“Everyone you will ever meet knows something you don’t.”
People who live intentional lives understand an important truth: They are not the first. Countless others have gone before and lived this life well—many, in fact, surround us everyday.
Those who make the most of this life intentionally seek out others to learn from. They embrace humility. Reject prideful arrogance. Quickly admit that they do not have all the answers. And look to others for guidance, example, and motivation.
When we find someone to look up to and admire, we are challenged, encouraged, and enlightened. We find a defense against harmful or trivial distractions. We are emboldened in our worthy pursuits. And we are better equipped to accomplish them.
Sometimes we choose our mentors, sometimes they choose us. The important thing is to be observant, searching for opportunities to learn from others. Find another human being with qualities you respect to speak into your life. And take no relationship for granted.
Sometimes the relationship is formal, sometimes it is informal. I have grown in my understanding of blogging by intently watching somebody I have talked to only once (he doesn’t even know I watch his every move). Conversely, I just completed a year-long mentorship program with two gentlemen in my neighborhood. We met every two weeks on Monday afternoons to talk about work, parenting, marriage, and what we were noticing in each others’ lives. Together, these informal and formal mentors have shaped my life in significant ways.
Sometimes these mentors are professional, sometimes they are personal. We are human beings made up of many complex pursuits. We pursue influence in the world, in our families, and in our ourselves. Finding successful people in each field is a worthy endeavor. “Who is succeeding in my area of work?” is an important question to ask. “Who around me is succeeding at home and in their personal life?” is even more important. Do not pursue one at the neglect of the other.
We are designed to learn from one another. (tweet that)
Those who accomplish the most have done so with humility in their heart. Attempting to navigate this life without mentors speaking into our lives is a dangerous path.
The blame rests squarely on our shoulders. Pride comes before a fall. And it will always prevent us from reaching our full potential in work and life.
About Joshua Becker
You know, the thing is… to not be jealous of others gains even when you are suffering. To be proud of their accomplishments and to see the need in your own life, and set goals to achieve it for yourself. Someone famous once said, the day we think we have nothing left to learn is the day we stop growing as humanity. That is SO true. We have so much to learn, and rather than envying people, we should emulate those who seem to have more.
I’ve been fortunate enough to learn from some amazing mentors, both personally and professionally. And they always seem to come into my life at just the right time.
Here’s a post I wrote, after “Flying Away” from one mentor: http://ourjourneytoithaca.com/2013/06/14/the-parable-of-the-robins/
God has given me the best mentors in the world, but as you receive then good to give back out, i don,t know what i would have done without their love,support and humour, don,t ever right older ladies off they have a wealth of fun to offer, and true wisdom, and the best sister in the world too, made up for all the hardships and sorrows that we have to endure. xxx Jacqueline
I have been fortunate to come across various people in my life who have either intentionally or unknowingly held the role of mentor. One thing I have found that has helped both mentor and mentee is to thank the mentor very specifically when you find a gem of knowledge they drop. A sincere expression of gatitude seems to give the mentor further courage to expose their wisdom and the mentee has to bring the light bulb moment into reflection as a feeling, a need and a change. Saying words out loud can have a huge effect.
I see the comments on here are mostly women, with women mentors. As a man who lost his wife (I’m re-married now), I noticed that men are kind of loners (especially my introverted self) and don’t typically develop meaningful friendships. Women who lose their spouse usually have some kind of community or social group. But men don’t tend to build those kinds of friends. This is why many older men don’t live much longer if their wives pass on. They don’t have that support group to gripe to.
Back to mentoring… the best I seem to be able to do is to mentor in little bursts. I might receive some great advice here and there… and have gotten more comfortable dishing it out to others. But I don’t know that I will ever be able to have the standing coffee meeting with someone to receive or give advice. I can’t even imagine getting together regularly with anyone but my wife. She’s my everything.
Kelly, I think it’s not such much the difference between men and women, but between highly social and introverted. My dad was involved in his church, his community, his neighborhood for almost 60 years. He touched a lot of lives. I was in awe of the stories told to me at his funeral of what a giving man he was. My mother, was the loner and rarely left the house. There certainly is a stereotype of women generally being more social than men. I also think that as a much more mobile society that we rarely stay in a neighborhood or community long enough to form those lasting relationships. You could always form your own Meetup!
Union is strength, thank Joshua for the words
This is so true! We always must look up to someone who can teach us. But of course, if we take a moment and observe people around us, everyone can be a great teacher.
Thank you for sharing this. It’s good to remember that there is so much to learn at every stage of life– not only when we are students or when we’re new at something. Mentorship is most certainly a gift of grace and a source of hope!
I was extremely fortunate to have a 3 woman cheering section when I was very young. Living in a volatile home, I sought out other older woman role models as young as the age of 5. These 3 women were astoundingly generous to me, sharing their time, their praise, affection, and opened their homes to me any time of day or night. One is still alive and in her 90’s. We email and send birthday/Christmas cards across the country. I hate to think what my life would have been without them. I learned enjoyment and laughter and acceptance of loss from one. Another was like Maya Angelou in her bearing and religious wisdom. The remaining “angel” was professional and dignified. All 3 were extremely STRONG women. Who says there’s not a God?
Some wise soul wrote that everyone needs a mentor. And everyone should be a mentor.
That can be easier said than done.
But to find that hidden treasure? Worth the effort …
Great words.
Trying to be “minimalist” in my commentary. ;)
Awesome, Lailani.
It is said, that you do not have to search for a mentor – the mentor will come to you (replace mentor with guru). I find with the amazing knowledge on the internet, and the library, I find mentors everywhere. I learn from everything I read on the blogs I frequent and the books that I find in my library. But like you said, you can truly learn from everyone. Everyone has a lesson to bestow upon you – that is the reason they are in your life. Until you learn the lesson you are supposed to learn, they will keep on bestowing that lesson onto you.
Have you ever heard we pick our parents before we are born so they will teach us the lessons we need to learn to progress on our karmic cycle? We all laughed about that and said “No way would I have picked you!” And yet . . .
This is so true! I’m very thankful to have close friends and family I feel I can count on for things! From the simplest to some of my biggest fear types of things! You are so right! We need to all remind ourselves of this!
I don’t have any designated mentors at the moment , in the past my Kung Fu Master had a significant impact in my life , I talk to a lot of people in my work and when I find someone who has a few of life’s tricks worked out , I let them speak and ask them if they have found any unifying truths about life … They mostly seem happy to share them . I think I choose by feel who is going to be good for me sometimes it’s just s short one off meeting and just the hint of a life truth is shared , sometimes it’s more .. Thank you for sharing your thoughts …it really got me thinking and I am now more activity looking for a mentor ..
Beautiful words. My mentor recently found me and we have been meeting every Friday at lunch to talk about our relationships, our personal growth, our marriages and our goals. We text each other in the morning with a daily challenge and inspire each other to reach our goals. It has made an ENORMOUS impact on my life.
Thank you, Joshua. I never thought about this before. I would say I have two mentors. Two women who I admire very much. One is a close friend and one I never met ( but follow her blog ). Although I don’t agree with every aspect of their lives, at the core they touch my heart. Their main focus is family. They have both lived laughter filled lives, rejoicing in the everyday of home and hearth. I have learned much from them…AND I have learned much from you! :)