Note: This is a guest post from Melissa of Melissa Camara Wilkins.
While watching our kids play, a friend and I noticed how very quickly the little ones took out every toy they could reach. I think the room went from “clean and clear” to “buried up to our ankles in legos, doll clothes, blocks, and trains” in about forty-five seconds.
“And pretty soon there will be even more stuff,” she said. “Just think what this room will look like after the holidays!”
I kind of don’t want to.
But it doesn’t have to be that way. Kids will always be kids, and toys will always need tidying up—but not every toy needs space on our shelves. We could probably do some editing, and this is a great time to do it.
As the year comes to an end, we all tend to look back at what worked and what didn’t, and on how we grew and changed over the year. We think about where we’ve been, where we’re going, who we are, and who we want to be.
While we’re doing that, why not reimagine what our homes can be, too? I want my home to be welcoming. I want it to be a place where my family feels comfortable, a place where it’s easy for us to enjoy time together, and a place that helps us each do our own work.
What do you want your home to be? Make plans now to start the new year in a space that feels more peaceful and more purposeful.
1. Reflect on the past year.
As you’re thinking over the year that’s coming to a close, think about how your stuff has served you—or not. Think about whether you own things that have fallen out of use.
Are there things in your house that never got used this last year? Do you have a stockpile of stuff for old hobbies? Are there books on the shelves that haven’t been cracked open even once in the last twelve months?
More importantly: how has your life changed over the last year? How have your priorities shifted? What could be removed to let you focus on what matters most to you, where you are now?
2. Ask better questions.
I used to look around at our stuff and ask questions like, Does this work? Do we like it? Is it any good?
Those were fine questions, but just because a thing is good (or good enough) doesn’t mean I have to own it.
To really figure out what we needed and didn’t, I had to start asking better questions—questions like, Could we live without this? Would we be just as happy without it? If we didn’t have it, could we use something else for the same purpose? Could we borrow one if we needed to?
I realized there were plenty of things in our home that we didn’t dislike, but that we didn’t need or love, either. There was nothing wrong with those things, no particular reason to pass them on—except that someone else could use them better than we would, and we didn’t want to invest any more energy in storing and maintaining them. We found more joy in letting go of those things than we did in having them available “just in case.”
3. Imagine the possibilities.
Look ahead to the new year. Let yourself wonder, what would life be like without this stuff? What if cleaning up wasn’t such a chore? What could I tackle if my workspace were clear? What could my family do together if we didn’t have to spend as much time cleaning and organizing?
How can you rethink your space to help your family do more of what matters to you? How could you make it easier to host family game night, or to read aloud before bed, or to invite friends for dinner? What gets in the way? What can change?
A little reflection and planning now lets you make better choices about which holiday gifts you might purchase to be used in the year to come—and which you might pass on. And paring back ahead of time lets you make space for all the possibility the new year offers.
There’s no rule for which things stay and which things go, or for how many things you can have in your home. There is no right number of toys to keep on the shelves. (And no matter how many there are, they’ll probably all end up on the floor at some point. That’s okay.) You’ll decide what’s best for your family.
Reflecting back and imagining the year ahead just gives us a chance to find a fresh perspective. When you think about which things you need and which get in the way of what’s most important to you, you might just find there really is more joy in having less.
***
Melissa Camara Wilkins writes a beautiful blog for unconventional souls who want to live differently, think differently, and see the world a little differently. You can also follow her on Twitter.
Giving the gift of experiences is wonderful. I have taken my daughter on a Killer Whale Expedition in the deep Southern Ocean off the south coast of Western Australia, which was an amazing experience. We have also been swimming with Whale Sharks at Ningaloo (Exmouth). I get to share these incredible things with her, so it’s a gift to myself as well. But……her next wish-list experience is cage diving with Great White Sharks off the coast of Port Lincoln in South Australia! Help!!!
Loved your post, I’m am somewhat a minimalist, hate clutter, but it’s hard because my wife and kids love their stuff. I find life so much calmer when there isn’t so many things to distract you from what’s really important in life.
Wonderful! I’ve written out the questions and put it on the fridge!
I enjoyed the “ask better questions” category. So true for our houshold. Asking different questions is key. I used to only ask “is it junk?” Or “is it broken?” Or “is it oudated?” All versions of “Is it good?”
Then evolved to “does it fit our space?” and “how often do we use it?” Nowadays, I am even choosier “how much effort does this take to keep/store/locate/dust etc and “how much attention does it take away from items that I truly need, love and use”
Is it still good? Often enough, sure. But is it still good to me?
Beautifully said! It’s so nice to have a community, virtual or not, where minimalist values are, well, valued.
At a recent lunch with friends I laughed about the big box of tchotchkes that my in-laws send every year – 95% of which goes immediately to Goodwill. One of my lunch companions was horrified; straight to Goodwill?? Yes. We write an appreciative thank-you note, we love them dearly, and if they ever sent something we liked or needed we’d keep it. We don’t have room in our lives for manufactured obligations, and neither does our basement.
I have “trained” my friends and family not to give me Knick knacks. My house is as full as I want it to be and I have already cleared out things I don’t want. A friend who can’t resist bringing me a souvenir when she travels brought me a red scrub brush from Ikea. I love it!
What a great post… some goals to aspire to.
i really needed to read something like this! i enjoyed it.
Love it, thank you! I’ve always been a big believer that clear, clutter-free spaces = clear, clutter-free minds and that your home should only be filled with items you love and that have some meaning and thought behind them! New Year is a great time to reflect on all of this. Thanks Xx
I’m with you, Louise! Letting go of the clutter frees up so much mental space for me. When it’s out of the way, I can really focus on what matters.
The holidays have become so much more peaceful….lots of little things…but one big thing…I am with the right man. And thank the Lord every day for that.
By realizing others are responsible for their own happiness.
I didn’t go into debt this Christmas, not using credit card, first time in years. Spread out the shopping, bought quite a bit locally. Also used organization’s fundraisers to get gifts, so helped out kids and got shopping done.
Cutting back on some of the time consuming traditions. I didn’t to any baking. I will gladly help with candy making, but we don’t need the extra calories.
Simplified the decorating inside and out.
“Realizing others are responsible for their own happiness” — that one’s huge for me, too, Ren. It relieves so much pressure and lets us all just each other, not try to be in charge of each others’ feelings. Ahhhhh.
“Realizing others are responsible for their own happiness”
That’s huge for me too!!! Thank you so much for this :)
This is the way I now approach the holiday season each year. How can I make it simpler? I apply this question to many things, not just the stuff I have in my house, but also my habits and actions. In December I think about the changes I would like to make and then make a plan to put them into action. I generally aim to begin Jan 1st, but will start earlier where I can so I am already eased into it by the new year. Thanks to a local December coat drive I have already cleared out and simplified my front closet. This has inspired me to plan for cleaning other closets and drawers.
I have to revisit that “how can I make this simpler?” question so often, Annie! I love your suggestion about habits and actions. That’s where I often find I need to make the most changes. Since they’re not visible like my belongings are, they’re easy to overlook. Thanks for the reminder!
Thinking about how time could be better spent is a great idea. I know we hang onto some toys with the thought that they’ll make our time more peaceful by occupying the kids.
Something I do is put toys with lots of little pieces on a high shelf my son can’ t reach. So he can ask me to get them down & play with them one at a time. It makes me crazy when all the different pieces get jumbled and he can’t sort them himself.
I’ve been reorganizing in just the same way lately, Kalie. My two-and-a-half-year old doesn’t need to be able to pull everything off the shelves… but she’s pretty charming and can talk her taller siblings into getting them down for her, which doesn’t help. Ha!
This is a wonderful post! Every year, I take the first week of the New Year off from work, just so I can reflect and recenter. This year, I will not be able to, and it is going to be really hard for me. I plan to take my “reflection week” in March, but still I think those first few empty days of the New Year are the best time, in the quiet after the holidays.
What a good idea, Jill. I always try to do this between Christmas and New Year’s, but the week just flies by and I never get quite as much quiet as I think I will. I like the idea of planning on it right after the new year instead.
Wonderful, exactly what I have been doing lately. Editing and reflecting. This is the perfect time of year for it!
ditto :)
It’s a continual process, isn’t it, Danielle?! But such a good one.
Great post, Melissa. I really like your question in point 2: “Could we live without this?” I think that is such a great perspective on our stuff and what we should keep and what we should get rid of. Thanks for sharing.
Thanks so much, Jeff! That question has been super helpful to me as I look around at our perfectly-good-but-unused stuff. We’re happier without it, someone else needs it, it’s time to let it go! ;)
We have just moved, and are renovating our little old cottage. As we finish of the 1st stage its time to begin to bring in our things in, but each item we bring in is going to be questioned and no doubt, it will be another chance to do a sort through and simplify.
I always find before Christmas a good time to sort through toys and books. The children know they will be getting a few presents, and to be able to show them their “toy space” if full and that they need to make room makes the donating task easier, also I find my boys are very caring, as most kids are, and quite like the idea of helping out those less fortunate then them. To help other kids get new toys and books at this time of year sweetens the process for them. As well as lots of praise and encouragement for their sometimes very generous decisions on donating.
When kids are truly given the opportunity to understand and see the fact that not everyone has a cozy little home like ours, that the diversity in how people live, even in our town is huge, I find they WANT to help. They want other families to have a nice Christmas, an easier Christmas. The process of going through their belongings then becomes not about what they are losing, but what they are giving instead. Christmas is a great time to take the time to work on that.
xx
That’s a great way to practice meaningful minimalism with your kids, Emma. I think it’s easier for my kids to practice in this season than it is at other times, too. I just have to remember to involve them–sometimes the season gets so busy that I try to just power through on my own! Not the best plan, I know. ;)
Many things unused this entire year that I have to let go. I am minilimalist, imagine if I wasn’t… I always need to read posts like that in order to remember that I don’t want to have much useless stuff.
Thanks for sharing ;)
I’m looking through our books and craft supplies this week to see what hasn’t been used all year. If I haven’t gotten to it in twelve months, I really don’t think I ever will. It’s still hard to let things go–until I do it, and then I feel lighter and more focused on what remains. Hooray for that!
I just love the third part – it is my favourite bit about coming to the end of the year and starting a new one: the possibilities!
This year (just like last) we are not ‘doing’ presents. Rather we are choosing experiences to share as a family. I know this will probably get challenging as the kids get older, but at the moment, that is the right thing for us. Yet I still struggle to get rid of enough stuff so that we can all feel lighter… A work in progress for sure!
Thanks for an inspiring post!
Thanks, Alexia! Dwelling in possibility is always my favorite part, too.
My older kids still love experience gifts. (My kids are 15, 12, 9, 8, 5, and 2 this year.) Probably more so now that they’re older, honestly. It just depends on what the experience is! When we can find ones that fit their interests and let them get deeper than they might otherwise be able to, they’re always pretty thrilled.