“Simplicity, clarity, singleness: these are the attributes that give our lives power and vividness and joy.” – Richard Halloway
The minimalist life holds benefits for all.
Numbers of parents think a minimalist lifestyle is simply out of reach because they have children—as if the two are somehow incompatible. But that is not the case. As I explain in Clutterfree with Kids, the principles of minimalism are completely within reach no matter how many children you have or where you live.
And not only is minimalism completely possible with children, it is a lifestyle filled with benefits for them! Since becoming minimalist, I have been continually amazed at some of the lessons my two young children have learned. Over the past years, they have learned:
- That we don’t need to buy things to be happy. We own far fewer things than we did years ago. We purchase far fewer things than we did years ago. Yet, we are far happier than we were years ago. Go figure.
- That we don’t need to live life like everyone else. Even though they are not quite old enough to understand all of the intricacies of our minimlist life, they completely understand that we have made a decision to live different than most people in our neighborhood. Our lifestyle has given them permission to live a counter-cultural life.
- That we live within our means. Although our children are not balancing our checkbook, they do hear us speak often about debt, the joy of not being in it, and our desire to stay out of it.
- That we think carefully about our purchases. Because we believe in giving them ample opportunity to find/grow in their interests, we still need to buy things like toys, school supplies, art supplies, and sporting goods. We just think through our buying decisions more carefully. This is an invaluable lesson for children to learn as they get older. We no longer buy something just because we have the money, we buy things because we truly need them.
- That we gladly share with others. Since we became minimalist when they were young, they have grown up watching us donate many of our belongings to others. They have seen generosity in action.
- That clutter is a drag. They have seen how minimalism creates a home where clutter is scarce. And when it does show up, it can be quickly remedied—and usually is.
- That we love spending time with them. Our minimalist home has allowed us the opportunity to spend less time purchasing, cleaning, organizing, and sorting things. We have gladly replaced that time managing stuff with spending time with them.
- That we are in control of our stuff. Not the other way around.
Minimalism with children is entirely possible. However, it does require a little more effort, a little more thoughtfulness, and a lot more patience. As you embark (or continue) on the journey, here are some practical steps to consider:
1. Explain your decision. Your children are thinking human beings. Therefore, no matter their age (our son and daughter were only 5 and 2 at the time), sit down and explain your decision to them – include the reasons why you are choosing to become minimalist and the benefits you are hoping to receive from it. And because teenagers typically jump to far-reaching conclusions, assure them that your decision does not mean you are no longer going to buy anything… it just means you are going to intentionally think through your purchases in the future.
2. Begin minimizing your possessions first. Minimize your personal belongings first and your shared family belongings second. It would be unfair to ask your child/teenager to thoroughly adopt the lifestyle until you have done it personally. Also remember, you will learn valuable lessons when you remove your personal clutter – valuable lessons that will put you in a better place to help your son or daughter navigate their journey.
3. Remove the items they do not use first. Minimalism is about paring down to only the essentials. It is about removing the things in our life we don’t need so we can focus on the things that we do. And while most homes are filled with things that are not needed, they are also filled with things that are not even used. Start there. You can begin by removing the clothes they no longer wear, the toys they no longer they play with, and the other things they no longer use. That’s an easy first step. As you begin there and talk them through the process, they may begin to naturally start asking themselves the question, “How much of this other stuff do I really need anyway?”
4. Focus on the positives. As you begin to see the benefits of minimalism in the life of your children/teenagers, point them out and focus on them. Just because you are observant enough to notice them, doesn’t mean they see it quite as readily as you. Does their room appear tidier? Do they spend less time cleaning? Is it easier to find things? Can you notice less stress or less distraction? Are you more relaxed as a parent? Encourage each other with the positive benefits that you notice.
5. Treat them to fun experiences. One benefit of minimalism is that you spend less and have more time on your hands – so you should have some extra disposable income and the time to do something with it. Use it to create fun, family experiences. Do something new that everyone will enjoy. Take a trip to the beach, the amusement park, or a weekend in the city. You don’t need to spend all of your new found savings on one trip (especially if you are trying to get out of debt in the process), but a practical experience that highlights the benefits of your decision can go a long way in helping your children understand your minimalist decision.
6. Choose your purchases carefully going forward. You will still need to buy things going forward. Children will outgrow their clothes, their toys, their school supplies, and their sporting goods. They are not going to stop growing and developing. You are absolutely still going to buy things going forward… you are just going to put more thought into your purchases than you did in the past. Replace “Do I want this?” with “Do I need this?” And help your son or daughter ask the same question. It’s one of the most important lessons they will ever learn.
7. (A word about gifts). We have taken the approach of still allowing our relatives the opportunity to buy gifts for our children. It is an expression of their love. They desire to show their love by giving gifts and our children feel loved when they receive them. We did not want to take that away from our family. However, we have tried to communicate with our family ahead of time and offer them a suggested gift list of things they need prior to birthdays and holidays.
8. Be patient. Be patient with your family. Offer them plenty of time to adjust to minimalism rather than being pushed into it. Minimalism is a lifestyle that needs to be believed in and adopted. Show them plenty of patience. And after all, if it took you 30 years to adopt the lifestyle, it would be foolish to assume they will fully adopt it in 30 minutes… or even 30 days.
Let me assure you. Minimalism is completely achievable and beneficial for you and your family.
Erin says
When grandparents have asked what the children might like for gifts, generally at Christmas time, we have often answered that the children love to visit the zoo, discovery museum, etc, and that we like to purchase yearly memberships for these places. The relatives have been SO on board with that – they love sending the money, or part of the money for family memberships – they know that they are purchasing a gift that will really be used and enjoyed, not tossed to the side.
coco says
minimalism really does work with kids. our 11 year old was raised that way. our almost 10 year old we adopted from china, so in a sense he was raised that way to. they would much rather walk to the park and play football or basketball then come home and order pizza than spend money on toys or things. when they get money, they almost always spend it on pizza, candy and movies rather than stuff. of course they know “mom will throw it out” so why bother?
Miss Guimba - Third World Minimalist says
My children are very imaginative when it comes to toys. They can make do with boxes and tissue paper rolls and come up with amazing toys out of them. It inspires me to look for other ideas to make do with what I have, too.
The only problem with adopting a minimalist lifestyle with children is that other children seem to have embraced the consumerism at such a young age. I gave my 8-year-old emergency money because I didn’t believe she needs an allowance yet. She brings her own lunch to school. When other kids found out that her money was half what the other kids have, they taunted her. It broke my heart to have her suffer through that, but I told her that having money isn’t everything and that it doesn’t make her less of a person if she doesn’t have as much as the others. She took it in stride, but the mother in me wanted to protect her from these acts of cruelty for going against the norm. I just console myself that I have kids who will grow up without having to rely on things to boost their self-esteem.
Jo says
You are absolutely doing the right thing! BE counter cultural! As a school counsellor for many years I can tell you without a doubt that the mainstream way of parenting is not setting up our kids well. Simplicity, love, truth, grace and presence.. these things mean so much more than image, brand, conformity and distraction. Cheering for you.
Zengirl @ Heart and Mind says
Children are natural at being minimalist, we as a parent, relatives and peer pressure gets eventually for them to become future consumerist. I wrote similar thing in my last post, we all can be minimalist our own ways and what stage of life we are plays a huge role in it.
Nick Lowery says
My parents are constantly using the excuse of still having kids (my younger siblings) as justification to not be able to live simply. They say they have certain responsibilites. Your post however is an excellent representation of how these responsibilities can be fulfilled while still pursuing a simpler life. You have explained it in a way I have been unable to. Thank you for the resource, I will be sure to share it with them.
TheSimplePoppy says
Really, REALLY great advice. I’ve found that kids are typically really generous with their stuff – and when they have too much it overwhelms them and they don’t even play with the good toys. My only problem is a kid who is very sentimental. She wants to give, but cries thinking about who gave it to her, or when she got it, and those memories make it difficult for her to give even an unused item up. I’ve been photographing things for her to remember – that seems to help!
Adventure-Some Matthew says
As an uncle, but not a parent, it seems to me like those with children might benefit more from a minimalist lifestyle than couples without children or singles. When your decisions effect more than just yourself, you can have a greater impact:
– You will buy many times less (toys for yourself and your children)
– Better food for more mouthes
– More people does not have to equal more square footage
CD says
Not to counter your #2 point, which makes practical sense, but our family’s foray into minimalism began, ironically, with our children.
Anyone who has kids is familiar with that pre-birthday/pre-holiday exercise that I have come to call the “Thinning of the Accoutrements.” My wife and I would always go into our daughter’s room and try to make room for new toys (See point #7, above) by eliminating the ones that she had outgrown. It was easy to do as Ariel replaced Elmo and CandyLand replaced the Shape-O-Ball. Our daughter was always on board, too, saying things like, “Okay. We can give it to someone who doesn’t have any toys.” (Yeah, she really was that compassionate, even at age 2.)
One day I said to my wife, “Why don’t we ever do this with our things? We never replace what WE have, we just add to it.” Then I started thinking, why do I have 6 multi-tools, 12 flashlights, 7 coats, 5 tents, etc., etc., etc.?
So a year ago we went through EVERYTHING we own. It was a two week ordeal that eliminated about 80% of our excess. This year, we did it again but in much finer detail. We now have a LOT less “stuff” than we used to. Most went to charity. The neighborhood was having its annual Garage Sale, so we took advantage of that, too. (I can almost see Joshua shaking his head.)
I know minimalism is about simplifying… which, in turn, is about increasing the time you have in life to do the things you enjoy. But my experience is that there is an opportunity cost in adopting this life style on the front-end. Many hours went into going through, literally, everything we own, setting up for a garage sale, boxing/transporting things to charity, eBay-ing rarer items, etc. But once those things are finished there really is a lot more time as we don’t need to maintain nearly as many things as we had in the past.
And all this began with this simple task of preparing a toddler’s room for the bi-annual onslaught of materialism. Who knew?!
Tony says
You are absolutely right – simplifying your life is not just for young singles without kids. I have two of my own and they have been part and parcel of this journey over the last few years. I think they can teach adults a few things about minimalism too :)
Joshua says
It was funny reading this because as I’ve continued reading your blog I was curious how embracing minimalism with children in the house would play out. Nicole and I don’t have any children yet, but we definitely want them (when we’re ready) and I wasn’t sure how we’d approach that when the time came. Needless to say I’m holding onto your article for future reference and much appreciate you writing it! :)
Gisele Schembri says
I think if you are minimalist before the children come, it will be much easier for you. If your child/ren are used to the idea from the beginning they’ll embrace it as their norm. Me, on the other hand, I’m finding it very hard to get anywhere with my child about this subject because he plain refuses to let go of anything.