Editor’s Note: This is a guest post from Sarah Mae of SarahMae.com.
There he was, sitting on his bed with tears in his 7-year old eyes.
I had just got through yelling at him, again, to clean his bedroom. I was tired of the mess and I was tired of telling him to clean.
“Just do it!” I would shout. How quickly I forget how overwhelmed I feel when a mess is staring me in the face.
This was not the mother I wanted to be.
As I looked at my son and I looked at the mess, I realized we were both overwhelmed. It was too much—it felt like too high a mountain to climb.
It was then that I knew we needed a change. My sweet boy needed a mom who wasn’t so stressed, and I needed a boy who didn’t feel defeated before he began.
That was that day we decided on a very simple rule that would become the foundation for how we would live: Fewer things, more peace.
The less we have, the less overwhelmed we feel. And the less overwhelmed we feel, the happier we are. (tweet that)
It was with that philosophy in mind that I said, “Buddy, we are going to get rid of some things today. We can throw some things away and give some things away, but at the end of it all, you are only going to have 20 toys left.”
We called it The 20-Toy Rule.
20 toys sounds like a lot… or maybe it doesn’t. But you’d be surprised at how many things children can accumulate. I was shocked when we began moving towards 20 toys each. We don’t spoil our children and I already had been pretty strict about the toy situation. But when I sat with my son in his room that day, I had to face the fact that we had allowed in too much stuff.
At first, upon hearing my idea, his eyes got big and a look of worry came over his face. But once we started, he really got into it. He was sorting and getting excited about giving things away and even selling things in a future yard sale. He was, believe it or not, actually having fun with the challenge.
The more we got rid of, the lighter I felt. And the anger began to disappear. There we were, getting rid of stuff, and we were happier.
We don’t need stuff, we need peace. We need to feel loved and safe and okay with what we have.
I want my children to learn contentment and joy where they are and with what they have. I don’t want them falling into the trap of always needing more and better things. Learning to have less helps them to be free. And I want them to be free.
To be fair, keeping toys to a minimum has taken work. I have had to train my three children to be okay with not having something. And yes, it has been training. For example, every time we would go into Target we would immediately pass the dollar section of the store filled with bright and beckoning things that call to children (thanks for that Target). I used to think, “What’s a dollar? It’s no big deal.” So my kids would each get something nearly every time we entered that store. I decided that would be one of the changes I made right away, no more dollar toys. I told my children before we even went in the store what to expect, and they all nodded their little heads of understanding.
You can imagine the shock when I actually followed through. “But mom!” No buts, baby. We are doing this. We are learning to live content. After a few times of whining and crying and me not giving in, they stopped the fussing. Now we go into Target and they don’t even ask. They know it wouldn’t make a difference anyway.
The point is, we had to put rules in place, and we had to stick to them. It’s hard at first, but if you stick to it, it gets easier, I promise.
You can do it. You can help your children be free.
It’s worth it.
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Sarah Mae blogs at SarahMae.com where she encourages and inspires moms in motherhood. You can also find her on Twitter.
Laura says
Great post. We went through a period of severe financial distress when my children were younger. That season forced me to gently shut down any requests for toys, snacks, or really anything extra while at the store. Now that we are back on our feet, our kids just don’t have the habit of asking for extras. And when we do treat ourselves to something special, it is very appreciated. Sounds weird, but that season of lack taught us how to live with plenty.
Jo @ To a Pretty Life says
Thank you for this encouragement! I had that exact same scenario with my seven-year-old daughter yesterday. Tears about the overwhelming mess in her bedroom. The problem with her is that it isn’t just toys. It’s half-finished crafts and rocks and “special” bits of paper and rainbow loom elastics (OH! The elastics are everywhere!). I was so proud of her yesterday. I started helping her clean (honestly, the mess was overwhelming for me too), and she was so willing to get rid of stuff! This is the girl who used to cry if I threw out her three-month-old torn up Sunday school craft. She’s starting to understand the consequences of keeping everything. Maybe she won’t grow up to be a hoarder after all!
My 5-year-old son’s room is easy to keep clean It’s just clothes and toys. He throws out his Sunday school crafts before he even gets them into the house. He’s a born minimalist.
diane @smartmoneysimplelife says
I’m in exactly this situation with my daughter at the moment. And it is *overwhelming*! Clutter saps your energy so it becomes a self-reinforcing cycle – clutter breeds more clutter.
HappinessSavouredHot says
I agree wholeheartedly with this post. The more I get rid of things, the more peaceful I feel. I wonder how far this will go… :-)
Davonne Parks says
I love this! We’re decluttering our house again because we have birthdays and Christmases and lots of relatives. I’ve found that my kids play with their toys more and are bored less when they aren’t overwhelmed with too much stuff.
Mike Treseler says
Yup. Possessions and friendships both take time to maintain, but friends are harder to replace. Agree that 20 toys should be enough for anyone. Lets see, skis, boots, poles, bike, computer, phone, backpack, car. That should do it for me. Time for a trip to Goodwill.
Peggy says
Love this post. My children are grown. Back in the day, I would sort out toys and store about half in bins…then, periodically switch out. Love the donate and give away solution!
Bonnie says
We use that method too! We have also given away ALOT of toys but now we also use the method of switching them out. Every Monday is “switch-out day” and they can pick as many toys as they want to bring down but they have to put that many toys back up. It has helped tremendously!! Their room just pretty much stays tidy now and they are actually playing and being entertained by the toys that they have down.
JenJ says
This was an awesome post! I don’t have kids but I definitely got something out of this post. Great lesson you’re teaching your kids.
Sarah Mae says
Trying, Jen! :)
Lori @ In My Kitchen, In My Life says
You are giving them so much more than things — self-control, inner resources, peace, and, yes, contentment. I’m *thrilled* for them to have a mom of wisdom!
Sarah Mae says
Lori, that is so kind! I really appreciate your words of encouragement!
Judy says
Thanks Sarah! The holiday clutter has seeped in and I haven’t been able to address it all yet. The house as a whole seems overwhelming, so I’ll have to tackle it one room at a time. I am so ready to clean and donate :) I wish I had some physical help—but I can do this!!!
Judy says
Sarah, I glanced at your website. You are beautiful and brave. :)
Sarah Mae says
Thank you, Judy. :)
roses of paris | mnmlchc says
Great post Sarah! It’s amazing how our possessions can start to rule us and interfere with living a free and happy life. I used to be the kind of person who couldn’t leave a store without a purchase and shopped as a hobby but embracing a minimalist lifestyle hasn’t been a sacrifice, it has been liberating! The 20 toy rule is great, will remember that for the future x