I was introduced to minimalism in a sentence. But that sentence was quickly followed by a question.
On a Saturday afternoon, after spending many hours cleaning my garage while my 5-year old son kept asking me to play catch in the backyard, I began complaining to my neighbor about the project and the time it had taken to clean my garage.
She responded with a sentence, “Yeah, that’s why my daughter is a minimalist. She keeps telling me I don’t need all this stuff.”
I looked over at the pile of dirty, dusty possessions in my driveway. As I did, in the corner of my eye, I saw my son swinging alone in the back yard—where he’d been all morning. Suddenly, I realized something important:
My possessions were not bringing joy into my life, they were actually distracting me from it.
I was struck in that moment with a burning question that I had never asked myself before, “What could my life look like if I didn’t own so much stuff?”
My entire life (growing up middle class in the middle of America) I had been told, “Make more, buy more, enjoy life more.”
But in that moment, everything changed. The truths that I believed to be true about life were replaced with an entirely new question, “What would happen if I owned less?”
The answer was not hard to imagine: If I owned less stuff, I’d have more money, more time, and more energy for the things that matter most.
The existence of an entirely new worldview was discovered… by asking myself a question I’d never thought to ask.
I have found, along my path to becoming minimalist, that learning to ask new questions is a powerful and effective strategy to owning less—almost essential. And that many of the obstacles to minimalism can be overcome by learning to ask different questions.
For example:
Instead of asking: “What if I throw out something I need later?”
Ask: “What if I keep a whole bunch of stuff I never end up using?”
Suddenly, you begin to see your hard decisions in a new light. Living your whole life with a house full of stuff you don’t use adds stress and anxiety and robs someone else of the opportunity to use it. There are negatives to holding on to things “just in case” we need them. But we rarely think of the negative consequences because we never ask the question.
Learning to ask a new question helps us overcome this obstacle to minimalist living.
The strategy can be tried in countless scenarios.
Here are some more:
Instead of “What if I lose friends because I choose a minimalist life?”
Ask “If my friends stop hanging out with me because I no longer buy the same things they do, are they really my friends in the first place?”
If you need nice things to impress your friends, they probably aren’t worth impressing anyway.
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Instead of “Will I regret not making this purchase today?”
Ask: “What could I do with the money instead?”
Because there is a good chance you could find more happiness and meaning not buying the thing you don’t need.
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Instead of “What if so-and-so gets mad because I got rid of the gift they bought me?”
Ask “Would my friend want me to keep around something I don’t need just because they gave it to me as a gift?
If you gave a gift to a friend and found out they no longer wanted it, would you want them to keep it just because you bought it? Probably not. Most people don’t give gifts to be a burden. Like you, most people would be upset that you kept something you didn’t want just because they gave it to you.
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Instead of “What if my kids get jealous because they don’t have as much stuff as the neighborhood kids?”
Ask “What life lessons are my kids learning if I buy them every toy they want?”
I’ll never regret the life lessons my kids have learned while we pursued minimalism. They have learned that you don’t overcome envy by giving into it. And they have learned to find contentment and happiness with what they have.
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Instead of “What if I get bored owning less?”
Ask “What might I be able to accomplish if possessions were not weighing me down?”
Rather than assuming you will be bored, trust in yourself and all you can accomplish. You’ll never know how far you can fly until you loosen the weight holding you down.
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Instead of taking no steps because “What am I going to do with my partner’s stuff?”
Ask “Which of my own stuff can I minimize first?”
You may be surprised how much of a difference you can make in your home by focusing on just your own stuff.
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Instead of “How am I ever going to minimize _________?”
Ask “Have I seen owning less benefit my life? Well then, how am I going to apply the principles here?”
You see, you don’t need to have all the answers before you get started. Where there is a will there is a way. And it’s true. If you’ve seen the benefits of owning less in other areas of your life, you’ll be able to find a workable solution for your book collection, paper piles, or yarn stash.
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Instead of “What am I removing from my life?” Ask “What am I adding?”
And rather than wondering “What if I fail?” Consider “What if I succeed?”
The next time you feel stuck, test out this little strategy. Try thinking through the problem from the other side and discover a brand new question to ask. You may be surprised how it changes your outlook.
Lynn says
The last two years I’ve asked myself: “Do yo want this OR do you need it? Want it goes, need it stays.
The other thing that’s helped is this: Every rainy day I drag out a box of old photos. If I really like them I take a photo and they’re stored in either Google Photos or Google Drive. Amazon offers similar storage. Thse photos are safely stored on the cloud and are easily viewed or printed. (In case of hurricanes, tornados or fire, at least i still have a copy). If I reallly like something I frame it and hang it.
All the best from Florida!
Melinda W says
That’s my next on the to do’s. Since 2018 I gathered photos in a non digital camera. Have trouble finding a place like Target to develop them. They are all closing. Do you know what one can do with them now? I still have my camera and din’t Want to delete the previous souvenirs of my trip to Italy ?? with my two kids what were very young . Thank you for sharing.
Judy says
Really like what you do with your photos, saving in clouds, keep them away in emergency, and stay safe during stormy weather. Stay calm when this happens, especially if it is dear to you. I have kept memories from my great grand parents from when my parents where a child. They turn brownish and gray. I wished I still have this dark lab where I used to work in and do this for free like touching up my images, highlight the dark sides and make them bright, make some great changes. Editing photoshop is quite a long process. I am ready to go through it and now have to set the pace. Just a hobby that sticks for years.
Caroline Kralt says
Do you get a decent image when you take a photo of a photo? Or are you scanning them?
Judy says
Years ago there was no scanner and the best way to get the perfect images are from the negatives. I miss those time so much…when I walked in the forest to capture in black and white…the excitement of seeing them developed…which I love doing more than taking the picture themselves…be curious to see what is in the picture once if it comes out right…
Kari says
The first time I started minimizing was after watching a show called “Neat”. The questions she asked the people she was helping de-clutter were questions that I had never thought about asking myself. Such as Why am I holding on to my high school stuff? I was holding on to it only because I liked it at one point and I needed to keep things (my mom is not a hoarder, but she tend to lean towards it and doesn’t like to get rid of things because “just in case”). When was the last time I used the things that were boxed up? I had moved into a tiny tiny studio apartment with my then 3 year old son. These boxes took up so much space. The show inspired me to ask myself the question the host asked her clients, and from there I started. It felt so good not looking at the boxes I was hoarding, and I did not even miss it one bit. Whose going to miss boxes??
I am going to try to rephrase my questions (the way you Joshua, suggested) to my son. He is almost a teen and I really would like him to de-clutter, but also don’t want to force anything on him. I am going to try to guide him with those questions. Thank you!
Janis says
Can I have a bit of advice / support from my fellow minimalists… 1 year ago we sold our big house and donated most of our possessions to live in a small, lovely cottage. I have been very happy—- and never looked back. However—- I recently started missing the old home and the space. I even miss the knick knacks I gave away. I am so limited as to what I can bring in because I don’t have the space anymore. Just need some support I guess. Has anyone else ever felt this way? —- And how can I embrace my new life better? Thank you.
joshua becker says
Is there about your new life that you do enjoy?
Janis says
Yes—- I can focus on that.
I enjoy less cleaning and more freedom. Plus the smaller house functions better. Thank you—-
Sunshine says
Hi Janis, Are you missing the space and knick knacks because you’re stuck inside more? If that’s it, see if you can get outside more- even just sitting outside your door. I like your reasons for loving the new life! Would it be overwhelming to go back to the old one? Keep thinking about how you don’t have as much to dust and clean and highlight the treasures you do have. I love putting things on walls because they don’t clutter up flat surfaces. Would you enjoy printing pictures or hanging up special artwork that has meaning to you and will fill the void in place of knick knacks but bring as much visual delight? I think it’s normal in this time to feel overwhelmed by change and want comforts. I hope you find new, better comforts. A beautiful candle or scent, a beautiful throw, a wall of photos of your favorite places and or favorite people, really great iced tea or coffee, favorite treats to enjoy on one beautiful plate or platter, etc. Delight your senses in small ways, and this can have a huge impact without taking up a lot of space. I hope you find even more reasons to love your new space!
Janis says
Thank you so much, Sunshine. This is what I needed to hear. You reminded me that I need to treat myself better. All your advice was spot on. I few warm touches will make this cottage a home. ❤️
Janis says
Thank you so much, Sunshine. Great advice!!! You really helped ❤️
Kari says
I can’t remember who I heard this from, but it made me think of how I view objects differently.
You can enjoy something that is beautiful, look at it and admire it without needing to have it.
Think about it, remember its beauty. Let it bring a smile to your face. Then, let it go.
I don’t know if that made sense or not.
I think sometimes we go through periods like that and need acknowledge it and then need something to bring us back to where we are like Joshua said thinking about what you have now and what you enjoy about now.
Janis says
Thank you!
Janis says
Very true. The here and now. Thank you!
Tina says
About 20 years ago, we moved from a house to a condo. We never had a garage, but we had an attic and a basement. We got rid of lots of stuff. I display only a few items at a time. Two vases and a decorative tray are on display this month. There are four magnets on my fridge. Maybe one month, I will put out three stuffed bears or some silk flowers. I have a wildlife calendar in my laundry room. Your home does not have to be sterile. It should be a reflection of you. Pictures of my children and grandchildren are always on display. House plants can also help to soften corners and they are healthy, too.
Betty Ige says
Excellent post! Getting rid of clutter has proved over and over again to be one of the best experiences of my life.
Barb says
As always, a GREAT post!
Anurag Bajpai says
What a lovely thing I just read. Thank you so much.
Barb says
As always, a great post!
Thank you!
Patricia says
Very useful and eye opening questions. Sometimes we have to ask questions and challenge our own mind and these were the best questions that we needed to ask ourselves when trying to be minimalist.
Susan Krzywicki says
And what if we said, “What can I pass along?” instead of “Get Rid Of.”
Claire says
I’ve been using this ‘lockdown’ period in the UK to clear out years of ‘stuff’. It’s been really tough and I’ve often felt overwhelmed . Losing a substantial proportion of income during this pandemic made me wonder whether I should be trying to sell items on eBay , especially as our charity shops ( think you call them thrift stores in the US ) were closed so the piles of ‘stuff’ I was clearing were piling up . In the end I realised that the stress of everything involved in selling items ( listing, pricing, packaging up , queuing at the Post Office etc ) was the last thing I needed and simply not worth the time it would take . I’m happy with my decision to donate everything . There’s a lot of people out there far worse off than I am financially who will benefit from my lifetime’s collection of possessions . That feeling is worth it’s weight in gold !
Valerie says
Oh my goodness I could have written this myself… I think I am your Irish sister :-)
Like you, I started last March when we had Lockdown 1 here and we are now in Lockdown 3. I have done my whole house once and it has been an incredible experience. Yes overwhelming at times, definitely, actually almost all the time, and a lot of decisions to be made, but like you I am sure, a lot of human connections made in the process and a lot of people helped by our efforts.
I am today coming to the end of the 1st run through our house (yay) and will spend the next 4-6 weeks on the outside of our house as we need to get a Skip and also sort out our Playhouse (aka shed) and our actual shed.
That will bring us to the 1 year Anniversary of starting this!
And then…. I will start all over again.
I am really looking forward to it actually as I do feel the 2nd run through will be ‘lighter’ and more enjoyable