Editor’s Note: This is a guest post from Patrick of PatrickRhone.com. I’ve been begging Patrick to write something for Becoming Minimalist for years. I’m grateful that he finally did.
$18,685.00
I’ll never forget that dollar number. The year was 2003. I had gotten laid off from my job at a software company when they decided to close the local office. I was on vacation when it happened. There was no warning.
On the way home, driving back, I got a call from the President of the company. He gave me the news. Said it was effective immediately but I’d receive some severance. He said it was a hard decision and he wished me the best. I was a full time single dad to two boys. I had a home, a minivan, and all of the normal costs of supporting a family of three.
Still, I had a plan. Before the layoff, to make ends meet, I had been doing some technology consulting on the side. I had a handful of clients and enjoyed helping them a lot. They seemed to appreciate me and were recommending me to others. It had long been a dream of mine to build my own business, work for myself, and do consulting full time. So, when I found my paycheck job gone literally overnight, I took it as a sign.
I had the severance—about six weeks pay—and a little bit of savings. I gave myself a deadline to see if I could chase that dream. I marked it on the calendar. I had exactly one year to stick it out and give it a shot—to see if I could build something that could feed my sons and I and keep a roof over our head. Only after that year, giving it all I had, would I then try to find another job.
That dollar number above is the gross total of what I made. Not the net. Not after taxes. That was it. Between August 2003 and August 2004 that was my gross income for a family of three.
That’s how I became a minimalist.
It wasn’t a choice. It wasn’t a grand statement on our consumerist culture and not wanting to run forever on the capitalist hamster wheel. I didn’t have credit cards because my credit was ruined by financial misdoings during my marriage. I didn’t want them either, but not for lofty reasons. Mainly because I was now very wary of them.
It wasn’t my love of simplicity and rejection of the tyranny of choice. I was broke and hungry and scared out of my wits that the heat would get turned off, our home taken away, the car repossessed, and I’d lose my sons because I couldn’t take care of them.
To be honest, I’m still not quite sure how we survived without any of that happening. That year is still very much a blur. I’m sure I blocked a lot of it out.
I know there were many days I only had one meal in order to make sure my sons had three. They got free breakfast and lunch at school, so I only had to worry about having enough money for dinner. I know there were times when friends would invite us over for dinner, without saying they knew how bad I was struggling to make ends meet. I became a ninja at cherry-picking sales at the grocery store and coupon cutting. I learned that, if you call phone and electricity companies before your bill is overdue, and explain your situation, they are more likely and able to work with you to figure something out than if you do so after it’s due. I can’t explain how the mortgage got paid. It did, somehow. Magic, perhaps.
We made it through. Exactly one day after my one year deadline I had two job offers immediately. Both for very good money. One with better benefits. I took that one.
Even though I then had a steady job and more than enough money to go back to business as usual, I had learned during that hard year how to live on very little. It had taught me a valuable lesson—the difference between want and need. And, while I now could afford to eat three meals a day like my sons, while we were no longer living in poverty, I had no desire or reason to spend money on anything we didn’t need or that didn’t add true value to our lives. That same ethos remains with me today.
So, why am I telling you all this? Well, I think we who consider ourselves minimalists, or those of us who are striving to be, need to be mindful of how we talk about it. We need to keep in mind that the very fact that you have the power to *choose* and decide what is enough for you and live with less, means you are in a position of privilege.
To many of us, choosing to “live simply” is to others living in poverty and they may not have a choice. We should be mindful of this when we talk about it to others because, many times, we come off sounding like elitist jerks.
Look, I get it. You’re happy about how a choice to live with less has made your life less stressful. You’re proud of the money you’ve saved or how you live debt free. You’ve made a life where you’re sure everything you own has value and the life you live is full of meaning and you want to share that with as many people as you can. You’re excited. It’s OK. You have reason to be. I’m simply trying to say there should be a level of understanding of what a privilege it is to be able to have such a life when we talk about it.
The desire should be to help others consider such choices, if they have the ability, for themselves and to have compassion for those without. We should live our lives in such a way that strives to provide others with the same opportunity to enjoy such privilege.
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Patrick Rhone writes on the blog Patrick Rhone. I should also mention that he has been highly influential in my personal pursuit of minimalism and I have referred to his fabulous book, Enough, on countless occasions.
Sharon says
I recognised this when I travelled through South America for a year. I chose to live with few belongings and eat simple food, but many of the people who I saw on the streets everyday did not have that choice. I was privileged because I had a comfortable life and chose to step away from it, but many people have never known comfort & plenty. As I romanticised their simple lifestyles, they lived every day with a longing to be comfortable and rest a while. That’s not to say that they were unhappy or unloved – just that they did not have a choice. I am neither rich nor poor but I have choices.
I am now back in England. I try to remember that minimalism is a choice. I am free to choose to change my perspective and embrace a simpler lifestyle. My life is very different to a life where there are no choices. I value my freedom to choose and wish the same for others.
remi.deer says
im so happy to finally read an article about minimalism that acknowledges just how much of a privilege it is. as a nowhere near middle class person it’s been endlessly irritating to here rich people talking about how great it is, and how they just love living with their perfect well made stuff. omg and then with the tiny houses. I love then I do, but it would be a dream come true for me, or anyone I know, to be able to afford living in a tiny house. I imagine that just about everyone I know will never own any kind of a home. we just don’t have that option. so it’s really refreshing to see someone in the minimalist movement to really talk about that. also I love the idea of minimalist as an option. my goal would to someday afford that kind of a lifestyle.
Tricia says
Thank you for this post! In my financial peril I often told myself “We don’t buy/do that becuase we don’t have enough money.” It was a depressing thing day in and day out. BUT when I found minimalism I changed my perspective and instead started to tell myself, “We don’t buy/do that becuase we are minimalists.” Once this outlook changed I had confidence in wearing the same thing every Sunday to church. IF someone was to say something (which no one ever did) I no longer needed to be embarrassed but instead confidently share that I’m a minimalist.
Thank you for the post!!
Ellie says
Phenomenal post. Period.
Kelsie says
Thank you so much for posting this. As a social worker who tries to view a lot of things through an equity lens, I sometimes find the minimalist message to carry the theme of “I used to make so much money, but now I’ve chosen not to because now I’m a minimalist” which is certainly a fine message, but not something everyone can relate to. So many folks aren’t given the opportunity to leave their job and pursue their dreams because financially it isn’t possible. Some people can’t shop at the nicest grocery stores because their budget doesn’t allow them to. Some people don’t have the privilege to choose to leave their jobs because they are living paycheck to paycheck. I’m so happy that this was sent out to such a large audience. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.
Chris @ Mindful Explorer says
I really enjoyed this post and at first when I clicked on the link I thought it might be something else. I had read a previous post that only fortunate individuals or people that were financially savvy could make the choice to be minimalist. That it was trendy to be this way in 2016. Well this post goes to show you it’s not about the newest internet buzzword. It is about real life and comes from realizing that you can get by with so much less. With the clarity of needs vs wants the path for a successful and hopefully much less stressful life can be achieved. Great guest post Joshua and thank-you Patrick
Brandi says
Simply Wow!
I admire your appreciation for what you have and that you think of other people’s feelings in the process.
Krista says
Thank you for sharing your experience and perspective. I work as a Holistic Nutrition & Joyful Living Educator and often I come up against a similar reality (not the same but this is what jumps out at me)… I can encourage people to think for themselves and make choices that align with who and how they choose to be (vs. following the crowd) but we all also live with very real, sometimes painful limitations. These might be geographical, physical, financial, etc. But to discount the reality of these limitations is unfair to people and ends up being divisive rather than encouraging and hopeful.
My current “simple” involves buying essential oils and some organic produce and meat from local farms. But there are people who are just trying to keep the heat on and put some food on the table and need to know that they are not excluded from “living with purpose, health & joy”. My husband grew up in poverty in West Africa and I grew up in a family of 14 in rural Alberta (not in poverty but certainly without a lot of money) and I mostly want to encourage all of us to love and accept ourselves and keep moving forward but with lotsa love and compassion.
Anyways, much food for thought.
Elise says
Thank you so much, Patrick, for sharing your story. It encourages me greatly and also challenges me.
Dawn says
That was a great reminder not to be elitist. It’s a trap that sneaks up on us. Thank you! I heard what you said and it will stick with me.❤️