There are a lot of important questions we ask in life: Who? What? When? Where? How?
But the most important of these is the one we ask the least often: Why?
Granted, why? is the hardest question to answer. But just because it can be difficult to answer doesn’t mean it shouldn’t be asked.
Why? is the question with the most potential and the greatest opportunity to spark new life going forward.
When I first began minimizing and removing possessions from my home, I found myself asking lots of questions: Where should I start? How will I ever get through my entire home? Where should I drop off these items? How will I ever get this old piano out of the basement?
Lots of questions.
However, as the process continued, I began asking myself fewer what?, where?, and how? questions. No longer wondering what process might work best for my family, I began asking myself more difficult questions, including:
Why did I buy all this stuff in the first place?
In the end, it was this question that brought the greatest potential and opportunity into my new life. It was this question of why? that forced me to uncover and evaluate the unseen, unhealthy motivations that were contributing to my over-accumulation in the first place. Once I knew them, I was better equipped to overcome them.
That’s what makes this question so important. Why? forces us to stand face-to-face with questions of motivation and impulse. It requires us to confront the reason behind the actions.
As a result, it offers opportunity wherever it is asked:
What is the first thing you do in the morning? Why?
What are the unhealthy habits in your life? Why are they there?
What worries do you carry? Why is that so?
What fears do you have? Why do you have them?
What struggle points do you have in your marriage? Why?
Do you enjoy your work? Why?
Are you getting ahead financially? Why not?
Are you content with your life? Why or why not?
Are you happy? Why or why not?
With each question, we journey deeper and deeper into our heart.
The what? and where? and when? questions may reveal facts. But the why? question uncovers motives.
And that is how self-reflection begins to emerge.
And it is self-reflection that paves the way for the greatest self-improvement.
Peggy says
The trick is finding agreement with everyone who shares the house. They have different ideas about why….
Ann says
As usual you have hit the bullseye! I started decluttering three years ago after having to sell and empty my mother’s four-bedroom home filled with “stuff.” I only had two weeks and no one to help me. It was the definition of “Nightmare.” I vowed not to do that to my own children.
But what started out as a gift to my children ended up as a greater gift to me. I DID get to the “why?” sort of by accident…and it has changed my life. Understanding why I’ve held on to things I clearly no longer need and feeling the desire to continue to purchase things I clearly don’t need has been amazing. Just saying, “I don’t need this” is often not enough. But asking, “why do I need/want this?” works. If I cannot answer right at that moment, that is reason enough to pass on a purchase. I even went on a “No-Buy” month…then two…then three. Amazing what I haven’t “needed.”
I have friends who have attempted to declutter…and stall. I think it may be because the asking of “why?” is too painful or difficult. I had one friend ask me why I’m getting rid of so many possessions, do I think I’m going to die? It sounds so dramatic, and I’m not a dramatic person, but my reply was that rather than thinking about dying I’m thinking about living: Simply.
Thank you for sharing and your inspirational magazine and newsletters. They keep me on track…especially when there is a great sale on…whatever!
I do miss that rush of pleasure in making a purchase, but I have left a drawer in my dresser completely empty and a shelf in a closet completely bare. There is a similar rush of pleasure at seeing those empty spaces knowing I worked really hard to get them!
Laurel says
We just wrote a post about paper clutter and how this last gal conquered it and stays organized now. It is a relief all year, especially at tax time!!
Jay says
Joshua, found you recently and enjoying your writing. You probably already know Simon Sinek’s book & TED talk “Start with Why”. A why question is about motivation as you point out.
J says
Hi, Joshua,
I LOVE this email ! so insightful–it really got me thinking; I even made a “sign” (8 1/2 x 11) with the word WHY in caps ! :)
I don’t know how long you have had your email subscription, but I sure could have used it YEARS ago ! not to mention, practicing your minimalist philosophy; I could have avoided sooooooo much pain in my life–it is too painful to even think about it; I am thankful that I heard you on Focus and could not wait to sign up for your newsletter; better late than never, as they say (who are they ?)
thanks, again; I will be asking myself WHY a lot, and others, when appropriate.
In Christ,
J
Shari says
Perfect timing for this post. I was doing some journaling this morning because I’ve been feeling very overwhelmed and stressed with parenting an adhd adolescent boy, my marriage, our family rent house business, the clutter in the house, etc. And I was beginning the process of asking myself “why?” Why am I feeling like this? And taking the answer and asking “why?” again and again. And also asking, “what is MY part in this?”. Many times it’s my expectations of someone else. Or my fears.
Thank you for the timely article!