“Simplicity, clarity, singleness: these are the attributes that give our lives power and vividness and joy.” – Richard Halloway
The minimalist life holds benefits for all.
Numbers of parents think a minimalist lifestyle is simply out of reach because they have children—as if the two are somehow incompatible. But that is not the case. As I explain in Clutterfree with Kids, the principles of minimalism are completely within reach no matter how many children you have or where you live.
And not only is minimalism completely possible with children, it is a lifestyle filled with benefits for them! Since becoming minimalist, I have been continually amazed at some of the lessons my two young children have learned. Over the past years, they have learned:
- That we don’t need to buy things to be happy. We own far fewer things than we did years ago. We purchase far fewer things than we did years ago. Yet, we are far happier than we were years ago. Go figure.
- That we don’t need to live life like everyone else. Even though they are not quite old enough to understand all of the intricacies of our minimlist life, they completely understand that we have made a decision to live different than most people in our neighborhood. Our lifestyle has given them permission to live a counter-cultural life.
- That we live within our means. Although our children are not balancing our checkbook, they do hear us speak often about debt, the joy of not being in it, and our desire to stay out of it.
- That we think carefully about our purchases. Because we believe in giving them ample opportunity to find/grow in their interests, we still need to buy things like toys, school supplies, art supplies, and sporting goods. We just think through our buying decisions more carefully. This is an invaluable lesson for children to learn as they get older. We no longer buy something just because we have the money, we buy things because we truly need them.
- That we gladly share with others. Since we became minimalist when they were young, they have grown up watching us donate many of our belongings to others. They have seen generosity in action.
- That clutter is a drag. They have seen how minimalism creates a home where clutter is scarce. And when it does show up, it can be quickly remedied—and usually is.
- That we love spending time with them. Our minimalist home has allowed us the opportunity to spend less time purchasing, cleaning, organizing, and sorting things. We have gladly replaced that time managing stuff with spending time with them.
- That we are in control of our stuff. Not the other way around.
Minimalism with children is entirely possible. However, it does require a little more effort, a little more thoughtfulness, and a lot more patience. As you embark (or continue) on the journey, here are some practical steps to consider:
1. Explain your decision. Your children are thinking human beings. Therefore, no matter their age (our son and daughter were only 5 and 2 at the time), sit down and explain your decision to them – include the reasons why you are choosing to become minimalist and the benefits you are hoping to receive from it. And because teenagers typically jump to far-reaching conclusions, assure them that your decision does not mean you are no longer going to buy anything… it just means you are going to intentionally think through your purchases in the future.
2. Begin minimizing your possessions first. Minimize your personal belongings first and your shared family belongings second. It would be unfair to ask your child/teenager to thoroughly adopt the lifestyle until you have done it personally. Also remember, you will learn valuable lessons when you remove your personal clutter – valuable lessons that will put you in a better place to help your son or daughter navigate their journey.
3. Remove the items they do not use first. Minimalism is about paring down to only the essentials. It is about removing the things in our life we don’t need so we can focus on the things that we do. And while most homes are filled with things that are not needed, they are also filled with things that are not even used. Start there. You can begin by removing the clothes they no longer wear, the toys they no longer they play with, and the other things they no longer use. That’s an easy first step. As you begin there and talk them through the process, they may begin to naturally start asking themselves the question, “How much of this other stuff do I really need anyway?”
4. Focus on the positives. As you begin to see the benefits of minimalism in the life of your children/teenagers, point them out and focus on them. Just because you are observant enough to notice them, doesn’t mean they see it quite as readily as you. Does their room appear tidier? Do they spend less time cleaning? Is it easier to find things? Can you notice less stress or less distraction? Are you more relaxed as a parent? Encourage each other with the positive benefits that you notice.
5. Treat them to fun experiences. One benefit of minimalism is that you spend less and have more time on your hands – so you should have some extra disposable income and the time to do something with it. Use it to create fun, family experiences. Do something new that everyone will enjoy. Take a trip to the beach, the amusement park, or a weekend in the city. You don’t need to spend all of your new found savings on one trip (especially if you are trying to get out of debt in the process), but a practical experience that highlights the benefits of your decision can go a long way in helping your children understand your minimalist decision.
6. Choose your purchases carefully going forward. You will still need to buy things going forward. Children will outgrow their clothes, their toys, their school supplies, and their sporting goods. They are not going to stop growing and developing. You are absolutely still going to buy things going forward… you are just going to put more thought into your purchases than you did in the past. Replace “Do I want this?” with “Do I need this?” And help your son or daughter ask the same question. It’s one of the most important lessons they will ever learn.
7. (A word about gifts). We have taken the approach of still allowing our relatives the opportunity to buy gifts for our children. It is an expression of their love. They desire to show their love by giving gifts and our children feel loved when they receive them. We did not want to take that away from our family. However, we have tried to communicate with our family ahead of time and offer them a suggested gift list of things they need prior to birthdays and holidays.
8. Be patient. Be patient with your family. Offer them plenty of time to adjust to minimalism rather than being pushed into it. Minimalism is a lifestyle that needs to be believed in and adopted. Show them plenty of patience. And after all, if it took you 30 years to adopt the lifestyle, it would be foolish to assume they will fully adopt it in 30 minutes… or even 30 days.
Let me assure you. Minimalism is completely achievable and beneficial for you and your family.
Purgatori4 says
I have been interested in this lifestyle for years now… but, I’m still working on getting there. I have a husband and 2 children (14 & 10). I just recently started purging one bag/box at a time. It truly makes me sick to see the money we wasted!!!! …and makes me think at least twice before I buy another THING. We’ve been together for 15 years. Neither of us has gotten rid of a whole lot of our accumulated STUFF. I am READY. We go to a cabin every year that merely has battery power and gas… no electricity… no clutter… only what we NEED. We ALL come home so happy, only to heave a heavy sigh from the burden of our things. I’m hoping that once I’m through my STUFF, seeing my example will encourage and inspire the rest of my family to follow suit. Any words of encouragement would be warmly welcomed and greatly appreciated!!!! :o)
Rebecca Donnelly says
I am just starting to read and really want to have this lifestyle and I am feeling so overwhelmed. I did start last night just doing one thing and creating one bag to go but it is difficult to imagine the work required to get through the whole house. I have lived simply most of my life because of moving often and being single until I was 39 years old. Now I have a husband and two very young kids and haven’t moved in 5 years and the accumulation is astounding!! I have been obsessed with moving lately and I think it is solely because I think it would “force” us to begin this process. Any advice on staying calm and on track would be greatly appreciated!!!
joshua becker says
rebecca,
just one bag at a time. no need to do the entire house in one day. small steps. juts pick one room and start there. and don’t feel bad about starting with the “low-hanging fruit,” – that’s the easiest place to start
kl says
Cloud, camille, and anyone else interested: http://thesimplebaby.wordpress.com/. (Thanks for the name!) I figured that why not, I could possibly have something to say. (As you can read from the intro post, I’ll most likely think about these things more towards the end of the year ;)
Anyone willing to contribute or share stories, please drop a line on the comment box. I will later get an email to match that I will put public on the site (I try to avoid spam so I won’t be using my regular one).
CL Hebberman says
Brilliant!
I adopted this approach in in raising my 4 children.
I was overwhelmed by the pressure to buy buy buy to sate my children’s happiness.
Money doesn’t = love.
My parents believed it did and now my whole parenting approach is completely opposite the thier’s.
My children are much happier with less,it means their choices are minimalised and easier to make.
Cloud says
hey kl…..couldn’t agree with you further. and great idea with a blog….insecure new mothers need some other advice than the commercial driven baby major websites….(you know the ones, dont you?!)
my son started even from the beginning to eat with a normal plate and spoon, because he wanted it and did not like the plastic ones. by the time he was one year, he could eat alone with a spoon and started out with a fork. now, with 20 months he uses a normal spoon and fork by himself and he enjoys it so much. That I bought all this stuff on the baby lists I came across, was because I was insecure and scared and wanted to be perfect. Even our fancy stroller…honestly, I bought it for my own satisfaction….my son rode in it a few times and then decided that he wanted to just push it and walk on his own.
So, I would applaud you or anybody starting a blog about “the simple baby”….
Manuel says
Shelley September 15, 2011 My roommate read His Needs, her Needs when she was eagnged. The funniest advice was to practice good hygiene and to brush your teeth everyday. It was funny, but I guess some people don’t practice good hygiene!
kl says
camille: It all depends on what you choose. In US, people are used to having a huge amount of baby stuff. I laughed myself to near death when I heard you have electric baby wipe warmers. I mean, I live in one of the most technologically advanced countries in the world (Finland) but the idea of baby wipe warmer is absurd. First, baby wipes are already room-temperature, which quite appropriate, and second, you don’t need them. There’s a tap, the sink, and running water. And honestly, kids do not care if the water is quite cold (I’ve tested).
It is just a small sample but I think very descriptive of the problem. I have friends who raised their first child the first year by spending less than a couple hundred bucks. They had second-hand diapers (not disposable ones), the baby changing table was a towel on a floor, the had no car, no strollers (they did have quite a few different wraps and carry-on slings they used when on the move, and they did travel quite a lot), and no baby bed (the baby slept next to them in bed). These were not poor people, or cheapskates, but well-earning professionals who had decided what was necessary and what not.
Most toys are unnecessary. Our kid plays with any household equipment he gets, obviously also with his stuff sometimes, and gets the biggest kicks from non-stuff experiences – hanging out and playing catch with us, helping out with any household chore (you should hear the laugh and see the excitement when he helps in carrying laundry from laundry basket to washing machine, a few at a time) and just going out to play. We chose to have strollers and keep the car, had safety seat, got him his own bed when he was about 6 months, and had most clothes second hand (and most toys, now unused, as gifts). Add a milk bottle or two and you are done with all equipment you’ll need. We did not buy any “baby specifics” such as baby towels or plates unless we got them somewhere. When the baby starts to eat (4-6 months), plastic mug might be a good idea as it might get thrown. And something to cover up the kid when they start to eat real food.
It really takes just common sense, and possible abstination from commercials (and their evil variety, infomercials.) But a blog about the subject might be a good idea, to spread the word.
kl says
I would also counterclaim (as many already did) that simplifying actually means more to parents and while it may take more effort (as in coordinating more people’s possessions) also the benefits are even greater.
I started being more interested in environment, politics, agriculture, and food quality as I was pregnant with my first child. This is quite a natural path since you do want the best for your kid, and why not start with a better world :) Countering consumerism and getting rid of stuff was not yet given much thought (while I did see the connection there). It was a natural next step though, as piles of stuff started to grow around the small kid.
We are far from being minimalist yet, but have made some clear decisions in that direction and are slowly shedding extra stuff. Anything clearing space out makes living easier with a kid who loves to move around and move stuff. (We also found that our little one LOVES to clean and he also learned fast that things have predetermined places and tries to keep them there – much better than we manage.)
We did decide that we won’t move out from our 2 bedroom apartment just yet even though there’s a second kid coming. We will also try to keep our car (which means we need to find smaller baby seats because otherwise we won’t fit :) We do need to clear up more so that we’ll live comfortably. Sites like this are a great help in motivation – while having less stuff does eliminate need to clean as much, getting there does take a whole lot of cleaning…;)
Cloud says
….isnt that the core, that we do not KNOW how to spend time with kids?! I myself had to learn it; go from a busy work schedule (which also boosted my EGO and gave me a sense of social value) to sitting down and starring at an ant, repeating the word “ant” at least 100 times, and again pointing at it again and again and getting excited about that. Now, I realized that through my son I have come closer to living in the NOW, being present than anytime before. And I can enjoy it…. most of the time, BUT not all the time. Looking around at other parents, mainly mothers, it seems that scheduling playdates, doctors appointments and driving their kids to any possible event and hobby, is the major thing to do to run away from that presence which is often extremely uncomfortable.
Another thing that has helped me to live simple with a baby is living in Africa….WE DO NOT NEED ALL THESE SAFETY SECURITY GADGETS, people do not have them here and need them, and their children grow up to KNOW how to handle dangerous situations. READ the CONTINUUM PROJECT from Jean Liedloff.
BIG THANKS FOR THIS!
camille says
That’s great advice in regards to young kids and teenagers, but I was wondering if anyone had thoughts about practicing minimalism with a baby?
When I look at friends or relatives who have one, it seems their house is instantly taken over by mountains of baby-related equipment, and I’m hoping to avoid that when the time comes.
Is there perhaps a resource or blog you could recommend that addresses that particular phase of family life?
Anon says
You really don’t *need* much stuff with a baby. I bought a pile of cloth diapers, some clothes (which my baby didn’t wear too often because it was a hot summer), a car seat, a baby carrier to wear her, and a washable changing pad. I eventually got her a baby gym and someone bought a swing but they don’t need much for toys – they are fascinated with what’s going on around them and really just want to be held.
Jodz says
I have just found your blog and it is so good to read about other parents that embrace the same values as us.