Gratitude is important. Gratitude causes us to no longer desire a different life. Instead, it invites us to make the most of the one life we already have.
It calls us to recognize and celebrate the good. And in a society that works so hard to distract us from our blessings, the importance of gratitude cannot be overstated.
This is an important week as we set aside an entire day specifically for thanksgiving. May each of us make the most of it as we celebrate our blessings and thank those who have made it possible.
But this year, I have been challenged by a new question. What if, rather than just asking, “What do I have to be thankful for?” we also began asking, “What do I want to be thanked for?”
I first heard the question posed by a good friend of mine during a conversation we were having about important life decisions. He phrased it this way, “I just keep asking, ‘At the end of my life, what do I want to be thanked for?’” He then began listing some of the things he wishes his family would be able to say to him and about him.
I immediately found his question to be highly profound and uniquely clarifying. It is worth taking the time to arrive at an answer:
At the end of your life, what do you want to be thanked for?
The question calls us to make specific decisions about legacy and values—and it challenges our assumptions that our lives will unintentionally arrive at them. It causes us to align our practice with our principles. And that is what makes it so important.
Also, since our conversation weeks ago, I have discovered the question has almost limitless potential.
What if I changed the question just slightly? What if, rather than “At the end of my life, what do I want to be thanked for?” I asked myself, “At the end of this week, what do I want to be thanked for?” Or even more specific, “By the end of the day, what do I want my co-workers/spouse/children to thank me for?”
This question could influence my life on an almost hour-by-hour basis.
For example, I have a friend who is a local highway patrolman in the Phoenix area. He once told me that his goal with every traffic stop is to receive a thank-you from the driver of the vehicle by the end of the conversation. “Look,” he said, “nobody is ever happy about being pulled over. But I’ve found that most people, if you treat them with respect and kindness, will take notice. And you’d be surprised how many end our interaction by saying, ‘Thank you officer’. That’s always my goal.”
What if that became our desire as well? What if we entered every interaction with another human being asking ourselves, “At the end of this conversation, what do I want them to thank me for?”
Almost always, I think, we would arrive at the answers of:
- I want to be thanked for being loving and attentive.
- I want to be thanked for being encouraging and a positive influence in their day.
- I want to be thanked for making a small difference in their life.
How might those motivations go on to affect the expression on our face, the words that we choose, or the attention that we give? It would be profound.
Again, there are countless opportunities to apply this thinking. I’d like to offer one more:
At the end of Thanksgiving day, what do you want your family to thank you for?
Then, ask yourself: What atmosphere do I need to create for that happen? What conversation do I need to have? Or what good can I offer that somebody closest to me needs the most this Thanksgiving weekend? The question could prove to be impactful, regardless of your family dynamic.
This Thursday, express as much gratitude as possible. But take some time in the midst of your thanksgiving to ask yourself more than, “What do I have to be thankful for?” Ask yourself, also, “What do I want to be thanked for?”
And then, go make it a reality.
Heidi Skye says
This was a refreshing blog with a unique perspective on the thank you. The very first 3 sentences were so powerful for me – I sunk right into the present moment! Thank you and you inspired me to write a blog referencing yours. In gratitude, Heidi
Joan McKniff says
I loved this, raised lots of thoughts and intentions, until I got to this:
” At the end of Thanksgiving day, what do you want your family to thank you for? ”
I’m 74 and have no living family. We are a minority but there are many of us w/o family members. And ever post/message is saying Thanksgivings is all about family…bombarded by that message. I have no illusions of changing Hallmark et al, but I so expected better, more sensitivity and inclusivity from you.
Lucy says
Oh, Joan – I am so sorry this left you and others feeling excluded. Perhaps it would be helpful to think of ‘family’ as your dear ones, or those you spend time with in the holiday season?
Dan Erickson says
Did your officer friend give out a lot of warnings rather than tickets. That would make people much more thankful. :) But seriously, it’s a good idea to ponder, “What do you want to be thanked for.”
J.D. Meier says
I switched a little focus a while back.
I ask myself how, “How can I make the other person feel good?”.
It’s like asking the question about any task, “How can I make this fun?”.
It adds another dimension.
Nathan Atkinson @ Quiet Habits says
This is great. That question really makes you think about what you do during the day. I will be asking myself this more often. Thanks Joshua!
Judy says
You know that special person that lights up a room? I would like to be remembered for that. I would want people to say, “Yay! Judy’s here!” Rather than, “Oh no. She’s here.” lol
On a personal note—my store is open on Thanksgiving ;(
I lucked-out and don’t have to be there…but of course I work Black Friday. As a minimalist, I always come home shell-shocked. On a positive note—it re-affirms my commitment to the movement.
I had a woman yesterday going on and on—shopping the store literally for 4 hours over a coat! She complained the entire time. Then she said to me…”Well, are YOU going to buy one too? They ARE a good price!” I told her no…I have been wearing the same winter coat for a few years now and it is perfectly fine. “I have more than I need.” :) :) :)
I wanted SO bad to say, “Lady, some people don’t even HAVE a coat!!!” But it’s my job…so I have to be kind and gracious…
Mark Tong says
Such a great question! And such great variations. There’s no thanksgiving here in the UK, but I’m still going to apply it. Thanks for the inspiration.
Emma http://asimplelivingjourney.blogspot.com.au/ says
A great reminder I think of being conscious of the legacy we want to leave behind us.
I think living our life with the things we value at the forefront of our daily activities and our lives are so important. So easy it is to say – ‘we value family and friends.” But then when it comes to the way we live our lives our family and friends may not be getting the best of our days or lives. All too often they get whats left as we get caught up in the business of daily life, work and so forth.
I do think though, whilst it is SO very important to make sure we are actually living the life we value and outwards working those, that we remember not to be those things in the AIM of being thanked. That we live that kind, generous life and being thanked is a nice surprise, but not the reason as to why we do it in the first place.
If we live our lives waiting to be validated by others as the soul drive then its going to be an empty existence I think, dictated by those around us, rather then actively living out what is in hearts hearts and the appreciation of that simply being a symptom, if you will, of living our true lives.
Warmly,
Emma :)
Lucy says
I had the same response – to behave in ways that deserve thanks is important, but to *expect* thanks might just leave us resentful or dissatisfied.
Cheryl Smith says
Wow, what a thought-provoking post, Joshua! It really makes a person think to put it into this perspective. I often think of how deeply I desire to hear God’s words, “Well done, thou good and faithful servant”, and as I read your post today, the thought came to me…what would I want God to be grateful I did? I guess that sounds crazy, and I know we certainly deserve no thanks from HIM for anything, because even when we have done all we are supposed to, it is just our reasonable service to Him. But, IF He were to thank us or feel grateful that we did something, what would that look like for each of us, individually? Definitely walking away from the reading of this with some needful food for thought…so, thank you, and may you and your family have a wonderful Thanksgiving Day!! :)
Lori in Prescott says
My takeaway from the above article: “Then, ask yourself: What atmosphere do I need to create for that happen?” Or as Dick and Jane would say: “Stop, look, and listen!” We always have a choice to make change.