I once read a quote that said, “Do not judge by appearances; a rich heart may be under a poor coat.” And I can’t emphasize it enough.
We are a society quick to judge the success of others based on external appearances. But I can’t think of a more foolish metric to utilize.
Some psychologists argue this is natural for humans. “Our unconscious mind starts from whatever objective data is available to us—usually spotty—and helps to shape and construct the more complete picture we consciously perceive.”
I suppose this makes sense to me. But here’s the problem:
We’re terrible at it! Like really, really bad.
In fact, in one study, scientists asked students at a Chinese university to look at selfies and evaluate the personalities of the people pictured in five key personality characteristics. The students were wrong 80% of the time!
80% of the time they were unable to determine the personality or character of a person based solely on appearance.
And yet, we continue to do it—over and over again. Often tricking ourselves into thinking we do it well.
But the proverb stands true, “Do not judge by appearances; a rich heart may be under a poor coat.”
When we hear it, we know it is true. Judging a person based on external appearances is a foolish metric and we all know it.
For one reason, external appearances are easy to manipulate.
Symbols of success can be easily acquired by those who are not successful. Meanwhile, many successful people choose not to display their success with external symbols.
Do you know how easy it is to purchase a flashy car on credit? Or how quickly you can get ahead financially by simply buying a reasonable one? Night and day.
But this isn’t a post about financial success. This is about choosing to not judge others by external appearance.
I have a good friend who lives on the other side of the country. Years ago, when a special needs newborn was abandoned at their local hospital, she and her husband offered to raise the child as their own.
Their new daughter would require almost 24 hour attention for the rest of her life, and yet, they chose to adopt her and bring her into their family.
Decades later now, my friend is not going to turn any heads when she walks into a room.
She doesn’t pull into a parking lot driving an expensive vehicle. She doesn’t wear the latest styles or expensive jewelry. The emotional and physical toll of raising her daughter 24 hours/day for the last 20 years shows on her face and physical appearance as you might imagine it would.
From all outward appearances, there is nothing that would impress you about her.
But on the inside, she may be the strongest, sweetest, kindest, most compassionate human being I’ve ever met. She is wiser than most anyone else in the room. And her heart is beautiful.
That’s the thing about judging by external appearances.
Most people trying to impress you with them aren’t worth emulating.
And those living the most meaningful lives have long since given up trying to impress you with a fancy coat.
Peggy Sabau says
I try to live by the quote, “If all the other people in the world were blind but you, what would it take to make you happy?”
It keeps me grounded.
Liz says
Great quote, it reminded me of what the Lord said in, 1 Samuel 16:7: The Lord does not look at the things people look at. People look at the outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart.”
Kristen Messenger says
Agree! I try and teach this to my teenagers. They tend to be enamored by fancy cars, clothes, homes… etc. and say they must have a lot of money! I always say nope! All you know is they have that “stuff” they may be living pay check to paycheck and totally stressed out all the time! We live a modest life and have the peace of mind we will be able to retire early and have what we need❤️
Devika says
They will do that….it’s a part of evolution and growth. With time, if they are intelligent perceptive and introspective….they will transcend the notion of flashy stuff and fancy card and the latest gadgets
Anna says
What a beautifully written article Joshua! I just love how you so powerfully reminded us of what’s important and what’s not and shared such a powerful experience of your dear friend. There are many angels under plain coats, aren’t there!
Peggy Thiele says
This is why I have dogs…
Cindy says
When I had a career in sales “don’t judge a person by their looks/clothes/etc” was drummed into our heads. It was called the “Beverly Hillbillies Philosophy”. Old Jed Clampitt didn’t look like much on the outside but his kind heart and very fat bank account contradicted his rough exterior!
Bianca says
Thank you Joshua, something I needed to hear.
sheila says
after ten years of hands on caregiving my beloved parents with multiple complex health issues… well this just brought me to tears. i remember getting away for an afternoon to walk thru my town’s art and wine festival. i overheard someone clearly talking about me from
behind. it was two women i’d previously worked with. they didn’t know i heard them but it broke me. instead of saying hello, they were opining about how i looked like i’d gone downhill. i wasn’t zushed up in nail paint, floppy sun hats, full makeup and in pretty dresses like they were, but i certainly didn’t look like i was gutter bound. these are people i‘d had a great working relationships with. i know i shouldn’t have cared but my overwhelmed 24/7 caregiver self was crushed. other women are the light of my life, but we women can also be the cruelest beings i know. i’ll never understand meanness. i’m no saint, but i would NEVER pretend not to see a person even if i thought they appeared to me to be ‘down on their luck’. hell, i’d still be kind even if said person appeared gutter bound. humans deserve respect and kindness regardless of their circumstances.
Dale says
She is more righteous than I am,,
This is simple living, empathy given to raise but single soul from destruction. It won’t be forgotten forever…
Judy says
So sorry that happened to you you,Sheila. Those ladies were acting like cruel/immature school kids. Don’t let that incident weigh too heavily on your heart. It speaks volumes to their characters. God was walking by your side… the two sets of footprints.
Cheryl says
Please watch “The Lost Husband” on Netflix or whever you can. Addresses this very thing and you will LOVE it!
Mer says
This was so powerful and so correct.
Betsy says
I feel your pain. Sometimes women are so quick to kick other women to the curb. As my mother would say these are not the people you want in your life. True but it still hurts.
Rukmini Reddy says
I like your blog. I am a minimalist but surrounded by different people who buy stuff and don’t care to throw them away. Even the good will places where they collect donated items are filled up and are not able to sort them out; are overflowing..
I heard all the clothes that are not being sold are taken to far away like garbage and disposed of like garbage.
These clothes are not good for other countries as the countries grow cotton and make their own clothes which is their lively hood and that would be stopped if they take these donated clothes.
So my friends don’t think all your donated clothes are being used by some poor or unfortunate people and think u are doing a favor by donating to goodwill. well it is better to donate instead of putting in the garbage by you; instead let the people in
good will decide what to do with them.
Its better to be a minimalist and buy less.