First off, I fully realize this is a very personal topic. For a variety of well-thought-out reasons, not everyone who stumbles upon this post desires to become a one-income family. That’s fine. This is not written to change your thinking or convince you otherwise.
Instead, it is written to encourage those who do desire such a lifestyle. I have known a number of dual-income families over the years who desire to become one-income – typically experienced in conjunction with the birth of a child. This post is written with them in mind.
My wife and I have lived our entire married lives (13 years) on one modest income. We have proven it is possible. And if we can accomplish it, so can you. This post is written to provide you with practical thoughts and encouragement to take the very step you’ve been desiring all along.
Ten years ago, our first child was born. As my wife had always intended, she immediately resigned from her position as an administrative assistant and became a full-time homemaker. At the time, my gross income was less than $40,000/year + health insurance benefits. I offer the numbers only as a frame of reference… there are surely one-income families that live on more and some that live on less. Over the years, I have experienced a number of pay increases (as one might expect), but my career in non-profits was never chosen for its level of compensation.
Still, we were able to survive and thrive on one-income because we took some very intentional steps with our lives, finances, and decisions:
1. Ask when and why, not if. I’m all for careful planning and crunching the numbers, but I’m also all for taking risks and learning to figure things out. When my wife quit her job to stay-at-home, we looked at the financial inflow and outflow. But our intentions in analyzing the numbers were never motivated by the question “Is this going to work?” We had already made the decision. The when/why had already been determined. Budgeting was approached as the means needed to make the necessary adjustments to accomplish it… not as the determining factor.
2. If possible, prepare ahead of time. My wife and I received valuable advice when we got married. A good friend of ours told us, “Decide now to live off one income… even if both of you are working. Put the entire second income directly into savings.” This decision to live off my income alone contributed significantly to our first home’s down-payment. But more importantly, it kept our lifestyle at a level that provided options when our first child was born (or if an unexpected job loss would have occurred). If possible, begin making choices today (avoid debt, lifestyle creep, and high mortgage payments) that will accommodate one income in the future.
3. Be content with less. A one-income family will, by definition, earn less money than a two-income family. The pursuit of possessions will need to be tempered. You’ll own a smaller home with less-fancy cars. Luckily, you won’t be missing much. There’s far more joy to be found in pursuing less than can be found in owning more. *At the time, we were not living minimalist lives (that decision came later). But if we had been, the transition to one-income would have been even easier.
4. Be convinced of the benefits. There are countless benefits to staying at home with young children that motivated our decision: stability, relationship, experience, educational opportunity, scheduling flexibility, consistent discipline, fewer expenses. We recognized these benefits and used the opportunity to make one-income a reality.
5. Budget. A healthy understanding of budgeting is required in most every case. But from my experience, there are only a small variety of expenses that keep families from living on one-income: too costly mortgage, car payments, eating out frequently, exorbitant entertainment expenses (tickets, vacations, and/or alcohol), and credit card debt. Start there and you’ll solve 85-90% of your financial problems. To embrace healthy budgeting techniques, you’ll find countless budgeting tools online. But the one that works best is the one that actually provides you with the tools to live within it. *Additionally, a one-income family is one that treats all incoming revenue as “shared,” not “yours” or “mine.” If you need to change your thinking on this, do it now.
6. Find an outlet for relationship. One difficulty of removing oneself from the workforce is the loss of a built-in network of relationships. Interpersonal relationships with peers are absolutely essential to our well-being. Be intentional in seeking out a place to find them: church, community groups, mom/dad groups, activity groups, etc.
7. Find an outlet for service. You have gifts, talents, experiences, and education that our world needs. And likely, you still desire to use them. Just because you have decided to stay at home does not mean you resigned from using your gifts to change the world. Look for opportunities to use them on a broader scale. There are, after all, countless organizations (schools, community, nonprofits) that need your giftedness. Find one as an outlet for your talents.
8. Embrace temporary or part-time. If there are some internal reasons keeping you from fully becoming a full-time, stay-at-home parent, consider the options of part-time or temporary. You don’t need to leave the workforce permanently. You can still keep a toe in it by finding a part-time employment arrangement that fits your schedule/desire. And as your family becomes more self-reliant, you can always make the decision to return back to work.
Again, this post was motivated by the countless conversations I have had with families who desire to become one-income. It is not the perfect solution for every family. But it has worked well for ours on a relatively modest budget. And if it has worked for us, it is completely achievable for you.
Image: Keoni Cabral
Catherine Black says
two points: (1) these decisions need to fit the individual families and try not to compare yourselves to others. make things work for how you as a couple and as a family can agree and enjoy. If the stay at home parent is made to feel worthless because they are not the wage earner, this will not work. The wage earner needs to realize the importance and work of the stay home person. If the woman has to “beg” for money as I often did, it becomes tragic.
(2) my father encouraged me and my two sisters to be able to work at any given time because our “wage earner husbands” might lose their jobs or be unable to work. This actually happened to all three of us due to our husbands’ illnesses. Women who are untrained or hindered will have difficult time coping when things go bad.
sheila bargsten peters says
Yes, if any of you have had a sister loose a husband while there still are small children at home, you know the panic this causes. Each decade looks at dual incomes differently…… today, a real problem is when one or both of the couple have college debt that still needs to be paid off. Our era did not have these huge debts – how do couples handle it?………. I like your article and agree that too much $$$ is spent in some un-necessary areas.
Don says
My wife and I are on our 7th year on a one income family. Although, she does part time catering/waitressing (just to keep her sanity) the benefits have far outweighed the latter. This post leaves encouragement, cause let’s face it, it hasn’t been easy. The step toward minimalism definitely helps, plus it teaches our children to live without and focus on the important things that transform true happiness.
Sheila says
Curious, how is the money spent that she earns from the catering work? 7 years into a marriage is a very young marriage – many expenses have not even come your way yet. It is vital that both adults have the same mindset, life goals, ability, values, responsibilities and opportunities. Much success to you.
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Casey says
I wish I could be a stay-at-home mom. I make more money than my husband. I have to fight every “suzy-homemaker” bone in my body to convince myself to go to work every day.
As a result, we are “time poor” and I have serious mom guilt. We order in a lot and the laundry piles up.
It’s a vicious cycle.
I really hope I can find some middle ground.
Liz says
Exactly. I am the educated one with a masters and the breadwinner . My husband makes 30,000 and before anyone says that’s a lot you’re on drugs . We live a modest life in a small house with my two kids sharing a room. We have no cable , our cars paid off and don’t go on vacations . Our mortgage alone is 1,000 not to mention all the other bills . His salary won’t cut it . If we lived on just his WITH the necessities we would be negative $580 every month. Now this is coming from someone who does NOT take hand outs and I wouldn’t get government assistance and state insurance because I CHOSE to quit my job . If I choose to quit my job other working moms shouldn’t be forced to pay my bills .
Linda says
Thirty years ago, my husband and i had the same situation; I made much more than he did. We sat down and discussed our options (especially long term) , I stay home, he stays home… We decided that I would stay home. It came as a sacrifice but not nearly as much as we thought.
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Frances says
I only partially agree because is always SHAM and almost never SHAD.
This is very dangerous for women and families in case the husband loses his job or in case the marriage ends… happens so often
I think, for the benefit of the whole family, that both parents should work, but less and spend more time all together.
No more mummies and kids alone at the park!
Christine says
I agree! It’s so interesting that you’re the only person to even mention the fact that it’s possible to have a one income family with the father staying at home. The “facts” cited about how having a SAHM eliminates depression in kids…it’s a tough thing to throw at women. I believe that each family should find what works best for them – both parents working, one parent working, both working part-time etc. A family where the parents are happy and fulfilled is the best way to go!
Jolene says
Agreed! As soon as I read that comment, I immediately felt guilty and thought “Great, because I am a working mom, my children are now going to suffer from depression” . I think women already have huge amounts of guilt about not being good enough.
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Karen says
Cost of daycare clothes and transportation needed would cost more than I would bring in. Thankfully my husband has a fantastic job. I get a food budget every month. And whatever money I get from income tax and government benefit plans, I put straight into savings. I pretend it’s not there. It is in an entirely different bank than my normal chequing. And I don’t have a debit card for it. I do that because that money is hands off. But saving money has now become a hobbie. So many ppl waste their money. I do my clothing shops at second hand stores. And usually when they have sales. I make all our food from scratch. We seek out free activities in the city and mom dates. Library. Walks. We use one car. I have become more minimalistic with makeup. I used to try to save money by shopping sales. Now I’ve learned to save money by ignoring sales and only buying what we need. (Just cause it’s on sale doesn’t mean money isn’t leaving your bank account). I want to try doing the cash only budgeting to see if I can be even more strict with myself. But it’s fun. It’s like a sport to me now. Finances are like my favourite thing these days.
Shari says
Not in the San Francisco Bay Area you can’t but I guess once all the relatives pass away, we could move but I would sure miss the weather and all my friends. :(
Debbie says
I was a sahm for 17 years. I went back to work long enough to earn a pension. Now I am retired and set for life financially. No regrets. There are no do-overs for staying home with your kids.