I have a friend who was recently diagnosed with Stage 4 Cancer. An awful diagnosis for anyone, at any stage of life. But as a 48-year old father of four, with two in elementary school, it has shaken everyone in our community. He’s now in a daily battle to stave off cancer, provide for his family, and both parent and husband well.
In preparing themselves for the long days and years to come, my friend and his wife decided to downsize their home—moving from a 3,400 square foot home to 1,800. They saw the move as an opportunity to save money, time, energy, and effort for the journey ahead—a journey that would require strength, focus, energy, and intentionality.
They hadn’t lived in their larger home for long before the diagnosis. In fact, I still remember the first time I visited—Christmas, last year. It was for a party and their home (the larger one) was decorated immaculately. All of this was before the arrival of cancer into their lives.
My wife and I arrived early for the party and offered our hosts the first thoughts that entered our mind, “Your new home is beautiful. Thank you for having us over.”
As the party attendees continued to arrive that evening, I watched as many had similar greetings for their host and hostess, “Your house is gorgeous!” “This is stunning!” And “Your home is absolutely beautiful!” Customary greetings, I know, but these compliments were not empty words of praise—the house guests were genuinely impressed with their hosts’ home.
We are, after all, a culture and society that loves big houses and expensive furnishings and decorations. Most people spend their lives, and if current stats on household debt are correct, most of their money pursuing bigger and bigger homes in nicer and nicer neighborhoods.
In fact, the average American home has nearly tripled in size over the last 60 years, all while the average American family has decreased in members. And if all this increased space isn’t enough, 10% of us rent offsite storage and 25% are unable to park even one car in our garage.
But sometimes I wonder if these bigger homes (and the increased furnishings and material possessions that go inside them) are actually benefiting our lives. And if they are not, are they worthy of our praise and admiration? Is it possible we are looking for “beauty” in all the wrong places?
The concept of home as an ideal for safety and comfort, of acceptance and belonging, is one that resonates with almost everyone. But somewhere along the way, we began chasing a different ideal. “Home” became a place to upscale, store an ever-increasing pile of possessions, and chase a never-realized perfection portrayed in Pottery Barn catalogs and Home-Improvement reality shows.
But what is the purpose of home and what makes the concept beautiful in the first place?
Home is a place to come home to. It offers a place to relax, unwind, and rest. It provides opportunity for interaction among family members—a safe harbor from the storms of life to find acceptance, security, and stability.
But home is also a port of departure when you’re ready to brave the high seas of life again. As John Shedd said, “A ship in harbor is safe, but that is not what ships are built for.” Home offers us rest and security so we can live our best lives in the world outside—accomplishing the most good for the most amount of people.
These are the ideals we should strive for with the home we create: a safe harbor and effective port of departure. And when these ideals are being met, our home is beautiful. We do not need to constantly increase square footage, discounted furniture, or decorations.
In fact, often times, reducing the square footage and/or the number of possessions in our home allows us to better realize those ideals that make a house a home. When our money, time, and energy is not spent accumulating and caring for things that don’t matter, we have more resources available for the things that do.
Last week, my wife and I dropped off dinner at our friends’ new, smaller home. It had been a long day for them full of scans, doctor visits, diagnoses, and treatments. We did not intend to stay long—they needed rest as much as they needed a fresh meal.
However, while dropping off the food I asked my friend how he was liking his smaller home. He said, “It’s great! I no longer have a mortgage payment because we removed that burden when we downsized. We’re in a more stable position financially which is important to me. Sure, we’re still adjusting to living in smaller quarters as a family. But this house is easier to clean and take care of so I can focus more on things that matter. Most importantly, it’s bringing us closer together as a family. And Joshua, that is the thing that means the most to me right now as I fight for my life and theirs.”
I looked around the room one more time. I saw a family growing closer, better prepared in this smaller space for their difficult journey ahead. “Bob, I think it’s beautiful.”
Robin says
Wonderful article. My husband and I have always been somewhat miminalists and never had a large home to impress others – ditto for possessions. We could have easily afford more. As we age, we are “keeping” and “buying” less and less. It is liberating.
Thank you for this article.
Kathryn E Nielson says
Great article, Joshua! My husband and I downsized last year to an apartment from a four-bedroom house after the kids moved out, and we’ve never been happier. When the Illinois snow comes we don’t have to shovel. When something breaks we don’t have to fix it or pay someone else to fix it. There’s a huge debate right now between buy vs. rent. Whatever you choose, doing it within your means for the purpose of freeing up time and valuable energy is the the main thing. Now instead of home projects taking up time and money, I’ve gone back to school!
Judy says
HI Joshua. Very sorry to hear about the battle your friend and his family are facing. God be with them.
So we recently moved and downsized our house— it’s prob half the size and I truly love it. I feel a peace here that I never felt in the bigger house. I got rid of tons of clutter and I wonder why I ever bought that junk in the first place.
Peggy says
Hi Josh,
Your post was beautiful, and I grieve for your friends who are embarking on a long, difficult road with cancer. I just wish you hadn’t chosen the stock photo that you did. The perfect family, beautiful mom, handsome dad, a cute boy and a pretty girl–all dressed in coordinating navy blue moreover!–engaged in the perfect activity of reading a book together under a perfectly decorated artificial Christmas Tree in an immaculately white living room. It is just all the things you are talking about in the post that are NOT important, and, frankly, it looks like it came right out of a Pottery Barn catalog!
Now, no one WANTS to look at the faces of a family facing cancer, but maybe we NEED to. Not this family you are writing about, that would be an invasion of their privacy at this moment, but please, at least a photo of a family unpacking in a disorganized room, or sitting around the table holding hands with concerned expressions on their faces, and most certainly they are not all dressed up to coordinate with their pristine surroundings.
A picture is worth a thousand words, and in this case, I’m afraid the picture speaks louder than your certainly well-crafted and deep-felt words in the post.
Peggy
Judy says
Gosh Peggy… perhaps he was just showing “the perfect” family on purpose. I often wonder why one person always has to see the negative of an act that is only meant for good.
Instead, Joshua I thank you for always being here…
This post is beautiful and will get most of us to appreciate our health and to whisper a prayer for your friend.
Reese says
It’s a beautiful post. But I do understand Peggy’s comment. I’m unemployed and I’ve turned into a caregiver while my 81 YO mother fights lung cancer with very little help from my brother or sister that have nice homes and families. I’m single and live in an apartment – my life thank goodness is simple. The face of someone fighting cancer is not pretty, for that matter neither is mine. I’m not criticizing anyone or the pic I’m just stating an opinion. Thanks for the beautiful article Joshua and I do understand your well made point Peggy.
Peggy Turchette says
Sorry you felt that I was “the one negative” person. That was not at all my intention and I’m sorry it came across like that to you. This is why I rarely comment on posts, and steer clear of social media as much as possible. There’s always “the one person” who has to point out to me how wrong I am to have an opinion that doesn’t agree with theirs.
Are we done now, I hope?
Judy says
I apologize. You do have a right to your opinion.
joshua becker says
Thanks for the feedback Peggy. I understand what you are saying. But the face of cancer can look very different from person to person and from stage to stage. My friend’s family looks more like this family at the present time than you might be assuming.
Toni says
Hmmm… I made no presumption it wasn’t the actual family. It didn’t seem there were enough facts to do so. Further, is the photo more important or the words….
Susan says
I wonder what would happen to our economy if, say, 20% of the population tried this. I don’t mean pursuing wasteful spending, but there is an economic cost to pay with job losses, tax revenues plummeting and so on.
joshua becker says
The economy would change. Becoming minimalist doesn’t mean you stop spending money, it just means you stop spending money on physical possessions you don’t need. You can read more here: A New, Minimalist Economy
Laura says
My problem is that it’s insanely difficult to find a smaller home, and if I do, the taxes and increased energy costs (we have geothermal) won’t decrease the cost of living. With the local and county governments butting in, there’s zero incentive to build smaller, and the only homes under $200,000 are older, cluster homes or attached. Now toss in HOAs and city taxes…pass. I want smaller, but I’ll only get it by buying over-priced land much further out (higher insurance, hospitals further away…etc.) or tearing down my current house and rebuilding small. If that’s allowed anyway.
Stephanie says
I agree, we living in a large city in a small home (2 bedroom, 1 bath, 1181 square feet) and yes we pay more per square feet and pay higher city taxes to live smaller. But we wanted to close to downtown, so we are willing to pay more to do that.
Eva says
Exactly. And no they wouldn’t let you rebuild smaller. Actually in Texas (at least where we are), even if you buy land, you are restricted on how small the house can be, so they tell you for instance it has to be at least 4,000 sf!!! We wanted land and a small house, but that’s impossible unless the house is a complete remodel or a mobile home… so we ended up with a huge house. But we don’t heat or cool all of it and use what we need. Our utilities are the same cost if not less. Same amount of furniture only more space around it. Anyway, I get the point of smaller houses, would love to have one but it can be difficult.
Wendy says
We found out the same. I had back surgery last April, and the doc said I may be back in the next decade for another due to a hereditary deformed unstable spine. So, it made sense to find a home all on one level, so that I wasn’t carrying laundry up and down two flights of stairs. We finally found a development that would let us build their smallest model (1600 sq ft with 2 car garage) so that’s where we landed. After 5 months searching and trying to buy an existing home (no chance in this market – the new build was about $200K less – which is ludicrous). At our ages (mid-60’s), the last thing we want is to upsize our lifestyle. We’d rather help the next generation!
Barb says
Ohhhhh, this was a great post. I wish all of my family and friends would read this.
All excellent points!
I am wondering and hoping you Joshua or your other readers can make suggestions…how do you reduce paper clutter?
I don’t do digital. I’m old fashion and use a file box but I have so many stray papers that need to be saved for awhile and have no homes. They just sit on my dresser looking so messy ! Coupons, receipts, medical papers, papers pending waiting for action on.
I use my file box for insurance policies, statements etc but there’s always random “stuff” with no place to go!
Paper clutter is the worst!!!
joshua becker says
Sounds like you need a new filing system – or to keep less paper.
Mimi says
Barb, Here are some ideas : the medical & dental records & RX info, I would put in 1 folder & keep it accessible- Mark it “Health Records”. If anything should cause you to be hospitalized, then someone can find it & see what RX you are taking or how your last dr visit went, etc. If you are saving receipts to match up with bank statements or credit card statements, then toss in a shoe box in your dresser drawer until you can reconcile them, once reconciled, toss them. Papers waiting to take action on– put in a folder, mark it “TAKE ACTION.” Coupons for eating out or coupons for groceries– put where you will see and use them. Me, I put them in a plastic envelope from the office supply store & keep the envelope in my purse. Hope this helps.
Barb says
Mimi… A great big THANK YOU!
How kind of you to offer ideas! I will try them!
Nadja says
Hi Barb, I can recommend the videos on youtube by a channel named clutterbug (for paper clutter but also for all kind of other clutter) . She has lots of realy good ideas, they helped me a lot!
Barb says
Thank you Nadja!
Iva says
Several years ago, I invested in the Freedom Filer filing system. It was $30+ at the time and it took several days to set up (I had A LOT of paper clutter). However, the initial investment (money and time) has more than made up for.
I have a paper shredder where most of my junk mail gets shredded on a daily basis. Bills get put into a bin until I pay them. Once they get paid, I take the bills out of the current month that are two years old (the system operates on a Even/Odd Year rotation), shred those old bills and file the newer bills.
The funny thing about it: since implementing this filing system, I haven’t had to go back to find a bill – but before the system, I was always needing to and could never find it! (I guess preparation really does keep Murphy away!)
Michelle says
We downsized from a house ( with mortgage, yard/ house work never ending) to apartment living. It’s been 11 years and I don’t regret it ( especially when things go wrong in the apartment- we just make a call and let the landlord worry about it). I’ve become involved with a group called Buy Nothing, it keeps me on track with keeping things basic.
Cally says
Michelle, are these groups BUY NOTHING, all over the US, or just in your area? Sounds like a great group!
Thanks!
Elizabeth says
Look for Buy Nothing groups on FB in your local area.
Elizabeth says
Look for Buy Nothing groups on FB in your local area.
Lori says
I finished reading Heidi last night after my 12-year old daughter told me how much she loved it. So many lessons, but “home” was so perfectly captured. In the book and this article. I wish them the best in this fight!
Judy says
Lori— I never read Heidi, but my granddaughter and I enjoyed Little Women tremendously. Such a beautiful story :)
I think about the March family quite often.
Dee Nowak says
What a beautiful story! I can imagine what a much-needed relief that new home must be.