Note: This is a guest post from Denaye Barahona of Simple Families and the Simple Families Podcast.
As a child, I had the type of closet that you opened at your own risk. Because when you opened that door, only God knew what barrage of toys, clothes, and “stuff” would come barreling forth. I didn’t know it then, but as a kid–I needed minimalism.
I always said, “I am just messy, period.” Like it was some kind of personality trait: Messy. Cluttered. Overwhelmed. Anxious.
As a kid 30 years ago, I needed minimalism. But today…for my kids? Minimalism is essential.
I grew up in the time before Amazon and one-click ordering. This was the time before snack-catchers existed for children to carry around snacks and mindlessly eat around the clock. The time before kids needed iPads hanging over their carseats to survive a trip. The time before you could get virtually anything on television at a moment’s notice.
The kids of today need minimalism more than ever.
Childhood of today is beyond messy and cluttered. It’s chaotic. Research shows us the way we are raising kids in America today causes stress and anxiety to overwhelm both children and parents alike. As parents, we have so much going on that we have resorted to “convenience parenting” to hold it all together. If your kids won’t sit down for a meal, there’s a device for that. If your kids won’t ride quietly in the car, there’s an app for that.
As parents, we just try to survive. We struggle to hold it all together. Because it’s consuming. It’s heavy.
Raising kids today is heavier than any parent can handle.
I know this because I have two young children. They inherited my eyes and my hair. But they didn’t inherit my messy, overwhelmed traits. That is because “overwhelmed” is not a life sentence. It’s a choice–and I have made intentional choices for my kids and my family.
I have chosen to trade chaos for calm.
Not only is calm possible, but it’s also good for our children and our families. In my uncluttered, calm grown-up life, I have a Ph.D. in Child Development. I specialize in Family Wellness. I know what a young child needs to grow, develop, and thrive. And I know a few things about what it takes to bring harmony and happiness to a family unit.
So what’s the secret? Minimalism.
Minimalism isn’t just about getting rid of all your stuff (although I have done some of that too–and it’s pretty amazing). It’s about focusing your family on what really matters in life.
Joshua defines minimalism as “the intentional promotion of the things we most value and the removal of everything that distracts us from it.” In raising my kids as minimalists, I am doing just that.
I am trading the status quo of American childhood by choosing a specific value set for my children:
I Choose Gratitude
I am trading an abundance of holiday gifts for gratitude. My kids don’t get much in the way of wrapped, tangible gifts. Birthdays are about celebrating life. Valentine’s Day is about love. Easter is about religion. Christmas is about family. Life, love, religion, family–those are the real gifts. Wrapped gifts can mask the importance of the real gifts.
I Choose Family
I am trading three nights per week of kid’s activities for family dinners. Kids who eat dinner with family have higher levels of academic achievement and improved psychological well-being. I am a huge fan of underscheduling. There is nothing I love more than an evening or weekend with nothing planned. Because “nothing” is not nothing. “Nothing” means more time to intimately connect with family.
I Choose Health
I am trading boxes of prepared food with animated characters for locally grown produce. Research shows that the eating habits we instill in our children from the earliest days makes a lasting impact on the years to come. I skip the Goldfish crackers and the Bunny Fruit Snacks. My kids don’t eat all day long. This means they don’t carry snacks around the house or munch in their car seats. They sit down at the table and eat real food.
I Choose the Outdoors
I am trading screen time for outdoor play. I refuse to let my kids be sedentary. Playing outdoors offers children ample opportunity to exercise, learn respect for the environment, and appreciate natural beauty. By dialing back the screen time for kids, I can create more opportunities for active play that challenges my children’s social and motor skills. Kids (and adults) need to get up and get outside.
I Choose Conscious Consumerism
I am trading Amazon’s one-click ordering for buying intentionally. We think before we buy. We choose to fill our home with things we love, things that are beautiful, and things that are necessary. Plastic toys from the most recent hit movie don’t make the cut. Instead we choose classic, sustainable toys that will last for years. Toys that can be used for open-ended play by children of all ages, genders, and interests. Children grow up too fast, let’s choose toys that will grow with them.
I Choose Calm
By choosing minimalism, I am trading chaos for calm. I am my children’s first teacher. I am my children’s biggest role model. It all starts with me. I am making choices for my children that will impact their childhood and entire life in the years to come.
What are you choosing for your family?
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Denaye Barahona is a Motherhood Coach. You can find her podcast and blog at Simple Families.
Jodie says
We could not agree more! We left a hectic, financially bound life in the UK for a brand new start in rural Italy. We have a tv but only to play the odd movie on in the evenings, we do not get normal tv at all. Where we had a teenie garden on an estate before, we now have almost 2 acres of land with olive trees and wild boar visiting daily to our stream. Our eldest son is home schooled and is taught things he would never have learned in the traditional education system. We are about to open a “back to basics” cam site too where others can come and see why we love it. Home grown veg, fruit trees, free range chickens and ducks. Its a whole new world where i know my children will thrive and learn the respect and appreciation of nature that is so sadly lacking in many children these days. Seeing my son spend hours out playing on his bike getting exercise and fresh air is the best feeling – its been a hard road and very challenging at times to adjust to this new life but i wouldnt change it for anything :D x
Nicola L says
Oh wow – this sounds amazing! Do you mind me asking what inspired the move and what work you do that enabled such a big change? My husband and I like in the UK with our two children and are really feeling the pressure of the busy ‘everyday’ – managing demanding schedules with miserable weather and lots of political uncertainty with Brexit, potential indy referendums, etc…I have often said I’d love to move to Italy or France and am so inspired by people’s stories. Good luck!
Handcrafted Travellers says
We have done something similar and are in Romania right now. I wish you and your family all the best on your adventure!
Roxana says
Hi! I agreed. Trying my best in this. Can u give us ideas of toys that grow with our kids? Thanks!
S says
Some ideas
.Duplo, Lego, Blocks – things to build with
.Art supplies and crafts (paper, paint, crayons, markers, pencils – things to create with
.Music to listen to and if interested, and instrument to play, and room for dancing
.Fresh air and time to be outside
.Beautiful books with words worth reading (Honey for a Child’s Heart)
Ian Cameron says
At home I lived a cluttered existence. There were books everywhere in the house. At any one time I was reading more than one, as the mood struck me. For amusement, after I was 11, i got a job. Operated my own business. By then I had read hundreds of books. Had a vocabulary far above my peers. Your article presumes a lot about how fragile kids are. I am sure there are kids who need minimalism, and I am certainly no fan of mindless consumerism. But I can’t see it as the panacea you present it as.
Karen T. says
Books aren’t clutter, as your comment shows Ian. I don’t think books are the focus of this article.
Angela @ Setting My Intention says
I think these are all important gifts and values to have and practice as a family. As one who is striving for “minimalism” as you define it, it’s not always easy – and definitely not something that can be achieved overnight. So choosing one thing to change, like eating dinner together as a family (without any devices), might be a step on the road to “the intentional promotion of the things we most value and the removal of everything that distracts us from it.”
Karthika says
Amazing article Denaye! Every sentence a sincere reminder, every sentence nudging us towards true family bonding! Thankfully I have been doing most of the things you have listed but my son’s first birthday is around the corner and I have been tracking my brains on how I can make the celebrations more meaningful and joyful for him. On the hindsight I have always wondered how i can add more meaning to festivals and special occasions. Could you please please explain more specifically as to how you celebrate special days. The lines, “Birthdays are about celebrating life. Valentine’s Day is about love. Easter is about religion. Christmas is about family. Life, love, religion, family–those are the real gifts” completely resonates my spirit. I would love to know how to put them into action. This is more so because I am someone who gets really really excited about occasions and makes plans and gets everybody on board too. I think in a family being the mother its all the more important I focus on the right way to celebrate. So please could you explain how?
Allison says
Love this. We implemented this early on. The hard part for us is getting our families to do the same thing. How do you tell other family members no toys? Or what do you tell them to give instead?
Hannah says
Ask them to give experiences & the gift of time – take the kids out themselves or contribute towards a family membership at the aquarium etc. Or ask for $ that the child can use for a larger purchase (and send a thankyou card specifying how that money was spent). Ultimately you have to receive gifts graciously though as the giver has good intentions and you want to teach your kids that too!
Denaye Barahona says
For us, honesty has been the best policy. Find a way to simply explain your goals and rationale (maybe even send them a couple articles like this one?). You might have to repeat it a few different ways on different occasions–but they will slowly start to understand that there is a method to your madness :)
betts says
bravo! well said.
Denaye Barahona says
Thanks Betts!
Cari says
I love this. We have chosen less activities for our children, one dance class per child per week during the school year and none in the summer. We eat around the table at home every night.
Denaye Barahona says
Thanks for reading Cari!
Monica Frisby says
Yay – I can take some credit for our intelligent child! He has never had and never asked for a Play station or X-box. We eat dinner at home 99% of the time. He plays, rides his bike, digs in the dirt, and takes care of our animals outdoors. We do things together as a family – go to concerts, sporting events, trips, and vacations all together. I’ve never believed that the “fun” is just for the adults and leave the kids with a babysitter. He has played organized sports, but has developed other interests and talents in recent years and we let him choose to pursue those activities he enjoys most. Bottom line, we are not perfect parents and he’s not a perfect child, but life is so much more enjoyable when it’s less complicated, less chaotic and not always plugged in.
Denaye Barahona says
Bravo Monica! I love to hear this. Thank you for reading!
Simple + Free says
Couldn’t agree more. We practice each of these things as well. People look at us strange knowing we’re about to move into a smaller home – despite already living in one with two kids.
“Simplify. Simplify.” – Henry David Thoreau.
I have this quote hung on my fridge – continuing to inspire our moves every day. Keep up the great work. Much love.
Denaye Barahona says
Love this! Thank you for reading :)