‘Golden handcuffs,’ defined, refers to special benefits offered to an employee as an inducement to continue service.
The meaning can be both positive and negative.
In a positive spin, companies invest significant resources in the hiring and training of employees. ‘Golden handcuffs’ (such as benefits) are intended to help employers hold onto employees that they’ve invested in and ensure that their best employees do not leave.
In a negative sense, the phrase is often associated with individuals staying at a job they are not happy in, but not willing to leave because the financial loss would be significant.
(The negative connotation is the most common use of the phrase in the English language).
Here’s the thing about golden handcuffs, and why the negative connotation is the most common use, most people wearing them don’t realize they’re wearing them. That’s why it works.
I have a friend in the Pacific Northwest who coaches unhappy, but otherwise successful businessmen and businesswomen. When she explained her work to me, she put it this way, “The thing is that most of these men and women can’t even imagine another way. They’ve become so accustomed to their salary and benefit package, they can’t see there is another way to live. They are not happy, but feel trapped in their own lifestyle. But there is always a way out.”
I have begun to move beyond the employer-employee relationship when using the phrase: golden handcuffs.
I see golden handcuffs as the proper term for anybody who has begun to embrace a higher standard of living that they see no escape from.
Lifestyle inflation has become the norm and stepping back from it is difficult—regardless of where you started or where you end. When comforts and luxuries become needs, lowering the floor of a lifestyle becomes increasingly difficult. We become bound to the lifestyle we begin living—even if we’re unhappy in it.
This lifestyle inflation may occur because of income or credit, but once a level of lifestyle has become realized, it is virtually impossible to willingly step away from it:
- It’s hard to imagine a 1,400 square ft home is sufficient, once you live in 2,000.
- It’s hard to imagine a vacation down the road can be just as enjoyable as a holiday in Europe.
- It’s hard to imagine a 2005 Honda Accord can get you the same place as a 2020 Lexus.
- And it’s hard to image a $20 purse can function as well as a $200 designer bag.
As our lifestyle inflates, so does our expectation. Walking away from it, in any and every sense, becomes unthinkable. Golden handcuffs.
Of course, it is also important to point out that the term “golden” misrepresents the deceptive nature of riches and lifestyle.
Whenever we throw around phrases like “rich,” “successful,” or “golden,” we immediately excuse ourselves from the label.
“I’m not rich.” “I’m not wealthy.” “I’m not part of the 1%.” Those phrases always define the other guy—the one with more money than me.
When we do, we immediately excuse ourselves from the conversation. And the deceptive nature of the golden handcuff lifestyle goes unrecognized.
- My life isn’t golden… it’s just middle of the road.
- My house isn’t too big… it’s just the size we need.
- My car isn’t too expensive… it’s what I deserve.
- I don’t buy things I don’t need… I need everything I own.
- I can’t be wearing golden handcuffs… I’m barely paying my bills.
When we fall into the trap of thinking lifestyle inflation has only affected “the other guy,” we fall into the exact trap the phrase golden handcuffs was meant to define. We’ve become so accustomed to our current lifestyle or standard of living, that we can see no other way to live.
And suddenly, we are trapped.
Golden handcuffs don’t have to be golden, sometimes they are silver.
And more of us are wearing them than we realize.
But there is always a way out.
Kodey WhiteWolf says
Short story
Influenced by then partner (short termed) pushed me. “I deserve this”. into buying a bedroom “set”, a living room “set”. Never before have I had this. Fast forward 3+ yrs moving from NY to NC, finally sold it all (for about 1/3 of original price) and within 24 hours felt so much relief….a freeing….Went back to ” ME”. True to me…used (nice) furniture & more simple. Feelings….Ahhhhh 😁
Always stay true to you & you’ll feel an inner happiness & peaceful feeling
Doesn’t matter what others think or say……be you = your life/world will be all good I feel others opinions etc are on them. Thru the past 3+ yrs I’ve moved several times leaving behind most furnishings, clothing, ” stuff” , etc etc and rebuild staying simple. For me = easier. All good 😁👍😉
Erin says
I left my career and the company I had worked for for almost 14 years. It was the scariest and most necessary thing I have done besides becoming a parent! I took a 35k pay cut and for the first time in a very long time, I feel like I can breathe. I have been letting go of things in our home that no longer serve us and working through some of the things I experienced at the company I have needed to mentally unpack for a long time. We are budgeting for the first time, sticking to our grocery list, sharing things with others that can actually use them on our buy nothing group, and making more time for one another. I finally feel like I have some balance in my life and I’m not working 10-12 hour days. My time is becoming my own and I am continuing to pay down my student loan debt to hopefully have a bit of financial freedom. Thank you for reminding us what is always most important.
Kelly A says
This term was frequently used to describe my corporate job. Too weak to quit, I did a happy dance when downsized. Fortunately, I had been following Larry Burkett’s teachings and had saved a lot and moved to my dream town. No more European vacations or brunch at the resort, but time to watch the sunsets at Bryce.
Dan says
It’s sad people don’t see Other things than where they are living for so many years. Trips can teach you to be careful and care for stuffs and not lose them so that you don’t Need to over spend. Or another way doing things , fun to see the different things done by others. Often I have enjoyed the different lifestyle and people I meet when I used to move around the world a lot and stayed in Youth or centers/places much cheaper than in a hotel .
Karen Goetchius says
Sunsets at Bryce canyon any day of the year, beat any thing! I would happy dance every day too! :)
Sara O says
At age 59 I recently gave up my full-time career “golden handcuffs” job and all the benefits that go along with it for a part-time non-benefitted job. Why you ask? I mean, I had it made …. I am 5 years from collecting Social security and Medicare. Why not stay the course? When I got real,with myself, I realized I could no longer sacrifice my life for my career. With the help and support of Joshua Becker’s books and blog posts I came to realize that what I have is all I need. Now is the time to live my life simply and to its full potential.
Irisa Roze says
Thanks for your comment. Even though it was in June of 2022, it resonates with me now. Thanks again.
Linda says
How exciting your new path sounds. Great that you are no longer super-womaning it, but taking care of you!!
Dallas says
Time flies,
be true to yourself.
Broke the “Golden Handcuffs” after working 27 years in the Insurance Industry. Happly retired eight years ago at age 57.
Sadly I’ve witnessed many friends pass away at their jobs, having never lived.
Don’t let work, debt and stress consume you. ENJOY!
Alexis says
This is a really cool article. I have moved around early childhood centres as the working conditions lead me to burnout everytime, Ive realised its too hard to sustain my values and beleifs of helping people and showing support in this kind of environment. After my work not having the resources to support me to come back to work with my child who has additional needs, I finally have decided to study via correspondance and pursue becoming a clinical child psychologist.
In the last years I have been incredibly challenged with life (we all have – but covid was the least of it for us), and this year minimalism has taught me what little I need in order to be able to stay home and prioritise my baby. I have also learned how to stop ‘trying’ in toxic relationships, to allow myself not to break my back when pregnant or risk my pregnancy by carrying tantruming 2 yrs olds at work, whose parents need to leave for work.
What we let happen to us, is the standard that we accept. And these days I am open to change when I feel that my body is needing it. Although the guilt does bite back
Karen Brydges says
It’s a good article. But only applies to people who can afford to live in a lower income lifestyle. Those of us who already live in a lower income can’t afford to just leave a job and do need the benefits. But still a good read
Zach says
Good article, though you lost me in the last three lines. Why are they silver? What does that mean?
That said, I’m a big fan, Joshua. My wife and I started simplifying gradually about 10 years ago and now have gone from living in 4300 sqft and 700K debt to 560 sqft and zero debt and never been happier. Less stuff means more life!
Teresa Baker says
Silver is less valuable than silver, so silver handcuffs would be a job that doesn’t even pay high wages, yet we stay in the job because it pays the bills.
The article is great, however one more sentence to explain the silver concept, compared to the golden, is needed.
Kammy says
We moved from a four thousand square foot home (6 bedroom/3.5 bath) into a 1200 square foot townhome, (2 bedroom 1.5 bath) literally donating 2/3 of our belongings because we had to move quickly for a job opportunity. (Hubs had been out of work and we had two kids in college and two approaching their senior year of high school.) Living simply has brought us a ton of joy. I do wish we had one more bathroom and bedroom when all the kids are here, but that that isn’t often. We did rent out our original house, since it is back where ALL our family lives and nearly paid for. Our plan has always been to sell our town home and move back, eventually. It will be interesting to see if we adjust as easily going back.
Penny says
This article should be a part of some high school curriculum. Wish I had read this 50 years ago!
Viki says
I totally agree with this!!