Note: This is a guest post from Courtney Carver of Be More with Less.
If you are trying to simplify your life, you might start with decluttering and paying off debt, or reducing busyness and discovering how you want to spend your time. Those are the things I focused on in the beginning too.
As I removed things that didn’t add value to my life, I found more opportunity to notice other things that didn’t add value to my life.
I want to remove the things that remove me from my life. So in January, I decided to stop drinking alcohol for a while. You can read the whole story here.
7 Things I Noticed When I Stopped Drinking
1. I sleep better without alcohol.
I never really believed that drinking helped me sleep better even though those rumors were out there, but I didn’t realize how little it took to disrupt my sleep. Even just one glass of wine (ok two, I rarely had just one) would interrupt my sleep.
2. I drank more in social situations because I felt uncomfortable.
As an introvert, attending conferences, parties, and other events made me feel uncomfortable. I’m not shy, but I’m not very outgoing or comfortable in big groups. Drinking helped me to be more extroverted, but that’s not who I am.
I remember feeling relieved at a friend’s wedding a few years ago when they weren’t serving alcohol. I know if they had, I would have indulged to feel more comfortable, been overly social, exchanged phone numbers with people, made plans and then would have woken up regretting those decisions.
3. When I was drinking, I was ignoring my core values which made me feel sad and guilty.
My core values include honesty and authenticity. It’s been important to me over the last decade to connect with my heart, become the real me, and trust myself.
When I was drinking, I could feel the real me slipping away after a few sips. I’d become more outgoing and eventually I’d think or say things that I would never think or say sober. The next day I’d feel bad about what I may have said, not to mention the hangover I was nursing.
P.S. The older I got, the harder the hangover.
4. Other people’s stories inspired me to examine my relationship with alcohol.
Long before I stopped drinking, I read memoirs about people who stopped drinking. Some lost everything before they realized alcohol was the problem and some had less dramatic journeys (like mine). Even though there were differences, there were similarities too.
And because people I admire like Brené Brown, Gretchen Rubin and my sister shared their stories about giving up alcohol for different reasons, I considered it for myself. Sharing our stories; what we know and what we’ve learned helps us and others.
5. People’s reaction to my not drinking says nothing about me.
When people hear I’m not drinking, they are mostly supportive and either curious or defensive. The reactions range from letting me know they’ve questioned their drinking to defending their relationship with alcohol. See the comments here for example.
If you feel defensive, know that I’m not sharing my story because I question your drinking. I’m sharing it because I questioned mine.
While no one has specifically confronted me about why I quit, I can imagine that they may be wondering if I had a problem with alcohol. I did. It wasn’t the hit rock bottom kind of problem but alcohol became a problem for me, one I didn’t want to deal with anymore. What people are thinking isn’t usually based on my relationship with alcohol though, but theirs. It’s just how we work.
6. Maybe it doesn’t matter what you call it.
The reason I didn’t stop drinking ten years ago is because I thought, “If I don’t have a problem, I can keep drinking. If I’m not an alcoholic, I’m good.”
I’d take the quizzes and seem to be in the clear. I’d compare my drinking to people I knew who I thought did have a problem, and my drinking looked ok.
But maybe I was asking the wrong question. Maybe instead of comparing my drinking and asking, “Am I an alcoholic?” I should have been asking, “Is alcohol adding value to my life?” or “Does alcohol make me the best version of me?”
7. Life is simpler without alcohol.
The similarities between simplicity and sobriety are fascinating. Both lead to less decision fatigue, better health, less spending, and deeper connections.
I noticed these things and other benefits listed here about 100 days after I stopped drinking. That’s when I decided to quit for good. I didn’t intend to stop drinking permanently but I could not ignore the benefits. I can’t dismiss how well I sleep, how good I feel, and how much more free and more me I am without alcohol. And the goodness of life without alcohol continues to reveal itself.
Am I an alcoholic? I don’t think so but it doesn’t really matter to me. I didn’t need that label to stop, to realize that alcohol did not add value or goodness to my life. Alcohol removed me from my life and I removed alcohol so I can show up for my life.
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Courtney Carver writes about living and dressing with less at Be More With Less. You can also connect with her on Instagram. Registration for Courtney’s online course, Soulful Simplicity, is currently open.
Chastity says
What a fantastic article! Thank you so much for sharing as it really hits home with me. I’m on day 64 of no alcohol and feel so great!
J says
Thank you for your directness and honesty. I had Covid a month ago, lost taste and smell for several of those weeks following the Covid. I decided the alcohol would no longer be good during my illness, since I could not taste that $$$ bottle of wine, or Manhattan, or, or, or…….This made me stop and take a look at my consumption of alcohol. I live with a sober husband of almost 27 years, next month. We’d talk and he would say that he didn’t think I had issues with it, but my body/mind/spirit had another story! Today is day 33 with no alcohol, and I am sleeping much better, my face doesn’t look as stressed out, my clothes are fitting better, and my mood has greatly improved. I no longer worry about if there were an emergency and I had to drive somewhere, would I be ok to drive. A few of my friends are distancing right now, and I think it was an eye opener for them, as I’m usually where the parties happen, and perhaps they are uncomfortable with the whole idea of not drinking. Since I can only speak for myself, I am happy with my decision to stop. I’ve replaced my evening alcohol with teas, sparkling waters with a lime or lemon, or good old water! It is working well for me and I plan to continue down an alcohol free path, one day at a time.❤️
wobugabe stephens says
Growing up in a family where drinking was acceptable might have been the major reason why i became a pretty heavy drinker at only age 19, but at 21, i realized that my future self was going to suffer a great deal if i did not opt for a sober lifestyle. I’m happy that I’ve made the decision to quit, and a sober personality if a super fun one.
woby
Wendy says
The next day brain fog or whiskey headaches stop me from consuming any alcohol although I agree that being in social places there is sometimes a pressure or more likely a habituancy that goes on. Some of my friends are quite responsible and react to this by saying they are either have a medical problem and have to drive home. Just a new way to be with guests and be happy
Jennifer Wallington says
Really good article
I don’t drink any alcohol
I am also pretty minimalist by most people’s standards
I used to enjoy the odd glass of wine with a meal then I had children
My older son was ill in the night as a baby with breathing difficulties and I took him to hospital where he required a nebuliser
I have never drunk again, I don’t want to be under the influence and not wake up to a sick child or need to drive to hospital
I do also love being physically fit and run most mornings and I like to be feeling as bright and breezy as possible first thing (I’m getting older too)!
Shirley Henderson Colee says
I had a similar experience. Anything that would impair my ability to take care of a loved one has to be eliminated.
Rains Bautista says
I agree with #7. I used to drink a lot, but one day I just got tired of the unpleasant feelings—mostly guilt—that I experience after a night of heavy drinking. I thought “Do I really enjoy going through that rollercoaster of emotions everyday? Am I gonna be like this forever?”
Sure, I miss the conversations I had with people around buckets and bottles of booze, but that routine felt really old now.
Ali says
Thank you for sharing. I can relate 100% Love your questions, “Is alcohol adding value to my life?” and “Does alcohol make me the best version of me?”
Cathy Bradley says
Great Article
Sallywentsailing says
This article came at the perfect time in my life. Mid 30’s with two young kids. I’ve been socially drinking since my twenties but at some point I started drinking every day (or almost) by myself . I used to never get hangovers, then lately they’ve been bad and I’m taking Tylenol three times a week for a headache. I spend much time in my head pondering when will be a good time to go to the store to restock and if I have enough to get by. I use the excuses “kids were tough today” “today was stressful” but I can’t ever just have one. I stay up late and don’t remember late night conversations with my husband. Yesterday I ordered the book she recommended put away my last two bottles of wine and took down the wine rack so it’s not staring me in the face. My husband doesn’t fully support me “how many time have you said this?” Land three days later”. Well I’m not putting a time limit on it, I’m just doing it. For me and my kids and our future. I work so hard to eat right and exercise just to ruin it at night with wine and snacks. I’ve taken up running and yoga, there are better ways to de stress after a day than drink. Thank you I can’t wait to see what life has in store for me.
Michelle O. says
Check out the Sober Sisters group on Facebook. The November group challenge starts today! Most of us are there with very similar stories. :)
Gwen Stackler says
This was a brave and courageous post that has everything to do with minimalism and being more healthy and I highly recommend clicking the first link to see how well she covered all of the bases.
As for me, when hit a building, don’t remember it, go on a wee break because that’s scary man. (just wait, it gets better.)
You learn that you may go to jail for hitting that building you don’t even remember, by the way, the building was fine it had those car destroying cement things out front, so you weren’t the first in your college town.
You go cold turkey, which seems fine until your “friends” and even your best bud roomie tell you, you’re no fun anymore. Then these guys that look like the Men in Black (it was the era of that or the Xfiles.) are following you and when you turn back, the jump in the hedges, How after not really seeing them, I still know they were akin to the Men in Black? No Idea, work with me here.
I called mom for help because it was all too much and above my paygrade. To top that off, when we got me moved, found a rehab and that fun stuff, I walked in my on my first day and some yahoo decided to put a chair through the glass of the group therapy room as I’m about to walk in and be introduced.
I stayed sober for a while, there were two problems, okay three, I don’t believe in 12 step groups, possibly because of my youth, they missed the real issues, like that alcoholism, was only a symptom, and the third makes me sound cocky, but many if not most were hitting on me, which is called 13th stepping for those that don’t know. I’m not stupid and loved the attention, even if it was damaging me, keeping me from paying attention, and making zero female friends.
Anyway, I was sober for a long while, by the skin of my teeth sometimes which was great but OMG there were reasons that I wanted to forget by drinking and they jumped out even if I still didn’t understand how to ask for help or even put it into words.
Eventually, the drinking stopped but the past caught up and left me breathless, still does. it’s been over 14 years and no hitting buildings and I remember everything, which can be a curse, just as much as a gift.
Minimalism-wise, I don’t have openers or special glasses and it just isn’t a factor on Friday nights or whenever I go out. And the money saved? don’t even start.
It was everything and know it’s forgettable, except for the humor. I’m finally me and not obsessed with the next party or batting lashes just right when I’m broke. I also wish that my dad would stop, yet I just cheer when he cuts back, get ready for call after call when he’s wasted and let it go, it has to come from him.
Courtney rocked this here and even more on her the fuller version on her own blog. Thank you, Courtney
There are times that you don’t need to do something or cut something out of your life and hopefully, if you pick the right things, your life in enhanced and we all come closer to our goals.
Rita Newman says
Drinking is like overeating, no one will stop you, but you! No matter how much they say they love you, you have to take control of it yourself; otherwise you let yourself down. And you are a blessing to someone every day…Tks for sharing! Becoming a minimalist, is taking care of me, inside & out.