be read nearly 20,000 times in these coming days leading up to Christmas. And while it’s unreasonable to assume that that many families will find peace because of it, it is reasonable to assume that maybe one family, somewhere, will be brought together and find peace again because of it—and that thought alone makes it worth it.
After all, maybe (just maybe), it will be your family. Or maybe even mine.
Annabelle says
Awesome post! Frohe Weihnachten! ‘Be the first’, those are amazing words/actions!
Jo@simplybeingmum says
Point 1 is the key one for me. This approach to life can revolutionise all relationships. Christmas is built up to be so perfect, that for many the expectation and reality do not match – it’s a disappointment for some, and they show it through their actions and attitude. By simplifying the whole holiday and releasing the pressure it can help. Take some time to appreciate that for some it is difficult time, for whatever reason, and that you need to leave them to deal with it in their own way (compassionately) rather than try and resolve it for them. For those who are just outright awkward around the holiday period pay no heed, it can only affect you and yours if you allow it to.
Rich McCarthy says
All i can say is… Great Post. So many families need to hear and take to heart this message.
Merry Christmas
Marilyn Nimmo says
Thank you. I have never understood how family rifts start and people can stay so bitter. Thankfully, I have not been touched by this, but I have witnessed it. It is so sad. I hope that at least one family – an d hopefully many families – will find peace by reading this.
Justyne says
Thanks you. I have 2 bio kids and 5 adult stepkids not to mention grandkids and dogs, who are coming and staying from Thursday through Sunday. My husband isn’t willing to go gift free yet and I have been feeling frustrated and resenting the ongoing friction that happens. I needed somebody to remind me that I can only be in charge of myself, my attitudes and actions. I am going to log off now and sit in a quiet room with a cup of tea and recenter now.
Kirby says
Very well said Joshua. We should all head the words of peace and reconciliation this time of year and throughout 2011. It starts with humility as you said then leave the baggage at the door.
Paul says
just wanted to say fantastic post, well said :)
Tiffany says
Great post. This is perfect timing. I’m leaving tonite for 5 days with my family and am already anxious. I’m dreading the underlying tension and vaguely masked fights.
I brought my journal along, because I never need it more than times like these, and am going to write this at the top of each page:
Determine to be responsible for your attitude, not other’s.
I’m going to have a peaceful, merry Christmas!
Living the Balanced Life says
Ahh, great words Joshua! Many do need to read this message. For me, the peace I am seeking is internal. I know where this peace needs to come from, but for some reason seems elusive to me at this time. A period of growth for me.
Hope you and yours have a very merry Christmas!
Bernice
http://livingthebalancedlife.com/2010/this-is-your-brain-on-overload/
Jurino says
Great post! This needed to be said :)
Christmas isn’t about the best food, the most decorations and the largest tree… like many other things, it should only be about love!
Merry christmas from the netherlands!
joshua becker says
And Merry Christmas to you as well.