There is an oft-repeated parable that goes like this:
An old Cherokee is teaching his grandson about life:
“A fight is going on inside me,” he said to the boy.
”It is a terrible fight and it is between two wolves. One is evil—he is anger, envy, sorrow, regret, greed, arrogance, self-pity, guilt, resentment, inferiority, lies, false pride, superiority, and ego.”
He continued, “The other is good—he is joy, peace, love, hope, serenity, humility, kindness, benevolence, empathy, generosity, truth, compassion, and faith. The same fight is going on inside you—and inside every other person, too.”
The grandson thought about it for a minute and then asked his grandfather, “Which wolf will win?”
The old Cherokee simply replied, “The one you feed.”
This is a helpful story. An important one. And there is wisdom we can learn from it.
But that story came to mind as I was thinking recently about another truth in life we need to be equally aware of. The countertruth is this:
There is a “default” position that each of us have in life. This default position does not need to be fed to grow, it just is. And unless that position is fought against (almost constantly), it will be the state that our lives always unintentionally default into.
Think about it in this way. Many people struggle with healthy eating habits. They want to eat healthy and they know they should. But eating healthy only seems to happen when one is focused on it, battling against the default position of too much sugar and too much food. Healthy eating habits (or dieting as an example) only happen when we purposefully lift them up in our lives.
If I’m not purposefully eating healthy, I’m eating unhealthily. The default position is poor eating habits. And it feels like a constant battle—one that must be fought every day— to pursue what is good and right and healthy.
In this case, that wolf does not need to be fed in order to win. It will always win, unless I constantly lift up better habits.
The battle is not against equals. One position is, unfortunately in this case, the default position of life.
Now, this is just one example (one that I think a high percentage of people can relate to). But this idea extends far beyond the things we eat. And they differ from person to person.
One person may be inclined to laziness, another to workaholism.
One person may be inclined to poor physical fitness, another to vanity.
One person may be inclined to overspending, another to selfish frugality.
Other default positions that come to mind include: selfishness, jealousy, misplaced ambition, envy, pride, arrogance, or a contentious spirit.
Each of these, it seems, tend to be the default position of our lives. And only if we consistently war against them will we have (and retain) victory in becoming the person we desire to become.
If generosity is not consistently lifted up in my life, I too often tend toward selfishness. If resolved focus is not consistently lifted up in my life, busyness and distraction become the norm. If love and appreciation for others is not consistently pursued, envy will again show up.
One might realize this truth and respond by saying, “Then what’s the use of trying to change?” Others will reflect upon it, examine their own life for unhealthy defaults, and proceed forward resolved to consistently hold up that which they desire to become.
Be the latter.
What a timely article… I’m currently trying to eat more healthily and changing habits is a constant work in progress. Thanks for this reminder!
The struggle is real. It is tiresome. It is hard. I’m tired of thinking all the time about what I should be intentional about, focused on how I can be better and to overcome the “default”. I have wondered will I constantly be on my toes the rest of my life trying to do the right thing, be healthier and make my life more wonderful. The answer is yes. I will never believe that the way I am right now is my best. The way I think right now will never need to change. The knowledge I have right now is all I’ll need for the rest of my life. I’m an amazing soul, but I know there is always room for me to be better. I have a wonderful family and a happy life, but I want more than I have right now. More stories, more fun, more love. It is a struggle and hard and tiresome, but very rewarding and I’d take the battle rather than settling to think I’m perfect just the way I am.
I am tired of fighting. You mention fighting and I just want to let these bad habits and traits go. I prefer to surrender. Just reading this article made me tired and feel hopeless. What about the simple act of just surrendering to a peaceful better way of living?
Wow this was so needed for me today,
i have been told by my G.P. i need to improve my diet, this i already knew so no surprise, and the sands of time are not running out for me, i need to take heed, after praying i got, Guard Against Greed and if you take the first letter of those 3 words it says GAG, which i thought was hilarious, we cannot have it all, God isn,t a meany but He gives us life to the full, but all in moderation,
I thought the wolf story was amasing, you can apply that wisdom to every area of our life,
thank you so much Joshua, and its a process, i hope i remember this, i remember when God said He was enough, I was enough, and I had enough and enough was enough, this was a good guide for me in all area,s of my life,
have a great week
love Jacqueline xxxx
This is very profound and something that reminds me of how important it is to keep our purpose clear. With a strong purpose, I definitely believe that we can stay on the right track to become the person we want to be.
Easier said than done – much like changing bad habits. I intend to write a few posts on how I personally defeated OCD – which consists of a lot of bad habits. Please keep an eye out, I’d keen to hear your feedback and improve upon the strategy I implemented to change bad habits!
Everyday if we listen we can hear our calling to the self to be the person it is we need to be. Lots of times, for some of us most of the time, it requires much work and effort to respond. When we don’t respond we realize we are not being true to the self and our mission to be our best self. When we do respond we get the feeling of being able to know we are on the right path. Joshua, thank you for your good work and thoughtful words.
“only if we consistently war against them will we have (and retain) victory in becoming the person we desire to become.” That is quite the violent statement. I do not believe we evolve or grow if we are fighting to win
Very enlightening. Thank you.
Thought provoking. Many thanks for sharing these perspectives on things we struggle with on a daily basis.
The best way to keep the wolf In the rear view mirror is to focus on your values, and to develop a system of habits which support those values.
I believe it was in the book “Think” by Blackbrun that it was broken down this way. We have essentially an emotional and an intellectual aspect to each of us. The emotional side is like a perpetual energy machine that will run endlessly. It drives us to follow primitive instincts like ‘eat more fat, sugar, and salt’. Then we have the intellectual aspect. It requires conscious energy and effort. It drives us to eat healthier, to do the right thing. But when it runs low on energy, and we can’t or won’t dig deep to put in the effort it runs down like a clock and that perpetual energy machine kicks in and overtakes it.
AMEN!! Well said!
There will be days when we resort back to the default position but the good news is that every day is a new day. We can start over and get right back on track.
I agree, Mary Jane. I see each day as a new beginning.
Excellent. I am dealing TODAY with a situation to help a woman seemingly stuck in a rut, feeling like she can’t change or get out. I will give her this article and tell her to feed the wolf of self-determination so she can get out of doing the same old thing and being defeated each time. Thanks so, so, so, so much for this advice.
And the parable continues with:
“If you feed them right, they both win.”
“You see, if I only choose to feed the white wolf, the black one will be hiding around every corner waiting for me to become distracted or weak and jump to get the attention he craves. He will always be angry and always fighting the white wolf. But if I acknowledge him, he is happy and the white wolf is happy and we all win. For the black wolf has many qualities – tenacity, courage, fearlessness, strong-willed and great strategic thinking – that I have need of at times and that the white wolf lacks. But the white wolf has compassion, caring, strength and the ability to recognize what is in the best interest of all.
“You see, son, the white wolf needs the black wolf at his side. To feed only one would starve the other and they will become uncontrollable. To feed and care for both means they will serve you well and do nothing that is not a part of something greater, something good, something of life. Feed them both and there will be no more internal struggle for your attention. And when there is no battle inside, you can listen to the voices of deeper knowing that will guide you in choosing what is right in every circumstance. Peace, my son, is the Cherokee mission in life. A man or a woman who has peace inside has everything. A man or a woman who is pulled apart by the war inside him or her has nothing.
“How you choose to interact with the opposing forces within you will determine your life. Starve one or the other or guide them both.”
Last update,first your book good,but things you should know,I am waiting every second for last book story is end.,,,,you are the one to write this book,,,,you should how I am waiting for!!!!!!!!?????@ book is long ….you think is a great book!!!! To me no no no shot book is still great,,,, centre. (P,pP ) that’s life book library) keeps in next generation,,,,,,!!……
Thank you, Joshua. We never, never outgrow our need to be reminded of right things. We put the past behind us, and press on toward the goal.
Love your stuff!
A very interesting article. It encourages us to live up to our ideals or exhibit/posses qualities that we consider desirable. It’s good advice. Of course, as I look back at moments in my life, I find that, to my shame, I did not live up to my own ideals. It is hard not to feel bad about having done or not done things that I should have. I suppose that the thing to do at this point is to move forward, trying to be more aware of things and not feed the “negative wolf” that has colored some of my actions in the past.
I once saw a bumper sticker that read: “It’s never to late to be the person you want to be”. It was a strange place to find this nugget of wisdom but it stayed with me and seems appropriate considering this post.
That sounds so straightforward, Joshua. Chose what you desire to become … how hard it is for those with additions, let alone habits or default pattrns that lead them away from their desired behaviour. Like any pattern though, it is a case of chipping away at it, like learning a new skill, say a musical instrument, progress may be steady for a while, but there are good days and less good days. The thing is to keep striving for your goal. Try to hold on to the good intentions and not be too hard on yourself when you slip back… look at things (including yourself) as work in progress. I like the idea of holding onto ‘resolve’.
The last chapters book story?