This past summer, I celebrated 21 years of marriage. My wife is loving and kind and selfless. She is faithful and patient, a strong Christian, a loving mother, and a tireless volunteer who serves others in our community.
Too often, I take her for granted. Last night, in fact, I forgot to say, “I love you.”
My son is 18, a senior in high school, and just received his first acceptance letter from a university yesterday. Since he was a baby, he has brought joy into my life. I have watched him grow into a hard-working young man who is considerate and kind and intelligent. We have shared countless moments together from driving to school in the morning to flying across the country for trips. We’ve made countless lasting memories.
18 years together, and now it seems, he might be moving on to a new chapter in life apart from us for the first time.
My daughter is 14 and just started high school this year. She is funny and quick and brings joy into every room she enters. Somehow, she can simultaneously laugh at my dry jokes and tear up next to my wife watching an emotional movie. As high school continues, with each passing day, she seems to spend a little more time with friends and a little less time at home.
14 years of being my little girl, and now entering a new stage in life.
Why does it seem that our greatest blessings in life are the ones we too quickly forget, or take the most for granted?
It’s not that I don’t appreciate them. It’s just that too often, my mind dwells on other things: commitments at work, social media feeds, national news, sporting events, or that one specific personal accomplishment I’ve yet to reach.
The good I have been given is too easily replaced in my mind by the urgent or the things I wish I had.
My home is warm and safe—a blessing that not everybody enjoys. But you know what I think about most while at home? The flooring that needs to be repaired, the bathroom ceiling fan that doesn’t work, or that my bedroom gets too warm during the day and takes too long to cool off at night.
My home provides safe shelter for me and my family. But rather than focusing on the positives, it’s easy to dwell on the problems.
My freezer has food, so does our pantry. But what do I often say while staring into the fridge? “There’s nothing in here to eat.”
Some have closets full of clothes, packed to the brim on every hanger and shelf—enough supply to last the next ten years if necessary. And yet, the refrain is the same, “I have nothing to wear.”
Gratitude or discontent, the choice is ours.
I grew up in a loving family and both of my parents are still alive. Despite leaving home almost 30 years ago, I talk to them every week, if not more. I was given a stable and loving home upon which to build the foundation of my life—a blessing as great as any other. And yet, too often, I forget about all the sacrifices they made along the way to provide that for me.
I’m not sure why the greatest blessings are the easiest to forget.
Maybe it’s because they’ve become so commonplace to us that we don’t even notice their existence (until they are gone).
Maybe it’s the nature of the human mind to constantly explore new thoughts and adventures and ideas, rather than dwelling on the stable.
Maybe it’s because we live in a world that constantly stirs up discontent in our hearts and lives to distract us from the good.
Or maybe it’s because we just get so rushed and busy, we don’t slow down long enough, or often enough, to appreciate what we already have.
I’m not entirely sure of the exact reason—and maybe it’s different for each person.
But I do know this: We’d appreciate the goodness and stability in our lives a little bit more if we made more effort to notice the good in our world—starting with the most obvious, because the most obvious is often the greatest.
I mean, consider this, the very fact that I woke up this morning and got to see the sun rise is just another amazing blessing that I took for granted again today.
About Joshua Becker
Thank you for this reminder. Stuff and consumption do take away our focus from things that matter.
Last week, my husband and I had to evacuate our home due to the threat of a wildfire. We were able to pack those possessions we thought necessary and that would fit in two vehicles. As we pulled out of the driveway, I took a look at our home and wondered what we would find when we returned. We were fortunate to come home to find everything as we had left it. This experience sure put into perspective what is important and how truly blessed we have been in our lives.
The most valuable thing is before our eyes and within reach, just pay attention! Nice reflection Joshua, greetings from Mexico!
The things we experience with consistency, we just get used to them and subconsciously expect them to be there no matter what. It really takes effort to continuously express gratitude for those consistencies. It takes intention and practice. I do my best to not only recognize these blessings but to express my gratitude. But we can never be perfect, just do our best to be mindful each day, clear out the noise in our head and take a moment to zone in on a blessing. Can never have too many reminders. Thank you for the reminder.
Great post! Thanks for sharing!
Loved this! Thanks for sharing!
The artist, Jaye Schlesinger has painted all her belongings. She is a
minimalist. I continue to give away more things each week. My reward for taking a full box to Goodwill or Salvation Army is that I can bring home one new (to me) thing. I have emptied several shelves and two cabinets. There are many more things that can find another place to live.
Thank you all for sharing your experiences! It really helps those who need help, including me. We do not notice the wonderful things around us. This is how a person is made, to see only the bad. And I want to thank my sister, my family. And I want to thank myself for not stopping.
Thank you for your beautiful insights. They are things I grapple with and think about daily. Bring and staying present can be a challenge at times.
Thank you for this meaningful post. This year has been hard on all off us – I lost my dad and my maternal grandmother (the one who brought me up). It’s been hard coming to terms with the loss but like you mentioned I am grateful for each sunrise and sunset that I can experience and I make it a point to thank my loved ones (both family and friends) and our good Lord and Father for the many blessings (countless). I am and have been a minimalist for years now and truly enjoy the benefits. It’s always great to be in touch with like minded people and be a part of their experiences and learnings. Keep up the good work!
This is good to hear!
The Elitism of Minimalism
During Christmas 2017, Kwame, my then 22 year old son, and I vacationed in the Dominican Republic. It was one of those mother and son trips that was all my idea and Kwame indulged me. While surfing the internet in the hotel room one evening, I read an article about Minimalism and signed up for an online quarterly newsletter about Minimalism. For those who don’t know what Minimalism is, it’s a lifestyle where you declutter your life and practice the concept of less is more so you keep only the things in your life you appreciate and use. For instance, why have 20 pairs of socks, when 7 pairs will do, why have a closet full of clothes when you can simplify your wardrobe to a few items i.e. t-shirt and jeans every day and save yourself hours in your week deciding what to wear. Minimalism is the natural evolution of frugalism.
Well, I toyed with Minimalism for the last four years and never quite got around to cleaning out my kitchen drawers or getting rid of those extra socks. Last December, I watched Matt D’Avella’s (a great filmmaker) Netflix documentary on Minimalism while Kwame was visiting me from his grandparent’s home. Kwame was on his phone as usual but I noticed out the corner of my eye, he put his phone down and started to look intently at the documentary. The two starring minimalists in the documentary extolled the virtue of a minimalist lifestyle, and how in their quest for less is more, they lived more fulfilling lives now and have a greater appreciation for life and what’s important.
Kwame stood up from the love seat located to my left and walked behind me where I was sitting on the couch facing the T.V. Watching the documentary made me feel quite good about myself and my never-ending quest for self-improvement and enlightenment. Right then, I renewed my commitment to embrace Minimalism whole-heartedly. Meanwhile, Kwame slowed leaned over and whispered in my ear, “You know you have to have something to be a minimalist.” Boom! There went my self-righteousness.
Much of Minimalism is a choice, and what a privileged place to be in – to have too much stuff. So why I still extol the virtues of Minimalism, I recognize the elitist place from which it derives and I don’t think that part of a Minimalist lifestyle should be lost on those of us who choose to live this way. I thank my son, Kwame, for keeping me honest, appreciative, and always self-improving even when I forget.
Cynthia B. Moore – I am an attorney who lives in St. Croix who embraced Minimalism anew when my son reminded me of that truth about Minimalism.
amen….and ah-men….
life is good, and so is God.
I’m working on this myself!
Myself is working on ME!
GOD is working right along with me, giving to others feels awesome!
Especially since the recipients know
Not where it comes from, just someone
Knows “I don’t have one of those “
I don’t miss a thing I’ve given, just wish I had started earlier in life!
Joshua,
I just want to say thank you for the article you wrote and posted today. I was encouraged and reminded of how precious life is and how quickly the seasons of our life come and go. In just 6 months my youngest of 5 children will turn 30, and like you, I am incredibly blessed. I also wanted to let you know that I stumbled on your web site this year and read daily the articles that you post. The articles have really motivated me as I attempt to declutter my home and focus on the things in life that really matter…so thank you:)
Like most things I read here, This resonates with me deeply. Thank you so much for writing.
Thank you for the encouraging words. I appreciate them very much.
THANK YOU for sharing! You always have such wonderful advice on living intentionally! We need reminders of what matters most in life; to me it’s faith and family! I remember when my children were toddlers, an older woman told me, “Enjoy it while you can, they grow up quickly.” It was hard in the moment to really grasp what she was saying, but it is so true!
My husband and I entered the “empty nest” last year. While it had its emotional moments, I love the time I can pour into my relationship with my husband–uninterrupted! But oh, how wonderful when the kids come home to visit!! –Best to you and your family, Joshua!
To be more appreciative of life, friends, and family, a person just needs to go through a few important losses and you realize what is important in life. It is only love. Volunteering at a thrift shop you see how many “gifts” were never used, sometimes not even opened, and you realize that not only did all this stuff used to be money – somebody thought it mattered and it didn’t. I don’t know all the answers but I do know giving people gifts they neither need or want is foolish. Perhaps we should all give more money to charities, people, and places that need it this Christmas instead.
Thank you Joshua for another great article! I always look forward to receiving an email notification from Becoming Minimalists. I’ve enjoyed readying every article you’ve written and this one is no different.
Great reminder. Just the other day I wrote about my time with my son, who is still young- 12 years old- and the precious time we’ve spent bonding over books. He definitely is a great blessing in my life!
Thanks so much for your post, I am also Blessed and love that you bring to mind all the wonderful blessings that we enjoy every day.
God bless you and encourage you as you enter this new season with growing up children. It is a wonderful season that brings about a different relationship with our kids..we are blessed to have 5 adult children who have enriched our lives with 21 grandchildren..God is good
Connect w everything about this article and it’s a great reminder. Too many ridiculous distractions and reminds me to circle back to the personal. I also don’t want to live in my own bubble. I still want to understand others reality and show empathy towards humanity at large.
Amen Brother!!
I’m over 70 and look back. Yes, missed much. Kids are on the coast, neighbors are near.
I agree with you, “I’m not sure why the greatest blessings are the easiest to forget.” But we remember.
Thank you for sharing.
What a wonderful pre-Thanksgiving post! Thank you so much.
Thank you Joshua, You have given so many,so much over the years may God continue to bless you and your family.
Joshua,
You have challenged me to do without many of the material objects over the past year, thank you. Yet this past month I have also been challenged to do without some of the social media junk. Yes, we hold onto a phone that clutters up our lives with social news, media news, music, ads, movies, email, food counter, exercise reminder, step tracker and games ect…..it’s enough to make you never need anything other than your phone. I started my social media fast on Sept 15th as a study along with a leader….. it has been more freeing that cleaning my closets!! Serioiusly, we have so much junk calling us all day long, so to truly be a minimalist, I am taking this a step further. For anyone seeking to clear their mind and spirit give up excess phone useage When you unplug you will discover even more of what you really have. Have you ever unplugged for an extending amount of time? I realize as a blogger you need to be online, but after using it for work how much time is spent on your phone/computer/ipad? I have discovered my phone doesn’t need to be recharged as often and I am more recharged with time and energy for things I really enjoy. I’d love to hear your thoughts on being a minimalist to phone use?
Jane
I have found the distinction between “creating” and “consuming” online to be helpful. “Creating online,” whether it be writing articles, filming videos, creating FB images, or interacting with comments brings me life and provides opportunity to make a difference. On the other hand, “consuming online” such as games, scrolling, watching videos, constant reading of news, tends to lead to a more drained day and life. That is how I try to distinguish between the two in my career and life.
Joshua.
Thank you for sharing this wonderfully written reflection.
It’s a good reminder to count our blessings.
So much to be thankful for! 👍🏻
Hi, thank you for the warm, insightful message you sent today. It moved my heart to read about all your wonderful blessings.
It’s true that we take too much for granted in our busy lives. The pandemic has slowed us all down and given us time to appreciate more what blessings we do have.
I lost my step dad three months ago due to the coronavirus and although I cared a lot for him, I never really put it into words how much he meant.
It’s important that we cherish the only things that really are important next to God and that’s our family’s. Our family’s are a blessing from God and we must not forget that in the process of living from day to day.
Thank you for all your lovely emails. Keep safe, God bless. Kind regards, Eve.
Yes we should all take a few moments to feel gratitude every day.
I am grateful that my cat is a happy boy which in turn gives me so much joy, and that the weather is getting cooler and the skies are clear today.
beautifully said…
I can resonate with everything you wrote. Beautiful! Always good to be reminded of all the things we already have and cherish them. I am happy I saw the sunrise too😀
just brilliant. I do give thanks daily for all that we have – but I agree completely, especially in more challenging moments in life, its easy to forget what is a blessing, and how that blessing is something so constant, so daily, that we sometimes lose sight of just how special it really is. another great article – thanks for sharing your insights and journey
Thank you for your meaningful and impactful messages. It brings a lot of light into this world. I am deeply grateful for your work.
So BEAUTIFUL and so very true! Sincere thanks for your post❤️