“Happiness is not a destination, it’s a way of life.”
Happiness. We look for it in different places. Some of us hope to buy it. Some think we can earn it. Others look for it in a new job, a new relationship, or a new accomplishment.
But one thing remains: happiness is something we all desire. We were designed to experience it.
Why then, does it appear at times to be so elusive? How can a society search so desperately for something, but still struggle to find it? How can so many of us not know how to be happy?
Maybe it is because the pursuits we have set before us as a means to find it are actually keeping us from it.
Consider these 9 pursuits and how they may be distracting us from happiness. Each of them are common in our lives and in our world. But rather than contributing to our happiness, they may be robbing us of it.
9 Common Pursuits That Rob Us of Happiness
1. Following the crowd. The crowd rarely has our best interests in mind. Instead, they seek their own benefit. Scientists call this crowd mentality. And more often than not, following the crowd leads to destructive behaviors rather than life-giving. We would be wise to seek input into our lives from other sources than the popular perceptions of the day.
2. Trying to please everybody. We are never going to please everybody. At some point, we will hold an unpopular opinion—one that gives us meaning and purpose and passion. And when we do, we ought to hold on to it desperately.
3. Chasing wealth. Studies confirm it over and over again: once our most basic needs have been met, money contributes very little to our overall happiness. And yet, we continue to pursue more as if it holds the secret key to lasting joy. But those who desire riches bring temptation to themselves and are often caught in a trap. Happiness is never the byproduct of chasing wealth.
4. Desiring a picture-perfect life. Happiness is not something we discover only after everything is perfect with our lives (our jobs, our appearance, our relationships). If that were the case, none of us would ever experience happiness. This world is imperfect—always will be. But happiness can still be found once we realize perfection is not a prerequisite.
5. Building our own kingdom. The size of our universe shrinks dramatically when we place ourselves at the center. Living selfishly for our own personal gain will never produce lasting happiness and fulfillment. Our lives are designed to be lived for something far greater. And only those who discover the hidden joy of living for others will find a happiness that truly lasts.
6. Entertaining distraction. Our world has become a constant feed of information, noise, and entertainment. Each distraction enters our mind with one goal: Gain control of our attention and resources. Those who sacrifice their resources to unlimited curiosity will never find the mental or financial capacity to become something greater.
7. Fighting for recognition. Searching for happiness in recognition is a losing endeavor. The world will never give you the respect or accolades you so desperately desire. They are all too busy fighting for their own. You will need to find it elsewhere.
8. Succumbing to fear. If given the chance, fear will always cripple. It will steal your life and potential. Living your fullest life will require courage in the face of fear. Sometimes you will fail. But be strong, most of the time, you will succeed—or become better because of it.
9. Searching for it around the next corner. Happiness is not something to be chased. It is a decision to be made. (tweet that)
And you have everything you need right now to choose it.
Trac says
Josh,
#9 is profound! Love it, love it, love it! You’ll be my new FB status today.
Mariel says
I love this! I recently wrote something along the same lines for Owning Pink. It’s interesting how in our pursuit of happiness we come to learn that those things we strive for thinking happiness is at the end of the tunnel is false thinking. Perfection is also another thing I beleive we strive for to no end that ends up leaving us feeling unfulfilled and tired.
Great read! Thank you for sharing.
Judy says
Hi Josh-
Just to introduce myself…I am a Christian and have been following your website for two years now! Minimalism has changed my life for the better. I read your posts everyday! :) Now what I really need is some courage. I’ve been at the same job for 10 years. I am treated poorly…and know I can do better. CHANGE is the key. As a seek new employment, I thank you for reminding me that I can do this! God’s favor and blessings will chase me down. He will open new doors for me. Keep up the great work Josh. God bless you—and did I say THANKS! :)
Judy says
I meant to say “Joshua” @@
Sorry
everlearning says
Wonderful! All your points are right on and I thank you for putting them out there.
I agree about the “tweet that” link. I think people know what they want to share and how to do it. Ironically, by adding that link, it sort of hits on the pursuits of “Following the crowd’ and ‘Fighting for recognition.’ However, I don’t believe that is your true intent, but I know you’re open to feedback.
Paula says
Thank you for your blog!!! I so appreciate what’s at the heart of it. You speak my heart and affirm my deepest convictions most days. Other’s you stretch me and help me grow and I am grateful for it! When one writes a blog, you open yourself up to a lot of knit picking, potential criticism and even in some extreme cases hatred and persecution. Don’t stop. Don’t let the knit pickers win. I’ve also felt led to write a blog and if I do I’m sure I’ll say things that people get hung up on or feel the need to express their hatred to me over. Frankly, it’s that fear that causes me to hesitate. I’m not bold by nature. I’ve been group attacked, even persecuted for my convictions before. Three years later, the leaders I was speaking to fired a few key folks and the new guys did the very things I was asking for. Affirmation from God, but no acknowledgement from men… and that’s ok. I get you! The heart of what you say is true and greatly beneficial. If we were at a dinner party, the critics wouldn’t hang on a few anecdotal comments and miss the main subject entirely. I don’t know why they do it with the written word, but they do. I’m not opposed to critique either, but to spotlight a few little things that weren’t spot on and completely ignore a large praiseworthy work that has so much brilliance and insight is the very essence of what you’re trying to bring to light. Don’t stop!
Paula says
I want to clarify that I’m speaking in generalities here. Not necessarily to the comments here today.
Jennifer says
Doesn’t sound like it.Sounds like you’re attacking the comments.
Kristie says
Agreed Paula!
norman says
Please please don’t join the bandwagon of bloggers with this horrible “tweet that” link. Maybe it’s just me, but I think it’ quite an arrogant attitude. Everytime I see such a tweet that link, it’s like the author is telling me: “You know I’m pretty cool, and what I just wrote here is so uber-cool, you’ll want to tell everybody about it.” Really hate it.
joshua becker says
Thanks Norman. I do appreciate that feedback. As you noticed, it’s something I have been experimenting with recently. I certainly don’t intend to come off as arrogant. But I think some people find it helpful to have the author point out phrasing that summarizes the theme of the post. My early observations seem to indicate that almost just as many readers enjoy sharing the post via quote (http://bit.ly/1jYBBoE) as sharing via title (http://bit.ly/1kGbiCc).
Jazzy says
I just “Tweeted That” from your post….:) and its my pleasure to do so!
Jennifer says
‘Tweet that’ really does sound demanding and arrogant.
Shane says
Simple. If you don’t want to follow the twit, er, tweet, then don’t follow it. You make your choice and let others make theirs.
Remember? Happiness is doing your thing, not necessarily my thing.
Eli says
Sorry, I couldn’t really read past the Bill Cosby quote. Knowing the horrific multiple rape accounts against him, I just can’t with this guy. Maybe you just didn’t know about it, in which case here’s a link; http://www.salon.com/2014/02/12/another_woman_speaks_out_over_bill_cosby_sexual_abuse_allegations/
joshua becker says
I had not seen any of those accusations—nor do I know enough to comment.
Versandra Kennebrew says
Always look at the source. Great post Joshua.
Antoinette says
wise decision, Joshua. One thing I have learned is that there are 3 sides to every story – my side – your side – and the truth. We all come at situations with our own perspectives. Your blog was great. It is a determined decision to not follow what the world tells you is ‘the norm’. The ‘Kiss Principle’ is always the best – keep it simple, sweetheart! :)
M says
The quote is great. Not any less true and beneficial because of allegations.
Marina says
They are really not accusations, they are personal histories being shared, and to pretend ignorance of an issue in our social fabric seems disingenous.
Quintina Fernandes says
That is the best answer I have seen, I have to learn this art,
Sally says
Eli; I have to admit I thought the same. I couldn’t read past his quote.
Linda says
Same here
Texomamorganlady says
Same here, ruined the article for me.
Steve P Brady says
Great post. I have to admit, fear is my most common stumbling block. Even though I know rationally the things I worry most about almost never end up happening, it is hard to shake them.
Good reminder here that I am only shooting myself in the foot by letting anxiety get the better of me.
Judy says
I go through the exact same thing! You echoed my struggle. It does help to know we are not alone when these feelings rise up.
Stacy says
I like to quote silly lyrics… “never let fear decide your fate” it’s the truth. it hold us back from everything.
Karen @ Pieces of Contentment says
So many quote worthy sentences Joshua, as if you are breaking chains and setting us free to BE happy. Excellent.
Neil Azavedo says
Great Post Joshua. In our pursuit for happiness we are being robbed of it… how true..
I guess people are just too used to feeling happy this way. They do not know better or do not have the time to find a better, more easier way to create happiness.
Thank you for these pointers.
Nancy M says
Thanks, Neil … ” In our pursuit for happiness we are being robbed of it”. Those are my thoughts in a nutshell, too. I think we’ve become conditioned to look for happiness in the next best thing or that something is better than what we have or can create. It’s a vicious cycle that never ends.
I believe that’s why it’s crucial to strip down to the basics – purge and simplify in the tangible & intangible sense.
Soon enough, layer by layer, we begin to see that less is more and happiness is closer than we think.