Years ago, our lives changed dramatically. The realization that our possessions were actually distracting us from a life of joy and purpose and fulfillment became the motivation to pursue minimalism in our home.
As our family of four began removing nonessential possessions, we soon discovered more time and energy and focus for the things that matter most. And we discovered that our things had become a far greater burden than we’d ever realized.
We also began to discover that many of our thoughts concerning physical possessions were incorrect. These faulty mindsets were contributing to our over-accumulation and cluttered lifestyles. Slowly, but surely, our approach to possessions began to change as we experienced more and more the benefits of owning less.
If your family struggles with owning too much, consider these seven life-changing perspectives to help overcome your family’s obsession with stuff:
1. Owning fewer toys is actually better for your kids.
Parents want what’s best for their children. But often times, our desire to help them learn and develop results in the over-accumulation of toys. Did you know the research says the exact opposite? According to almost every scientific study on the issue, fewer toys will actually benefit your kids more. Here’s a recent one: owning fewer toys will result in deeper, more creative play for your kids—along with a whole bunch of other healthier lifestyle habits.
2. Buying more hobby supplies will not help you enjoy it more.
The story plays out almost the same way every time. We discover a new hobby (camping, music, sewing, art, etc.) and quickly begin gathering the necessary tools to partake in it. As we grow in our passion for the hobby, we accumulate more and more “supplies” thinking these items will help us enjoy the pursuit more. However, as my friend Kristoffer Carter once wrote, “Sometimes, our pursuit of tools gets in the way of our enjoyment of the hobby.” We’d often be better off improving our skills, rather than simply buying more equipment.
3. Hoarding kitchen utensils is not making you a better cook.
I used to think the only thing missing in my kitchen was the latest and greatest kitchen gadget. That somehow, one more piece of plastic would make my food taste better and my cooking a more enjoyable experience (because who doesn’t like getting frustrated trying to find that one utensil hidden somewhere in the drawer…).
Everything changed when I read this article by Mark Bittman in the New York Times titled A No-Frills Kitchen Still Cooks. An expert and veteran of commercial kitchens and classically-trained chefs, Mark changed my perspective entirely by listing out a limited number of utensils needed to prepare any recipe. I immediately minimized my kitchen. And fell in love with cooking.
4. Owning a bigger house is not improving your family life.
It’s an odd connection when you think about it, but we hear it all the time. The more square footage in our home… the happier our family will be. As if, somehow, more space to spread out will somehow bring our families closer together. My family has found the exact opposite to be true. Among countless other benefits, we have found that living in a smaller home has actually brought our family closer together. It has encouraged more conversation and deeper relationships. After all, when you can’t run from your problems, you are forced to confront them.
5. Keeping extra clothes in your closet is making your morning harder.
In The Paradox of Choice, Barry Schwartz explains how the absence of choice is not an ideal environment for the human spirit. However, he also explains how too many choices is equally undesirable—leaving us feeling less and less satisfied. It’s a life-changing perspective in many ways—you can watch him explain it here. Similarly, the abundance of options does not make life easier, it makes life more difficult and more complicated. We purchase more and trendier fashion thinking its presence in our closet will make mornings easier. But just the opposite occurs. The overabundance of choice only makes it more difficult.
6. Having more television sets is not making your family happier.
According to statistics, the average American home now has more televisions than people. This phenomenon is most certainly a result of our common thinking that more is always better. But in regard to televisions, there is an added assumption that giving every family member a chance to watch whatever they want will keep everyone happy. Again, we found the exact opposite to be true.
Years ago, our family of four decided to get rid of every television except for one. For us, it was just an experiment at first. But quickly into the experiment we discovered that having only one television in our home brought us much closer together. The amount of television we watched began to decline dramatically. But even more important, when we did choose to watch something, we did it together as a family.
7. The greatest gifts you can give your kids are not bought with money.
Very few of my fondest childhood memories involve physical possessions. Instead, I look back and recall moments we spent together, the example my parents set, and the lifelong values they worked hard to instill into me. None of those truly life-giving gifts were purchased at the local department store.
As we seek to overcome the empty promises and the temptation to own more, let’s remember all the benefits of owning less.
Let’s allow our perspectives to change about what is true, what is noble, and what is good. In the end, everyone benefits.
Paula says
We downsized into a 36 foot Class A Motorcoach 4 years ago. We have decluttered and donated items all across the USA. Even in our small living space there’s a tendency to “have more stuff”. I still have hobbies but no longer require a whole room for paint and canvas supplies or yarn and needles for crocheting. I contain my supplies to a small cube that doubles as a footstool. Our Clothing ‘volumes’ from the old walk-in closet (the size of our current bedroom) has been reduced and I still have a great selection to wear. And we try to stick with only replacing items that are no longer worn. My kitchen is limited to the basics. I can and do cook almost anything we desire. I am enjoying reading these articles as I’ve started to feel a clutter-creep lately and the articles are helping me gain another’s perspective. Thank you.
wm Turley says
So, I have spent the last few weeks gathering items by type. Coats with coats, etc. This involved discovering lost items in the basement, upstairs closets, along staircases, etc. Whadeye find?
61 coats! And 23 with tags still attached!
Running through the store….oops, there’s a Michael Koors….regularly $695.00 on sale $119.00.
Gotta have it.
Yikes!
Best advice: have your stuff stored by type in the same place. Coats with coats, etc.
One glance-60 pairs of shoes don’t need more!
Off to goodwill I go.
And remember the pilgrims
Use it up,
Wear it out,
Make it do,
Or do without.
Regards.
Susan says
wm Turley – I love that saying!! I tell it to myself (and any others who care to listen) often! Best wishes to you and happy decluttering!
Sylvia says
Yes, I have always believed in a minimalistic lifestyle and continue to practice the same. Still, there’s a difference between that and growing up under “poor” circumstances. So, easy to talk unless you’ve lived it. All most people want is for their children to have things in life that they did not have and, in turn, it sometimes seems like a lot of “stuff.”
L. says
I’m curious about the age of your youngsters…you use the term “we” in the article, which implies everyone in your family was all thinking the same way about these changes; however, I suspect your children were youngish and the changes were implemented by the parents, and the children young enough to influence/get compliance from.
Not that this is bad, but it certainly makes the process easier.
What the omission brings up for me tho is the idea is much easier to write about: the process of minimalism was super easy, and the whole family went along with it, and now our lives are so effortless, and so on. A bit of a fairy tale element to it I guess. If you disclosed the age of the youngsters, I would feel the article was grounded more in reality, and be more inclined to see how it could apply to other families.
It feels a bit like details were left out so the story would be neatly tied up and a better sell.
Paul says
It’s not about how much stuff you have or don’t have; it’s about your relationship to it. Focusing on not having a lot is as significant as focusing on having a lot, it’s the same mindset. Rather, you could have a lot of clutter or none, but, it doesn’t affect your behavior; that it true freedom from wasteful materialism.
Same goes for toys; having too many is mostly a sign of a parent’s compensation for lack of deep, meaningful attention. Stated this way, it’s not the toys that are the issue but the underlying issue of the parent’s lack of engagement in the child’s life that manifest itself as purchasing an excessive amount of toys.
Bottom line, don’t focus on stuff, focus on your mind and forget about the stuff; it’ll sort itself out.
P.
Peter Belanger says
You know what would be nice, if people who didn’t want so much stuff in their own lives, didn’t have such a critical view of those who do.
Good for you! you have shed materialism and you are you way to a path of “enlightenment”.
Just don’t be such a snob about it.
Anne says
The younger generations are becoming more and more critical of “stuff” because many of us have had months and sometimes even years of our valuable time and mental energy wasted by sorting through vast and seemingly endless piles of things our parents or grandparents hoarded. We don’t blame them, because most of them were making up for a time when they couldn’t afford anything at all, but forgive us if we become a bit militant sometimes after having our own lives sucked away by others’ “stuff.” If you have kids and grand-kids and find yourself saving a lot of what-not, please do them the ultimate favor by downsizing to a comfortable and manageable amount of possessions, recognizing that some day, it’ll become someone else’s burden.
Damian Gadal says
Having had to clean up after my mother who could no longer live alone due to Alzheimer’s, it was a real eye-opener. None of her children or grandkids wanted her stuff, including old photographs which I scanned and tossed the originals. We donated or gave away as much as we could, anything left over got hauled to the dump. Folks, it’s a mistake to think that your kids will want any of your possessions. They are a ball and chain. The best thing you can do is get rid of things so they don’t have to.
Lisa says
When we moved 1500 miles we gave some of our “toys” to our adult kids. They didnt keep 90 percent of it. They dont want your stuff when your alive either.
Evan says
Variety may be the spice of life, but just try eating over spiced chili.
Bob Johnston says
Most of the comments reflect my thinking. It concerns me a little however that no one covered the “male-tools” subject. My shop, which is 12′ x 24′, is home to my Grandfather’s carpentry tools and my Father’s carpentry, car, and yard tools. Of course, tools I had to have to make my work faster and safer are included and for the most-part have the best spots for quick use. However, at 93 I do occasionally throw something out (e.g. a spotlight mount for a 1929 Nash sedan). The thought prevails that if some long saved item wasn’t used in the last 30 years, it probably won’t be used in the next 30.
Steve K says
Very enjoyable reading. Please keep this chat going. I am a also an experienced parent well aware of the to many toy syndrome. I’ve actually put back together every intricate pieces of a particular unit only to find it didn’t matter in the end, it all ended in the same pile. After two children and one grandchild, two years of age, I’ve tried to expand their minds without them.
The whole to many clothes,dishes and gadgets is still to be determined.
Getting rid of what are thought of as collectibles, and might be,
even though ten thousand of them were produced, are worth storing in a closet, is a dilemma.
I need everyone out there to cheer me on to not have anything that hasn’t been used for five years, to give it away to someone that might use it.
One last thought, Video games on both home systems and etc are not necessary to live. Good babysitter, not really.
nils holmstrand says
Beware of horizontal surfaces! There is an invisible cloud of STUFF constantly circling America. Once a horizontal surface is cleared, an alarm goes out and the cloud zeroes in on it. Stuff materializes on the surface overnight. The only remedy is to also eliminate horizontal surfaces.