Note: This is a guest post from Jessica Malone of Nacho Average Fro.
26 seems a bit early for a life crisis, nevertheless that’s when my journey began.
By the world’s standards, I had it made. I went to college, graduated top of my class, snagged a job at a Fortune 10 company, built a healthy 401K, traveled the world, and collected lots and lots of stuff.
I was living “the good life;” and yet I was miserable.
While I was acquiring all the material and experiential things, I lost my sense of self. I didn’t really know who I was. I only knew what I thought was expected of me.
Summa Cum Laude graduate, Fortune 10 employee, world traveler, top performing sales professional—these were my parents’ dreams for me. As great as they were, they left me unfulfilled.
At the crux of my clutter lay the same theme: I never believed I was enough.
I’d risked my health, my self-esteem, and my sanity to attempt to fill a void. At age 14, my parents announced their divorce. At 26, I realized I was still mad. Not because they divorced, but because I couldn’t make it stop. I wasn’t enough to hold it all together. For 12 years, I carried that burden and built a life I hoped would overcome it.
I traveled in hopes of impressing others.
I over-worked in hopes of receiving the praise I’d grown accustomed to.
I rented a 2 bedroom apartment in hopes of creating space for the family I desired.
But tourism quickly became escapism, the apartment became overwhelming, and the work became stressful and debilitating. I woke to panic attacks, ate and slept my way into 35 more pounds, and lived in fear. Fear of facing the aftermath of my parents’ divorce, a job I couldn’t stand, a city I didn’t enjoy, and the loneliness I felt because I moved so often.
Minimalism changed that.
As I cleared the television, glassware for a party of 12, and books I’d never read, I saw all the effort I’d put into living a life that wasn’t authentic to me. In the newfound silence, I was forced to think for myself. I began to explore, to play, and to follow my gut. In the process, I built a blog, a conference, and a coaching business.
As I cleared my calendar, I realized that I was running from my past and the present life I now disdained. Decluttering put me in my place.
I learned that while I love travel, new cultures, and experiencing life in new ways, I can’t do it at the expense of my healing. Today, I live out of a van and travel full-time in pursuit of my dreams. But only after choosing to address my greatest fears and learning to believe in myself and my power.
As I cleared the subscriptions, bar tabs, drive-thru expenses, and debt in my finances, I realized just how much I’d given away in the pursuit of “having it all.”
Creating space allowed me to define my goals and align my money accordingly. In doing so, I fueled my dreams. I quit my job in pursuit of entrepreneurship, self-funded my conference 2 years in a row, and built the van of my dreams while continuing to be debt free.
Clearing the space taught me how to recognize what I love, what I fear, and who I am. While I’ve cleared a lot of stuff, it was never really about that. It was always about what the stuff represents. Minimalism helped me find my purpose, passion, and self.
For that, I am grateful.
***
Jessica Malone is a clutter coach, blogger, and conference creator. She helps others dig deep so they can get un-stuck and live the life of their dreams. When she’s not helping people build a life they love, she’s focused on building the life she loves. Right now, she is traveling full-time in a van with her fiancé as they pursue their dreams. To see how she’s putting it all together, follow her on Instagram.
Jeannie says
Living in a van for six months isn’t a dream likely. After all, I still have a crush on this fascinating exploration, unbelievably unthinking of.
Tina says
I enjoy getting rid of stuff so much, I help others do it to raise money for charity. Since this spring, I’ve taken three carloads of stuff to Goodwill and found six big bags of stuff for the local food pantry when they take non food donations again. I didn’t have much before.
Deborahselah says
Oh what a gift transparency and honesty is- we think it’s helping us..yet it truly ends up helping others!
Transparency and honesty it’s like my friend says to “go low”another words.. walk in humility. I feel Jesus was extravagant and simplistic.. I want to be like Him. This story / article was just.. Beautiful ? it’s so freeing not to live our lives according to what the world’s standards of expectation are. We know within our deepest essence where our freedom begins & grows. We know what success is and is not..what leaves us breathing easier? Peace Be Still! I continue to ‘ unclutter & focus on what has everlasting value..
Thankyou?
Jessica Malone says
Thank you Deborah! I love what you said about Jesus being both extravagant and simplistic. I too desire to live that way! I wish you all the best in your journey!
Eve says
I had a bunch of stuff, none of which represented the real me. I discovered this after a major hurricane when we lost our house and way of life. We had to rebuild which gave me a chance to concentrate on who I am and what I really needed and loved. It was a totally different me that emerged. It’s amazing what we do or wear or read even, because we think it’s makes us look with it and smart.
Jessica Malone says
It really is amazing how our stuff can influence our perspective. I’m so sorry to hear about your home. Although the circumstances were not ideal, I love that you were able to overcome and build an even more authentic life. Cheers to you!
Glenna Veneberg says
True happiness comes from within. No one else can do it for you. Mix in some kindness and compassion for yourself as well as others. Most of all be a blessing to someone and you will be truly blessed. I wish you joy and wonder on your journey.
Laurie says
You are a beautiful and loving person! Thank you so very much for sharing those beautiful words with us.
Jessica Malone says
Thank you Glenna! Those are words to live by!
Ellen says
Thank you for sharing this beautiful post. What a creative shift, including the name! I love it all. Encouraging and insightful.
Jessica Malone says
Thank you Ellen! I’m so happy you enjoyed it!
Anne says
I am crying. This is literally me at 60, still surrounded by all the things that represent a life that I desperately wanted to rebuild after divorce (30 years ago). I did that to my kids too. The guilt, the hopes. I recognize all the symptoms; panic attacks, sleeping, eating, living in fear, having a home to accommodate all the people that never show up, the loneliness, a job I hate. I know I have to let go of it all to build a new life, the old one is long gone. Thank you for your post xx
Jessica Malone says
Anne – I read your comment the day this went up and I cried. I hope that you will give yourself grace as you navigate through this transition. It seems, like my parents, you gave your all and poured everything into your children. They, like me, are better off for it. So much of the wisdom and courage I’ve gained is the result of my upbringing. Now it’s time for you all to live authentically. I hope that through your decluttering journey, you will find the strength to do so. Freedom awaits you on the other side. Wishing you all the best!
Donna says
This was exactly what I needed to read this morning!
Heather Sparrow says
Thank u Thank u Thanku Jessica, this has been an eye opener, at 68 I am realizing all this stuff that has been acquired over my years does not fit and each time I read Joshua’s insights, my life changes but this from you has really changed my thinking and helped me tremendously.
Heather
To a Blessing of Your Life
Jessica Malone says
You are welcome Heather! I am so happy that you enjoyed this post! Good luck to you on your journey!
Lynda says
More all about me stuff with little reflection in gratitude. Definite problem with this generation. Lack of depth that comes from overindulgence and having it all. Life experiences and travel seemed to have minimal heart input. Clearing stuff doesn’t reemerge as self actualization and authenticity. BS
Ellie says
Your comment actually made me exclaim out loud- and then reread the article to see if somehow I had completely missed the ungrateful, shallow tone you seem to have found. I still found nothing. I think it’s brave to offer up your story to be picked apart by others in the hopes that they can find part of themselves in your mistakes. And it seems to me that she was incredibly impacted by her travels and life experiences (just, perhaps, in a different way than you might be). The fact that she managed to pack in lessons that might take others an extra decade or two to learn doesn’t somehow make her story less worthy. She worked HARD for those personal truths- they don’t just hand out jobs and salaries like hers as if they were candy, and leaving something so universally accepted as “good” comes with a lot of pressure.
But God gives each of us a different path to go with our different talents, and without the right motives, even unbridled success can start to feel like hell on earth. Making the necessary adjustments to your life in order to deal with off-kilter motivations is not the same thing as callously disregarding your past blessings. Life isn’t stagnant and not one person alive has made it to this point without making adjustments based on newly presented opportunities and information- I, for one, am pretty glad to not be eternally stuck as a middle school girl! Let’s offer up a little grace to others on this journey too, shall we?
gm says
This is a reply to Lynda— judging someone you don’t know, and an entire generation whose shoes you’ll never have to walk in, just seems so mean and unnecessary. And I’m writing this as a Gen-X’er in her late 40s— it’s not my generation that’s being maligned.
Betsy says
From my perspective my daughter’s generation got it right. She’s in her mid 40″s. Less of everything. My generation fell into the trap of more more more. All the collectables that one had to have that you can’t give away now. Joshua’s blog has opened my eyes to living out the years I have left with less to care for and air to breath. Sometimes I think about my past purchases and chastise myself but then I remember that “Better late then never” is the motto I need to keep playing in my head.
Jessica Malone says
Ellie, thank you so much for your kind words. You hit the nail on the head! I am happy to know that my message resonated with you. Many blessings to you on your minimalist journey!