Note: This is a guest post from Denaye Barahona of Simple Families and the Simple Families Podcast.
As a child, I had the type of closet that you opened at your own risk. Because when you opened that door, only God knew what barrage of toys, clothes, and “stuff” would come barreling forth. I didn’t know it then, but as a kid–I needed minimalism.
I always said, “I am just messy, period.” Like it was some kind of personality trait: Messy. Cluttered. Overwhelmed. Anxious.
As a kid 30 years ago, I needed minimalism. But today…for my kids? Minimalism is essential.
I grew up in the time before Amazon and one-click ordering. This was the time before snack-catchers existed for children to carry around snacks and mindlessly eat around the clock. The time before kids needed iPads hanging over their carseats to survive a trip. The time before you could get virtually anything on television at a moment’s notice.
The kids of today need minimalism more than ever.
Childhood of today is beyond messy and cluttered. It’s chaotic. Research shows us the way we are raising kids in America today causes stress and anxiety to overwhelm both children and parents alike. As parents, we have so much going on that we have resorted to “convenience parenting” to hold it all together. If your kids won’t sit down for a meal, there’s a device for that. If your kids won’t ride quietly in the car, there’s an app for that.
As parents, we just try to survive. We struggle to hold it all together. Because it’s consuming. It’s heavy.
Raising kids today is heavier than any parent can handle.
I know this because I have two young children. They inherited my eyes and my hair. But they didn’t inherit my messy, overwhelmed traits. That is because “overwhelmed” is not a life sentence. It’s a choice–and I have made intentional choices for my kids and my family.
I have chosen to trade chaos for calm.
Not only is calm possible, but it’s also good for our children and our families. In my uncluttered, calm grown-up life, I have a Ph.D. in Child Development. I specialize in Family Wellness. I know what a young child needs to grow, develop, and thrive. And I know a few things about what it takes to bring harmony and happiness to a family unit.
So what’s the secret? Minimalism.
Minimalism isn’t just about getting rid of all your stuff (although I have done some of that too–and it’s pretty amazing). It’s about focusing your family on what really matters in life.
Joshua defines minimalism as “the intentional promotion of the things we most value and the removal of everything that distracts us from it.” In raising my kids as minimalists, I am doing just that.
I am trading the status quo of American childhood by choosing a specific value set for my children:
I Choose Gratitude
I am trading an abundance of holiday gifts for gratitude. My kids don’t get much in the way of wrapped, tangible gifts. Birthdays are about celebrating life. Valentine’s Day is about love. Easter is about religion. Christmas is about family. Life, love, religion, family–those are the real gifts. Wrapped gifts can mask the importance of the real gifts.
I Choose Family
I am trading three nights per week of kid’s activities for family dinners. Kids who eat dinner with family have higher levels of academic achievement and improved psychological well-being. I am a huge fan of underscheduling. There is nothing I love more than an evening or weekend with nothing planned. Because “nothing” is not nothing. “Nothing” means more time to intimately connect with family.
I Choose Health
I am trading boxes of prepared food with animated characters for locally grown produce. Research shows that the eating habits we instill in our children from the earliest days makes a lasting impact on the years to come. I skip the Goldfish crackers and the Bunny Fruit Snacks. My kids don’t eat all day long. This means they don’t carry snacks around the house or munch in their car seats. They sit down at the table and eat real food.
I Choose the Outdoors
I am trading screen time for outdoor play. I refuse to let my kids be sedentary. Playing outdoors offers children ample opportunity to exercise, learn respect for the environment, and appreciate natural beauty. By dialing back the screen time for kids, I can create more opportunities for active play that challenges my children’s social and motor skills. Kids (and adults) need to get up and get outside.
I Choose Conscious Consumerism
I am trading Amazon’s one-click ordering for buying intentionally. We think before we buy. We choose to fill our home with things we love, things that are beautiful, and things that are necessary. Plastic toys from the most recent hit movie don’t make the cut. Instead we choose classic, sustainable toys that will last for years. Toys that can be used for open-ended play by children of all ages, genders, and interests. Children grow up too fast, let’s choose toys that will grow with them.
I Choose Calm
By choosing minimalism, I am trading chaos for calm. I am my children’s first teacher. I am my children’s biggest role model. It all starts with me. I am making choices for my children that will impact their childhood and entire life in the years to come.
What are you choosing for your family?
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Denaye Barahona is a Motherhood Coach. You can find her podcast and blog at Simple Families.
My youngest child, a daughter, is 15. I have two boys, 19 and 22, that have flown the nest. How I wish I would have begun this journey to simplicity when they were little. But, it has just been in the past year that I have felt drawn to it. How do I do this? I am still in the newborn stage of figuring out what it will look like for me, and, for my family. But, how do I change my own habits, let alone, theirs? I am on a journey. A difficult, but strangely beautiful, journey. And I am so looking forward to all it will bring.
I think being a model for change is the best thing that you can do. When they see you and how your life is changed and improved, they will slowly start to understand and adapt. Good luck!
My son is 18 now, in college. We raised him with lots of books, martial arts and nightly family dinners. We got him a flip phone instead of a smart phone, which he still uses. As a result, he is not addicted to texting and social media. Your post is a great reminder that less is more and kids can thrive without cluttering up their lives.
This is encouraging John! Thank you, and thank you for reading!
Great article Denaye. I love those principles. They are very similar what I live by, however I have never actually written them down. I’m going to give it a try, a bit of a manifesto, I think it will be really handy as a reminder when navigating all those everyday decisions that make up life.
Thank you Amy!
Yes, I want to do this, but our lives are crazy. We do so many activities that I want in my children’s lives and I hope will help them get into a good college and get scholarships. I think it was easier when they were younger, but now with three teenagers and a pre-teen, I feel like we just go all of the time. And I am kind of an introvert, so it is really draining.
I think we all have the best of intentions as parents, Martha–we are doing the best we can with the resources we have. And we are always learning and improving, which is the most important part!
As long as what YOU want in your children’s lives is also what THEY want, it’s all good for your family! However, they may choose a different path at the end of their high school days than what you are planning for them at the moment. As long as the frantic pace you are engaging in is ultimately agreed upon by you and your individual children’s desires long term, that is great. But, if some simplifying can happen so that YOU also have a quality of life, that could really be a good thing too!
Minimalism has brought so much freedom into our lives, and I completely agree that it is essential for children. Kids learn by watching and if we have a negative association with clutter, they are going to pick up on it.
In a lighthearted way, we travel, worldschool, garden, eat all meals together and go on long walks in the forest – just the other day we had two foxes run straight by us as we were tapping birch trees… Take steps away from consumerism, and avoid too much technology, so that you can focus on passionate learning and living instead.
I couldn’t agree more Cheryl!
So enjoyed the encouragement and insight from Denaye’s short, but insightful read. As a father of six (6 yrs.- college), the need for my wife and I to prioritize, live simply, and continue to weed out the unimportant, emphasizing the essential, is a day-by–day, moment-by-moment mindset. Writings, such as Denaye’s, are always helpful along the way!
Thank you Sean! I appreciate your words.
I love eachnof th as points. As I personally have started a minimalist journey, I find it hard to get my kids on board. How does one even start with kids?! (Mine are ages 9yr, 5yr and 3yr) Also, I am seperated from their father and I find it difficult to do these things with my kids bc he is more of a buy they whatever they want to keep them happy and quiet. As in my 5 year old daughter has her own iPhone (that works and isn’t just for playing games).
I think you have rules for your own house and what happens at their dad’s stays at their dad’s? Assuming you can’t get him on board. At your house the phone goes in a box until she goes back to daddy’s. Talk about the values and reasons – looking after the environment, time together instead of stuff etc etc. Your 9 year old is old enough to start getting it. (whether or not he/she gets it_
This is one of the absolute best posts on minimilism and parenting that I’ve read. You captured the essence of the struggle and solution. Thank you for your words and wise insight.
Thank you Janet! I am glad you enjoyed it.
May I have permission to copy this article? I teach a parenting class for parents of toddlers and I appreciate how many ideas I try to convey are so clearly stated here.
Barb–why don’t you send me an email and we can discuss? I would love for you to be able to share these ideas with your families.
Thank you less is more and less is freedom
I agree Carol. Thanks for reading!