Note: This is a guest post from Zoë Kim.
Seven years ago, my husband was in the military. During one deployment to Africa, despite our careful planning, the kids and I were left alone to pack up and move everything while he was gone.
“You never realize how much stuff you have until you try to put it in a box,” Allison Fallon once said. Or in my case, until you try to put it in a box for the 10th time with kids in tow.
It was during this move that the real cost of my clutter started becoming painfully obvious. In this stress and overwhelm, my desire for simplicity was born.
At every opportunity, I peeled away the layers of my clutter—the broken stuff, the perfectly good stuff, and the sentimental stuff.
Eventually, my useful things now all had a home with room to breathe! With an uncluttered home, I spent less time looking for and taking care of my things and more time doing things I love. And, yet still, there was clutter.
Hadn’t I gotten rid of all my clutter? Indeed I had. But I was learning, as Eleanor Brownn once said, “Clutter is not just physical stuff. It’s old ideas, toxic relationships, and bad habits. Clutter is anything that does not support your better self.”
Clutter. Busyness. Overwhelm.
Clutter takes many forms—it finds its way onto our calendars and to-do lists, it leads us to Pinterest perfection, fear of missing out, mindless scrolling, and constant discontent. Clutter is anything—good, bad, or indifferent—that distracts you from a more meaningful and intentional life.
What’s the first step? Less. When your family is living in the land of tired-busy-and-overwhelmed, the first step is almost always less.
Minimalism isn’t just reserved for the single, the college student, the baby boomers, and people who seem to live a less complicated life than you do. Minimalism is for everyone, for families: small families, large families, especially for families.
Families need minimalism too.
It’s Time for Calm.
In a survey of a thousand families, Ellen Galinsky, the head of the Families and Work Institute, asked children, “If you were granted one wish about your parents, what would it be?” Most parents thought their kids would say spending more time with them, but they were wrong. The kids’ number one wish was that their parents were less tired and less stressed.
Studies have shown that parental stress depletes their immune systems, weakens children’s brains, and increases their risk of obesity and mental illness just to name a few.
Becoming a minimalist family helps you and your kids let go of the things creating undue stress in your family’s lives.
It’s Time to Stop Doing It All.
If your family is living like it’s an iPhone—always on, always connected, with an app for whatever needs to be done—you’re sure to be drained.
The desire to do more keeps our family doing just that—more—counting the things we do instead of doing the things that count.
So let’s say we start saying “no” to always being connected, and always doing, and honor each other’s right to do the same?
Denaye Barahona Ph.D., a Family Wellness expert at Simple Families and author of the foreword for my new book, says, “The world our children are growing up in today isn’t just cluttered, it’s chaotic. The chaos is leading to an epidemic of stress and anxiety in childhood.”
Becoming a minimalist family gives you the tools to filter out the clutter and chaos causing stress and anxiety in your child’s life. Isn’t that a worthwhile cause?
It’s Time to Stop Being Broke.
“If time is money, then I’m broke. I think a lot of us are.” — Jeff Shinabarger.
And by our own accounts, many families are broke, time-wise. What is the most common short answer to the question, how are you? Busy. Tired. (Or both!)
The world says a successful family has the perfect house, obedient and adorable children excelling in multiple extracurricular activities, parents doing it all perfectly (just like advertisements show us) while climbing their career ladder flawlessly.
Where does this successful-family-focus often lead us? Broke in our busyness—spending time working to have things we won’t have time to enjoy. Why are we doing this?
No family says, “Our goal is to raise our family spending more time pursuing status, possessions and money, and less time on relationships, contribution, purpose or faith.” Yet sadly, many of us live that way only to realize later how backward we had it.
Becoming a minimalist family helps you see (and have time for) what really matters.
It’s Time for Gratitude.
Gratitude helps us appreciate the value of something and the things we already have. It’s hard to want more things you don’t need when you’re resting in gratitude. Gratitude sounds more like, “I have more than enough. I’m going to give some more away.”
As a family, maybe the only thing we really need is more gratitude.
It’s Time for a Healthier Diet.
If you’re juggling the needs of others while living in clutter and overwhelm, it’s likely affecting your family’s diet.
A recent study found that participants in an orderly environment chose healthier snacks than those in a cluttered environment.
As Dr. Eva Shalom explains, “Clutter is stressful for the brain, so you’re more likely to resort to coping mechanisms such as choosing comfort foods or overeating than if you spend time in neater surroundings.”
It’s Time to Get Organized.
The National Association of Professional Organizers reports we spend one year of our lives looking for lost items. It’s time to get organized once and for real! And I couldn’t agree more with The Minimalists when they said, “The easiest way to organize your stuff is to get rid of most of it.”
The truth is most of us don’t have an organization problem; we have an own-too-much-stuff-problem. (tweet that)
It’s Time for Better Relationships.
Relationships are a bedrock for living well, and healthy families are an essential element of any healthy society. Our family plays a defining role in teaching us how to connect and contribute to society.
Clutter and busyness distract our attention from the present moment. When you have a family, this means you’re distracted from the important moments with your family. Relationships suffer when we spend too much time plugged into all the wrong connections.
Minimalist living holds benefits for everyone—especially for those of us with families. Giving up excess stuff is always a gain—more time, space, and energy to pursue our purpose, passion, and meaningful connections with those we love.
Here’s to you and every family making room for what matter most. In your home, in your mind, and in your heart.
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Zoë Kim inspires others to live an intentional life by owning less, creating new habits, and cultivating opportunities to give.
Hope Todd says
I regularly purge clothes and shoes, but inevitably end up searching for an item I got rid of 10 years. I still search my kitchen for items that were in my mother’s kitchen, never were mine in the first place! Work in progress!
Libby says
Thank you for this. This is everything I am striving toward. Everything I want to remember and know in my heart of hearts as I begin this journey of motherhood. Thank you. <3
Lyndsay Edwards says
This is fab, thank you :)
Rebekah@diytoolskit says
I don’t know who written these amazing article. Just love and appreciate your heart touching info. My like same to you.
Jo Perez Ray says
I’d like to translate this to Spanish to share with my friends. Please contact me? Thanks
Wally Autry says
To Joshua Becker,
I really enjoy your aticles.
I am 58 years of age and have always been organized since childhood but did not know much about the concept of minimalism until a few years ago. We had a 2300 square foot home and when my son moved out after graduating college we made the decision to downsize. We moved to a 1200 square foot home in the country. To make room for our new home we had to sell, donate and give away a lot of our stuff. I remember having our son come to our home to sort through 12 storage boxes of items (Items that we thought he would want to keep). He kept a half box and I asked him what he wanted us to do with the rest and he said “sell it or give it away”. The millennial generation simply do not want their parent’s stuff!
After 2 years we decided that country life did not fit our minimalist life style and we sold our home and bought a condo (950 square feet of space) in the city. Condo living requires no yard maintenance so we were able to sell a lot of yard tools (including a riding lawnmower). We had had to sell and donate more items to accommodate our smaller living space. We love living in the city. Everything is close by and I am able to walk to work (I now have a 5 minute commute). This makes my work life less stressful. My wife is able to stay at home and she takes care of all the home chores (laundry, grocery shopping, finances, cleaning, meals etc.) This frees up our evenings and weekends. My wife loves the fact that the maintenance of our home is a lot less stressful with no yard work and less to clean. Having a minimalist home allows us to have a minimalist lifestyle. We have more free time to be able to pursue things we like to do. We are also able to save money, stay healthy by eating home cooked meals and more time to exercise. We are able to walk a lot for exercise, I am able to run in a downtown environment and I have a compact set of weights and a fold up bench that takes up little space.
Some of the specific way we minimalized our home to save money and live simply: we shed duplicate kitchen utensils, we donated a ton of Christmas decorations (only have one box now), removed photos from several albums and organized them in 3 store bought shoe boxes (we plan to digitize our photos and important documents), we sold excess furniture that was not practical, we are down to one computer, one TV, we donated a lot of clothing items (including shoes, coats we never wear and we buy the same groceries each week (rotate vegetables and go meatless for at least 3 days a week).
For me, living a minimalist life has helped me to declutter my mind in order to focus on the important things of life. This includes my spiritual, physical and mental well-being. We have made decisions to sever relationships that have been negative in nature, made new relationships with folks who have some of the same spiritual beliefs, have consistency in diet and exercise and read books that are beneficial in nature. In the near future we plan to go from 2 automobiles to 1.
Being a minimalist has been a great experience. Most Baby Boomers do not aspire to this type of lifestyle but it has allowed me to share my experience and most see the positive benefits. My son who is 30 aspires to minimalist living and is mostly interested in experiences and not material possessions. My son knows that when we are no longer on this earth, that he will have little possessions to dispose of. Since I have been living the minimalist life I make better decisions on what I do purchase. Finally, I have found that less stuff makes me happier than having more stuff!
Renee says
Thank you for this timely article! As a mother of multiple children, I never considered a minimalistic lifestyle. I really hadn’t heard of it quite honestly! However the more I live and grow I’ve realized possessions will never create the purpose-filled life I truly desire and need. I’ve began the process of decluttering and down-sized everything we have.
Only keeping limited items/belongings that are necessary, very useful, and create simple joys that help make our lives most productive and beautiful.
It’s so liberating and lifting!!
My hopes are for my children to one day appreciate the simple, yet meaningful life we have as we minimize what matters less and increase who/what matters most.
People Matter.
Things Shatter.
ReneeP
Dee Dee says
I have 5 children, 4 of them daughters. The teenage years can be tough sometimes. Activities that can include their friends can help them enjoy being with their family. We have a cabin we go to as a family. When the girls could bring a friend or two, they enjoyed it more. Getting to know their friends made it easier for them to come to us when they had friend problems, because we already knew what their friends were like.
Our sweet neighbor held a game night each week and the kids all gathered for board games and snacks.
As they get older, (20ish) they get over the “friends trumping all things in life” phase and enjoy getting together with family more. Hang in there.
Marianne says
Thank you for that encouraging message Dee Dee!
Sandy says
Shifting from one place to another is really tough if you have tons of items to carry. Minimalism is always good.
Lynn ~ Encore Voyage says
All of your points are so spot on! We sat down and actually made a list of the things we value. It the way we spend our time does not match our values, then it’s time to re-evaluate! Slow down…be grateful…develop soul-enhancing relationships. Live with intention. It’s not always about the stuff! Thanks for a thoughtful post!