Our world loves to compare and compete and measure success based on the accomplishments of others.
We compare the clothes we wear, the neighborhood we live in, the car we drive, even the handbag we carry. We compare our job titles, our salary, our savings account, even our retirement age.
Unfortunately, these comparisons rarely bring any joy into our lives. Instead, they make us miserable.
One reason is because comparisons by their very nature are unfair. We know ourselves better than we know others. As a result, we compare the worst we know of ourselves to the best we assume in others.
But there’s another reason these comparisons result in lower life satisfaction: the trinkets we are competing for don’t bring fulfillment. Job titles, square footage, and brand names on handbags are not the things that matter in life.
Consider again the things that do: to be a faithful spouse, a loving parent, an example to others, a contributing member of society, or to have lived a life of significance and meaning. These are the most noble pursuits—these are the desires that actually matter.
This is important to recognize.
Equally important, please notice that with each of these pursuits, your competition is not against others. In life’s most important pursuits, your only competition is yourself.
To be a faithful spouse, we war against the selfish desires that undermine a relationship built on trust and selfless motivation.
To be a loving parent, we war against any and every harmful tendency or action that would not seek to build up our children.
To be a positive example to others, we pursue character and integrity in both public and private.
To be the best version of ourselves, we remove foolish distractions and temptations that rob us of time and energy and focus. We become self-aware and self-equipped to recognize the unhealthy motivations within ourselves. And we make the difficult sacrifices necessary to bring about a better world for others.
The crusade is not against others—the skirmish is within our own heart, our own mind, and our soul.
This is the competition that matters: Are we fighting for the things that matter? Are we becoming better people than we were yesterday?
And if so, why would we concern our minds with the temporal success of others when we have so much growth left to accomplish in ourselves?
About Joshua Becker
Well said. Love is a noun but more importantly a verb!
Great post – thank you. I am a mother of two young daughters. For the past few years, I’ve been getting anxious around Birthdays, Holidays and other celebrations due to the onslaught of more “stuff”. I feel like I spend most of my waking hours organizing and managing things. The final straw though, was just the other night during our New Year’s Eve dinner. When I asked my 8 year old daughter what she is looking forward to in 2017 she replied, “I really want to go through each room and take out everything. Then, I want to have a garage sale and keep only the stuff we really, really need.” We are fortunate in many ways – health, a nice home, a loving family – but like most of the people we know, we’re drowning in all the material things we “have to have”. Things have to change and I am grateful for this blog as guidance. Thank you.
I am a newbie of being a minimalist and you are a great inspiration! As I read your articles, its been so helpful. Thank you for being a living testimony of “Less is More” life..
As I choose to live as a minimalist, peace freedom fulfillment happiness is my destination..
So true! Actions speak louder than words and it’s sometimes very difficult to pick yourself up when you constantly compare yourself to others. I think it’s the pressure of competition that has the biggest impact on how we see our lives/careers etc.
I totally agree with this. When evaluated against my own values, I really am living my dream life, in my dream home, with my dream family. Sure, I am not perfect, but I have the life I have always wanted.
Even knowing this, comparison to others brings doubt! Visit someone else’s house – maybe it would be nicer to have an extra room, see someone’s holiday on Facebook – maybe I should worker longer hours, so I can afford it too, dare flick through a magazine – I should workout more or get new clothes.
Actively practicing gratitude really helps. Also using the “values bullseye” as a tool to reflect on where I am and where I want to be is incredibly useful.
Man is his biggest nightmare. If we can start outperforming the old version of our selves, we will become great people of impact. There’s no gain trying to compete with anyone.
A great post, thank you Joshua :)
We should set a high standard within ourselves, we must continue to learn to become a better version of ourselves. :)
I want to quote Bruce lee in here lol
This post is so wonderfully true; my wish for our over-competitive culture is that wise souls teach us the concepts described in your article so we can all be kinder to each other also. Some one once said Competition is the enemy of true affection.
So true, so many of us indulge in judging others instead of digging in to help.
Wise words: “we compare the worst we know of ourselves to the best we assume in others”.
Yup.
What amazing teaching. I loved this: “To be the best version of ourselves, we remove foolish distractions and temptations that rob us of time and energy and focus. ” I raised my family for 15 years in the jungles of Cambodia in a minimalist lifestyle. Please visit my blog! You are an inspiration!
Maybe the competition isn’t against our selves, but is really about working consciously to neutralize the activity of our ego-based selves, which is often socially generated and culturally inspired.
My mantra: “you do you, as long as you’re not depriving others of their fundamental rights.” It’s not my concern what people have, I have way more things to focus on about myself.
What about those not married and without children? People tend to belittle me based on these things…
I’m sorry anyone has ever done that to you. Children and spouses do not determine anyone’s worth. You can be a great friend, a loving daughter, a loving sibling, a wonderful mentor or volunteer and most of all you can love yourself and project that back into the world a million different ways.
I think by removing the feeling that we must compare ourselves to others also helps us remove the need or tendency to judge them.
Love this. I saw something earlier today that mentioned how we psychologically lose our attraction toward new “things” almost immediately, and need to continue to get more new “things”, but when we pursue experiences or a better quality of life or state of being, it just continues to provide satisfaction and joy.
Strangely, I have been thinking about the same topic for the past week. I have made it my goal to be a better version of myself than yesterday. Your post was a strong encouragement in my pursuit.
It is so true what you say. There is a lot of room for improvement in oneself. Thank you so much for this.
Great post and this serves as a reminder of what is important in life. It’s being the best I can be for myself and for my family…irrelevant as to what my neighbors have been up to lately…
As Theodore Roosevelt noted, “Comparison is the thief of joy.”
Great quote John! I would like to needlepoint this and hang it on the wall.
Great post I totally agree with the message and I hope this becomes part of common sense in the future!
Oh so very true. I am very new at the living more simply and living with less lifestyle and at times have trouble with decluttering. This post has been a boost I needed.