Note: This is a guest post from Zoë Kim.
Seven years ago, my husband was in the military. During one deployment to Africa, despite our careful planning, the kids and I were left alone to pack up and move everything while he was gone.
“You never realize how much stuff you have until you try to put it in a box,” Allison Fallon once said. Or in my case, until you try to put it in a box for the 10th time with kids in tow.
It was during this move that the real cost of my clutter started becoming painfully obvious. In this stress and overwhelm, my desire for simplicity was born.
At every opportunity, I peeled away the layers of my clutter—the broken stuff, the perfectly good stuff, and the sentimental stuff.
Eventually, my useful things now all had a home with room to breathe! With an uncluttered home, I spent less time looking for and taking care of my things and more time doing things I love. And, yet still, there was clutter.
Hadn’t I gotten rid of all my clutter? Indeed I had. But I was learning, as Eleanor Brownn once said, “Clutter is not just physical stuff. It’s old ideas, toxic relationships, and bad habits. Clutter is anything that does not support your better self.”
Clutter. Busyness. Overwhelm.
Clutter takes many forms—it finds its way onto our calendars and to-do lists, it leads us to Pinterest perfection, fear of missing out, mindless scrolling, and constant discontent. Clutter is anything—good, bad, or indifferent—that distracts you from a more meaningful and intentional life.
What’s the first step? Less. When your family is living in the land of tired-busy-and-overwhelmed, the first step is almost always less.
Minimalism isn’t just reserved for the single, the college student, the baby boomers, and people who seem to live a less complicated life than you do. Minimalism is for everyone, for families: small families, large families, especially for families.
Families need minimalism too.
It’s Time for Calm.
In a survey of a thousand families, Ellen Galinsky, the head of the Families and Work Institute, asked children, “If you were granted one wish about your parents, what would it be?” Most parents thought their kids would say spending more time with them, but they were wrong. The kids’ number one wish was that their parents were less tired and less stressed.
Studies have shown that parental stress depletes their immune systems, weakens children’s brains, and increases their risk of obesity and mental illness just to name a few.
Becoming a minimalist family helps you and your kids let go of the things creating undue stress in your family’s lives.
It’s Time to Stop Doing It All.
If your family is living like it’s an iPhone—always on, always connected, with an app for whatever needs to be done—you’re sure to be drained.
The desire to do more keeps our family doing just that—more—counting the things we do instead of doing the things that count.
So let’s say we start saying “no” to always being connected, and always doing, and honor each other’s right to do the same?
Denaye Barahona Ph.D., a Family Wellness expert at Simple Families and author of the foreword for my new book, says, “The world our children are growing up in today isn’t just cluttered, it’s chaotic. The chaos is leading to an epidemic of stress and anxiety in childhood.”
Becoming a minimalist family gives you the tools to filter out the clutter and chaos causing stress and anxiety in your child’s life. Isn’t that a worthwhile cause?
It’s Time to Stop Being Broke.
“If time is money, then I’m broke. I think a lot of us are.” — Jeff Shinabarger.
And by our own accounts, many families are broke, time-wise. What is the most common short answer to the question, how are you? Busy. Tired. (Or both!)
The world says a successful family has the perfect house, obedient and adorable children excelling in multiple extracurricular activities, parents doing it all perfectly (just like advertisements show us) while climbing their career ladder flawlessly.
Where does this successful-family-focus often lead us? Broke in our busyness—spending time working to have things we won’t have time to enjoy. Why are we doing this?
No family says, “Our goal is to raise our family spending more time pursuing status, possessions and money, and less time on relationships, contribution, purpose or faith.” Yet sadly, many of us live that way only to realize later how backward we had it.
Becoming a minimalist family helps you see (and have time for) what really matters.
It’s Time for Gratitude.
Gratitude helps us appreciate the value of something and the things we already have. It’s hard to want more things you don’t need when you’re resting in gratitude. Gratitude sounds more like, “I have more than enough. I’m going to give some more away.”
As a family, maybe the only thing we really need is more gratitude.
It’s Time for a Healthier Diet.
If you’re juggling the needs of others while living in clutter and overwhelm, it’s likely affecting your family’s diet.
A recent study found that participants in an orderly environment chose healthier snacks than those in a cluttered environment.
As Dr. Eva Shalom explains, “Clutter is stressful for the brain, so you’re more likely to resort to coping mechanisms such as choosing comfort foods or overeating than if you spend time in neater surroundings.”
It’s Time to Get Organized.
The National Association of Professional Organizers reports we spend one year of our lives looking for lost items. It’s time to get organized once and for real! And I couldn’t agree more with The Minimalists when they said, “The easiest way to organize your stuff is to get rid of most of it.”
The truth is most of us don’t have an organization problem; we have an own-too-much-stuff-problem. (tweet that)
It’s Time for Better Relationships.
Relationships are a bedrock for living well, and healthy families are an essential element of any healthy society. Our family plays a defining role in teaching us how to connect and contribute to society.
Clutter and busyness distract our attention from the present moment. When you have a family, this means you’re distracted from the important moments with your family. Relationships suffer when we spend too much time plugged into all the wrong connections.
Minimalist living holds benefits for everyone—especially for those of us with families. Giving up excess stuff is always a gain—more time, space, and energy to pursue our purpose, passion, and meaningful connections with those we love.
Here’s to you and every family making room for what matter most. In your home, in your mind, and in your heart.
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Zoë Kim inspires others to live an intentional life by owning less, creating new habits, and cultivating opportunities to give.
Marianne says
Thank you for an interesting post. I get the feeling you are talking about relatively young children. I have been looking for thoughts on families with teenage children. Right now I have two at home, 13 and 16, and while I am discovering more and more about minimalism I get a terrible feeling I have done every possible mistake in the past with them and now I can’t make it undone. How can I find a way to repair it? They are not intereted in anything else than internet and games. They spend more time with screens and class mates than us, and asked what they really would like to do on weekends is “going to the mall”. Tips anyone? Please?
Charlotte says
I have two girls the same age. I feel the same way. I guess the one thing I have is that we found one thing to do together. All of us eat dinner at the table, while watching Jeopardy. This came about around two years ago. I know that ideally the tv should be off, and devices put away so that dinner can be sacred. But, for some reason, my girls really respond to the show. And honestly, if it gives us one thing, one thing that we can do together, that they like to do, it is good. We play along and talk to each other and tell little stories about how we know some of the stuff. But it is one little thing that brings us together.
Marianne says
Thank you for writing about teenage daughters. It gave me hope!
Charlotte says
It is so hard to parent teens. When they are little, moms sit around and talk about what their little ones are doing, and help each other get through the trials of newborns or toddlers. Nobody talks about the trials of teenagers. It’s like everyone is afraid of being judged because of their kids behavior. With the really risky situations that teens sometimes find themselves in, we need each other more than ever. It is sad, really, that we can’t seem to help each other when we need it, and even sadder that you get judged because of the choices your kids make. We don’t control them; we are not with them every minute of the day.
Marianne says
Thank you for writing about teenagers. It gave me hope!
Priscilla says
Wow, I didn’t know kids were picking up on stressed and tired parents’ lives. That survey statistic was eye-opening for me. Ironically, I think parents would say, “I’m doing all of this (business, work, activities) for the kids.” I’m an empty-nester at this point, but I keep this lesson in mind for when grandkids are around.
Connie says
Excellent post! It’s been years since we’ve moved and our next move will definitely be to downsize. Sometimes when I’m purging, my thought process is “If we were moving, what would I not want to take with me? Of course, I still haven’t gotten rid of everything I wouldn’t want to move, but most of it is all packed and ready to go. Unfortunately, a lot of it is obsolete, so no one else would want or need it.
Net says
Loved the quote with “If time is money, then I’m broke.” – Sometimes you need it put in a different context to have it resonate and this did it for me. Thank you for great article (for Joshua for sharing his space). I’ve just purchased your book and look forward to finding more helpful gems on my journey into a more intentional life.
Zoë Kim says
Yes, looking at things from a different side helps me also! Thank you for reading and ordering Minimalism for Families! I hope it inspires you and gives you more tools on your journey to simplify.
John says
We recently moved to another state, and while we already downsized before, we still found stuff to purge. Increasingly, less is more and experiences trump possessions. Thanks for a thoughtful post, Zoe!
Zoë Kim says
Thank you, John!
Krista O’Reilly-Davi-Digui says
Cheering you on, Zoe, and thank you for spreading your experience and wisdom. I am actually looking forward to our next move (which likely won’t be for another 5-6 years yet!) as it will be a purposeful downsize and some of the “collectors” of this family will need to pare down more:) I am dreaming of being able to travel and set up shop in different countries/cities with my husband, my laptop, and a couple bags between us.
Zoë Kim says
Thank you, Krista, for being a rock of encouragement.
I love that you’re looking forward to your next move, it sounds lovely!
Liz says
Wow! Great article. I remember the first time I moved with my husband and we couldn’t fit all of our stuff in the U-Haul. I was disgusted by how much crap we had accumulated. No wonder I was constantly stressed and anxious. I also found it extremely interesting that the one thing kids said they wanted was there parents to be less stressed and tired.
Zoë Kim says
Hi Liz,
Glad you enjoyed it! Yes, I was surprised that was the one thing kids wanted from their parents! I was thinking more time.
Aria Alexandar says
For so many families, trying to do the right thing has lead them down the wrong path. If they could just stop for a minute to reflect on why they are doing all this stuff, they could see that they can meet their purpose more effectively and with less stress by ditching the excess. But, alas, they are too busy to pause!
Amy@MoreTimeThanMoney says
For so many families, trying to do the right thing has lead them down the wrong path. If they could just stop for a minute to reflect on why they are doing all this stuff, they could see that they can meet their purpose more effectively and with less stress by ditching the excess. But, alas, they are too busy to pause!
Hopefully, your book finds there way to these families.
Zoë Kim says
Hi Amy,
Yes, too busy to pause is right! I hope my book finds its way to these families too <3 Thank you!
C says
Minimalist bloggers take note-“overwhelm” is a verb not a noun.
I am overwhelmed by the number of bloggers who use it as a noun.
joshua becker says
Thanks for the comment. There is actually quite an interesting debate taking place online on whether or not the word “overwhelm” can be used as a noun.
Seeing as how the following entry “overwhelm (noun): the action of overwhelming; the fact or state of being overwhelmed” has appeared in the Oxford Dictionary dating back to the 1500s, I’m going to let it stand. (Not that it was really up to me).
Apparently, based on my research, it was David Allen in his 2001 book, Getting Things Done that seemed to popularize it among the Self-Development genre.
Very interesting side conversation. Thanks for bringing it up.
Mike Sudyk says
Great article. I could not agree more that you should seek to do less in today’s world. Kids need to grow up with a calm attitude and not a rush here, rush there type thinking. Slow and steady and deep work will be the key differentiator in skills and personal well being. Thanks for writing this!
Zoë says
Thank you, Mike, glad you enjoyed it! Great point about the value of slow and steady and deep work.
JSC Result says
Relationships are a bedrock for living well, and healthy families are an essential element of any healthy society. Our family plays a defining role in teaching us how to connect and contribute to society.