“There is more to life than increasing its speed.” —Mohandas K. Gandhi
78.4 years isn’t much time.
Even at my age, I can feel the pressure to pack my life full of activity and maximize my time by doing all I can.
In school, we’re encouraged to join as many clubs as possible to make the most of our educational experience. At work, it’s expected that we’ll be uber productive and take on more and more responsibility. Even at home, there’s a never ending to-do list of things that need maintained, fixed or upgraded.
And we go on living as if there’s nothing wrong with this system. As if the natural progression of humankind is to become the most efficient life form on earth.
If there’s nothing wrong with this system, then why are so many people unhappy? Why are so many on medication to control anxiety, stress, and depression?
Isn’t this a more telling sign of our “progression” as a species?
All this busyness has overloaded our minds. And we walk around with this nagging sense that there’s something we forgot to do. Or we feel guilty when we actually do take time to do nothing, be lazy with some friends, or watch a worm inch its way across the sidewalk.
There’s just no rest; no sense of completion. Ever.
And its eating away at us from the inside. Making it impossible to find a reason to smile, or be joyful, or just be.
But life doesn’t have to be so crazy. The craziness ends when people embrace the alternative: slowing down.
Slowing down is radical in this day and age. An age where…
…we burn with frustration if a website doesn’t load instantly.
…we think taking a nap is a sign of laziness.
…we check our email, facebook, twitter 15 times a day.
…we eat instant oatmeal for breakfast, frozen meals for lunch, and order takeout for dinner.
…we lose sleep over an upcoming deadline.
…we even take our own lives because the pressure to perform is too much to handle.
Breaking these habits can be difficult. But why is that?
We fear that something bad will happen if things don’t get done. To calm that fear we work harder, and longer, and harder, and longer only to realize that there’s more to do.
It never ends.
If you’re tired of the grind, let me suggest you step back and take an honest assessment of what needs to be done. Letting go of the compulsion to do all things can be an awesomely liberating high. Simply choose what’s most important, and do that. Even simpler, choose to do the things you are passionate about, and drop the rest.
If life in the slow lane appeals to you, here are some easy steps to escape the rat race and enjoy a slower, simpler, happier life:
- Choose 3 things to accomplish each day. I know, you could probably come up with a list of 100 things, but don’t. Keeping the list this size will force you to decide what’s really important. When you finish the list, the rest of the day is yours to relax. With this approach you’ll be completing 21 important tasks a week. If you have more than that, seriously reevaluate your commitments.
- Learn to say “no.” Stop taking on more responsibility. That’s what got you reading this article in the first place. Sure, volunteering is a noble way to spend your time, but stretching yourself too thin can rob you of joy. And the world needs joy more than anything.
- Be unproductive. Even if you can only manage 20 minutes a day at first. Don’t read anything to further your career or impress your friends. Do something useless like skipping rocks across a pond. Or making mud pies with your kids. Or climbing a tree. Dig back into your memory bank, because most of this stuff is stuff you probably did as a kid.
- Only check your email twice a day. That includes twitter, facebook, stocks, sports scores, blog stats – anything. Checking these sites can become an addictive habit which steals time you could spend doing stuff that actually makes you happy.
- Embrace quality over quantity. Instead of joining every organization, subscribing to every blog, or taking every opportunity you get – try doing fewer things, but choosing the ones that really add value to your life. Pick 3 or 4 blogs and follow them closely. Choose one organization making a difference, and support them. Embracing quality over quantity will make your life less stressful and your experiences more satisfying.
- Find a hobby. Try something new, you don’t have to be good at it. As long as it excites you and taps into your creativity. Try these: yoga, rock climbing, running, wood work, surfing, reading, blogging, gardening, chess, painting, making music.
- Spend time with people you love. This is it, the one piece of advice I’d give you if I could only give you one. Relationships form the backbone of a purposeful life. Sharing secrets, fears, and hopes with another human is the surest way to slow down and enjoy life. Without close contact with other people, we grow into cold, lonely beings. Make time every single day to spend with loved ones, and you won’t end up with a single death-bed regret.
***
Editor’s Note: This is a guest post by Mike Donghia.
Further Reading
Ramblings of a Woman says
I really enjoyed this post after I had time to go back and read it again. I am at the beginning of a busy (some irony here, lol!) weekend at a bloggers conference. Ironic that the post I had already written and scheduled for friday morning is 10 ways to not be so busy! And I really liked the diagnosis that Kathleen posted ‘franticitis”, I know I have suffered from it in the past. My psychologist even used it to define how we saw me, as frantic. Even now I can feel it start to come on me again, even though I have very few responsibilities right now. It becomes a habit, almost a drug, I feel.
Bernice
http://bernicewood.wordpress.com/2010/09/24/10-ways-to-stop-being-so-busy/
Tom K says
Does anyone else find it amusing that this article ends with a call to action to follow him on Twitter?
joshua becker says
In Mike’s defense, the “You can follow him on Twitter” call-to-action was an addition by Joshua Becker, the editor of Becoming Minimalist… not the guest author.
Chuck says
Absolutely spot on. So much of the stress these days is self-inflicted because of an abnormal need to “keep up”. The best thing one can do is to get done what one can during the “work” day and then enjoy life after the work day ends. That means not working weekends. The alternative is insanity and/or early death.
Mike Donghia says
I’d like to add that there might be another option as well. I’ve seen some amazing people quit their day jobs and pursue start pursuing their passions. Making them into a career.
Not for everyone, I know. But there are people out there (more than most of us think) that are doing jobs they love, everyday.
Stanley Lee says
Thanks for this overdue article. What we have been encouraged to do in school is nothing short of supporting the American Dream scam. I have talked about the realities of extracurriculars as a guest post on http://theuniversityblog.co.uk/2010/09/21/clubs-societies-zen/ . It’s time to reclaim your own sovereignty by ruthless prioritization.
David says
I retired early last year. I like life in the slow lane.
Even on my ‘busy’ days, there is time to relax and enjoy. Still a couple of items on your list that I could do better at. Will get there in time.
Mike Donghia says
That must be amazing, David. It’s amazing how few people will get to enjoy the peace of mind you have everyday. But it’s our for the taking!
Kathleen says
As a young wife and mother, I lived the frantic life. The pressure to be the perfect wife and mother was intense. I was the perfectionist, strong, capable woman. The house had to be immaculate, meals healthy and inexpensive, and I felt pressure to be at my kid’s school all the time as a volunteer. Then I had a surgery at 37, that changed everything. I could no longer do what I was doing. I had to stop all my activities, except the basics of life. I learned that it was extremely freeing to say, “No”. I actually took the time to read books. I spent lots of time with my kids who were 10 and 14. I began to heal physically, but also mentally and emotionally from the disease of franticitis, that so many women (and men) live with daily.
That was 20 years ago. I am so enjoying my life as a Grandmother of 3 amazing preschoolers. We play and snuggle and do things that I did not take as much time doing with my own preschoolers. Time is about people………family, friends, and people whose lives we intersect with each day. Now I do what I want to do. I am still a perfectionist, but I don’t drive myself nuts keeping my house perfect. I do real all the time. And when I volunteer it is out of a sense of joyful service, not expected duty.
Life is so short, and we don’t get a “do over”. When we are old and our short term memory is gone, we will only remember our past. What will we remember? What we did and how crazy life was? Or will we remember the fun times, the people we loved, and the joy we felt just being alive? That is what I learned and practice daily.
Kathleen S.
Mike Donghia says
Wow, what a turnaround. It’s ironic that the only time we slow down is when our life is screech to a halt by something like surgery. But congrats on making the changes stick.
Lynn Fang says
Great post, Mike! I too, like Kristen, have slowed down my life a bit in the past couple of months. I have much more time to reflect on my actions and choices now! It helps keep me more grounded. It’s really wonderful. Still, I often get caught up in the grind, feeling a tug to keep doing something, stay busy. Thank you for this reminder to step back again.
Mike Donghia says
You’re welcome. Thanks for sharing Lynn!
Kristen Sloan says
I have slowed down my life pace considerably the past couple of months and am loving life in the “slow lane.” Thanks for the reminder of why I have slowed down. The hardest challenge for me has been disconnecting from email, social media, etc. But I am getting much better. I haven’t made it to the two times a day yet, but hopefully in the future! Kristen
Ramblings of a Woman says
This is awesome and right where I am at. I am one of those on medication for stress, anxiety and depression. Working on that balance right now. On medical leave due to thses issues, will not be returning to previous job, it sucked the life right out of me!
Learning to just be, learning who I am, learning what I really want my life to be.
Bernice
http://bernicewood.wordpress.com/2010/09/22/this-is-your-life/
Mike Donghia says
Good for you Bernice!
I’m proud of you for not going back. And realizing that you do have a say in your own happiness.
Take all the time you need to answer those important questions.
-Mike
Minimalist Moms says
Great post, Mike. I was just pondering the same thing and writing about being in search of more time myself.
I can’t think of a single person I know who isn’t tired ALL the time. It’s a shame really. Currently I’d have to say that is true of myself as well, but I’m working hard to clear things out of my life so that’s no longer the case.
– Faith
Mike Donghia says
Thanks Faith!
There are few people who get it all right. Myself included.
But with the short time we’re here on earth, you’re right, It really is a same that we’re living this way.
Keep fighting the good fight!
-Mike