“Owning less is far more beneficial than organizing more.” – Twitter / Facebook
We are a culture drowning in our possessions. We take in more and more (holiday, birthdays, sales, needs), but rarely find opportunity to discard of it. As a result, our homes fill up with so much stuff. And because we believe the best solution is to find organizational tools to manage all of it, we seek out bigger containers or more efficient organizational tips and tricks. But simply organizing our stuff (without removing it) is always only a temporary solution. By definition, organizing our possessions is an action that must be repeated over and over and over again.
At its heart, organizing is simply rearranging. And though we may find storage solutions today, we are quickly forced to find new ones as early as tomorrow. Additionally, organizing (without getting rid of our stuff and decluttering) has some other major shortcomings that are rarely considered:
- It doesn’t benefit anyone else. The possessions we rarely use sit on shelves in our basements, attics, and garages… even while some of our closest friends desperately need them.
- It doesn’t solve our debt problems. It never addresses the underlying issue that we just buy too much stuff. In fact, many times, the act of rearranging our stuff even costs us more as we purchase containers, storage units, or larger homes to house it.
- It doesn’t turn back our desire for more. The simple act of organizing our things into boxes, plastic bins, or extra closets doesn’t turn back our desire to purchase more things. The culture-driven inclination to find happiness in our possessions is rarely thwarted in any way through the process.
- It doesn’t force us to evaluate our lives. While rearranging our stuff may cause us to look at each of our possessions, it does not force us to evaluate them—especially if we are just putting them in boxes and closing the lids. On the other hand, removing possessions from our home forces questions of passion, values, and what’s truly most important to us.
- It accomplishes little in paving the way for other changes. Organizing may provide a temporary lift to our attitude. It clears a room and subsequently clears our mind, but rarely paves the way for healthy, major lifestyle changes. Our house is too small, our income is too little, and we still can’t find enough time in the day. We may have rearranged our stuff… but not our lives.
On the other hand, the act of getting rid of stuff from our home accomplishes many of those purposes. It is not a temporary solution that must be repeated. It is an action of permanence—once an item has been removed, it is removed completely. Whether we re-sell our possessions, donate them to charity, or give them to a friend, they are immediately put to use by those who need them.
Removing possessions begins to turn back our desire for more as we find freedom, happiness, and abundance in owning less. And removing ourselves from the all-consuming desire to own more creates opportunity for significant life change to take place.
If you’re struggling with how to get rid of stuff, you can:
1. Challenge yourself to remove the unneeded things in your home.
2. Rid yourself of the extra weight in a permanent manner.
3. Carry a trash bag from room-to-room.
4. See how big of a donation pile you can make.
5. Eliminate debt by selling what you no longer need.
It doesn’t matter so much how you remove them, as long as you do. For it is far better to de-own than to always be decluttering.
I would like to thank you for all the helpful strategies this page provides. When my parents passed, I was left in charge of all of their belongings. It was overwhelming but with your suggestions, I was finally able to complete the 4 year task. Now I am decluttering and donating my own items as I would never want my children burdened in the same way. As I select items to donate, I have noticed that most of them were gifts. Many I did not really like but felt obligated to keep. It has been so freeing to let them go and I feel so much better now. I love having more space & less dusting. Less is more for sure! ?
Your comment has really started something in me. I too have recently had to empty out my parents house and it was a mammoth task but reading your comment helped me greatly to let go of the stuff that meant absolutely nothing to the family. We all kept something we actually liked from home and the rest went either to the charity shop or the skip. I have now started on my own home getting rid of so much stuff that means nothing to me but was a gift or given to me by someone and I kept them as I felt bad giving them away but not liking them. I have given myself until Christmas/New Year to sort out my own house and get back my spare bedroom which we couldn’t use as it is full of stuff I don’t want anymore and what was the kids playroom which I want as a hobby room and home office.
I really wish I could de-own. Hubby and I have taken care of and lived with my MIL for last 18 yrs so most of my stuff is in garage waiting to move into a house where it can be used on a daily basis.
Now we are getting ready to move and notice that my husband, who sells stuff on eBay, has a hoarding issue. Things he was supposed to sell a year ago are still in our garage. Now there are more of his boxes to move than mine?.
We are going to have to store all of this in a storage unit that we will have to pay an hefty fee for (since rates are high) for a year – we are living with family till we get jobs and a place to live.
I keep looking at all of it- like why am I spending money to move this across the country. Then I just want to set fire to it all and say forget it. ???.
I stopped buying stuff a long time ago. I just don’t want to move what we have. I’m tired of packing.
I’d say give it away or throw it away as soon as possible.
I, too, have lived in 9 states and hauling this crap around now is more than ridiculous. But I got his book, The MORE of less and baby, I could not haul it away fast enough. My home is now more streamlined and not piled away with just stuff. I’d say get rid of it now. The freedom I feel is unparalleled. Like Nike, just do it.
Start boxing for the charity shop or skip. You cant hold on to everything. If you hav’nt used it in the last six months you dont need it. Get rid of the lot.
I lost my ten year old daughter in 1993 suddenly. I moved into a smaller home so I put all of our things in storage. I paid it for a year thinking that in a year I would be able to handle seeing all of her things. I put in all our photo albums and portraits of the kids on canvas. My daughter’s bedroom set and my hope chest and sewing machine.After a few months the owner called me to ask if he could move my things overhead because he had a chance to rent the garage. I agreed and said I would see him in February to remove everything. When the year was up I found out the owner had died, his wife never knew he rented me the attic and all of our things were gone. The new owner cleaned out and never tried to find me. The kids were heart broken. All of their childhood memories were gone . So i sat them down and explained that the same thing happens in a fire . You lose everything and escape with your life. I explained it was all just stuff and although it can’t be replaced we still have our beautiful memories of life with Connie and nothing can take that away . I feel the same way today. If there ever was a fire I’m taking the pets and that is all that matters.
That is so beautiful. So sorry for your loss but you are definitely honoring your Daughter ?
That’s a cool way to look at it . Thank
Great and very beautiful story. It really touches me and inspires me to write more. Thank you.
Ok. Great comments! I had a garage sale, made a few $ hundred…then at the end of the garage sale I said…ok, everything left is very cheap or free, talk to me! I had people grabbing and walking and I only had 1 table of stuff left after the sale…it worked great!
Also…if you can start a declutter by getting rid of huge items first, then you get an immediate visual impact….it’s a boost.
And the little stuff or paperwork? Go through those piles when you are watching TV anyway. Also, listen to a really good book on tape/audio book while you are decluttering, it makes the process so much more enjoyable and you keep going/working just to listen to the story : )
“Our “Stuff” is not who we are but a reflection of our values and tastes. It varies for each person but I think the main thing is to have ones needs met and have a few things that truly give you comfort.”
It is an eye opener
Been on this journey awhile, but just recently figured out it had a name, & came across this blog, devouring all the posts and comments, But Teresa, post Jan 21-2016- the thread. You began, made realize , some things that I have been trying to, figure out for years , with you and the rest of the comments, it’s like a light bulb has came on, I hope this reaches all of you, and to poster KELI- 11-1-16, you left your email. To reach out to talk. & for support, if you get this comment I hope that applies , to anyone that could use some support. With having the same situation. & who is actually figuring out this path, in its entirety, Thanks so much for this blog, and to anyone else, reading this, I for one , do go. Back and read even the old , comments , great tips
Disowning versus de-cluttering really resonated as I’m starting to rationally minimalize, a lot of it is containers I bought for stuff I don’t use. I forget about it Brevard because it’s contained.
another challenge is working at a school- thinking this can probably be repurposed without me spending more$later.
The 3 bags I’ve taken so far are quite freeing.
Thanks Josh!
Our “Stuff” is not who we are but a reflection of our values and tastes. It varies for each person but I think the main thing is to have ones needs met and have a few things that truly give you comfort.
As far as other people going overboard or not understanding your desire for decluttering, deowning, voluntary simplicity, minimalism,
you won’t have an understanding from other people if they can’t have an open conversation and care to listen.
I hear things about places like goodwill that for instance get so much clothing that some of it ends up in a landfill. I think they should lower their prices (they are the highest of all the thrift stores) and that would hopefully sell more and folks would get a better bargain.
Yes, to this date they keep doing it. It is a steal. I am working on finding new places to donate for good causes!
I need a clearer understanding of dis-owning and decluttering. All along we know organizing help to keep a house clean but since I became a MINIMALIST. Organizing is not sustainable infact it make u to have more stuffs. But since I stated decluttering a year ago I have come to understand the need to let go of even sentimental things that brings bad memories and other stuffs. But sometimes we declutter to organize some left over stuffs. So I can say organizing is still part of Decluttering just that if you Declutter a good number of stuffs there won’t be need of organizing at all times. But dis-owning I don’t really understand it
I just took about 30 coffee mugs out of my kitchen cabinet and put them in a box in my closet. All were given to me as gifts. I have trouble parting with them. I give stuff away every month but why can I not part with mugs
Take a selfie with each mug then bless someone else with the chance to use it. I assume they are probably teacher or grandma or mom mugs. Then you can remember them and you can move on with blessing someone else
The mugs are likely the tangible cue associated with a feeling or memory. You included each mug was a gift to you. How are your connections with the people that gifted them to you? Do the mugs correlate with decisions or paths along life’s journey? Resolving and/or honoring these relationships and/or moments in your life is way to “disown” the object or mug while acknowledging what it cues for you. Take a picture or video of yourself acknowledging the memories or path chosen associated with each mug and share it with those people or with others. Post the mug and gift each with a note to the recipient extending your memory to the use in their life. What do the mugs say in your thoughts when you see them. How do you feel? Start with one. And then there are some things we love and keep. If so, start using them! Let others use them and share who you are and what they speak to you. It’s okay to be present, vulnerable and keep those mugs. When you use them (e.g. water plants, tea, drinks, cocoa, soup, salts, and so in), the use may open up you acknowledging them for what they mean /give to you or even your fears and release you of your attachment to them. Bring them to life and enjoy. Let go and enjoy your mugs!
Charlotte – start small with the coffee mugs. Maybe toss the ones that are chipped and donate those that have company names that no longer exist. I tend to keep most things that were given to me as gifts but am a non-shopper. I don’t add much to my own accumulation pile and still I have a lot. I feel it’s important to not have a set number of same like items you should keep or even same like items you need to get rid of. For the mugs – release the ones that are the oldest and look it. If you have enough mugs to drink from – you will never miss them or look back. I also repurposed a few outdated mugs to hold my permanent markers. I use 3 mugs for that and separated the markers by color. The mugs are stored in a cabinet by my stove where I also keep greeting cards and envelopes. When Christmas gift wrapping time comes – I just move the 3 mugs to my wrapping station (my dining room table). :) Use the coffee mug discards to hold pens, pencils, paper clips, rubber bands, erasers and anything else they might be useful for. Even small pantry items such as sugar packets could be stored in them. Plastic forks, knives & spoons could be kept in 3 different mugs. You get the idea. Once you’ve repurposed or donated the outdated ones, tossed the badly chipped ones – you’ve made some headway. If you have 25 left, oh well. You still made progress. Continue to do the same with other kitchen items such as cookbooks. Even if all you get rid of is one or two – that is still progress. I have very few cookbooks compared to many people I know and still found I could donate or discard one big cookbook and 4 smaller ones, 5 total. One was for a Cuisinart I no longer own and another was for a Magic Bullet which I’ve never owned. Who knew until I decided to take a closer look. Find ways to declutter/disown as you go along your normal days and routines. Maybe you have stacks of unread or even read magazines in your family room. Decide to recycle or give away the two or three oldest issues of every type. You are continuing to lessen the number of your possessions in a non stressful all or nothing way. Having clear tables, counter tops and open space gives me a sense of peace. I don’t want my house filled with items I can no longer use or have a need for. Good luck!
I love the idea of using them us pen ect holders.
I had many chip cups.
I now use them to house small sucllents.
But also hours
I was going to buy a 360 storage rotarer unit for my craft. .
Found I had a large clea22r lazy Susan rotarer , I brought for the purpose entertaining I forget about this
It was tucked away garage .
Take a selfie as suggested, or pics alone, then make a bright, fun “coffee mug” book. Put it in a nice wire stand in your kitchen. Make it so you can add pages as you accumulate and discard mugs through the years and even write a little snippet of who gave it to you, why you loved it and who, where you passed it onto. A book takes up far less room and you get to peruse and enjoy them easily just by flipping a page.
*You can also do this as a file on your phone if you don’t want a physical book.
“Carry a trash bag from room-to-room.” – This is a fantastic tip!
Not only will I try this myself, but I will share this with my mom too. What happens is that we are so used to cleaning our own room that we sometimes forget that we could also “carry a trash bag from room-to-room” and clean the rooms of other people(with their permission sure) and the hallways and other areas of the house.
Yes, THIS!
Often people seek to simply declutter/organize their stuff when in reality to really see and feel a difference in their lives they should be de-owning AND making sure to break the consumption cycle to ensure unnecessary things do not make their way back into the home.
My husband and I have been steadily simplifying our lives for the past 3 years and have really ramped it up the last year or so. During this time we moved cross country and realized just how much STUFF we had accumulated over the years at our prior house. It really was eye opening and we vowed never to let that happen again.
Our families have been critical, which has been the toughest part. They are of the “you can’t get rid of that – what if you need it someday?” generation. I literally fear having to clean out our parent’s houses in the future when the time comes.
Our parents are also big-time gift givers and are constantly flooding us and our children with physical gifts. It’s tough because we don’t want to be rude or upset them, but we are very strict about things we bring into our home. We try to encourage non-physical gifts, things like zoo passes, etc., but they get offended at our suggestions and imply they are not “real gifts.”
It is so frustrating, but we will not change our lifestyle. Going through this process the last few years has been so freeing. Not letting the things you own, own you. Being able to focus on the things that matter, like spending time with our children. Having some extra money now for things like family vacations because we have essentially stopped buying random things.
It feels great to see that there are like-minded people out there (and to confirm that we’re not crazy!), so thanks!
Maddie @ Simplified & Satisfied Blog
Tell your folks, if you buy someone an experience they’ll remember it for life, buy someone a jacket they’ll like it for xxx days
The things I care about most in life are experiences and curiosity
The toughest part of becoming more eco-concious and a lot more minimalistic in our family was my and my husbands families. I can’t understand how our loved ones, our parents or siblings, or even friends can so brutally shame our decisions. We were and still are, even after 2years after telling everyone our priorities, shamed and made fun off, with words like we are crazy to want only loved and natural things in our home, how we are so poor (!!!) to not own a lot, we are still receiving things we dont need just becouse they think were too poor to buy them… And people dont listen. If anyone will read my comment and you have the same troubles, just dont quit your journey, if it makes you happy. It doesnt, matter if its your parents or friends are making fun of you or offending you, everything that matters is that you are happy with your decisions
I love the idea of de-owning in stead of de-cluttering. Ownership attests to the idea that we are creating success when we have “things” that we and others can see. As you have mentioned if you simply organise or re-organise your possessions, they are still there and it does not:
* benefit anyone else
* it does not solve the overriding desire to own more
* it does not allow us to work out why we want to keep acquiring things, and
* it does not make room for the possible change that we could be experiencing.
I would also add that perhaps this desire springs from a lack of love in our lives, and we need to fill that gaping hole. To overcome that kind of issue I believe we need to understand and release those hidden, underlying beliefs, attitudes and behaviours that continue to do us throughout life. When you can get to that point of contentment with self, the desire to own more possessions may well abate.
Love this! Very eloquently stated along with some very helpful insight.
I need help
I shared this blog with my mom who’s 71 and it put a bee in her bonnet! She has started cleaning out her entire house saying she’s so tired of having things around her to take care of. I’m grateful because it means less that my sister and I will have to deal with down the road.
It got me inspired too. I didn’t realize how much stuff I had until I started going through it. I come back to this site often to keep me on the right path.
Decluttering has led to de-owning to now I don’t want to bring in unneeded stuff. I love to see how it’s evolving. My daughter who is 11 has caught on too. She told me she doesn’t want presents anymore, just experiences. That blew my mind! I guess it’s becoming multi-generational now:)
Good luck to everyone on this journey! It can feel really hard at times and then so incredibly rewarding.
I just turned 70 so I share your mom’s sentiment You come to a place in your life, and ask why did I BUY this? what in the world was I thinking? You can’t really own anything is the real truth. The real kicker for me as I see most of my life now is in the rear view mirror, is that we don’t bargain with God at the end about taking things and God answers ok, if you must, bring your TOP 10 things with you. NO, a million times NO, come to our SENSES now, we take nothing. Because of this TRUTH I want to let go now! Free myself for God’s Kingdom and unpack my Life. This practice has freed me like nothing I could have ever imagined even five years ago. It is amazing, profound the “letting do” is like miraculous. Try it. You will remember what I have said here. Be free everyone, who we are all supposed to be anyway. Let your SPIRIT fly!
Like the article, but what is the difference between decluttering and de-owning? Thanks!
Decluttering is finding a place to store it. De-owning is finding a place to give it.
Who am I?
Take away my possessions and what is left?
My mind, thoughts and interests
My skills and creativity
My emotions
My senses
My faith
Me
Am I enough?
I love this! Did you write it? I wonder if I began buying and collecting out of low self esteem? Something to think about.
This is beautiful. This is the essence of minimalism… a process of discovering ourselves. Thank you for sharing this. It is truly inspirational.
You are so much more than enough Ray. You are a whole living Being, bestowed with your Life, and all you are. You can certainly love things, enjoy them but not have to “own” them. They will own you, because you need a place to put them, store them, move them and that becomes a chore, after time. See it, love it, let it go. In a religious way it seems I read if you think this is something, wait till you get to Heaven! Taking a picture of your things helps you hang onto them and you can “see” them anytime you like, but not have to own them, house them. Best Wishes, you are more than enough.
Beautiful :)
Ok here’s something I’ve realized about myself recently.
On one hand I can be a very generous open handed person – then every now and again this ugly side comes out and I think “ No! That’s mine – I don’t want to share “. And it’s about the STUPIEST things. I’m helping to throw a friend a baby shower. We need index cards for advise. I have a stack of at least 50 – I can’t recall the last time I used or needed them. Not to mention I could get a new pack for a buck. So why did an ugly “ nope they are mine, maybe I need them” thing come up? This is more retocrical. I know it’s not logical. I’m happy to use them vs them just sitting.
But it’s something I’ve noticed as I’m pretty far into decluttering. We stared about 5 years ago. Got rid of our huge storage unit. We piled it all into a 26’ truck and unloaded it into the backyard of the house we were renting.
We went through so many boxes and most we took 1-2 things out. The rest we did a number of yard sales, dono, gifts to friends.
Your stuff owning you rings so true to me. Especially when I have a moment of freaking out over $1 worth of index cards. I just push past it. But I’m always amazed the emotions that can come up about stuff.
You are right! Deculttering can bring up so many emotions. I had a similar experience last night. I had taken my phone charger to my brother’s house and was showing my niece because it is ten feet long! I love that it’s pink, but I regretted ordering one that’s so long! My niece LOVED it and said “I’ll take it!” OH, there was that moment of thinking: I spent good money on this, I need to keep it and use it, etc . . . . But I have two more just like it (that I can’t find–LOL!), and my niece’s joy at receiving it was worth more than my keeping it. And hey, she’ll think of me when she uses it! Win-win!
It’s not ugly to like ur stuff ur just judging urself.
The way I was able to live clutter free for six months was to rent a storage space and move all the things I really wasn’t sure I wanted to get rid of, but really needed to.
Once all those things were out of my home, it was like magic. Poof! My house-sized junk drawer became my home again. :) After six months I started to pull things out and sell-ebay/donate/give away to friends (even strangers). Try sitting at a local Starbucks with a pile of stuff (books, electronics, CDs, DVDs, etc, etc.) with a sign that says FREE! I got a LOT of free coffee from total strangers who needed stuff.
Today, I still have a LONG way to go, but I at least my home looks tidy and I don’t have boxes of stuff anymore. The six month storage rental was well worth the investment.
These posts are so motivating as Maggi says! Ive been decluttering for last 18 months as we are selling our acreage and moving into a smaller house we are building. Am craving less stuff and more time to travel, live in smaller but clean open spaces with less furniture, less cleaning, and cupboards not brimming with ‘ just in case’ things. Have sold nearly $5000 of ‘things’ books from old hobbies, pot plants, bags, china, furniture, jewellry, electronics, antiques, all no longer used but useful for others. Then there are loads of donated clothing, linens and decor. I stop and read these great posts for further inspiration. It helps me go back and revisit duplicates and lots of office stuff that could go- you know recycled perfect condition gift bags and ribbons that will come in handy but they pile up. I hate waste and being brought up with few possessions have retained things that should be let go. It is getting easier and the house is feeling ‘lighter’ for want of a better word…As someone else said…if i buy one thing 2 or 3 things are removed completely- in a box and off to charity, sold or thrown out. I shop less and if i do, i look at things and say yes nice- but not necessary and its just another thing i don’t want to spend energy on storing and cleaning it! Am learning to live with less and enjoy it. We just need the makers of all the rubbish being produced to stop making useless items that are used for a short time for a fashion/decor trend and end up discarded to landfill. We need to now globally par back the useless ‘ stuff’ being produced and enjoy fewer quality things in our lives. Thanks for sharing your stories everyone and keep up the good work towards owning less stuff for living a good clutter free life.
It was very motivating to read all the posts! So many people seem to be going through the same thing, having problems, stressful feelings, difficulty letting things go. It really can hold you back, from life. I have started getting rid of things I do not need. I have been staying away from stores, & feel good about not buying more stuff. I think that is a real big help. It feels so good to clear out stuff, donate clothes, kitchen items, etc. I would rather wait and purchase something really nice, good quality that I will get a lot of use out of, instead of buying for the sake of buying. I think it has finally clicked! Now I have more peaceful feelings as I embark on my decluttering, getting rid of old stuff journey. I look forward to organizing my things and my life. It is time to live in the present and enjoy my family. I do not want my boys to be left with “stuff”. As I learn how to keep only what I need, and declutter, I can share my joy with my family and help them. I really look forward to having more social time , inviting family and friends to our home. Life is too short to let “stuff” keep us from enjoying it. I thank everyone for sharing their stories!
Good luck with the process!
I really appreciate your post. It is amazing that how easy it it to accumulate much…even if it appears that I don’t have much… Learning to live in the present moment allows me to have an easier time taking inventory of my stuff and my spirit. ☺
Hey thanks for sharing about your moms, I started today so my daughter does not end up with this or my husband, pack rat here!
After my mother died, I inherited a number of things from her that I can’t see myself ever using. I desperately want to sell them, but my brother doesn’t want to see them go out of the family. He doesn’t have children, but I know my children will never want these items either. One thing in particular takes up a fair amount of room in my closet…much too much room for something I’ll never use.
How do I tell my brother that that this is my decision of what to do with these things? I’ve already told him that I’ll never use them and in fact, I had told our mother when she made up her will I didn’t want them, but she willed them to me anyway. I don’t want to hurt my brother, but…
Suggestions?
Set a date a week from now to sell the items. Contact you brother and inform him of your plans. If you don’t need the money from the sale tell him to come pick up everything before that date. If you do need the money tell him if he really wants the items he can buy them from you. If your brother wants to keep these things in the family he should take responsibility for them.
Tell your brother to take the stuff. Simple.
If he does not respond, take pictures for online or printed album so they can be revisited in his and your imagination. This helps me pass on things I don’t use any more.
I sold my mom’s China, because I wanted it to go to someone who wanted it, searched for it, found it, paid for it and was delighted to take it. My sons and their children did not want it. Felt good to see it go to someone who did.
WOW, So glad I looked at all the posts it was a major pick me up. I get upset with myself. Feel like a looser. I too have door bell anxiety. I have had many major issues to tackle and filled the void with stuff. I have been working on this a little at a time. Just like extra body weight, this didn’t happen over night and it wont go away over night. I see many similar traits in my son, who makes hurtful comments about me being a hoarder. I am not. But, I do need to get rid of some things and not feel guilty.
Thank you ,,,, for being brave to share your thoughts and the truth.
I had a maddening (one-sided) conversation with my mom last night. They are pressed to leave their current place (been staying free for the past months) since the owner- relative is coming home, and my mom is frantic. She doesn’t want to move into my grandma’s house (granny passed 2 yrs ago), because…get this… the room is so full of boxes of MY MOM’s STUFF. She’s so upset that there’s no room to move about, because of HER OWN STUFF!! I couldn’t say anything , because anything I say would trigger an angry tirade from her. Anyway, they’ve been financially stricken, but have boxes and boxes of stuff: Kitchen items, cutlery, dining sets, unused clothing, new towels, new beddings, etc. She’d bemoan the towels they use are old and ratty, but I saw her packing away SEVERAL BRAND NEW TOWELS. I tried suggesting they do a garage sale and enjoy the income from all the items, hoping she’d perk up at the idea of having that much-needed money..but noooo, she lambasted me about “not having anything, and having to start from scratch at such an old age, so they need all those things!” They’re almost 70 yrs old… My dad is totally NOT a hoarder, and I see how depression is hitting him hard, having to put up with my mom’s tirades, spending and continuous crazy hoarding. I’ve distanced myself from her to keep my sanity, and now my mom’s on my case for not helping them and being so uncaring. A mentor taught us to “stay away from emotional vampires”…my mother has all 8 traits and characteristics of being an emotional vampire…staying away from her has VASTLY helped me regain my self-confidence, zest for life, positivity and even boosted my career! But the other night’s one-way phone conversation sucked me back to her world, her words (she’s been dishing out the same victim lines for the past 20+ yrs!!), her need for a HUGE amount of money to pay rent for a new place (which they haven’t even found yet), buy new furniture , etc etc… Sorry to use this space to rant, I just need to get it out of my system.
Rant Away-It Helps!
Your mom needs professional help. Would she go to counseling?
I’ve just moved to a new city after nearly 20 years in the same house. I filled two large dumpsters from the old house, donated tons of furniture to charity and made a lot of trips to good will. Still here in my two bedroom apartment I’m overwhelmed. I can’t decide if it’s the stress and anxiety of a new move that’s doing it or something else but I feel a real need to purge belongings.
I unpacked my kitchen on day one then yesterday on day three tossed out a dozen coffee cups, wine glasses, some pans I never use, etc. I went in the den and tosses out some old CDs, extra junk and thinks I don’t know why I’m keeping. Today I’m going to goodwill to drop off more stuff and over a dozen pieces of art I have (nice but not really valuable). I’ve done a good job unpacking essentials I’ll use but now I’m left with things I’ve accumulated over they years, did I buy them due to depression, OCD, anxiety, for comfort? I think so. A lot of what I have I now see is a result of me trying to define myself in one way or another. I really don’t need or want all this stuff any more.
When the moving truck came (corporate move) I was reminded of years ago how I drove over the road and lived in a truck for weeks on end. I had a storage locker at home for stuff but really didn’t have much and stayed with my folks on home time. There was something very appealing about being able to life with so little.
As I move now into a job with much more responsibility maybe my fear of “stuff” is just a manifestation of my desire to go back to the simpler time. Maybe it’s just my way of not dealing with the anxiety and stress of a new career. It’s a great career move, a great city and I really hated my old job. But it’s change. I wish I could clarify this sudden urge to declutter and understand it better. I know I feel much better with every bag I toss and I’m not throwing everything out. I hope it’s the right thing for the right reason.
Of course you are overwhelmed! Moving after 20 years, massive de cluttering…give yourself a break! Go with your gut feeling, your instincts, which are telling you to keep going on this path to rid yourself of this “stuff”…no need to question it, it just “is” in my opinion…it’s the right time :)
Hello
I am so very much struggling. I just went into the spare room and walked out almost in tears. I don’t know where to begin. I have photos I have been sorting and getting rid of. It’s over whelming I just walk away. This is how it always seems to be. I feel like I don’t know how to break through. It is burdensome to me. It almost seems like I need someone here to help me get going. One thing is I don’t know what to do with all these photos that remain. I feel like getting rid of everything. I have books that sit on the shelf and they are all good books and self help books but sigh…more burdens. I have self help coarse I took and all these notes I hang onto because I should review them. I work full time and days off I find mostly are resting and having no motivation to start much except cook a bit and doing laundry. Dare I say I wouldn’t be sad if I lost all my stuff? Just looking for help, some advice and not sure how the best way is to tackle this overwhelming stuff I own. I want to have a neat and tidy house with not much stuff that I can maintain while working full time. Is there something you would recommend for a beginner who wants to live minimally?
My advice Tracy, is to be kind to yourself. Don’t keep anything because you should keep it or you should do something with it. Should is a four letter word. Why should you do anything? Keep the things you want, let go of what you don’t want. Identify the strengths you have now (instead of what the self-help books say you should have), and be proud of them (are you courageous, persistent, compassionate…). Working out what makes your life richer and more joyful and letting go of what doesn’t will be easier when you know you are good enough as you are. Celebrate small victories, give yourself a break and take care of yourself.
Good luck!
And do the photos last – they’re hard to make decisions about.
Get rid of books unless unusual valuable or sentimental. Do photos slow keep in shoe boxes, take less space than albums. Keep working at all of it. Go through clothes etc also.
Tracy, your story reached out to me. I too struggle. What I found that helps me purge is to not use the questions that the pros suggest for you to ask yourself, “Can I use this?” Instead ask, “Should I throw this away?” Or pick something up and say, “How am I going to get rid of this?” Your mind will answer such as “Give it to Cousin Mary.” Or, “It is useless, trash it”. Don’t give yourself the option to go back and forth about whether it is worth anything. Your mind and heart already knows. That’s where the confusion and frustration comes in. On one of these articles, it talks about people being able to make only so many decisions before being overwhelmed. Keep in mind that you have to train yourself to purge. It is very hard and I send best wishes.
That’s an interesting perspective. When I was purging my attic, I asked myself a different question. Before I even looked in the attic, I asked myself, “what shall I keep?” There were very few things on that list. I decided to keep some Christmas decorations and my camping equipment. That was all. The flute I played as a child but had been in the attic for 20 years donated so some other child could have the benefit. My baby equipment- prams, cots, junior bed and bedding all donated to a charity for young mums. I had reservations about the baby equipment- it was drawing a line for me. However, once the decisions were made and the attic was emptied, I felt instantly lighter. Now I won’t let anything else go there!!
Scan the photos and save them in the icloud.
A few years ago I had to make a move from a large home to a one bedroom apartment. I was paralyzed with confusion about what I should take with me and what I should not. I spent weeks in a funk! Marie Kondo’s “finding joy” didn’t work. Making pro/con lists didn’t help. Nothing seemed to make it clear to me.
Then one morning I woke up and had an inspirational thought. What were the top 25 things that I needed and/or wanted in my life? Suddenly I was inspired to think about these 25 things. I grabbed a pen (should have been a pencil with a BIG eraser) and paper, and I started making a list.
At first I began writing down things that I wanted, but that I did not necessarily need. It worked out all right, but I still felt foggy and confused. I then reminded myself that I might want to start with writing down the things that I actually needed. I remembered a George Carlin skit about “stuff”, where he kept getting ride of his things until he eventually ended up keeping just his Afrin 24 Hour Nasal Spray. It was a funny skit, yet it had a lot of truth in it. What was my Afrin 24 Hour Nasal Spray?
I thought about the things that made a difference in my everyday living, that if I did not have them, my life would be seriously compromised. Such things that made it on my list were my magnesium supplements, my special face cream and my silk pillowcase. I added my smart phone. I seriously considered if my laptop really deserved a spot in my “Top 25”. Would my smart phone suffice? I wasn’t sure, so I added my laptop to the list … and my kindle.
I thought it would literally kill me to let go of my special antique books. And how would my mother and friends react when they found out I no longer had the special things they had given to me?I realized that I would still survive without this stuff. The antique books and so much more did not make the list.
What did make the list was my photo collection. I realized that the photos were irreplaceable, and I wanted to keep them. I also realized that I could scan them and store them in the cloud or a photo storage application. It would be safer than just having the physical copies, and they would be much more accessible to me.
While I didn’t take only the “tTop 25” when I moved back then, creating the list did help frame my decisions to let things go. I find myself remembering the activity, and when I feel overwhelmed by my “stuff”, I go back to writing a new “Top 25”. It helps assuage my anxiety, and it helps me be really thankful for my own versions of Carlin’s Afrin 24 Hour Nasal Spray!
Just wanted to say I loved your comment, Ginny. I’ll have to see if I can find the George Carlin skit on YouTube. And I’m also going to make a list of my top 25 things I couldn’t part with… and then get serious about chucking some stuff out of my life!
I am a guy in the UK with a hoarding tendency .
I used to think that hoarding was more of a male problem but I see from blogs like this that hoarding affects females too .
If I was with a female hoarder I would understand and we could
work through our problems together .
I certainly would not divorce a woman over it as I know and understand what she is going through .
A thing I have thought of when trying to convince myself to get rid of something is to see if the item is on e bay for instance then I know I could easily replace it if the desire or longing for it got too much to sort of trick my mind into parting with it !
I hope you readers do not think that I am completely crazy maybe I am lol!
Anyway God bless good luck and best wishes to anyone reading this message . Denis
Hello Denis, and thank you for your that suggestion. Someone once wrote on another site that if an item can be replaced for $20 or less in the event it was ever needed, it would be discarded. That was helpful to a point but I have come across things i don’t use and have held onto them because they are no longer on stores. Looking at sites like eBay to see whether they can be rebought if needed would make discarding a much easier decision.
The more you own, the less time you have. And the stuff you own begins to own you. If you can’t seem to find time hardly outside of work, home and yard maintenance, housecleaning, pets, dusting, vacuuming, repairing, re-arranging, organizing, etc…. you own too much. The reason most of us remember having much much more time and fun in our youth is not because this is a privilege of the young only- it is because we didn’t spend all our time tending to all the stuff that we own, because most of us didn’t have a lot. Get rid of stuff- get your life back.
Put that on a card on your fridge: Get rid of stuff- get your life back.
Definitely!
Very helpful comments…
My case, while different, is related…
80 yr. old widow.. 50 years in same house..moving 600 miles away to one bedroom apartment..( near only relative I have left.)
First 1/2 easy…Question:is this item important enough to justify expense involved & do I have room !!!
Next: emotional ..not so easy…family pictures..however , when I die no one left will know these people..I combined about 20 with some genealogy notes…felt good to get this done.
Books..mostly to Library. But kept 6 Art History books (my passion)..
Had many more but realized internet access, just as beautiful and not bulky!
Frustrating issues…there are certain things “left over”..floor lamps. End tables, old massive desk ( no antique value… Just big) Will have to pay to have hauled away…very expensive & hard to find.
One nice alternative was a antique/2nd hand shop owner..had a truck & appreciated the “gift”
This whole process has been very enlightening…my biggest roadblock was my difficulty getting rid of anything that could be used by someone else.. Even if I did not want items.. This still puzzles me.
It could be that a way of resisting consumer culture of “buy buy buy” is to be conservative about things, as in, “I may need this someday”. And because there’s so much, there’s a lot of “conserving” going on. But we each have to evaluate: how do these things that I own actually FIT into the life that I (not someone else, whether real or mythical) needs to live?
Bridget, I hear you, loud and clear. I am in a similar situation. I’m 54, and have a spending/buying problem along with a hoarding problem. My husband and I divorced 3 years ago, and I’m just starting to pull out of the terrible depression. My husband complained about the house when we were together, and wouldn’t have people over, even though it was decent enough, but I’d give anything to have my house they way it was 3 years ago. Many rooms were fine, then, but the past 3 years has made the house almost uninhabitable. My 22-yr-old cannot have anyone over, and I won’t let anyone come in, either. I won’t let them even see in the front door, plus I’ve put thick curtains around so no one can see in the windows. I am just very anxious, panicked, and overwhelmed by it all. I have 3 full baths, and due to plumbing repairs that need to be done, only one shower in one bathroom works, and one toilet in another bathroom works. We have to use the kitchen sink for everything. I won’t even let a plumber in here.
And, I was supposed to sell the house 2 1/2 years ago…
I don’t know what to do… ????
Oh Teresa….and everyone else that had to grow up in homes of hoarders or borderline hoarders… I am so utterly stunned right now. Oh my gosh. I am only 39 years old but I gravely fear that I am being “that” mom and that someday my kids might have to go thru what you all have had to do if I don’t get my act together RIGHT Now…my older daughter is in college now and doesn’t live here at the moment; my younger one is 10; we, too have “doorbell dread” … Or like when another mom asks if I could keep their kid after school for an hour or two if they’re held up at work or something comes up (especially when there’s no notice) ..or my daughter gets invited to spend the night at friends’ houses, and I feel all this guilt for not returning the invitation to OUR house-it gets so awkward. My younger daughter-she’s actually really sweet about it, honestly; the older one seems to just kind of “accept” it like -that’s just the way it is–but I know it must affect them. Like the older one-she has had boyfriends that I know she’d have been mortified to bring them over… We would usually meet at dinner somewhere, or something like that. And The younger one -well like just the other day she said (for example) ,”hey mom, can (the little girl that lives behind us) come over to play? Don’t worry, we’ll just play in the backyard, she doesn’t have to come in” … Ugh! major tears right now…! How could I EVER have let this house get like this…? I know I need to do this a little at a time bc important things are mixed with junk, but I swear it seems it will literally take an eternity (!!)….and in the meantime-“life” is passing me by. But of course, the alternative is -yeah–exactly what you all are going thru, and I surely don’t want that! I guess just doing something, anything, is better than never trying and thinking it’s all gonna fix itself, right?! I like the ideas here-the timer, the “trash/put away/give away or sell” sorting method… You know, just the fact that this stuff is stealing my child’s “childhood” and her feelings of what a “home” should be- a restful, secure, welcoming place…a place you can be “proud” of. I don’t know if I have ever felt that way about my home. i JUST found this website tonight , but from what I have read in the comments, I definitely will be reading and learning and DOING as much as I can (while I still can!…) to change this once and for all. I’m so tired of being a prisoner to my clutter-and if nothing else, I owe it to my kids to change my ways. Thank yall so much. You have so totally opened my eyes, you really have no idea.
I just got rid of tons of stuff that cluttered my home. Bags and boxes. I donated tons of clothing, but just put a lot of stuff in dumpsters. I feel if I had to sell things it would “delay my progress”. It feels freeing to throw bags of unneeded stuff away. My dining room was unusable. I still have a few boxes to go- but it is getting better. I too have a young daughter and at 4, it is the time for me to get our house in shape so there is no embarrassment. Just ask yourself “do I really need this?” and if not, it served a purpose at one time and it’s ok to let go. I hate the idea of filling up dumpsters, but that stuff was taking over my house. Time to move on. My method may not work for many- but for me- I need my house cleaned up ASAP, and sorting, selling, etc… I just do not have time for. I keep a few special gems I can display and have gotten a small dresser for things like important paperwork and pictures (I can’t trash those). Whatever you decide to do, good luck, I feel your pain and know that “doorbell dread”.
do the curb alert (put stuff at the curb and post of Craigslist that free stuff is available) this saved me so much money on getting extra dumpsters
Bridget, I am so impressed. Good for you! You are the treasure…not your stuff!
That’s wonderful, that you recognize what you must do and SOON, to reclaim your and your childrens’ lives! Go for it. Step by step.
I had a pile of “stuff” under a tarp in my backyard. I never intended for it to be there so long. One day, I finally had the courage to face what was under there — it had gotten rained on, full “sunned” upon — for years.
I was glad I went through it, piece by piece. Most of it got thrown away but I was able to find priceless photographs and a few documents that I would never have wanted to lose.
I did feel terribly guilty about the loss (and waste) of some of that stuff, and vowed not to do that “ever again”.
I’m still not sure what has prompted periods of accumulating and then procrastinating dealing with it. I do think our culture constantly promotes accumulation and a kind of “you must have this latest gadget (or fill in the blank_________) or else you aren’t successful” brainwashing so we accustom ourselves to that constant tune. It’s probably not something we would be doing if we didn’t live in such a consumeristic society.
But whatever the cause (and it’s probably a combination of factors), it IS empowering to separate what’s really valuable from what’s not to us and dispatch what we truly don’t need or want. It’s freeing on many levels and now that I’ve gotten started, I am wanting to do it more and more. At first it was overwhelming, but as I see progress, it is becoming easier and easier and easier….
So thank you all for sharing your stories and being inspiring. Even the stories of sadness and depression are helpful because they remind us of the effects of this kind of living, and what to avoid (or climb out of). It’s definitely do-able. Progress leads to more progress.
I have been documenting my struggle with getting rid of excess and it does really egg me on to see the results of my own efforts! :)
Much affection,
By “documenting my struggle” I mean taking pictures of the before and after of each area. A picture is worth a thousand words :)
Bridget,
Thanks for sharing!
I think you already have taken a huge step(self-realization) into the road of victory!!!!
Have your children to be part of the process… Talk about how you are going to face it together. It wouldn’t be easy, but it will get easier. Ask your children to be encouraging and supportive in this process. Stay focused on the goal you set. One box at a time and as you grow your dicluttering muscles, challenge yourself to more at a time.
Celebrate a little victory at a time together! I have been doing this as a family. I don’t want to regret later. We can change it now. That’s how we are going to love our family. We love our families more than our stuff. Let’s keep going! Don’t give up!??????
Boy does this all hit home. Both my parents hung on to so much- also Depression era childhoods. I’m working on clearing their house now, plus our own. My motivation to move out items is found on Facebook yard sale sites. I keep track of how much I sell and feel good about being able to go out to lunch because I sold some candles I never took out of the box and a globe that still showed the old Yugoslavia. If something doesn’t sell, I donate and feel good about that too. Where I donate they give you not only a tax donation receipt, but also they stamp a card which when full entitles the bearer to 30% off a future purchase at the store. Once my card is full of stamps, I go in the store and look for families with full carts and feel like Santa’s elf when I give them the card to save some money. It’s a win win.
Teresa: Wow, you just told my story with yours. Thank you for putting down into words what is so difficult to talk about. My mother’s hoarding has caused a great rift in the family and she will not allow us to clean her home, as that would involve throwing out anything that is not useful or of value to her or humanity. You described the treasure hunt I go through when I’m trying to organize her kitchen closet, while trying to find paper towels or cleaning supplies. I will pray for you and all children of hoarders, who struggle with a parent who refuses to live a better life.
Our possessions sit on our shelves. Exactly !!
Could not agree more with you. We just buy stuff and store it in drawers.
This makes more sense to me than all the organising blogs and books out there, thank you.
am in a depressive mental state – am so glad to read your comments – your are so right but how do I get the courage to start tossing? dvds that are seldom played/ books never read etc/
just today read – when William Shatner was asked “what is your
most prized possession?” he replied. I hesitate to possess anything. There are many things I love to be with but possession is not in my vocabulary.”
you are so right – ridding things will give me the freedom that I have been craving for the past few years but, am so scared to
start. please advise
forever grateful
I think it’s worth noting that the Latin word for ‘stuff’ is ‘impedimentum’.
Love it!
Perfect! LOL
Hello, Excellent Blog. Thank you for the motivation! I am a single 60 yr. old woman and have had to move many times in my life.
In the past 20 years I’ve been able to pretty much stay in one town but have accumulated so much “stuff” that I am completely bogged down. I sometimes wonder if I am a borderline hoarder.
I have a storage unit that is full to over flowing. This article has given me the motivation to do away with all the stuff I’ve been hauling around for ages.
Thanks!!!
You truly will not regret it.
Teresa, your story is my story. I spent 30 days personally cleaning out my parents’ house while other families also put a combined total of 30 days. My mother could not throw out anything
– including glass jars, 125000
Return address labels, every used straw, pudding container, cereal box and the wax package that goes in it. She would daily retrieve stuff out of the trash since she “might need it someday.” I hated her for this. The days I spent sorting (39 gallon black bags for trash and white bags for Salvation Army) provided therapy for me as I saw just how mentally ill she was.
I promised myself that I would go thru my home now to help lessen the load on my children. Am relieved that is behind me.
We have sold our mobile home and moved into our shop, basically a big garage. I have worked to eliminate *possessions* and as I look around and see how we don’t have a lot of stuff anymore and I find that really motivating to see what else I can get rid of in my quest to create space. We are in less square footage now but we have more space. A friend came over the other day and asked if this was all we had, if it was all our stuff, and I was so very pleased to say yes it is! We will live in this shop and live with less (that includes some very common conveniences) and save money in the hopes of building a house in a few years without taking out a mortgage. I am SO thankful for this opportunity to do something that feels so right in every way. Not having this or that, or this convenience or that convenience does not say you are doing a wrong thing. There are times when we say okay how are we going to do this or that and you find a way. *Willingness* to do such a thing is in the attitude you have in working toward your goals.
I assume I’m going tto give away the variou other duplicate to the very first person too buy at the very least
3 of the current MM plastic reissues.
This is really an interesting site sharing blog about de cluttering. I just have so much stuff to clear away over the years. Thank you all for giving me the insights and ideas how it will make a big difference in our lives. As we move on to a golden years. I will have a chance to change for the better place and environment without relocating.
Declutter means “to remove unnecessary items from (an untidy or overcrowded place).” You are wrong to imply that declutter has the same meaning as organize. Therefore, an additional term is not required!
Grammatically, I agree with you, but in popular misuse, “decluttering” has been a mere step into all the extra boxes and storage options.
The number of people who find themselves declutting on a weekly, monthly, quarterly, annual basis is astounding.
To declutter and NOT REPLACE, is a freeing move.
Organize after the possessions are pared down.
One might find that without so many possessions, having a home for everything is much simpler.
I’ve been guilty of clearing out and slowly replacing. Now I buy much fewer things, and I have gone beyond one in, one out rules.
One in, three out right now, with a required amount of donations/discards weekly.
I will eventually have a small wardrobe, my books, computer, phone and some items of ritual use that serve as decor, along with three pieces of furniture. My art equipment fits in two small backpacks.
I want to move in two car trips (local; if a distance, a certain number of shipped boxes). No rental vans.
Thus I am de-owning, and establishing what’s useful and needed.
I am lucky that I can ship over a couple months for the move.