“There is nothing more beautiful than someone who goes out of their way to make life beautiful for others.” —Mandy Hale
There are two pursuits common to humanity: the pursuit of self and the pursuit of happiness.
The pursuit of self comes quite natural for us. We don’t need to be reminded to pursue our own self-interests. It seems we are hard-wired for it. We pursue self-survival, self-promotion, self-actualization, and self-exaltation.
Similarly, the pursuit of happiness is not foreign to our thinking. In fact, it has become an entire industry all to itself. Books, websites, conferences, scientific studies, blog posts… you can find them all.
Now, just to be clear, I am not against the pursuit of self-interests and I am not against the pursuit of happiness.
There is value in self-pursuit—survival at the very least. And the pursuit of happiness is not an unhealthy pursuit. It can even be found in the founding documents of our nation.
But we make a mistake when we combine and confuse the two.
When we try to satisfy our pursuit of happiness in the pursuit of self, we always fall short of the truest, most-lasting forms of happiness.
The pursuit of self and the pursuit of happiness are not the same. In fact, at times, they run completely opposite routes.
The best efficient pathway to lasting happiness and fulfillment is not to look only at your own interests, but also to the interests of others.
When we begin living our lives for the sake of others, our lives immediately take on greater value. We no longer live for the benefit of one. We begin living for the benefit of more than one.
When we shift our focus off of ourselves, we live lives of greater meaning and greater contribution. When we serve others without concern over what we might receive in return, we experience the beauty of selfless love.
And when we direct our resources of time and money toward others, we begin to discover pursuits more valuable than material possessions.
This is an important change in our worldview. Not just because the potential for contribution increases, but because our personal experience of happiness begins to grow.
Routinely asking the question, “How does this action benefit someone else?” can serve as an important catalyst to change our view on almost everything we do. It immediately invites a new level of happiness into our lives.
Labor takes on new meaning when it is not seen through a self-serving lens. Rather than worrying exclusively about accolades and paychecks, we begin to see our work as a benefit to society. Most work, viewed correctly, improves the lives of others. Remembering how our labor benefits others is one of the best ways to find more fulfillment in it.
Our daily chores and errands begin to take on new meaning when viewed through the contribution we are providing for our family. When my concern is solely on me and my self-interests, housework is met with frustration and feelings of unfairness. But when I start to consider how my work around the home benefits my family, even mundane tasks can be seen as an opportunity to show love.
Even in my pursuit of personal development, I can recognize how these changes will benefit others. For example, choosing to exercise or eat well lays the foundation for a healthier, physical body. Even our decision to rest prepares our minds for more productivity or creativity to benefit others.
Let’s pursue self. And let’s pursue happiness. But let’s be increasingly mindful of our society’s tendency to equate the two. (tweet that)
absolutely!! super inspiring. the root reason is because we are all one. There is no separation between each of us. How we treat others is how we treat ourselves, so to cultivate and aware of self love is building the foundation to provide love to others at the same time. When our surrounding is good, every of us is benefit from it. Thank you so much for your work! Keep up!;)
It concerns me that too often minimalism is used to push an agenda where individualism is almost a “sin”. It becomes an “eat your peas because children are starving in China” sort of mentality. If we practice minimalism to really find ourselves and improve the context of our life, that is one thing but if we are forced into a minimalist lifestyle in the name of “equality”, that is another. It should be an individual life choice. Let your conscience be your guide and remember that your liberty stops at the end of your nose but don’t believe for one instant that you have to deny your individuality for community’s sake.
Perhaps working for the Lord and not for someone else is where you find real joy in the work and delight in the journey.
“Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for men.” Colossians 3:23
our purpose in life is for our one hand to help ourselves and the other hand to help others
Hello Joshua, I’m one of those bloggers who has written a great deal on the topic of “happiness.” As I write each one, I learn more about what Martin Seligman calls “authentic happiness.” Seligman believes that authentic happiness comes from identifying and cultivating fundamental strengths and using them every day in every aspect of life. He describes happiness as having three parts: pleasure, engagement, and meaning. Pleasure is the “feel good” part of happiness. Engagement refers to living a “good life” of work, family, friends, and hobbies. Meaning refers to using our strengths to contribute to a larger purpose. Seligman says that all three are important, but that of the three, engagement and meaning make the most difference to living a happy life.
This post, including something I call a “happiness map,” may be of interest: MINDFULNESS PLUS COMPASSION EQUALS HAPPINESS http://www.ahhthesimplelife.com/mindfulness-plus-compassion-equals-happiness/
Best Wishes!
Carol
Thank you for the very timely post.
Great post….just wanted to add a more expansive global & interconnected view on being selfless or a drive to be useful to others…..lets go even further to include animals, nature & environment as an extension of self/others. Far too often have I noticed the extreme drive in society lately towards helping other humans, I do not argue the importance of helping otherhumansbut we are sheer nothingness without animals, nature & environment—thus assisting or thinking of those things produces that state of happiness from helping or thinking of others.
Hope that makes sense!
Oh my…I love this! …”When we begin living our lives for the sake of others, our lives immediately take on greater value. We no longer live for the benefit of one. We begin living for the benefit of more than one.” You need to make that a graphic and share it with everyone!
reading this came at the perfect time. i just got in an argument with my husband, so intent was I on the pursuit of self. now it’s time to go apologize in pursuit of happiness.
It must be true, after all, Jesus said it plainly: “There is more happiness in giving than there is in receiving…”
Great post Joshua. Over the past year or so my view on the pursuit of happiness has changed. I don’t think there can be such a pursuit because happiness is a result of different things. I believe the “pursuit” of happiness stems from the pursuit of self. The pursuit of self could be construed to meaning self serve or selfish. But, through intentional self growth, this kind of pursuit, you take care of your self first to give your best self to others. Much like the demos flight attendants give before takeoff, you put the oxygen mask on first then help others. Meaning; taking care of your own well being, spirituality, taking care of yourself physically, emotionally and mentally.
I believe when this foundation is laid our worldview (perspective) shifts, it changes. We are then wholeheartedly able to give and serve others. To care for and take care of others. We are able to see that the mundane, the work has purpose and benefits others. The pursuit of self growth provides clarity to these things. From this pursuit happiness appears.
As always, thanks so much for your post. I love how they always make me think and put me up against my own worldview.
I am going to take a contrary view here. Too often in the past I have put others above myself to my own peril. It is too easy to offer up trite platitudes or overly simplistic philosophy. There are far too many women (myself included) who have spent our lives trying to please others without thinking of how it will impact us. It can sometimes lead to very unfortunate consequences. I have put up with very difficult boyfriends and bosses because I put their interests before my own. I needed to have a mature, realistic, strong sense of self before I was able to truly reach out to others in a healthy, impactful way.
We don’t need to “please” boyfriends and bosses.
I can relate to your view, Suzie. I’ve had similar experience. In my view, looking out for someone who’s in need is different from giving up my own interest to “please” someone else.
I was scrolling to see if anyone else did not like the post… I can’t be the only wife/mom who does and does for others, but does not recieve the same in return. Many times I have read something like this and it helps for a little while, then, after awhile.. it all feels like thankless slaving again. How many stay at home moms hear, ‘what did you do all day?’ in an accusing tone at the end of the working spouse’s work day?
Who cares for the caregiver?
Totally agree. As a Preacher’s daughter, the idea of self denial and focusing on the needs of others was paramount in our daily life. It became a catch 22 for us;there was never an opportunity for us to be, well, us. Our needs, emotionally and spiritually, were too often pushed aside for the “mission statement”. It took YEARS for me to realize that by being the best “me” possible, taking care of self, was doing the best for others…it gave me the freedom I needed to be “selfless in service”. But I had to learn through experience and many of those lessons were hard and scarring and could have been eliminated had there been more self compassion allowed while growing up.
Wow, this post resonates with me in a strong way! I have a passion for helping people get through difficult times in their lives. This passion is there because others took the time to be there for me. There was nothing in it for them, but they selflessly spent hours upon hours, listening to me, guiding me, crying with me, and laughing with me.
I feel so blessed and relish the opportunity to pass on the same love to others, even if I get nothing out of it. I know that it often feels like the things we do for others are not appreciated, or don’t make a difference, but I know from personal experience that it has the potential to change lives. Most of us would not be where we are today if it were not for the selfless love of others that have crossed our paths.
It’s important to remember where we came from, and to do our part to pass the blessing on to others. Everyone deserves to be loved, and yes, participating in this does increase my happiness as well!
For me,my pursuit of happiness is finding joy even on small things that I used to overlook before and it’s true when you give impact to others even in the smallest way,it makes your being worthwhile.
You comment just made me more happy Gladys!
I’ve just become interested in the Minimalist lifestyle. Your writings have given me courage to branch out. Thank you so much for sharing your wisdom. Keep up the good work – I mean passion.
I have been thinking about this lately. No one lives in a bubble. All of our actions and choices whether good or bad, impact someone else. It is a great reminder to be cognizant of this fact and purpose within our hearts to choose those things that are good and beneficial. As a parent, one of the greatest things I can do for my children is to be a healthy adult, spirit, soul, and body.
I’m reminded of the story about the stone cutters:
“A man came across three masons who were working at chipping chunks of granite from large blocks. The first seemed unhappy at his job, chipping away and frequently looking at his watch. When the man asked what it was that he was doing, the first mason responded, rather curtly, “I’m hammering this stupid rock, and I can’t wait ’til 5 when I can go home.”
”A second mason, seemingly more interested in his work, was hammering diligently and when asked what it was that he was doing, answered, “Well, I’m molding this block of rock so that it can be used with others to construct a wall. It’s not bad work, but I’ll sure be glad when it’s done.”
”A third mason was hammering at his block fervently, taking time to stand back and admire his work. He chipped off small pieces until he was satisfied that it was the best he could do. When he was questioned about his work he stopped, gazed skyward and proudly proclaimed,
“I…am building a cathedral!”
Awesome article Joshua. Thank you for helping my enormously frustrating morning take a complete U-turn. You have benefitted me and my family through your work today.
One of your previous blogs introduced me to the idea that my job, as a waitress, was adding something to other people’s lives.
I knew I enjoyed what I did, I’m good at it, and it’s financially lucrative. The turning point for me, the real blessing, was appreciating the value of offering hospitality to others.
Thank you for your encouraging words. You continue to add value to my life.
Laurie – I am a former restaurant owner. I hope you know you have one of the most important jobs in the world! Your caring attitude and concern for others makes you the perfect person for the job. You also have the daily opportunity to be the happiest person in the room. This shows on your face – makes me want to start another restaurant! I am now retired and using my caring in other ways. Keep up the good work. There is nothing more satisfying than showing care to others.
There was a time that I was just doing more for others and rather forget myself. ..I waa always happy about it..until the day I know that everything wasn’t just good enough for most people.i tried to justify my deeds of retreating and just ignoring from then on..where I used to lend a helping hand..but my heart says different..its feel more complete doing and continuing being there for others even when it wasn’t valued as it should be..because all that matters …now I also know it more after reading this article…
is that it makes me happy..and more complete.
I really learned more on your page.
I love the idea of asking the question ‘How can that benefit someone else?’ Far too often, I am caught up in the routine of only asking how will this benefit me, and only me. Not that I don’t care about others, but I am cocooned in this little shell that I have created for myself, and this causes me to stop thinking about others.
If I can bring that question into everything that I do, I know that I will be able to create a better world for the people that surround me. Thanks for the post.
So true, Joshua. Thank you for being here for us. :)
Your blog is my “morning go-to” . I sit with my cup of coffee and just enjoy, enjoy, enjoy! Love it!
When all is said and done, life is truly worth living when we begin to grasp the truth that it’s not all about us.
Linda,
your statement sums it up perfectly. You’re so right – it’s not all about us.
I’ve liked your article, but I have one question: On the last paragraph you say that every action can be positive for ourselves, and I think thats write if we have a positive mindset. But I can say: I not going to do anything and eat fat but pleasurable because i have to put pleasure in my life. How to combine in a great way all the actions (productive, healthy and the others) in our lifes and having a great mindset? Thanks, you’ve really introduced me in this world of minimalism!
Thanks for the comment Marc and the opportunity to clarify. What I meant to say is that even the most seemingly personal pursuits can be seen through a lens of how they benefit others. I should be quick to clarify that some decisions are not healthy and do not benefit us. And in those cases, I would argue that a decision to look out for the interests of others would compel us to make wiser, more beneficial decisions.