“Pride must die in you, or nothing of heaven can live in you.” —Andrew Murray
9 months ago, Leo Babauta wrote a blog post titled I Failed. Immediately upon reading it, I wished I had written it. It was good and true and honest. But more importantly, it was freeing—for both the reader and writer.
More recently, I have been moved by the words of Brian Gardner and his continued pleas for authenticity. I read his thoughts on living unfiltered and again, streams of freedom flow in his writing. Sarah Peck also has a similar influence on me.
There is great freedom in authenticity.
One evening last month, while sitting at my dining room table, I suffered a dark moment of depravity. I received good news from a friend on the telephone. He’s a good person—someone I admire and look up to.
Understandably, he began telling me some of the wonderful things that had happened in his career. In a moment where I should have been rejoicing alongside him, I felt jealousy instead. I knew it was wrong for me to react this way, but it was the first emotion that surfaced. And no matter how many times I congratulated him, the bitter feeling of envy would not depart.
A few days later, unable to shake my jealousy, I called a friend and poured out my heart. I expressed my frustration with my weakness and asked for help. She responded, “You just accomplished the most important step: admitting this out loud to a trusted friend. Confess your weakness. The sooner you call it what it is, the sooner you are able to move on from it.”
Again, I was reminded there is great freedom in admitting our weakness.
- It removes the artificial walls we have built around us.
- It provides the pathway to begin addressing our faults.
- It opens the door for accountability from others.
- It embraces a life of honesty—with others and with ourselves.
- It offers opportunity to connect with others as they see themselves in our weaknesses.
- It allows others to love us for who we truly are.
- It reminds us we are not alone in our faults. To be human is to be weak.
And yet, as much freedom as there is to be found in authenticity, it is still difficult. Admitting weakness still feels a lot like admitting weakness. But when there are so many advantages to be found in it, perhaps the greatest step is to admit our fear and humbly become transparent anyway.
Allow me to start: I am flawed.
Even more difficult to admit, I struggle with the same flaws over and over again. I know them intimately well and sometimes feel powerless to overcome them.
Seven of My Greatest Flaws
Jealousy. I have struggled with jealousy as long as I can remember. Typically, I blame it on a twin brother who is five inches taller with much broader shoulders. But my jealousy and envy run deeper than mere sibling rivalry. I find myself jealous of the skill and success of other writers. And I am jealous of those who are younger but have accomplished more. Sometimes I find motivation in this envy, but most of the time it is only crippling and burdensome.
Desire for Approval. I seek praise and approval from others—to an unhealthy and damaging degree. This desire keeps my heart and mind focused on myself too much. Often, it inhibits my ability to even be myself. I sometimes write and say things just because I know people want to hear them. And far too often, I withhold strongly held opinions because I know they are unpopular or fear they will not be accepted. There is no freedom when the desire for approval exceeds the desire to be yourself.
Lack of Self-Discipline. I am less self-disciplined than most. I write often about the importance of rising early, turning off distractions, and focused devotion to meditation. I have experienced beauty and joy in each. And yet, I sleep in far too many mornings each week and have played far more Candy Crush on my iPhone than I’d ever care to admit. I waste countless hours each week when I should be working or devoted to more important pursuits (meditation, reading, exercise). I desperately envy those who do not need a deadline to complete a project.
Selfishness. I love generosity. It is important and valuable. It is wonderful to write about, but difficult to practice. Even when it was difficult, I donated 10% of my income to charity, sometimes even more. I am thankful for the financial and the life lessons I have learned from the discipline. But nowadays, money is not tight. I have more liquid assets today than at any point before and my expenses are the lowest they have been in 10 years. And yet, during a stage of life when excessive generosity should be easier than ever, I find myself holding on to more than ever. My selfishness is being revealed during a time of plenty.
Guilt over Physical Possessions. I own more things than I need. I own less than most, but still more than I need. There are books under my bed and tools in my garage that will never be used. There are CDs and DVDs and couches (yes, couches) we intend to sell but haven’t yet. Some of the closets in my home are embarrassingly full. I believe strongly in the benefits of owning and buying less. And I have written often that my practice of minimalism is much less extreme than most. But still, I continue to have this nagging feeling that I am no less qualified to write about this topic than anyone else.
Lack of Empathy. I am less compassionate than I should be. It’s not that I don’t care about the emotional needs of the people around me, it’s that I don’t even think to notice them. As I dig deeper into this fault, I continue to run into my desire for approval from others. I go through my day so focused on being noticed and validated by others, I don’t even shift my focus long enough to notice the pain of others.
Protecting my Image. I suffer through a constant need to protect my image. I rarely express weakness to even my closest friends as I work desperately hard to protect their thoughts about me. I rarely ask for help—to do so would be to admit my need for it. Indeed, my pride runs very deep and expresses itself in numerous ways. Perhaps its greatest expression is my desire to pretend that it is well-placed.
Ahh.
There is great freedom in authenticity. I am thankful for those who have gone before and modeled it for me.
In a world where our public image can be meticulously crafted though Instagram and Facebook and Twitter and personal blogs, we must work hard to embrace our authenticity and overcome the fear associated with exposing our faults.
I hope you will join me in doing just that.
Add a comment below expressing 1-2 of your greatest weaknesses. Or join the chat on Twitter by including the hashtag (#iamflawed).
Together, we can experience greater freedom. And encourage others to do the same.
Jealousy and needing approval, and while I talk about honesty and its importance, I realize that by not being authentic, I am being dishonest. Do you feel though, that we need to voice our opinions when it will simply cause an unneeded situation? I am still wrestling with this one…absolutely love what you have said here…fabulous!
My biggest flaw is anxiety as it permeates so many facets of my life. My wife has remarked that I’m happiest when we’re completely alone in nature with just the necessities and little else. The old adage says that the more we have, the more we worry, and this applies both physically and mentally for me. I love the many truths being discussed on this site – kudos!
Thank you for this article. I believe that in order for us to really grow both as humans and spiritually we do need to let go of the facades. My husband and I were discussing this most of the day yesterday. Mentally, I was right with you when I saw your article.
There is a price to pay in being vulnerable. Some people are not ready to see or handle “realness” in us, and others will use our admitted faults against us.
Still, I believe that it is important to be real, even right.
ugh, one of my biggest weaknesses is impulse purchasing. i’ve always been terrible with money, and thankfully married a man who is not, otherwise we’d be in the poor house! no matter how much i push myself to not spend, i find myself grabbing a candy bar in the check-out aisle, or an extra skein (or three, if i’m honest) of yarn when i’ve meant to only buy one for a specific project.
this amounts to owning far more stuff than i’d like to own, and constantly wondering where the heck that extra five or ten dollars went!
A soul-baring read that reveals we are all one! Societal indoctrinations teach us well what it takes to exemplify the sort of person we hope to be, but no one can teach us how to FEEL. That just happens, despite our knowledge of what is right and good. Even though God allows us free will, it does seem our resistance to all that is “right and good” persistently rears its ugly head. It simply doesn’t come easy for most of us to respond with exceeding, to the core of our being, grace to other’s good fortune. It is difficult to be generous as the sky is long, when we are earthbound and we are objects of conflictive teachings like,”save for a rainy day,” and “give and it shall be given unto you.” All we can do is give things our best effort and trust that God knows the authenticity of our heart. I found this ultra-honest piece to be gracefully uniting, and thank you!
I share in many of these flaws. I think they are also exacerbated when we are not feeling secure or good about ourselves.
I’d recommend a short eBook by Kamal Ravikant called Love Yourself Like Your Life Depends On It (on Amazon). Helped me when I was going through some tough times.
Respect for sharing so authentically!
Thanks for post. I have only recently started reading your blog and I have to tell you that your ‘guilt over physical possessions’ makes you much more readable and motivating now.
I have a laundry list of weaknesses – I’ve been sitting reading blogs this morning instead of the really long “to do list” but I think the biggest one is that I blame my husband for my messy house and us not getting as much done after work and on weekends as we planned but I am just as guilty as he is, although I always find a reason for it to be his fault.
I struggle with feelings of superiority because I don’t have a house
overflowing with crap. When someone complains about not having
enough space or room, I look down on them thinking, ” you do it to yourself”.
I also have a difficult time with the very obese- I always hear excuses.
Ugh, this is hard to write because I also struggle with how I am perceived.
Thanks for the lesson today- we could all us some work.
Anna
Joshua,
Thank you for this post. Your struggles with authenticity are similar to mine. Becoming a better person, also known as sanctification, is a process. We gradually become the person God wants us to be one day at a time. Don’t rush it, savor life, and continue to do the great things you already do.
regards,
John
Really brave article. Well done