Note: This is a guest post from Zoë Kim of Raising Simple.
Finding our lives under everything we own is more than clearing away just junk. Often it requires removing good quality things. Expensive things. Useful things. Admired things. Fancy things. It means letting go of perfectly good stuff in order to pursue something more meaningful.
I began de-owning my excess six years ago. My husband deployed frequently and we had two children under five. I was spending more time doing something with our stuff than doing something with my family.
With my husband half-way across the world, the kids and I had to pack up to move again. It was our third move in six years, but this one was just down the street. How difficult could that be?
Well, the process of personally packing, unpacking, and organizing all of our stuff drained the joy right out of me—for two months. I wanted to take my kids to the beach, play at the park, and listen to their laughter. But I was exhausted, and stressed. Busy taking care of all our stuff.
It was in that stress, exhaustion, and desire to live better that I had an ‘ah-ha’ moment. I began to see the real cost of so much stuff— and it was way overpriced!
I started peeling away the layers of excess. And I was on a roll—until I hit that layer of perfectly good things! Valuable things that people spent much time and life to purchase. I felt wasteful and sick at the thought of giving it away. This was good stuff— wasn’t it? Maybe so. But I was learning, “The price of anything is the amount of life you exchange for it.” —Henry Thoreau
It is possible to break through the layer of perfectly good things. Through the process, I learned these practical steps:
1. Accept the mistake. Often, we will see many mistakes as we start to purge all the ‘good stuff.’ Acknowledge it was a mistake so you can move on. Keeping something that does not add value to your life keeps you stuck holding on to the mistake.
2. Shift your perspective. As I journey further into minimalism, I realized there is far more joy in giving things away than can ever be found in owning more.
3. Designate a spot. In the beginning, I would walk through my house and see things I thought I wanted to donate but they stayed put until I set up a spot to start putting it all. Set up a box, closet or room to place your donation items. Remove them from your house often.
4. Community. Share your excess with your community. Donate books to schools and libraries. Donate clothing and other household goods to local foster care organizations, shelters, and your local food pantry.
5. Experiment. Experimentation by elimination has helped me shed the layers of good stuff quicker. I simplified my beauty and bath routine by removing 60-80% of my products. Much to my surprise, many things I kept had no real value to my day.
6. Keep your eye on your why. In times of discouragement, make a choice to focus on why you are giving perfectly good things away. Remember, you’re giving up the good for the best.
7. Ask yourself better questions.
Does it serve its purpose—to serve my purpose?
We’re often not consciously thinking about our motives when we keep things, but everything has a cost. How much are you willing to sacrifice your passion and purpose for possessions? Some of our things serve a purpose. The important things give our lives meaning and joy. The useless ones just drain our time.
Can this be useful to someone else?
When we hold on to good things we do not need, we keep them from being helpful to others. I used to think it would be wasteful just to give things away that were barely used or not used at all—especially if they weren’t cheap. But then I thought, what if I just own my mistake in buying this thing by giving it away.
Would I leave this as someone else’s’ responsibility?
With my spouse deployed in harm’s way, I was expected to plan. I filled out the spouse deployment form—pages filled with detailed questions and answers should my husband be killed. Experiences like these gave me more prudence. What will the state of my stuff look like when I’m no longer here? Do I enjoy this enough to leave if for someone to take care of—because it will be my family taking care of it someday?
How do you want to live your life?
Own too much, and you’ll live a life owned by your stuff. Say yes when you should say no and you’ll live a life organized by others. Keep more than you need, and you’ll give less to those in need.
The journey to minimalism might look like it’s about going through and purging your possessions. But it’s much more about going through your heart. “The question of what you want to own is actually the question of how you want to live your life.” Marie Kondo
I’ve often wondered if I would have journeyed into minimalism had we not experienced the active duty military life. If we hadn’t moved so often and been stretched in stress, would I have kept it all put-away—like organized hoarding happily?
Nonetheless, I’m grateful for the experiences which brought me to the path to living more intentionally with a lot less.
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Zoë Kim blogs at Raising Simple where she inspires others to live an intentional life by owning less, creating new habits, and cultivating opportunities to give. And be sure to check out her on Facebook.
rachel frampton says
I’m a very sentimental person, that’s why I still keep my old things inside the house which causes clutter. I guess what you’ve said is correct; I should donate clothing and other household goods to local foster. I’m willing to do this, but I just can’t give away the others, therefore I’ve decided to look for a storage unit where I can place my other things.
Lorraine G. says
Please consider the monetary cost of renting a storage unit for “stuff” you’re unable to part with … it can be exorbitant.
Kathie Petroski says
Storage units can get really expensive. Have followed other minimalism groups and often people hang on to their storage units for years. Thousands of dollars and often the stored items have been ruined by mice infestation and nothing is salvageable.
Tracy says
As an aside, mice are another reason not
store too much stuff even in your home.
5 people took 4 hours to move my Mom’s stuff from her home’s attic (two-story home) to the attached garage to sort. The stuff was garbage because of mice damage and infestation.
Irene says
Holding on to good items not wanted thus depriving others who could be helped by these items hit me like a shot. I am newly retired & am seriously considering moving halfway across the country. First though, I must reduce! This article, & comments, have resonated with me & am now mentally & emotionally prepared to proceed. Thanks all!
Maureen says
What should I do with my photo albums? I have tons of pictures of myself over the years.
My son never wants to look at them.and I have the photo albums stuck in many boxes in the closet.
Should I throw them away? The memories are in my head. When I retire will I want to look at them? Not sure?
sally says
Sit down and actually go through all of your albums ,weeding out the not so special ones. How many photos do we really need? I had an incredible amount … many without any real lasting memories. The ones I kept, I scanned onto my computer ( & usb) with a great little scanner especially made for this purpose – I sat at night while watching tv, mindlessly popping them through one after the other. I kept the odd one or two loose photos, then divided the pile up into people ( who were in the pics) and then offered them to them. My daughters’ now have the responsibility of owning them!
Judy says
I did that with my own and my mom’s albums. Except that I put photos on CD and sent away.
With what was left to me of other family treasures, I divided up and sent to other family members. It was small amount for each by the time I was done.
Karole Sullivan says
I am in the process of taking all the pictures out of photo albums and scanning them into my computer – I am putting them on a memory stick for easy access. I will keep the pictures but I will be able to share the memories much easier as a digital image. I have gone from 6 large totes to just one. Good luck.
Marietta deVries says
Karole Sullivan…I work in a care facility (Residential Care) where 90% of the residents have some form of dementia, most have advanced dementia and are physically unable to function on their own. A memory stick of pictures is just that…a stick. The residents who have brought photo albums with them, love to look at the old memories…page by page as they have for many, many years. For them it would be a tragedy to take that pleasure away. Do yourself a favor, and save some books of memories, just in case.
Cathy says
My friend and I were just having this discussion. The favourite photos we have are already embedded in our memories; that’s where we see them. Maybe pick out the very best and make a book.
Gail says
Photos have been an issue for me. I made it a point from the time I got married (49 yrs ago!) to always keep nice photo albums and everything labeled. I did really good, too! Then, we moved from a foreign country back to the US with only our suitcases and 10 checked boxes! I removed all my photos and grouped them in envelopes. Even the most insignificant one could be the one picture to jog a memory if one of us had a brain injury or dementia.
I am trying so hard to downsize and minimalize now that I decided to go ahead and chunk all of the photos that are not family-related. I have tons of vacation travel photos and photos of the youth groups we used to direct. At this point, in our lives, I think we will survive that “one, insignificant photo”!
Elaine Eggert says
Digitize.
Cheryl@Uncluttered Simplicity says
Moving frequently was also my impetus to reduce my belongings. The first time we moved across the country, we took EVERYTHING. It was expensive and totally unnecessary. The second time we moved (again across the country), we packed everything our family of 5 owned into our van and an 8′ X 10′ trailer.
We are planning on moving (across the country) again. This time, as a family of 4, we can only bring with us the items that will fit comfortably into a 24-26′ long 5th wheel. Which will be our home for at least a year.
We will definitely need to get rid of many perfectly good stuff!
Kimberly says
I think sometimes for me an example of what perfectly good, useful, expensive items you got rid of and how you made that decision. For instance for me books is an easy thing to get rid of “will I really read it again? will I loan it out? will I want my kids/spouse/sister to read it someday? is it worth the shelf space in lieu of 20 other books I have on my wishlist?” but what about other items? The clothes that you only wear when you have dirty yard work to do or painting/reno projects, but you live in an apartment so those opportunities happen once or twice a year, or the hiking boots that you desperately need when you are hiking but you live in coastal Virginia so you plan a trip once or twice a year to a location that requires the use of hiking boots. My biggest hang ups are always those items that you will use eventually, but how long do you wait for eventually to happen? (too many sticky note pads, or an abundance of sharpies) sometimes I think examples help to jump into action. The stuff I don’t want/need is the easy part!
Pat says
Hello all.
I am just embarking on decluttering a 4 story house. So much I am sentimental about. I am encouraged by all of your words, and will read them when I get disouraged. Thank you.
Glenda says
Even though I am new to this FB page of minimalism, I am not new to the topic. For the better part of the the last 9 years (after inheriting family mementos and memories), I have been trying to figure out why I have the roadblocks to having less stuff and not being successful at living in peace and contentment. Recently, I discovered that the reason I like to watch the Hoarder show is because it verifies that I am not a hoarder, but indeed I am an organized collector. In reality, it’s all still too much stuff and I can see how it stops me from living the life I want. Now I just have to figure out what that “life” looks like for me. We are retired and our kids and grandkids live out of state. So sometimes I see where the ‘stuff’ takes the place of their company, that I miss so much.
Laura Thomas says
Such a great post! De-cluttering is on my to-do list this spring, and you’ve given me some wonderfully practical methods and reasonings right here! Thanks for sharing :)
Zoë Kim says
Very happy to hear you found this article helpful! Thank you, Laura!
JillOfAllTrades says
I bought a fairly expensive piece of art at a gallery and it sat around all wrapped up for months before I decided to put it up. When I took it out of the wrappings, I realized it was all wrong for my house. I was kind of devastated I’d made that mistake until I had the great idea to donate it for use in a local charity’s silent auction. I get a tax write-off and they get a nice piece of art that will bring them a good amount of money. Win-win!
Zoë Kim says
What a wonderful idea, Jill! Thank you!
Michael says
Fantastic post, Zoe! This is so true – “I was spending more time doing something with our stuff than doing something with my family.”
It never occurred to me that perfectly good things can still take our time away from our family and our loved ones.
When there is talk of minimalism, most of it is around discarding things we don’t need. One must also look at what is grabbing their attention and taking their time away from their loved ones.
Zoë Kim says
Thank you, Michael, for reading and commenting!