“Do not judge from mere appearances.” —Edwin Hubbel Chapin
For too long our world has measured success incorrectly. We have championed, promoted, and followed some wrong people along the way. We’ve judged others on the symmetry of their cheek bones, salary package, neighborhood of residence, eloquence of speech, designer of clothing, or model of car. We’ve been focused on the wrong things. And have made some terribly awful judgments along the way—both personally and collectively.
Might I take a moment and recommend some new measurements? Some new measurements that are not external in nature, but are internal—measurements that weigh the very heart and soul of humanity. And begin to give us a far better sense of who to trust, who to follow, and who to champion.
20 New Ways to Measure Success.
1. Character in solitude. Our character is best revealed not in the the public eye, but in private. What we do when nobody is looking is the truest mark of our character. And those who display character in the dark will always reflect it in the light.
2. Contentment in circumstance. Often times, contentment remains elusive for both the rich and the poor. It is a struggle for humanity no matter their lot in life. Rich is the man or woman who can find contentment in either circumstance.
3. Courage during adversity. Courage can only be revealed when it is required. And only those who have displayed it and acted upon it during adversity can lay claim to its possession. This adversity can take on many different forms, but courage will always look the same: action in the face of fear.
4. Faithfulness in commitment. Those whose words are true ought to be highly lifted up in our world today. Whether our word is given with a handshake, a contract, or a wedding ring, those who hold true to their oaths are worthy of commendation.
5. Generosity in abundance. To those who have received much, much should be given away. Often times, this abundance comes in forms other than material possessions. And in that way, we each have been given much—and each ought to be generous in our use of it.
6. Graciousness towards others. Those who routinely extend grace to others are among my greatest heroes. They have a healthy realization that this world is largely unfair, that people come from a variety of backgrounds, and that nobody is truly self-made… even themselves. As a result, they are quick to extend grace and mercy to others.
7. Gratitude despite circumstance. Those who can find enough good in any circumstance to express gratitude are typically focused on the right things. And those who are focused on the right things tend to bend their lives towards those things… and draw others along with them.
8. Honesty in deprivation. It is when we are deprived of something desired that honesty is the most difficult. Whether we are deprived of something physical or intangible (like a desired outcome), dishonesty is often used to quickly take gain of something. Those who show honesty during deprivation reveal how highly they esteem it.
9. Hope during heartache. When heartache cuts at such a deep level that simple optimism is not enough… only hope can emerge. When it does, it is undeniably from a source far greater than ourselves. And those who find it, discover one of the greatest powers in the universe.
10. Humility in accomplishment. Those who are quick to deflect praise in accomplishment ought to be first in receiving it.
11. Inspiration in relationship. We are all in relationship with others – sometimes in person, sometimes in print, sometimes in other ways. These relationships should not be used solely for personal gain but for bringing out the best in others. And those who inspire others to become the best they can be should be gifted with more and more and more relationships.
12. Integrity in the details. Integrity is found in the details. Those who show integrity in the little things of life will typically display it in the bigger things as well.
13. Kindness to the weak. It is usually the weakest among us that are in most need of our kindness… and yet they receive it the least because they have no way to immediately repay it. When kindness is only shown for the sake of repayment, it becomes an investment and is no longer true kindness. Our true measure of kindness is shown in how we treat those who will never repay us.
14. Love for enemies. Anybody can love a friend. Anybody can love those who treat us well… and everybody does. But it takes a special type of person to extend love towards those who treat us unjustly.
15. Optimism towards others. See the good in everyone. There is simply no way to bring out the best in others if you haven’t seen it first.
16. Perseverance in failure. Failure reveals much about our heart. It reveals our character, our humility, and our perseverance. We will all at some point face failure. And those who get back up and try again ought to be esteemed in our mind.
17. Purity in opportunity. While character is revealed in solitude and integrity is revealed in the details, purity is revealed in the face of opportunity. When dishonest gain (money, power, sex, etc.) presents itself, those who choose purity ought to be praised. Not only do they personally sleep better at night, but they make this world a better place for all of us.
18.Respect for authority. Authority brings order to a world of disorder. Certainly there are numerous examples throughout history (and today) of proper timing in overthrowing authority that oppresses its subjects. But in most cases, authority brings reason and order… and it should be allowed to do so.
19. Responsibility for mistake. From the weakest to the strongest, we all love to pass the blame. I can see it in my 5-year old daughter and I can see it in my government leaders. We are a people that are slow to accept responsibility for our mistakes. This is unfortunate. Because only those who can admit their mistakes have the opportunity to learn from them.
20. Self-control in addiction. We are a people that too often give control of our most precious asset to another. We fall under the influence of substances, possessions, or entertainment. When we do, our life is no longer our own. And those who retain self-control in the face of addiction ought to be recognized as unique and judged accordingly.
And when we all begin to properly esteem, champion, and follow those who lead from the inside, we will make far less mistakes in choosing who to follow.
Tanja Hoagland says
This was absolutely beautiful Joshua. Thank you.
Kelly Bernard says
I rarely take the time to comment but I really, really like this post and it comes at a very relevant time for me. Thanks Joshua!
Joseph says
Excellent post! The world would definitely be a better place if everyone tried to emulate those qualities.
Anja says
An excellent post! I hope as many people as possible read it – I’m sure they’ll be just as touched by it as I was.
AP says
What a great post. You should know the time and effort you put into sharing your thoughts is very much appreciated. I am amazed at how often (especially at work) conversations revolve around gossip and passing judgement. It kind of makes me sick. We see human nature tends to take the easy road, make assumptions and pat ourselves on the back when we think we’re right and move on to the next self-gratifying observation. But herein lies the beauty of today’s message – rather than ‘judge the judger,’ why don’t I find as many of the 20 you listed and find the good in those individuals pass gossip/judge. My example may cause a change.
This ‘article’ should be on the front page of newspapers and news sites. Could you imagine that? Rather than seeing headlines about a ‘celebrity’s new look’ or the media flavor of the week, it would be nice to see something like ’20 New Ways to Judge Others’ on yahoo’s homepage or on the 5 o’clock news. Yes, the world just might be a better place.
Until then, I will continue to forward this message to as many friends and family. Thank you for this site and especiallys today’s post. – ssl
Laureen Young says
I agree, the Ten Commandments were given by God to people like you and me; however without the power of the Holy Spirit our attempts to keep these Commandments are futile.
Ólafía Lár. says
Thank you for this.
Living the Balanced Life says
Great list Joshua! Not sure if this was your intent, but this post causes me to look inward to my OWN character and see where I am lacking. Thanks for making me think!
Bernice
10 first steps for a simpler life
Jen B says
Bernice, I would think that one’s OWN character is the only place to look – or at least the first. Lead by example…do as I do, not just as I say… And OH how I struggle with that, especially now that I have three little ones providing watchful eyes and honest commentary! :-D
Valerie Barnes says
As a parent, I can see this list as great discussion points with all of my children – middle schooler through adult. I also think that these would be excellent starting points for college application essays. I especially think that #7 is very difficult to teach children, despite the family dynamic, because there are so many outside influences that make embracing #7 (and #8 and #17) so challenging. Additionally, #19 is a tough one for children, who have a hard time understanding that mistakes are not usually (I hope!) deliberate. As an adult, I find #2, #12 and #20 characteristics on which I must work continuously. Mental or physical exhaustion create a very slippery slope! Thanks for putting all of this together!
Michelle Lynne Goodfellow says
Wonderful list. I would make a small edit, though – in point 8, I think you mean honesty in the face of deprivation (the condition of being deprived, having less), not depravity (moral corruption or degradation).
joshua becker says
Changed. Thanks Michelle.
Megyn @ Minimalist Mommi says
Wow this is a great list to live by! I was just discussing with my husband why I feel like I don’t have many friends. After reading your list, I’m trying to find which areas I’m lacking in, so I can fix them, and hopefully gain more friendships and relationships. Thank you for this :)
joshua becker says
Not sure this list represents the quickest way to friends. But I think it typically results in the best kind of friends.
Megyn @ Minimalist Mommi says
I completely agree. I just re-read what I wrote, and wow, I came off needy haha! I should have definitely rephrased to say, I want to increase my meaningful friendships, not up the number of “friends” on FaceBook. Thank you for your wise words and clarity (when my morning brain has yet to be awoken).
The Lamb says
:)
Excellent point, and wonderful article!
katie says
Maybe the friend problem isn’t about you at all. Maybe it’s alot of the other people in your life don’t meet up with this list :) I guess it’s a list anyone should aspire to do better with though <3