Note: This is a guest post from Zoë Kim of Raising Simple.
Finding our lives under everything we own is more than clearing away just junk. Often it requires removing good quality things. Expensive things. Useful things. Admired things. Fancy things. It means letting go of perfectly good stuff in order to pursue something more meaningful.
I began de-owning my excess six years ago. My husband deployed frequently and we had two children under five. I was spending more time doing something with our stuff than doing something with my family.
With my husband half-way across the world, the kids and I had to pack up to move again. It was our third move in six years, but this one was just down the street. How difficult could that be?
Well, the process of personally packing, unpacking, and organizing all of our stuff drained the joy right out of me—for two months. I wanted to take my kids to the beach, play at the park, and listen to their laughter. But I was exhausted, and stressed. Busy taking care of all our stuff.
It was in that stress, exhaustion, and desire to live better that I had an ‘ah-ha’ moment. I began to see the real cost of so much stuff— and it was way overpriced!
I started peeling away the layers of excess. And I was on a roll—until I hit that layer of perfectly good things! Valuable things that people spent much time and life to purchase. I felt wasteful and sick at the thought of giving it away. This was good stuff— wasn’t it? Maybe so. But I was learning, “The price of anything is the amount of life you exchange for it.” —Henry Thoreau
It is possible to break through the layer of perfectly good things. Through the process, I learned these practical steps:
1. Accept the mistake. Often, we will see many mistakes as we start to purge all the ‘good stuff.’ Acknowledge it was a mistake so you can move on. Keeping something that does not add value to your life keeps you stuck holding on to the mistake.
2. Shift your perspective. As I journey further into minimalism, I realized there is far more joy in giving things away than can ever be found in owning more.
3. Designate a spot. In the beginning, I would walk through my house and see things I thought I wanted to donate but they stayed put until I set up a spot to start putting it all. Set up a box, closet or room to place your donation items. Remove them from your house often.
4. Community. Share your excess with your community. Donate books to schools and libraries. Donate clothing and other household goods to local foster care organizations, shelters, and your local food pantry.
5. Experiment. Experimentation by elimination has helped me shed the layers of good stuff quicker. I simplified my beauty and bath routine by removing 60-80% of my products. Much to my surprise, many things I kept had no real value to my day.
6. Keep your eye on your why. In times of discouragement, make a choice to focus on why you are giving perfectly good things away. Remember, you’re giving up the good for the best.
7. Ask yourself better questions.
Does it serve its purpose—to serve my purpose?
We’re often not consciously thinking about our motives when we keep things, but everything has a cost. How much are you willing to sacrifice your passion and purpose for possessions? Some of our things serve a purpose. The important things give our lives meaning and joy. The useless ones just drain our time.
Can this be useful to someone else?
When we hold on to good things we do not need, we keep them from being helpful to others. I used to think it would be wasteful just to give things away that were barely used or not used at all—especially if they weren’t cheap. But then I thought, what if I just own my mistake in buying this thing by giving it away.
Would I leave this as someone else’s’ responsibility?
With my spouse deployed in harm’s way, I was expected to plan. I filled out the spouse deployment form—pages filled with detailed questions and answers should my husband be killed. Experiences like these gave me more prudence. What will the state of my stuff look like when I’m no longer here? Do I enjoy this enough to leave if for someone to take care of—because it will be my family taking care of it someday?
How do you want to live your life?
Own too much, and you’ll live a life owned by your stuff. Say yes when you should say no and you’ll live a life organized by others. Keep more than you need, and you’ll give less to those in need.
The journey to minimalism might look like it’s about going through and purging your possessions. But it’s much more about going through your heart. “The question of what you want to own is actually the question of how you want to live your life.” Marie Kondo
I’ve often wondered if I would have journeyed into minimalism had we not experienced the active duty military life. If we hadn’t moved so often and been stretched in stress, would I have kept it all put-away—like organized hoarding happily?
Nonetheless, I’m grateful for the experiences which brought me to the path to living more intentionally with a lot less.
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Zoë Kim blogs at Raising Simple where she inspires others to live an intentional life by owning less, creating new habits, and cultivating opportunities to give. And be sure to check out her on Facebook.
Donna says
I am doing a small addition to my house (2nd bathroom and enlarging the kitchen & back bedroom as part of a foundation fix) and just spent the weekend doing the final pack and move out of the back of the house (kitchen, laundry and back bedroom). I couldn’t sleep last night thinking about how I get to do it all again at least 3 more times – move back in before I list the house for sale, move out after the sale and then put in storage while I try out a new part of the country before making a final move. I thought about how much easier it would be if I just gave away everything that was easily replaceable . . .
Frances says
Think you have answered your own question Donna. If you do it now, you wont have to do it later and you wont spend as much money, if any, on storage. Also, the additional space will look lovely and airy if you don’t have too much stuff in them and I bet the house will sell more quickly. And think of the time you will save!
Beth says
Any suggestions on how to easily sell your stuff as you go along for the new things? I would like to do an approach of giving away the gently used items and selling the newer items but we have many so that can become Clutter itself yet I’m having trouble thinking about all the quick cash we could make.
Harlean Oswell says
I’ve had a lot of luck selling items on local Facebook pages in my city. Just type in your city name and add the words Online yard sale or online garage sale. I’ve been downsizing and sold a beautiful Curio Cabinet last year for $600. At the same time I also had listed a gorgeous Grandfather Clock for $1,800. I wasn’t getting any offers so I contacted the lady that had bought my Curio Cabinet and asked if she was interested in it. She said she was but didn’t have the extra money. So I let her mail me payments since last August, She’ll be sending me her last payment this month and then arrange to come pick it up. The lady said she’d always wanted a Grandfather Clock and that I made her dream come true. It feels good to have made someone so happy. It’s also a great feeling that I won’t have to move these two BIG items to TX when I retire next year! I also sold a set of snow tires. Many other small items I kept in my car and would meet people around town that was convenient for both us and exchange my items for cash only. I usually meet people in Walmart or a grocery store parking lot in a very visible area. I always try to sell the good items I know I can get fast cash for. I’ve found that having a garage sale isn’t worth my time anymore. I’ve made many donations all over town for the clutter and clothes that I could care less about. Just a tip: Always have someone at home with you if selling an item out of your home. If possible have the item already outside covered with a tarp so you don’t let a stranger in your home. It’s just not safe anymore to take chances…..Good luck to you! It does feel great to downsize in preparation for our retirement. I’ve been doing it for 8 years now and will have very little to move! Yippee! :)
Zoë Kim says
Hi, Beth. Thank you, for reading and asking a great question.
I took that approach when I started out as well. It is easy to get stuck hanging onto ‘the plan to sell’ stuff. So…
I set up guidelines for myself so selling the items didn’t drain every day of the week and halt my goal to simplify. Once I made the decision to purge/sell something, I removed it and put it in my designated spot (closet, garage, a corner in a room). Removing it gave me immediate results and helped further the process to let it go. I started with the big stuff, taking one day a month to post for sale. (craigslist & local FB sale page) For the smaller items, I wanted to sell I put them away in a closet, posted them for sale and made the decision to donate them after three weeks if they hadn’t sold.
If the volume of stuff you have is large, it can be helpful to do this for one room at a time.
I’m not sure if I really answered your question, but having that system helped me.
carol schreyer says
Try a reputable, local consignment shop
Bill says
We had a massive yard sale when we moved. We sold lots of useful things that way and kept lowering our prices so that by the end of the day we were practically giving things away. It helped us a lot.
As I’ve been decluttering around our farm I’ve been able to sell some high-value things on Craigslist–a great service that is free.
Another option is bartering. Some things we can trade for services. Another good way to get rid of stuff and get value out of it.
If it’s clear that something just isn’t going to sell (at least not in a reasonable amount of time) we just go ahead and give it away.
Linda says
Getting rid of excess stuff became not only easier, but actually a joy, when I began volunteering at a local food pantry/”thrift shop” where all donations are given free to the poor and needy. What a blessing to actuall see my hardly worn/used items being taken home by a family in need. It’s truly a double blessing.
Linda says
Getting rid of excess stuff became not only easier, but actually a joy, when I began volunteering at a local food pantry/”thrift shop” where all donations are given free to the poor and needy. What a blessing to actuall see my hardly worn/used items being taken home by a family in need. It’s truly a double blessing.
Zoë Kim says
Hi, Linda, my feeling precisely! Reminds me of Joshua’s quote…”There is more joy to be found in owning less than can ever be found in owning more.” Because chances are, when we consume less, we can give more.
Michelle says
Great topic! I previously organized a donation for baby supplies. Honest to goodness people gave us trash. Broken, stained items that were unusable. It opened my eyes to how much good stuff is needed and made it so much easier to give things away.
Zoë Kim says
Hi, Michelle, agreed, a thousand times over! Thanks for commenting.
Julie says
I am currently going through a divorce. I am the one leaving the house.and I am going through things asking myself if it’s really going to be useful. I will be living with 2 other roommates, so space is limited. It actually feels good not to take everything with me. Starting over is freeing!
Zoë Kim says
Hi, Julie. That question has personally helped me immensely. I wish you well on your new journey!
Lisa Ingle says
I have been working on decluttering my stuff for a couple of months now. Having that box to put things in as i come across things is also something I recommend. Thanks for your article.
Zoë Kim says
Thank you, Lisa. Happy to hear that has been helpful to you too!
Cheryl says
I agree, planning ahead is a great time to ask “what will I leave behind?”. If the answer is too much, then get rid of it before someone else has too. Thank you for your sharing your unique story!
Terri Jones says
Cheryl, you are so right. Nothing makes you take assessment of your own things like cleaning out an apartment or house of someone else’s things after they’ve died. My mother died 5 years ago this July. It took a few weeks to go through her things. We donated a lot of stuff to ministry efforts (her work clothing to an organization that helps women find jobs, some of her furniture and household items to an organization that furnishes apartments and homes for people & veterans getting back on their feet, her piano music to a music minister in India who is teaching others the joy of music). BUT, I kept so many things because they had such memories attached to them. But they’ve been boxed up for 5 years. I am now going through them and donating so many things so that others can enjoy them and use them. It isn’t easy, but I just came up with the phrase: “The weightlessness of joy is such a better feeling than the weightiness of “stuff”. I’m choosing joy.”
Zoë Kim says
Thank you, Cheryl, for reading and commenting!
Judy says
I’ve spent the new year getting rid of clutter from my home. Perfectly good things were donated…and I’m still on a roll! I’m doing the visible stuff first, then I will go through each drawer, closet, etc. I thought it would be hard to get rid of sentimental items that were weighing me down—but once I let go of the stuff, it was a brand new lease on life :)
Zoë Kim says
That is wonderful Judy! May your roll continue!
Russell says
You are “reading my mail” Judy! I have done exactly the same thing, with determination, persistence and a thoughtful, decisive attitude! The transformation in my home and mindset has been wondrous and deeply appreciated! It is a new lease on life indeed!
laura ann says
Judy, etc: I encourage retirees especially to downsize, purge and any household items not being used (kitchen, linens, blankets, even furniture) that family or friends don’t want, donate to local group homes, foster parents, church missions, and sometimes low income senior housing or rescue missiom (clothing). This is ongoing for folks who wants less clutter. I have some cooler weather jackets which I will send to a church mission in a cooler climate. We haven’t had real winters in several years in the S.E. Older throw rugs and towels sent to animal shelters. Sell the good stuff or re-gift. Hubby retired ’81 after 20 yrs in Army, we never had much because we had to move around, bought used furniture or apt was furnished.
Shruti Mathur says
Great points. Though, I was more able to relate the point ‘shift of perception’ Switch in thoughts can actually make you come out of your emotions and attachment. It is said, when you have decided for the change – work on it – before you again make a change .
Thanks for sharing.
:)
Zoë Kim says
Thanks, Shruti! Love that, “when you have decided for a change – work on it – before you again make a change.” Without a shift in perspective, the change can be short lived.