“People are effective because they say ‘no,’ because they say, ‘this isn’t for me’.” —Peter Drucker
In his book, Essentialism, Greg McKeown reminds us of an important truth, “You can do anything, but you can’t do everything.”
When I married my wife 23 years ago, I committed my life to her for better or worse, in sickness or in health. In front of many witnesses, I vowed to be hers until death do us part. And when I said yes to her, I effectively was saying no to 3.5 billion other women.
Similarly, when I chose my career, I said no to countless others that I could have chosen. I write and I speak and pursue the promotion of minimalism. I will never fly a Boeing 747. I will never perform open-heart surgery. And I will never play professional tennis. This is okay with me. I have chosen to make my life about something different.
Every day we are presented with countless choices of how to spend our time, our energy, our effort, and our money. The wisest of us recognize we always have the power to choose. And they choose to pursue their life’s greatest mission by repeatedly saying ‘no’ to things that distract from it.
Donald Miller is the New York Times bestselling author of Blue Like Jazz and StoryBrand. Recently, he wrote a Life Plan program to help people plan and live a meaningful life.
This past winter, while meeting with Donald in San Diego, he said something I have not forgotten. He said, “My goal is to take 1,000,000 people through the Life Plan program. And these days, I am saying ‘no’ to anything that doesn’t get us closer to reaching that goal.”
I have often reflected on this approach to life. It is no different than the advice of Peter Drucker, Greg McKeown, or countless other thought leaders on leadership and influence.
Successful people are adamant about saying ‘no’ to things that do not align with their mission. (tweet that)
Of course, sometimes the choices are obvious (I never was that good at tennis nor was there a long list of women asking for my hand in marriage). But the hardest work is done in the trenches.
Staying on mission is about learning to say ‘no’ to the urgent requests, the popular requests, and the countless opportunities in front of you to make an extra dollar.
What is your purpose? What goals do you have for your life? On what mission do you desire to live? And what plan have you developed to help you get there?
Go, pursue it with your heart and your life. And learn to say ‘no’ to all the countless opportunities that will only distract you from it.
Thank you for writing this. These were the words I needed to read this morning.
This resonates with me on so many levels. I wrote a post on my blog about my year of no. https://singlemomchiclife.com/2016/01/21/my-year-of-no/
It is still a daily struggle because I have a desire to do so many things but I keep reminding myself that not only is it ok to say no it’s imperative to your health, well being and future successes to do so.
Great perspective! This gives a lot of power to people who have trouble saying “No”. You have already been doing it your whole life!
“Weniger aber besser” (less but better)…my new motto in life.
Thank you for writing the truth so beautifully and simply. Your blog has been an inspiration to me as I struggle to meet my responsibilities in a manner that is consistent with my values. The ideas you present are difficult for me to absorb, but when can I internalize them, I feel a sense of rightness and peace.
Hi Joshua, I have moved on from a rather hectic career that wasn’t serving my purpose but one where you could earn a lot of money in. I felt a calling to do something else so transitioned out of it. Today, I’m doing what I believe is my mission but it’s filled with so much uncertainty. I continue to say “no” to the opportunities that come up and the possibilities of jumping back to the old work that I was doing. It’s a daily temptation :) but I feel by saying no to other convenient or profitable opportunities, I’m saying yes to my purpose and staying close to my truth.
Great that you speak to the gift of less choice. Sometimes less choice limits confusion and allows you to get to work sooner. Sometimes years or a lifetime sooner.
Recently, it became obvious to me that my life has taken a different turn. At this point, I’m not quite sure of where I’m going. I think this what we call a transition period, or maybe even a mid-life crisis. I said “no” to what I would’ve considered good/great opportunities in the past.
My strategy right now is simply to keep getting rid of everything I don’t need (or truly want) in my life. I’m bound to find what I do want with this elimination process.
Thank you for the reminder of mission and purpose, it reminds me of what the scriptures say as, “singlemindness” Much needed today in a world of distraction!
Many years ago I decided to start saying “no” to everything. It was a lot easier changing my mind to “yes” later on than the other way around. When you say “yes” and then change your mind later, people get pretty miffed. If you say “no” first and then change your mind, people are happily surprised. I found saying “no” first gave me the time I needed to decide what I really wanted to do without the usual “people pleasing” pressure. I no longer get sucked into doing things I would rather not do. I’ve been so much happier ever since. :)
Thanks for sharing, Josh.
I think fear of man, is a massive stumbling block, and people pleasing and comparing etc, in this very insecure world, i think of what Proverbs 3v5-6 says Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your understanding in all your ways acknowledge him and He will direct your steps, kept me safe, not easy but true, one day at a time was a hymn played at my mums funeral her choice, wise words for my life too. love Jacqueline :)
Joshua, Thank you for all you do. You speak clearly which makes your thoughts easy to understand. One thing I was just contemplating is minimalism with our information. I think we are more distracted in what we do because we have a constant onslaught of information. i.e. media via TV, internet, radio, books, podcasts and the list goes on.(and on) If you are a person who is interested in anything you can get information on it 24/7. We’ve programmed ourselves into always needing more current data and/or a credentialed education for every area of our life. I’m beginning to realize more information is not always helpful and often just a distraction from getting the “real thing” done. Anyone else noticed this?
Could someone offer me some advice about how to find purpose, goals and a plan when you are constantly assailed by the needs of others? I am a SAHM to two young boys with various special needs including autism. They are fabulously funny and energetic, but we are like a little boat in a storm. The storm is not of our making or under our control. Our goal is just to keep the boat upright and react to the waves as they hit (our eldest son currently has no school provision due to lack of places, a paediatrician did the opposite to what they said they would, one son develops seizures, etc, etc).
I hear you. I’m a SAHM to five kids, one of whom has autism and has had seizures. Right now, think simple. Your purpose right now is to do the best you can with what you have. To teach and love and nurture your precious children. To build and maintain a loving home. There will come a season when you can pursue bigger dreams but right now, just keep it simple.
Good advice for many, Liz. :)
Thanks, Liz. It’s good to hear from others who have been there. It’s not the time to think bigger or different (both those ideas work for me because my ideas would be related to my community so different and bigger than my home). I just need to stop being impatient. It doesn’t help with all the “seize the day” type messages that we get. I guess I need to seize the day by doing less.
Don’t forget to look after yourself.. even if it’s just sitting down to drink that cup of coffee or putting some flowers in a vase, painting your toenails… what ever it takes to make you catch a breath.
One day at a time and no day without God. My best advice. :)
I agree with Liz except I would choose one different word. Later in life you will have a chance to pursue “different” not “bigger” things. There probably is no “bigger” thing than helping to mold a life and in your case multiple lives. You are exactly the parents God chose for your children. It’s a worthy calling.
Liz, I am not picking on you. What you said was right. Thank you for encouraging her. I’m just adding another perspective on your thought.
Last week I stepped back from my part time job so I could focus on my health as I am having some health issues.
Felt so good, then wrong, then I felt guilty & couldn’t sleep last night. My husband assures me I’ve done the right thing & now your lovely article has put the icing on it all for me.
Thank you for writing such beauitful words.
“You can do anything, but you can’t do everything.”
I really needed to hear that!
I started on a minimalist path two years ago when I had a health scare and didn’t die but it was close. I decided then to change my life. After being scared to do much for a long time, I am now realizing that this moment is all that I have and I need to make the most of it. My plan is to retire (again) the first of the year. Until then, I have some vacation to use up. After that, I will do what I want to do. There is nothing I “have” to do but take care of me (and my dogs). Today my boss asked me “what would you do anyway?” if you quit work. It was too stupid a question for me to even respond.
It took me a nervous breakdown to find the courage to start saying ‘no’ more and you know what? There isn’t a day goes by when I’m not thankful for saying it more!
Being more selective in agreeing to invitations rather than blanket ‘yes’ responses serves me better because I get more enjoyment from the invitations I do accept and my friends and family get a happier me because I’m pursuing what I love – writing and helping others!
I love this! What a great reminder! I believe we were all created with a specific purpose in mind, with certain gifts and talents and abilities. If we can get into the flow of that, and focus, we will produce the most fruit.
I needed to be reminded of this today. Thanks Joshua!
How utterly appropriate for today. I needed to read this. Thank you so much.
Great reminder, and I’m a big fan of Donald Miller! I think I’ve gotten better at this but I could always be more “ruthless” to really stay on track. :)
My boss asked me to do everything, including his work and that of the secretaries. When I said no to what I was not qualified for I was fired. Best thing he could have done. Found a new job and I’m much happier now.
Sounds like your boss had minimalist tendencies (do less by getting others to do more) with a bent to exploit those he could.
Words I needed to hear. Stick with what I do best and say “no” to distractions, even paying ones.
Nicely done. Insightful.
I have reached a point in life where the primary mission is complete, nothing must be done.
I can do anything I want, when I want, how I want. Total freedom is exhilarating!
Now the next big choice must be made. The urge is to jump into everything that piques my interest. To resist the urge is to do nothing.
Practicing minimalism for me is the acknowledgement that everything under the sun has been done. Nothing must be done unless I choose to do it. And for this I am abundantly grateful.
When I was in high school, I was accused by one of my teachers of being a “jack of all trades, a master of none” because I was in choir, orchestra, theater, swim team, and campus life. I spread myself too thin and didn’t excel at anything. That set the tone for my life…which I’m now trying to change thanks to your books and blog.
This “wanting not to be constrained” is such a huge part of our culture’s paradigm. But what you emphasize here is the important opposite side of that coin which so many of us miss.
I’ve heard it called the paradox of choice–we think that more choice is ALWAYS better, when the truth is that past a certain point (having the real freedom to choose between a healthy and reasonable number of options), more choice tends to overwhelm us to the point of indecision. Or if not that, to introduce a whole new set of worries that maybe we chose badly.
What you’re reminding us here is that committing to a path and choosing to remain “on mission” isn’t constraint as much as it is liberation. Having a mission frees us FROM the tyranny of distraction and frees us TO focus on the things that have the deepest meaning for us.
Thanks for another fantastic post, Joshua. :)
Well said!
Affirmation the KISS lifestyle makes sense
I love this idea and so many of your posts. I’ve applied the same idea, with a twist, to my organizing practice. That is, we work hard and can have anything we want, we just can’t have everything we want. Just as deadpan comic Steven Wright once said, “You can’t have everything. Where would you put it?” :) Good stuff.
Wow. I don’t always get around to reading your wonderful posts but this morning I had a few spare moments and I was glad I took the time. “Successful people are adamant about saying ‘no’ to things that do not align with their mission,” is a statement I’m going to sit with and contemplate. I’m in the midst of great transition in my life right now and this message couldn’t be more pertinent for me; it inspires me to review my own personal mission and make sure I’m using ‘no’ as skillfully as a surgeon’s scalpel. Thank you for this!
Really interesting post. Being a Type-A personality and coming from a family of Type-A people, saying yes to everything is taken as a sign of strength and success.
This post emulates the opposite though which I really believe is true. Blogging and Yoga makes me happy. I sometimes worry that I should be doing more and other things. But as long as these are the things that are bringing me closer to my goal to happiness and contentment, why do I need more?
Like that lifestyle – I am not making enough time for Yoga because of my love of Blogging, and the love of walking my dog! If only I could combine the two. Will work on a better work-life balance and incorporate daily yoga as well! Thank you BrownVagabonder.
Suzi x (alternativeageing)
Hi Joshua-
I take life one day at a time and no day without God. It works for me, otherwise I get overwhelmed. My family is my main priority (besides God.) I have learned to say no…and it wasn’t easy. But I’m pretty good at it now. I guess my long term goal would be to stay on the right path. My current goal is to make the best of the rest of the year. De-clutter. Clean. Pay-off bills. No charging. No unnecessary spending—ETC. I’m so thankful for your guidance. :)
I have same goals.
Hmmmm. I’m letting your words sink in this weekend. Really hits home!
Thank you Josh, for guiding so many down the path of simplicity! I am a Simplicity Coach and love all your wisdom and devotion towards making life more meaningful with less! I look forward to doing more with your programs. You are awesome!