“Work to the point your idols become your peers.” —Unknown
Today, I turned 40. It feels weird—especially because it seems like only yesterday I was in my 30’s.
Every so often, it seems, life presents us with opportunities to look back and reflect: the birth of a new year, the death of a loved one, or a milestone birthday.
And on this day, I cannot help but look back and consider the men and women who have helped shape me into the person I am today.
Some of my mentors chose me. But not in every case:
When I was 25 years old, I was offered jobs at two uniquely different organizations. I remember them well. While the general job description was similar between the two, the work environments were entirely different.
My first job offer was in Princeton, NJ. The organization was large—millions of dollars of income each year. Their reputation was impeccable and the dollars were not in short supply. I was offered a healthy salary, once-in-a-lifetime opportunities, floor tickets to the New York Knicks, even admission into Princeton University for graduate work. Our final interview occurred at one of the finest steak houses in the area. The professionally polished leader of the organization sat across from me—and offered his best sales pitch.
Days later, I was offered a job in Menomonie, WI. The town was populated by 20,000 hard-working men and women, a unique blend of farmers and professors. The organization was small—5 employees at the time. Based on typical measures of worldly success, they offered me very little. In fact, our final interview took place around the modest kitchen table of the organization’s leader. To this day, I have looked into the eyes of very few men with more humility, more love, or more commitment to others than this man. The food was pleasant and the conversation rich.
I was only 25 years old. Just starting out. And the decision could not have been more difficult.
The final decision was made 3 days later. My wife and I had numerous conversations with trusted advisors and mentors—some formal, some informal. And then, on a Tuesday night, we went out for dinner to determine our future.
All the details I do not recall, but I do remember one significant factor that ultimately determined our fate more than any other:
I asked myself repeatedly and intentionally, “What type of man do I desire to become? Who would I rather look like when I am 40?”
What would cause a 25-year old man and his young 21-year old wife to choose humility and service over money, prestige, and reputation? I’ll never know. But we did. And we have never regretted the decision.
It is interesting to me as I sit this morning to reflect on my life, that this single decision would resonate as one of the most significant. I can think of little else.
I have a loving family for which I am eternally grateful. I have a wife who selflessly loves others and remains steadfast in her faithfulness and patience for me. My life story features the names and stories of countless mentors who have invested themselves into me and saw far more potential than I ever did.
There are so many things I could dwell on today, but I choose instead to think of one decision above all others.
Maybe because, it was in that moment, I chose the type of man I wanted to become. And I decided to choose humility over the fleeting pleasure of worldly prestige.
Perhaps more than anything else, it is the men and women we choose to set-up as role models and idols that determine the course of our lives. (tweet that)
If we envy those with money and vast personal possessions, these are the people we will emulate.
If we look up to those who live their life in the pursuit of pleasure, pleasure will become our prize.
If we envy those who model selfish abandon for power and prestige, this too, will become our greatest pursuit.
But we get to decide. And if we want, we can always choose humility and selfless concern for others—even in a world that doesn’t. And then, we can surround ourselves with men and women who model it for us.
This, then, can become true of us. Our idols can become our peers.
Anne says
Happy Birthday Joshua. Love your inspiring posts both for their Christian basis and for their reminder and encouragement to keep possessions to a minimum and in their proper place in our lives (i.e. not central to our lives).
Daisy @ Simplicity Relished says
I really love this, Joshua. Even as a twenty-something, I find people around me hustling to get somewhere in life, without thinking about where they’re headed. It is so, so true that we will, with a bit of success, become like the people we admire. Thanks for sharing this, for making the decisions you’ve made, and happy birthday!! :)
Rochelle says
“I find people around me hustling to get somewhere in life, without thinking about where they’re headed.” I love your wording there. Profound, and unfortunately true.
Kelvin Tan says
Happy birthday, Joshua! Really love your post. I totally agree with you.
I’m 25 this year and it happened to me as well last year. I was hungry for money so I chose to pursue career and money over my own health because I wanted to become those rich guys. But when I have those money, I did not feel happy at all (maybe few weeks) and regretted my decision to chase money.
After reading your blog posts, I have realized 3 important things to become a happy person:
a) Minimize possession will greatly reduce stress
b) Be grateful everyday, no matter what happens
c) Health is more important than money
Now, I am a positive guy. In fact, I started my own blog few weeks ago, thanks to your previous post.
Thank you so much for your posts and really looking forward for your next post.
Mike says
40! Happy Birthday!
Don’t blink, I just turned 52… I have no idea how that happened.
Jeffrey Pillow says
Happy Smurf Day. Inspiring post.
Who we look up to and what we deem “success” is indeed a measure of who we are and will become as men (and women).
We mature as we age, sure, but a question I like to ask myself from time to time is: would my 17 year old self approve of this pursuit? Why? Because my 17 year old self was less cynical and always believed the world could be a better place with a positive mindset.
I try to remember who I was half my life ago because that kid had a big heart.
Priscilla says
Happy Birthday. I think you made a good decision.
Nicola says
Happy Birthday!! Our decisions and choices determine our path and who we become and you chose wisely, becoming an inspiration to your readers and a mentor to us :)
Molly says
Happy 40th! We share the same birth year. :)
This post really resonated with me because I had a similar experience right out of college. I had two jobs to choose from, and much to my parent’s dismay, I choose to work at Goodwill instead of a much higher paying, classier job. I never regretted the decision.
Molly says
Ack, “chose”, not “choose”. Also, I currently live in Wisconsin!
joshua becker says
Whoa, so much in common.
Nicole says
Same birth year here, too. Wishing I “knew then what I know now” though. I didn’t discover a more minimalist way of living until the last couple years, and I have a long way to go still! Love this Blog and love reading the comments to feel like I am not alone out there with all this. Thanks Joshua and thanks, all!
April says
Happy birthday! Thank you for the year of calm you’ve given me since I discovered your blog. Hope you’re doing something nice for yourself today.
Rochelle says
I love this. I turned 26 in September, and while I’ve been with the same company for almost five years, I can feel this type of decision-making in other areas in my life. After having pursued the typical 50s-style goals (office job at 21, married at 22, mortgage at 24, baby at 25), I’ve been moving toward minimalism slowly but surely. I spent Black Friday filling the trunk of my Mazda2 with Good Will donations. We paid off my car in November and, after we buy a reliable car for my husband, we’ll pay off my student loans.
I could probably pursue more pay and more stuff, but the question you asked yourself at my age is right–that’s not the person I want to be when I’m 40. So there’s no reason it should be the person I am now.
Happy birthday! And for your birthday present, I will admit that I laughed out loud at your joke. :) Thank you for becoming the type of person I want to emulate.