Editor’s Note: This is a guest post from Yuko Henden of Clutterless.
Decluttering seems to be all the rage. On the news, in social media, and during casual conversation, we hear more and more about people downsizing, KonMari-ing, and simplifying their lives.
The idea is a good one. So you decide to get on the bandwagon.
You borrow a couple of how-to-declutter books from the local library and scan through them, then buy a package of heavy-duty garbage bags and start attacking your clutter on Saturday at 9:00 am.
By the afternoon, you have garbage bags, donation bags, and even pieces of furniture lined up by your front entrance ready to leave the house for good.
You’re exhausted, but in a good way. You feel lighter and uplifted.
…
Fast-forward several months into the future. The afterglow of decluttering has faded. You still maintain that getting rid of the clutter was an excellent idea, but can’t cite a reason other than, “My right pinky toe is injury-free since I got rid of that ugly coffee table.”
Maybe you are even beginning to feel a bit uneasy living in a home with empty spaces. You feel a bit empty inside as well.
Your thoughts may be followed with even more questions, “What’s wrong with me? I thought this was going to feel only wonderful. Why do I feel this way? Was getting rid of my clutter a bad idea?”
Take heart. You are not alone. The decluttering process can be difficult at times. Let’s consider the reasons why:
Change is Unsettling
We like the familiar, and changes often produce stress. You have not moved, but your clutter-free home is a new environment. You will feel uneasy until you adjust to it.
Don’t give in to the urge to buy new things to make your place cozy. Any non-essential items you buy right now are likely to end up as tomorrow’s clutter. If you want to stop the vicious circle of decluttering, fight the urge to shop.
The Guilt
As you decluttered, did you feel a bit of guilt letting some of the stuff go? I sure felt it when I hauled a bag full of clothes that my mother sent me, which I didn’t feel like wearing, to the closest consignment store.
High-quality accessories, expensive tools, gifts from your loved ones—it’s sad to let go of things that you have some attachment to. It’s also not pleasant to think about how much they all cost.
Dusty textbooks and study material you never used—did you hear a voice inside your head say, “I’m so disappointed in you,” as you tossed them on the donations pile? Was that your voice, or your parent’s?
It’s inevitable to feel some degree of guilt when you declutter. When you do, remember that you cannot change the past, but you can learn from it.
After awhile the guilt will begin to fade. Until it does, use it as motivation to remind you when a change in your environment was so important.
Feeling exposed
You felt great when you slipped into the pair of five-inch, black stilettos. But they wrecked your back and knees, so you wisely got rid of them.
But now, perhaps, you don’t know how to feel confident and sexy without them. You feel so incomplete. You don’t feel good about yourself.
Fight the urge to go out and buy physical products that were substituting for your self-confidence. Learn how to be more confident without buying more.
Things can’t heal you and they can’t soothe you in the long run. Get to the root of the issue. Find confidence in who you are and choose happiness. That contentment is longer-lasting… and leads to much lower credit card payments.
Decluttering didn’t solve your problems
Some people are reporting incredibly positive outcomes from decluttering, such as losing weight and finding their true calling (actually, that was me). Certainly you hoped it would change your life too.
But that epiphany never came, and now you feel duped.
Hang in there. I can’t tell you how or how fast, but the change will come if don’t give in to a yo-yo diet style of decluttering—i.e., endlessly alternating between purging and shopping.
It takes some time, but you will begin to realize that your clutter was acting as a security blanket. And without it, you may feel uncomfortable… and when you are uncomfortable, you will start questioning.
Questioning takes time, but it is good. Focused self-reflection leads to new ideas, self-discoveries, and changes in attitudes and perspectives. It won’t happen overnight. But remain hopeful and stay positive.
Decluttering physical clutter is the first step towards a simpler life, and it’s often a gateway to a further personal transformation. Ultimately, decluttering is about knowing yourself better so you can make the most of your life.
After all, the first step to getting what you want is having the courage to get rid of what you don’t.
These changes take time and effort.
Please remember that you started decluttering to improve your life. Remember to enjoy the results of your hard labor, such as easier cleaning and organizing, reduced maintenance, more space to do whatever your heart desires, and more time for fun.
Eventually, you’ll learn to love your clutter-free space and all the rewards that come with it.
***
Yuko Henden blogs at Clutterless where she helps people tidy up your workspace and work processes so they can focus on the most important things in life.
About Joshua Becker
I love the idea of decluttering our physical environment. Our environment shapes us, not just our habit and behavior, but our thoughts too. Having too many unnecessary things around make making clear, good decisions impossible.
However, decluttering doesn’t transform our life immediately. I love how Yuko Henden talks about the guilt. Getting rid of things we don’t want in life means facing the fear and discomfort within ourselves.
And this–“After all, the first step to getting what you want is having the courage to get rid of what you don’t.”–It’s just spot on.
How do you get a 92 year old widow woman to declutter? Or is it even healthy for her to do that? Is the clutter of her belongings important to her to feel her past?
Hi… I’m not a professional, but I do have some thoughts on this. As a 68 year old, I can say yes, possessions can indeed be a comforting connection to not only the past, but to one’s identity. Sometimes possessions are an outward expression of who we are inside – that can’t be seen any other way. They can form a description of who that person is. At her age, gentleness is definitely required. I’ve learned that the older we get, the more precious the past becomes – because there’s so little of the future left. Every day becomes a question of “how many do I have left?”. The past becomes all we have to hold on to. Maybe organizing, by grouping and putting into clear totes would be helpful. The items can be seen. Things will be neater. And there won’t be an issue of loss for her to contend with. In the end, it also depends on one’s state of health, and the level of comfort felt about the looming end of one’s life, as to how much can safely be released and let go of. Value the significance and history of what she has accumulated, as a description of her life and her likes. I have piles and stacks. Nothing of earth shattering value. Only valuable to me. They say, “look at me as a person, look at the things I loved that made me smile, the colors I loved, the kind of books I read…”. Another aspect is, sometimes “things” also become overwhelming. It becomes just too much to deal with and face. We can actually become blind to them, because it hurts too much mentally to look at all that has accumulated, and the work involved in dealing with it is just too much to think about. So it sits. Some things are truly connections to our soul.. and those should not be ripped apart as if they have no meaning. Distinguishing what isn’t, will help in eliminating what can be released safely, without trauma or pain to her.
At 92 just work with her at labeling pictures and people..
The rest is just stuff
Sorry — but I certainly do not understand the statement “Getting rid of things we don’t want in life means facing the fear and discomfort within ourselves.” No it doesn’t — it means feeling liberated from the things we don’t want! Aren’t you taking the analysis beyond a reasonable point and being somewhat melodramatic about a process that is relatively straightforward, once the decision has been taken to declutter?
My fiancé and I purchased our first house last year. When we moved into our house we also brought 3 years worth of stuff from the 4 apartments/3 cities we lived in prior. The past two months we have been decluttering and prioritizing our possessions as we embark on some house renovations this coming summer. What worked best for me was 1) pick a day and literally just go through garbage. Receipts you don’t need, birthday cards from 10 years ago, broken things you never actually plan on fixing. This alone felt great. The house looked the same since I run a rather clean ship, but I knew there was less unnecessary stuff everywhere. A few weeks later I decided to go through my clothes and our outdoor gear collection. Every few weeks I would gravitate to getting rid of just a few bags at a time. I found doing this gradually and being able to adjust to the empty spaces and only having what I truly need/want around was easy. As far as personal effects/mementos, I have a dark cherry chest I store my “treasures” in and because they are housed in a functional way I don’t feel bad keeping everything special from my family. Anything I was unsure of whether I truly should get rid of, I put in a bag in the spare room for a few weeks and if I open the bag and realize I didn’t miss/think of anything that was in the bag it was gone. Minimalism doesn’t mean getting rid of everything you own so I hope people who get on board with this “lifestyle”, I prefer to call it perspective, don’t feel pressured to get rid of everything they own just to say they are a Minimalist.
I have a tip for those who have decluttered but then feel their home/wardrobe is a bit sparce, or simply miss buying stuff (clothes, ornaments etc) – Get things from charity shops.
I do this a lot with clothes: I buy something, wear it a couple of times (unless it turns out to be a real favourite) and then donate back to a different charity shop.
I’m not really one for too many nick-nacks but if you’re someone who likes to decorate and change around your pictures, ornaments or even furniture – get it from charity (not new) as this helps raise funds and also stops the mass consumerism, and the guilt of how-much-it-cost-it-to-buy in the first place.
After all, the first step to getting what you want is having the courage to get rid of what you don’t.
This is going on the fridge right now!
I am in the process of de-cluttering. I am good about getting rid of things but our lives have changed quite a bit in the past five years. My youngest child is in high school and we have changed our interests and hobbies so it was time for a thorough cleaning and organizing and purging. The main reason I wanted to de-clutter was stress. I am so tired of taking so much time to clean and feel like I am getting nowhere. I want a clean house and I want to spend my time with my family and the activities I love. On the first day of cleaning I found three baby blankets on a shelf in my laundry room and I worried over these blankets for two days. I didn’t need them so I should just get rid of them, right? After two days I went back to my main goal. Less stress, more time to do the things I really love and I realized that the baby blankets weren’t getting in the way of that. There are hundreds (thousands?) of items that are keeping me from that goal but the blankets were not part of that. The baby blankets stayed in the box in the laundry room and I got rid of eight, 13 gallon trash sacks of bedding, towels, etc. and gave it to our animal shelter along with a car load of household items to the charity shop.
I have read and re-read this blog post a few times. It speaks to my heart. I’ve spent the past year and a half going through my own stuff, via the Kon Mari process. In the middle of it, I had tons of my late mom’s to sort through and well, she never sorted most of her parents’, my late grandparents’ stuff. Ugh! So, triple whammy of grief! As I finish up sentimental with my own stuff doing the Kon Mari process, I’m having a hard time. I feel like I’ve made so many mistakes in my life and now, I feel I have to suffer in order to pay for them. Isn’t that wild? I have a history of abuse, being shamed and blamed for stuff. So…I get to heal that too. How fun. I’m getting counseling, but all of this has been overwhelming. At times, I feel like my life is just going to get worse and I don’t deserve for it to get better or to live my callings.
Actually, de-cluttering is miserable. Thanks for sharing such useful tips.
People who feel bad often try to find ways to feel better. Minimalism is a great way to live but it is not the solution to everything. Often getting rid of things is prioritized over getting rid of obligations. To limit the number of commitments you are involved in are vital. Learn how to say no at work at chose one thing outside work that you want to involve yourself in. It is hard to say no but in the long run it will benefit you much more.
Guilt of de-cluttering is definitely my biggest issue. Sometimes I just feel too guilty throwing something away or donating it, because it used to belong to someone in my family (even if I know I will have no use for it ever again). So recently I’ve taken to refurbishing some of the furniture that was just sitting in my basement so I can actually use it and at least organizing all my little trinkets so I know what I have.
Great post!
For years I yo-yo decluttered. Eventually, I found my “groove” and never looked back. I have never been uncomfortable with the empty space created by my purging. My husband on the other hand…It freaked him out at first! Maybe he was worried I would just spend more money and replace everything I got rid of. In the wake of decluttering 80% of my stuff, my brain is clearer than ever AND I’ve rediscovered my love of writing!
I LOVE this post! It’s EXCELLENT ! I have so emotions swirling around me and start the process to declutter, I then stop! I fear that perhaps I’ll need it one day or it’s too sentimental!
I can get rid of the obvious such as outdated clothes, expired products, but my process comes to a halt then!
Feel frustrated and such a failure.
I read this section with interest, because it is exactly how I am feeling:
“Dusty textbooks and study material you never used—did you hear a voice inside your head say, “I’m so disappointed in you,” as you tossed them on the donations pile? Was that your voice, or your parent’s?
It’s inevitable to feel some degree of guilt when you declutter. When you do, remember that you cannot change the past, but you can learn from it. ”
…First, the voice is definitely my own. Second, when I “remember that [I] cannot change the past but [I] can learn from it…” it makes me think I should retain those books–that I should move forward into something I’ve always felt I should do, but issues of health (which I’ve been trying for years to fix) and full-time job (which I’m starting to feel I should leave) have gotten in the way of the dream. This all clashes with the declutter “should”.
Is there another thought pattern I could use to reinforce tossing books (aka lifelong dreams) despite the guilt?
For me, tossing of the books and letting go of aspiring dreams got easier when I started questioning why I felt I “should.” In the end, I figured those were values I was fed by my parents, peers, society, etc. and not really what I wanted. I also found that if I really wanted something, I would get it or at least try the hardest to get it. If it is not making me work hard for it, it means I don’t really want it. But I’m also kind of lazy, haha. Thanks for reading!
Hi,
I am not sure if anyone else feels this way, but here goes. I am afraid to get rid of things because what if I cannot buy things again. My Dad grew up during the depression and I know I have some of that fear.
Susan
Hi Susan, I think there are several ways to go about this. For example:
1) You can do the “separate and see” approach, i.e., put the stuff you’re planning to declutter in an out-of-sight location and continue with your life for a year or so (or however long you need). Go back to the storage after a year and ask yourself again, “Do I really need this?”
2) Start with obvious clutter. For example, out-of-style, worn-out too small/large clothes that have no sentimental value attached.
3) Start slow.
4) Just wait till you are ready to declutter. Saying “no” to decluttering is also your option. You shouldn’t feel forced to let go of your stuff.
5) A lot of people find that they need far less than they thought they did. Even if you can’t buy things again, once you’re used to living with less, you’ll be OK.
What do you do with photographs? Of all my belongings, this is the worst! I have at least four large plastic bins of pictures of my children and family. Just the thought of getting rid of them tears me up! Meanwhile, the bins were removed from one room that I de-cluttered, only to find their way to my bedroom, piled high! Someday I think I could take photos of each picture, creating a digital file. Any other ideas?
Are you thinking of digitizing the pictures yourself? I had about 1,000 pictures of my daughter, and I took them to the nearest Staples to have them saved on a USB stick. I definitely recommend having someone else do the job if you can.
Personally, I sorted our photos and divided them between our kids. They now have the photos of their childhood memories to show their children and I have less to store. It also gives them a chance to ask about photos of relatives they may not remember due to being so young when the photos were taken.
Just this week, I got rid of something one of my children made for me about 15 years ago. It no longer matched my color scheme or decorating style, so it made sense to let it go. I adore my kids, though, and I felt like getting rid of it, was rather like tossing them aside too.
Had they given me a pair of shoes that no longer fit, I wouldn’t feel guilty about not wearing them and giving them away. This decor item no longer “fit,” so why did I feel like I was throwing my kid away by removing the item from my life?
It was in the midst of those guilty feelings that I had an “aha” moment—getting rid of a “thing” does not mean I am getting rid of the relationship. I am very close to my kids, and that isn’t going to change just because I got rid of a decor item.
Relationships are based on the heart, not on things. Ah, but if I could just remember that when it comes to my late grandmother’s things.
Ahhh, the stuff your kid made is one of the toughest stuff to let go of! I unceremoniously tossed my old childhood photos and letters, but I am hesitant when it comes to my daughter’s artwork. It’s also because she still lives at home with us. Maybe in 15 years, I can do something about them.
It all stated with a comment: Less is more. When I first realized I needed to clear my house it was a fun task not taken as seriously as I often see post or blogs. Then slowly it was a mind opening venture as to why do I have this over abundance surrounding me.
As I journeyed thru the process I found more and more about myself. I think it was an awakening more than an elimination of “too much stuff”. As I began reading guest columns I also noticed the importance of the photo as the beginning of these authors. Suggestions like a gratitude journal made me go to a stack of journals that I had covering a decade. Task at hand I read all as I did one per year and the binding thread was the consistent sentence of always having to put up items and make time for myself. I can only say when I opened up to myself I discovered myself. Thank you for what you have done for so many.
Pat
For those sentimental items that are hard to part with: take a picture and write a little bit about why they are important to you. Pack the item away for a while then re-visit it after 6 months. Sometimes the picture and story is enough, sometimes you still want to keep the item. As long as it’s a mindful decision it’s ok.
After my third round of decluttering i understood that when decluttering is coming to the end you have to start thinking about what will take it’s place. The whole process took several years. But after decluttering there is this scary emptyness. DO NOT PANIC! It’s only natural. I discovered that not giving in brings new, better ways to occupy the empty space – even just sitting in silence is way way way better than chasing yet another purchase which is supposed to fulfill your empty soul :) Whenever something new wants to come into my life – be it stuff or commitment – i always consider the promise it tries to sell me. It is quite obvious are the promises false or true. My default answer to everything is NO. Because changing it to YES is like 99% easier than the other way around. Try it. And don’t give the space – be it your livingroom or your mental capacity – back to junk. Life is short, stuff is not worth it.
Great response!
This is a great post and perfect timing! I have always felt so much better after a purging of stuff but this time is a little different. Things have gotten ahead of me after major health issues (2 very major surgeries only 10 days apart and 41 days in ICU) in 2014 and after a year of recovery and lots of fuzzy thinking and getting back to my better self again. It’s not as easy for me and papers are my challenge right now…. sorting and shredding health paper extras, catching up on my one file cabinet and sorting what needs to stay (not much) from all the extras it was easier to stash than make decisions about as I received them daily. I did not trust my self to not throw away something we might need until I healed. I miss my simple house style! My back is even letting me know I have been working on this part a bit too long! When I went to the basement with a feeling of “I made it!” yesterday, I found one more tub of EOB’s and booklets that was sent home with us from the hospital! I was so very disappointed! I am so glad the sun is shining today and this article was here for me to read this morning! I think I am happy to have started with the hardest part first… now it will be a joy to do my actual home and bring it back to our peaceful nest again! I’ve had a few regrets about an item or two but it quickly passed…. simplifying made it all worthwhile! I only have one weakness with my purging….I can not get rid of a few pairs of smaller jeans….. still losing weight and they don’t change to replace them. I have cut it back to my 2 favorite pairs in the next 3 smaller sizes ~ I have already gone down 3 sizes….. and I will reach this goal! I only kept tops that fit right now and when I lose my weight, I will choose wisely and simply. Extra kitchen gadgets, dressy work shoes, just in case stuff is all gone and going away even more! I am thankful for your articles and encouragement for the days when I am tired and wonder if I will ever get to my finished spot! Retirement is in the next 2 years and I hope our needs will allow for even more simplifying! Smiling and ready to get back to it today! Thanks!
Great post. I decluttering in small increments so I can feel comfortable with what we have deowned (is there such a word?). I have learned that when I am ready to let go of something, only then will I feel free and no guilt. We didn’t accumulate the stuff overnight, nor will purging it happen overnight. We are learning to live with less while still having a cozy home. Small steps….
I started decluttering about a year ago, on a casual when-I-have-time basis. My wake-up call came when I spent three days on a solo “retreat” at a no frills, mid-range hotel in order to work undisturbed on a work project that I needed to finish. The “suite” had a little kitchenette, a small living room, a separate small bedroom and bath. In spite of working 16 hours a day during my stay, I felt more relaxed and less stressed than I usually am at home. When I had time to consider why, I realized that I loved being in a small, uncluttered space that had everything I needed, and nothing that I didn’t. I decided then to start paring back the ridiculous accumulation of things that had built up in my house. I still have a long way to go, but I’m already feeling the difference…and loving it!
I can so related to this. The funny thing is that I’ve been decluttering pretty much all my adult life, yet I continue to encounter little moments of epiphany like what you described at least a couple of times a year. Each time I experience that “aha!” moment, I feel like I’m getting closer to who I really am.
This post is so well said. Thanks for posting it Josh. I think it will resonate with a lot of people. It takes awhile for the mind and heart to catch up sometimes.
I’ve never been in that situation. After de-cluttering, I always feel wonderful and want to do more ;)
Thank you ! This was wonderful to hear!
Thanks for reading!
Great post. So far, each time we have done a round of decluttering and purging, I have only experienced positive vibes. I appreciate the perspective of having to contend with negative emotions as well.
I have found that de-cluttering has its good and its bad and this is one of them. I have de-cluttered literally over 10 bags of clothing, books, and other useless items. I didn’t feel bad about those items because they were literally useless and not being used in our home.
But I began to step back and take a sensible look on the de-cluttering issue on some items. Some of these items could bring in some money – don’t be so quick to donate- sell them on Ebay, Amazon, poshmark for your clothing or Close5. I think we forget in declutter, declutter that has been drilled into our heads that we can possibly cash in on what is sitting about weighing us down in the first place and put those funds towards paying off debt, or maybe going on a vacation. This was where I stepped back and began selling a great many of the items that were ‘too good’ to donate or throw away yet had sentimental value or antique value to us. In this way, I knew a family antique was going to be treasured by another collector when I sold it .
Lisa: after clearing out his folks house, I sold lots of items to antique dealers or collectors, much was donated to local charities. Furniture that didn’t sell (since I didn’t want to rent a storage unit) was also donated.
I’ve done this too. Pays for new paint. better quality item that will last or a special event with family or friends.
Selling items is easier said than done. I had some inherited items at an antique shop for over ten years. Many things sold, but some just refused to budge. I brought them home after the shop closed. Some things I just took directly to Goodwill, but one item is here with me- a banjo clock from the ’30s. The antique store had plenty of traffic for those years, but no bites on the clock. I’ve almost taken it to Goodwill, but we’re trying one more avenue. A friend in another city has some luck selling things online. If that doesn’t pan out, I will take it out to Goodwill.
We also decided to ditch our china hutch- an ’80s model in oak in really good shape. My wife listed it on an online site. There were a few views but not even one offer. So we called Habitat for Humanity to pick it up.
Sometimes we’re at the mercy of the current fashion trends.
Jeff
I have been technically decluttering for years as I do a yard sale every year in the summer. I never fully realized how much “stuff” I had until I started reading these decluttering posts and am focusing much more on doing it. I am not guilty about getting rid of things–to sell or give away–but I am annoyed with myself for having it all in the first place.
Actually focusing on the decluttering is very liberating and satisfying to me. I appreicate all of the articles and comments which have made me more determined than ever to declutter. Thank you all.
This is brilliant! Often we are told how decluttering balances your mental health, however after decluttering my bedroom, it just feels lifeless!
http://www.flareaforte.com
I have recently finished a purge after completing KonMari-ing my house back in August 2016. I was able to rid myself of so much and see small things that can still go here and there that are making their way to the garage where everything is awaiting a swap meet sale in a couple weeks.
I have had 8 years to accumulate things for starting a family – i had about 6 boxes of clothes and diapers and anything else you might need for a baby as well as a crib. I am unable to get pregnant so foster care was the route we were planning on so the items I had weren’t just for a new baby they were everything from newborn to 3T. I have been toting these boxes around for years and still do not have any children because of moving frequently. Every time I see the boxes or the crib they would make me depressed that I still wasn’t a mom at my (old age) of 28 – yes I know, but I always dreamed of being a mom at 23 like my mom. By ridding of those things today either by means of a second-hand store or the thrift store I feel like I freed myself.
I know that not everyone is going to have an experience like this but I am so grateful that I did, it’s making me truly find myself along the way.
Thank you for this post because it was a gentle reminder that as I explain my transition to my family and how great it was to declutter, it may not be the best option for them, or if they decide to try it it may not turn out as well for them.
Hello Hannah. I’m 51 now. I started collecting baby “things” when I got pregnant at 28. Children’s books, a mother’s journal, Winnie the Pooh everything. We lost the baby. I kept everything and kept adding, sure that I’d get pregnant again. Instead of having children, I had cancer. I had been a maternal/child nurse for 14 years. I didn’t know how much damage I was doing to myself keeping those things until I finally donated all but a very few items to the women’s shelter last year. I’m glad that you are doing this for yourself. I wish the best for you. You’ll be important to a child, I just know it. Take care.
Oh Joshua, thank you for the guest post by Yuko Henden and Zoe Kim.
I am so glad someone addressed this. I have decluttered in the past and then realized I got rid of something that had sentimental value to me. Yes, it was taking up space-but was it really that much space to hurt anything? And I cried about it, which made me feel worse because I was crying over a thing. So here I am frustrated with the amount of stuff I still have but paralyzed to get rid of anything for fear of letting something go that I will regret. I don’t live in choas, and I do continue to get rid of things but I am much more selective about what goes. I have to admit I’m mad at all the blogs and sites that told me to get rid of things from the past-because they are just things. I am trying to let go of those feelings but I must admit it is taking a bit of time.
I get this. One thing I’ve done is keep the item I’m just not sure about and revisit it and I’ve been amazed at the change in my feelings about it.
I’m glad I allowed myself to let it be for a time.
Everyone is so different as well as our circumstances.
Thanks for sharing your story, Charlotte. I truly believe that decluttering is a personal undertaking and needs to be tailored to each’s circumstance. There is no right or wrong way to declutter, and that’s why I like to write about different ways to declutter. Thanks for reading!
I really get this, too. For now, I’ve come to the conclusion that I will permit myself to keep a couple/few objects from my childhood that have no practical use, and they are not beautiful, either — and yet I like them and I’m attached to them.
One of them, I’ve struggled with myself to let go of, for about 2 years or more. It’s an old globe, with a light inside of it, so it glows nicely and it gives a soft yellow light at night that I used to find comforting. I had it in my bedroom and I switched it on at night, around age 12-15, during an unhappy period, while I was lying in bed thinking about life and the universe ;-)
So, that was about 50 years ago. The geography is outdated; many country names and borders have changed. It’s 11 inches in diameter, so it takes up a lot of space, and that’s the main reason that I wanted to get rid of it. It isn’t even pretty: a brown stain (from the glue, I think) lines the several vertical seams.
But I passed by it yesterday, and looked at it, and I felt an affectionate warmth — almost love. It’s not rational, but there it is. Then and there, I decided “Enough!” — I will allow myself to have this bulky old object. I may change my mind later, but I’m done with struggling to force myself to part with something that carries some meaning for me, and done with analyzing WHY, and with talking myself into that I don’t need it in order to maintain the memories and meaning, etc., etc., etc., Bah.
As Yuko commented, it’s a personal undertaking, there’s no right or wrong way — and I would add, the principles of decluttering need to be flexible.
Thank you for this article, Yuko and Joshua. It helped me.
I love your memories of the globe! No need to get rid of something that brings such lovely warm feelings unless you want to. But remember, the memories are still there in your heart, not in the globe itself. For other sentimental items, you may always take a picture of them to keep a visual memory but not so much the clutter. Just a personal tip that I use on those items that dance on the line of keep or donate. Many times I find that even taking a picture is too much work for the item and in that I realize I don’t want to keep it. Best of luck on your journey!
Good for you! We lose part of our “self” along life’s path when we let people talk us into getting rid of things that are special to us. But they don’t understand that those “things” are vital connections to our heart and soul, and our past. I’ve seen some lovely things done with globes.. maybe you could bling it out with jewelry, or paint it.. give it a new beauty to enjoy. It was the soft glow of the light that brought your soul comfort at a time you needed it. Those kind of physical reminders of happy memories are worth holding on to.
Today I took a box and large bag of clothing and household items to one group home in my area. I don’t miss one thing I got rid of. Un cluttering is an ongoing process in order to live productive lives. Housework and a place for everything makes each day less stressful. Downsizing usually comes after retirement when folks move to smaller place or you inherit a houseful of stuff and sort thru. A clean orderly house should be uplifting to most. I know people living in clutter, papers piled up, garages full of junk, stuff that needs to be tossed. Laziness no doubt,as they spend hours on TV or computers daily, setting poor examples for friends children or grand children.
Please – no judgements – disrupts the process.
Agree.
Agree. We each have our different struggles, and this kind of judgement is not helpful, and this is not the place for it.
We tie a great deal of emotional resources to stuff.