In March 2008, my wife’s grandmother passed away. In many ways, Irene was a hero to her. Kim respected her zest for life, her love for family, and her faith.
When she died, Kim joined the rest of her family in taking home some memories from her apartment—two cardboard boxes full of memories.
When my wife returned home from the funeral, the boxes accompanied her. And like so many other items in our home, the boxes were placed on shelves in the basement where they would remain for the next several years, until we began our pursuit of minimalism.
Years later, I found myself on a call-in show for a Canadian radio station. The format consisted of a short introduction followed by 45 minutes of live questions from callers.
“How do I part with the objects in my home associated with memories?” The question arose early—it always does.
I made my usual case for decluttering sentimental items and how owning less of them brings more value to the ones we keep. I offered some helpful thoughts and tips to get started. The phone call ended and we moved to the next.
The next caller also wanted to talk about decluttering sentimental items and began by sharing her story of minimizing them. In one sentence, the caller summed up everything I had tried to say for the previous five minutes. It is a phrase I have repeated to others (and myself) countless times since that conversation.
“When it comes to minimizing items with sentimental memories attached,” she began, “my philosophy has been to adopt an ‘Only the Best’ strategy.”
She went on to explain, “We all have people and moments in life that we desire to remember. For each of them, I have tried to keep ‘only the one best’ item that represents each memory. When my grandmother died, rather than keeping an entire box of things from her home, I decided I wanted ‘only the best, most representative piece’.”
As she spoke, I remembered our own experience years earlier, decluttering the contents of the boxes Kim brought home from her grandmother’s house. Our process was the same—an intentional decision to keep “only the best.”
While Kim and I cleared our basement, we came across those boxes of memories. It was almost a shame to see such an important box of memories covered in dust, in the basement of our 4-level home.
Kim eventually selected three items from that box—the items she found to be most representative of her grandmother’s life.
- She selected a candy dish that we placed in our living room. It now proudly offers a sweet snack to anyone who enters our living room—just like her grandma used to use it for.
- She selected a butterfly broach to pin on her jacket—just like grandma used to wear when she would visit.
- And she kept her grandmother’s Bible. It now resides in our nightstand—just like, you guessed it, where her grandmother used to keep it.
In keeping fewer sentimental items, we brought greater value to the memory of her grandmother. We use the items daily and are continually reminded of that special relationship. Because we sorted out “only the best,” her legacy lives on even stronger than before.
An only the best approach to possessions is beneficial, but can still be difficult, especially for people with particularly sentimental personalities. If that is the case, here are a few tips to help you along in the difficult process.
Four Steps to Help You Move Forward with an “Only the Best” Approach
Try one-half.
Less does not necessarily mean none. Paring down your sentimental items allows you to focus on the most meaningful. If this is difficult for you, but a step you know you need to take, try limiting your sentimental physical items to half their current amount. Rather than two boxes, keep one. These self-imposed boundaries often help us quickly realize which items mean the most.
Take pictures.
Digital clutter, if organized well, is less intrusive and burdensome than physical clutter. You may find relief in archiving digital photos of items before you remove them. Your memories are not stored in the object, the memories are in you. In that way, a photo can serve the same purpose as the physical object.
Give it life again.
Recently, some of my relatives removed an antique dining room table from their basement. It was the table they grew up around celebrating countless birthdays and holidays and special occasions. Nobody in the family could bear the thought of getting rid of it.
That was, until, a need arose in their local community. A friend of a friend was in need of a table and the difficult decision was made. The table would finally, ten years later, be given away. The receiver was blessed, the giver was blessed, and the table was given life again. If you are holding on to sentimental objects that could be used by you or someone else, honor their memory by giving them life again.
Remind yourself what brings meaning to your life.
Almost all of our sentimental possessions belong to one of three categories: relationships, experiences, or achievements. We hold on to these things because they remind us what brings joy and meaning into our life: the people around us, the experiences we share, and the accomplishments of growth and achievement.
Unfortunately, too often, the physical possessions we accumulate in our lives keep us from those very things as they burden us with unnecessary stress and care.
Lighten your load. Unburden your life. And go create more moments of relationship, adventure, and accomplishment.
You’ll never reach for anything new if you are too busy holding on to yesterday’s things. Keep only the best.
debra says
these are great ideas ,I will keep them in my mind, but how and where to get ride of stuff ,the trash men wont take things and donation places don”t want the stuff ,now what do i do?
Catherine says
My aunt gifted me with a 12 pc set of “Christmas” china. ??? I finally donated it to Goodwill before I moved into my first house 26 years ago.
Kathy Miller says
Same situation w/china-I kept 1 teacup & saucer 2 put on display.
Dianne says
I have been doing very well with downsizing/getting rid of sentimental items from parents and grandparents. My struggle is with papers! Passports, letters, Army paperwork, certificates and so forth. They’ve all been gone long enough that none of these are ‘needed’ for any reason. I can’t figure out why I should keep them really……I’m the only child left of 3 (now 70) and my many adult kids have absolutely no interest in any of it. There’s no way I can just throw it all in the trash! Any thoughts please?
Sibylle says
@Dianne – why can‘t you toss the papers?
What would you feel like if these things were gone? What meaning do they have for you?
Once you know that, you can work on it.
Strategies are different depending on the reason for keeping.
Beth says
Scan and photograph them! They ARE historical documents, and can continue to be appreciated for decades to come, without taking up space in the attic. Just be sure to label & file each image appropriately so it can easily be found in the future.
Em says
Is there a regimental museum that would like them, perhaps?
David @ Filled With Money says
This reminds me of the saying to splurge on the things that give value to you and ruthlessly cut spending on things that don’t add value to your life.
When we maximize the value that things add to our life, amazing things happen.
Aida Jacques says
Until today, I have procrastinated in decluttering. Well, these consecutive days of rain flooded my basement. Things stored in cardboard have all be ruined, and those stored in plastic bins stand the possibility of getting moldy. I was better off with those I placed in shelves on my carport, they are quite dusty but dry. So I hired a junk removal service who will come sometime this week to remove anything and everything I’d point out. I will just close my eyes and let them take away any stuff that I haven’t touched for the past 2 years. Giving things away is no longer an option – I have been trying to do so for the past few months and no one wants anything.
Ellen Apperson Brown says
One possibility for resolving the struggle over what to keep or discard is to look at all the memorabilia as a source of information for telling someone’s story, and pass it down to future generations. For example, I took a trunk of old letters and photographs that had belonged to my grandmother (Katharine Ingles Hill) and made them into a slide show entitled (Letters to Miss Kit). It was a great success, was easily shared with scores of cousins, and has been saved in digital form. Even more special for me, however, is the chance I found to think about this relative who had died when I was only five years old. I found out about her relationships with her parents, roommates at college, siblings, and of the men who courted her. One wonderful story emerged, where Kit was corresponding with a clergyman, and he admonished her not to go dancing in Lexington, Virginia. Apparently she did not appreciate his Puritanical views about dancing, and there were no other letters from him saved in her trunk. I’m pretty sure the man she eventually married enjoyed dancing! For anyone interested in creative writing, family letters can be a wonderful source of inspiration!
Dividend Power says
Most people have too much stuff and they struggle to declutter.
Jessalynn Jones says
Great article Joshua. I am a cleaning lady and when ppl keep too many sentimental items it makes it very difficult to clean. When I’m doubt, when you don’t know what to let go of, dust. You will find it very motivating to let go!
Bill Earle says
LOL!!! Very good!!! Look to the mundane for solutions to the complex!!!
Catherine says
I swear my parents used to argue on my mantle. I was the lucky kid to store their ashes after they died. I had a horrible headache for over a year after their deaths.
I still have their boxes of death stuff – but its been over 7 years since they passed away so I should be able to dispose of it.
Shirley F. Tunstall says
I am facing the difficult task of moving from a 2000 sq foot house where my parents lived to a smaller, perhaps a a assisted living facility five hours away to be near my sister and her daughter’s family. All the family “things” as well as what I have accumulated in my 74 years are here except for what my sister has already taken to her home.
My husband was a military pilot and was killed in an aircraft accident 43 years ago and we had no children and I never remarried. Consequently my “things “ have become like replacement children to me making it even more difficult to part with many things that I consider precious to me. I realize that most of my treasures will not be able to move with me however, I am working very hard at deciding what I want vs what I need to make this monumental change in my life. Your article about only the “Best” has shed a new light on my situation but it’s still certainly not going to be easy. I will get through it somehow as I simply have no choice.
Chiding what goes, arranging to get rid of it then putting my house on the market, selling it, packing and moving to a strange place is no easy task and not one I am looking forward to. I am an Army Bra, a former Air Force Wife who became an AF Widow. I have moved many times in my life and I can do it again. Our precious late Father always said “We can make it because…we are Survivors! We never doubted him because he was always right. So, I shall hold my head high, somehow manage to chose the Best things and get through this move with the help of the Good Lord and my Sister’s Love because after all…We Are Survivors!
Thanks for your help and your advice.
Kaidee says
Thank you for sharing some of your story.
May you find God’s grace in taking each day one at a time as you move into the next season He has planned for you Shirley.
He has good things in store.
Evelyn Bailey says
One thing I still consider is that in clearing out my Mom’s things, saving one for me is possible, but I have 6 young grandchildren that in 30 years might appreciate something that belonged to their great grandmother. I have the room to store, but should I.