“Christmas is not as much about opening our presents as opening our hearts.” —Janice Maeditere
The holidays can be a most wonderful time of year. The season is often marked with family, tradition, and giving. And no matter our age, it stirs up fond memories and creates new ones. The holidays can indeed bring out the best in all of us.
But despite all the hope and preparation, often times, holiday expectations go unmet. Meals don’t turn out right. Kids get crabby. Family members bicker. Gifts are not received as fondly as we expected. And before we know it, shades of disappointment begin to creep in as we realize the season will not measure up to the pictures we had in our mind.
As we enter this final stretch before the holiday, is it possible to avoid this disappointment during the season? Of course it is. But it often takes some intentional steps on our part. Consider these:
12 Steps to Avoid Disappointment this Holiday Season.
1. Identify your main thing.
From food and decoration to presents and parties, the December is full of opportunity. But there is a very fine line between opportunity and distraction. Determine the main thing you want the season to represent. It may be based on religion, family, or rest. Whatever you decide, keep your main thing in sharp focus first.
2. Slow down.
Peace is rarely found in adding commitments and errands. So cut a few—on purpose.
3. Realize perfection is not possible.
Travel gets disrupted. Houses get messy. Kids want more presents. Family members bicker. This is life. And unless you are part of a magazine photo shoot, perfection is simply not possible. Stop expecting it.
4. Don’t push your expectations on to others.
We all have different expectations of how Christmas should be. Often times, these expectations are based on childhood memories. But we all have different childhood memories… so don’t assume everyone expects Christmas to look the same as you do. I’m all for developing traditions. But I’m against thinking everyone expects my traditions to become theirs.
5. Make room for rest.
Take a nap, retire to bed early one evening, or find a morning to sleep in later than normal. Running ragged to make everything perfect rarely results in perfection. Instead, it results in snippy attitudes, short tempers, and runny noses.
6. Offer forgiveness quickly.
People make mistakes. Be quick to offer forgiveness and mend broken relationships—whether the offense occurs today or happened many years ago. Take the step. Because holding on to ill-feelings towards another is one of the greatest sources of disappointment in life (and the holidays).
7. Remember memories are made in the mistakes.
Some of my fondest Christmas memories center on the mishaps that have occurred over the years: getting left at a department store with my cousin, discovering a Christmas gift early, my grandmother wrapping the gifts but forgetting to mark who they were for. These mishaps make me smile even today… we should also learn to smile when they are unfolding right in front of us.
8. Realize the meaning is in the giving, not the gift.
You won’t get everything you want this Christmas and conversely, you will get some things you don’t want. Put less emphasis on the gift in the wrapping. And put more emphasis on the fact that somebody thought you were special this holiday season. The gift is not the gift. The true gift is the giving… and the giver.
9. Admit you can’t change others.
We can set bold examples. We can look for teachable moments. We can offer advice when appropriate. But we can’t make decisions for others. They are going to choose options for their life we wish they wouldn’t. In those moments, remind yourself that you weren’t called to live their life, you were called to live your own.
10. Know when to stop.
From over-eating to over-drinking, knowing when to stop quickly becomes a lost art during the holiday season. But too much of a good thing quickly turns into a bad thing with lasting consequences. In almost every regard, for maximum enjoyment, embrace moderation.
11. Stay within your budget.
Avoid holiday disappointment by celebrating it within your means. This pertains to the number and extravagance of gifts. But should also extend to travel, celebration, and entertainment.
12. Embrace spirituality.
Regardless of your religious (or non-religious) preference, there is much more to this world than the things we see. Embrace spirituality this holiday season by championing love, hope, forgiveness, and grace. Rather than losing yourself in the hustle and bustle, find intentionality in remembering the heart of Christmas and celebrating the soul of everything good.
Jo-Anne Meadows says
Yes yes yes what a great post
Joyful_2010 says
Are you familiar with Brant Hansen or his radio show? He did a hilarious parody about ‘You’re doing Christmas better than me.’ It was such a great reminder that our own focus, our own sanity is so much more important than keeping up with the Pinterest/HGTV/Martha Stewart-perfect Christmas. Thanks for a great article that takes it a step further.
Jil Shi says
“Put less emphasis on the gift in the wrapping. And put more emphasis on the fact that somebody thought you were special this holiday season.”
Love this, thanks for the article!
.. says
I have just read this blog and it makes me feel so muh better about Christmas, our family decided to go on holiday over Christmas but at Christmas I reolised that we were missing Christmas, I thought Christmas was about presents, Christmas dinner, walks in the woods, going to church, all m friends were getting iPhone 6s, laptops and perfume and asked everyone what they got, and I couldn’t reply to this since I hadn’t got much and there was a little bit of tension, I started bickering with my parents About missing Christmas but after reading this it makes me remember that Christmas isn’t about presents and Christmas dinner its about caring and giving and much much more as you’ve said. Sadly Christmas is over but I shall try to stop bickering.
Matt Mcd says
I Agree with the writer of this article to me Christmas is about Family i over the years began to hate the Commercialization of this fine religious holiday. so Thank You to the writer and Merry Christmas to all
Jenny says
Thanks, it was very much needed.
ren says
No. 8- dealing with controlling people my whole life, I’m learning to just let it go. my family holiday is this Sunday. Looking forward to it…..being over, that is.
ren says
Update, I would say I’m 90% done with shopping, I cut back on all shopping. Used one store credit card last night but paying it off tonite.
So total success!! Didn’t go into debt, bought 75% approximately local made items, only wrapped grandson gifts, everyone else got totes.
Not stressing out about making candies, if I feel like making some I will, if not oh well. Less fat and calories. Plus we got order of assorted fresh fruit to eat instead.
Realized that I can just mentally “remove” myself from the annoying snide comments people make.. I’ve gotten good at that.
My mom laughed at me when I told her I took an entire truckload to charity. Others have made comments also and although it has gotten me down its actually encouraged me to keep going.
Tonight was cleaning out junk drawers and a few kitchen drawers. Desk is almost cleaned off.
Jenny says
I’m in the same boat.
Seamus says
What a great article.
Jay Lockrow says
Does this mean I’m not getting a Ferrari Berlinetta Lusso?????
Nini says
I really wish I could have read this yesterday as I stressed over hosting our family Christmas dinner. I asked everyone to show up at 5pm and people ended up coming over as early as NOON. I have an 18 month old with social anxiety, a 6 month old and an exhausted husband who volunteered to do all the cooking. We CLEARLY over-committed ourselves to this impossible task. The house wasn’t clean enough when the first guests arrived 5 hours early, my husband and I bickered because we were trying to do too much to please everyone and ended up eating separately after everyone left while my children were drained from crying during the day’s events. I love entertaining and I love my family, but this has taught me that I don’t have to try to do it all and expect specific outcomes. Next year, I’m letting someone else host and I plan to focus on my kids and husband and make rest, spirituality and fun a top priority for the 4 of us. Thank you for this post!!!
Seamus says
Nini – let us know how it goes this year!
Laurel says
I so enjoy reading your blogs! This one especially rings true. Family is far away, Christmas is so commercialized and I haven’t been feeling at all in the spirit. Just remembering that it’s about gratitude and peace is where I’m trying to focus, and it’s made a real difference.
I also have taken a “minimalist in progress” approach this year, and while cleaning out and eliminating items, have discovered that many of these things were perfect for those on my gift list. Ironically, many of the items were coveted by my friends and family, and they were very excited to received them! A definite win-win!
Thanks for your inspiration and your wisdom! Happy Holidays to all!