“I am not concerned that you have fallen. I am concerned that you arise.” —Abraham Lincoln
Life is never, always a comedy. At times, it is tragedy.
Life is experienced as a constant, never-ending shift between successes and failures—sometimes occurring within moments of one another. To be human is to fail. We know this to be true from personal experience.
We experience hardship both because of our faults and because of the faults of others.
We fail in the small things: staying on a diet, running a 5k, keeping a New Year’s resolution, or controlling clutter in our homes. We fail in the larger things: overcoming an addiction, finding employment, or holding on to an important relationship. And sometimes our failures negatively impact the rest of our lives: keeping a marriage together, persuading a child to make better choices, or overcoming a lifetime of debt.
But in each setback—whether small or large—we find opportunity for growth. And as long as a glimmer of hope remains, so do we.
Some of the most influential people in my life have cemented their legacy through their failures. This should come as no surprise. After all, some of the most inspirational stories ever written (or lived) center on personal triumph over weakness or loss. As one screen writer once told me, “If the hero in your story does not experience tragedy, the audience will never relate to him or her.”
Failure is a necessary part of life. We would be wise to allow it to change us and shape us. How then, can each of us redeem failure for good?
An Encouraging Guide to Overcoming Failure
1. We admit that we experience it. Despite the universality of failure, our world goes to great lengths to hide it. People always have and people always will. Our default position too often is to downplay our weaknesses, but those who find growth in failure begin by simply admitting its existence in their lives.
2. We recognize failure is common. And because we know all experience it, we find comfort knowing we are not alone in it.
3. We look for personal responsibility. Our initial tendency is often to blame others or uncontrollable, external factors. After all, to admit defeat is to admit defeat. But rarely are the failures in our lives entirely the responsibility of someone else. And until we take personal responsibility in some capacity, we can never move on to the next step.
4. We process our weakness. Socrates once said, “The unexamined life is not worth living.” This holds true in both success and failure. When failure occurs, which it always will, the wisest of us journey inward to determine the cause and intentional steps we can take to learn from the experience. And in time, we learn to champion humility.
5. We let go of the factors outside our control. One of the most hope-filled moments in life is when we find the courage to let go of what we cannot change.
6. We grow through pain. We live in a society passionately committed to avoiding pain. But there is benefit to be found in discomfort. While I would never encourage anybody to intentionally seek pain through failure, it will arise. And when it does, it will be okay. In fact, it will teach us things we could never learn elsewhere: patience and perseverance for example.
7. We forgive. If our pain is partly a result of someone else’s failures, we find freedom in forgiveness.
8. We turn to others. Nobody successfully navigates life alone. When the hope inside us begins to fade, we look for it in others. We turn to family. If family is not available, we turn to friends. And if friends are not available, we look for intentional communities around us to find support.
9. And then, we share our stories. It may not happen right away—some failures take longer to process than others. But eventually, we find opportunity to share our story. When we do, we share it with honesty and humility. Through it, we discover opportunity to provide hope, strength, and encouragement to others. We find influence for good. And we begin to make sense of our failings.
Failure is never the end. It is instead, a necessary part of the journey. May we keep hope alive. And find redemption through it.
Sherri says
Thank you. I receive such balance from your teaching.
sona says
Life is throwing repeated disappointments…sply personal life..i am clueless…i really dont know what should i expect from life…people come in my life …they raise some hope in me …and when i start feeling something abt them…thr priorities changes…shld i blame myself for expecting…or shld i blame them….
Chaha says
Don’t allow people to come near yourself stay away from people which make u worry or abandoned u don’t have feelings for anyone once u distance people Faraway from urself ur pain will surely be less
Sam says
Im struggling to motivate myself , since I have been unemployed for 2years , been to job interviews and not getting hired. I have never felt like a failure ever in my life until now. Is there a lesson to be learnt with moving back to my mothers house at 34 being broke and the constant rejection?
Will Austin says
Hey Sam,
So you’re 34, unemployed for 2 years, broke, been turned down repeatedly for various jobs, moved back to your mother’s house and you wonder what lesson is there to be learned in all of this?
That depends on if you pass these tests, or battles. And you will!
Remember that you’ve “never felt like a failure until now”? And now you’ve experienced that which you’ve never felt before. And you’re wondering “What’s the ‘flipping’ point in all of this”? That’s the point, to really experience total “failure”.
It’s only when we experience a massive setback in life, that eventually, we’re given the amazing experience of a tremendous win! We cannot have a great victory without a great battle!
And here’s why I KNOW that you’ll, even if you haven’t already, win! And I seen it in your own words.
You said that you’ve “been to job interviews” and didn’t see any results. You went to your first interview, and didn’t get the job. And then you went to another interview, and didn’t get that job. A “failure” wouldn’t have gone to the first one, much less any others.
And once you’re “back in the saddle again”, and you will be, you’ll be able to relate, and even better to help, others that’re going through the same thing.
I could tell you about situation after situation, where people faced even greater odds against them than you’ve faced. I know them personally and what they faced. And they overcame those odds, in ways that defy logic and reason, yet they did. And now they’re internally stronger, financially better than their relatives and friends, and they reach out and help others win their own battles.
You’ll overcome all that you’re facing right now, and be a better, stronger and more compassionate person than you ever were!
And that’s what you’ll learn from all of this.
Have a great life!
TERESA HATFIELD says
I look back and see now so much that mattered back in my 20s is definitely not what matters today. what matters is how you feel inside your head and heart–your natural instinct. Go with it. Don’t think you need to seek everyone else’s advice.
Be confident within yourself.
Grace says
Hello, please I need serious encouragement right now. I failed my bar exam and I’m in shock, didn’t even expect less than 2.1 , im depressed, sad, confused I wish I can just quickly rewind the time nd the result should change can’t even think about late night reading, not eating going for lectures and after all I failed, I feel like going somewhere no one can see me cos im ashamed of myself, feel like I disappointed a lot of people, and all my friends passed so why me.
Avanshika says
I had two exams today.. nd i did my worse.. was totally blank for the first time… i don’t know what happened… i am getting negative vibes .
Rebecca says
I needed to read this. Thank you.
Kelly anderson says
These couple past months has really hard for me i quit my job of 5 years for what i thought would be a better opportunity but turned out to be a nightmare that i deeply regret as a result im suffering with depression, anxiety and insomnia i wish i could go back in time and not quit my job but with all that’s going on i still have my family support witch makes coping a little easier each day i won’t give up cause in life we all make mistake but learning from them and moving forward is the true lesson this to shall past
Kamaksha Borkar says
plz help me….I have made decision to ans entrance test again….but my parents are not supporting me…and I am feeling ALONE…I am teenager and really wants my parents support. Since they are not supporting me I am not able to concentrate on my study…plz help me to be focused on my goal n also suggest some method to give moral SUPPORT for me which I am nt having…
Boineelo Makgetho says
confucis said ” our greatest glory is not in never falling but rising everytime we fall” .i used to be a bright student back in the days .but ever since i started my grade 4 in senior school things have changed.and the pain of being outcompeted i can no longer bear .i blame myself each and every day .but one thing i am sure of is that am the best .its just that there are some things am not doing right and i am still searching for them .can i get inspirations on life so as i can keep going ?